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May 4, 2006

Leaving the Middle East...

Yes, it's the day to go... I have no regrets, no reservation, no nostalgic feelings, and can't wait. Whether or not we're helping anyone over here, I really don't care... Sorry, but I don't think this was worth a year of my life. I'm happy to be going...

Moussaoui Sentenced to Life in Prison

It was the right thing to do. If we did execute him, we should have done it just because he was a French ass-wipe, but as a wanna-be terrorist, we did the right thing.

Make no mistake, this guy's an idiot, and as far as terrorists go he's an utter failure, that's for sure. However, we demonstrated that our justice system can look at knuckleheads like this dipshit Moussaoui and say "we're not as savage as you...our taste for blood doesn't control our logic like yours raghead f--k."

I think the show he put on was all an act anyway. He was trying to get executed because he thought he would be seen as a martyr. Sorry there Bub, even other craphead terrorists know what a loser looks like. You would have died and your fellow miscreants would have shown less concern for it than missing a re-run of Magnum P.I. You're no Tom Selleck, my friend. The guy couldn't even get himself executed!

Now remember the soap-on-a-rope, and the proper pronounciation of the word is b-i-t-c-h.

April 28, 2006

The Mexican Space Program...

I looked at someone and said "If I said to you...the Mexican Space Program" and immediately got a laugh. Strangely enough, I wasn't joking. They really are planning a Mexican version of NASA. Really, I'm not making this up!

However, I do have a few questions:

-Will it be a benefit to landscaping in general?
-Will the Mexican Space Center be built illegally across the American border in, say maybe Arizona or California?
-Will there be any Mexicans left to go into space, or will you have to get them back from the U.S.?
-Will you design the space suits around the size of the indigenous Mexicans of Indian ancestry, or around the taller, white Mexican racist elites that run the place? (Still wonder why they don't mind if people leave?)
-Will the menu on the spacecraft be truly Mexican or Tex-Mex?
-Does this mean soon we'll have an immigration problem on the moon?
-Ai Caramba!
-Since most American astronauts come from the U.S. Air Force, where will Mexican astronauts come from? Most Mexicans talented enough to join the Air Force come join ours. Do you even have an air force?
-So will you spend the money on the Space Center that you already don't spend on education, medical care, poverty, welfare, the environment, or other measures to stop the millions of Mexican citizens fleeing the country like rats fleeing a sinking ship?
-Can you put it in Juarez? That way Americans can get a beer and a nice case of the crabs from a Mexican hooker, watch the launch, and be back home in time for wrestling on TV, and Mexicans won't have to stop while wading across the Rio Grande in order to see a launch.
-Do you want to put people in space, just benefit from space tech, or merely be one of those cheesy "shooting satellites into space" type of operations? There's enough shit floating around in space already...
-Does referring to a Mexican during atmospheric re-entry as a "refried bean" sound racist to you?

Latin Hollywood Actors Talk Out Their Collective Ass...

First, Salma Hayak made the mistake of thinking she was anything more than a nice piece of ass. She's about as loyal to Mexico as Nanook of the North. Here's some pampered Hollywood liberal giving a "go team go" comment on her way to a European promotional tour for a movie she made where she pretended to be someone else and got paid for it. Wow! Talk about your benefit to society. where did you make all your money there, Sweet Pea? Who's side are you on anyway?

Edward James Olmos said protests and boycotts will teach the US a lesson? Right. I love how everyone thinks people here illegally should tell the United States government how wrong the government is. By the way, Eddie, politicians don't learn anything, or didn't you learn that since you're born and raised in Los Angeles? Whose side are you on anyway?

John Leguizamo, who came to this country when he was 4, says it's "insulting" that the law would call an immigrant a criminal. Well John, apparently you're a talented actor, but you're just not that bright. Or maybe you're only hearing what you want to hear. Or possibly, in true Hollywood liberal fashion, you're spinning the truth for your own benefit. Hmmm. In case you haven't been listening, they're calling illegal immigrants criminals. By the way, what's your immigration status? Whose side are you on anyway?

I know. Since Mr. Leguizamo finds it so horrible to call immigrants criminals, I'm going to find out where he lives, barge in, raid his fridge, demand health care, move some of my family in, insist he teach me everything he knows in the language of my choice, and when he tries to throw me out, start a protest in his living room telling him how wrong he is.

Actually, I doubt if any of these Latin Hollywood-puke rich people would even let me in their door? After all, I'm only in the Middle East defending their rights to be hyphenated-Americans, and obviously not as important to society as people who make a living playing "let's pretend."

April 25, 2006

Bush Orders Probe Into Gas Price Cheating

Sure he is. That's like having a fat kid look into who's eating all the donuts.

The President, the Vice President, and all their cronies are oil men! Holy crap! The President even owned an oil company! That's why it irks me every time I see him doing that timid, disingenuous "I hope the oil companies are doing the right thing" act, it makes me want to spew lunch! Come on dude, you know exactly what they're doing.

They're the biggest corporations in the world, and just happen to be the most heavily subsidized by taxpayer money. We actually pay a ransom to the oil companies to keep the prices down, and the president gives us that bullshit act? Thanks, but I'm not that gullible.

Why not just say the oil companies play a huge part in our economy, we live in a capitalistic country where businesses are supposed to make money, and no one in government really gives a shit about the taxpayer. I could live with that. Or how about "you bought the big SUV's, now live with them." I can deal with that too, but treating people like they're stupid just pisses me off.

April 22, 2006

and now, in the "why didn't I think of that" category...

From the Miami Herald "Phony doctor gives free breast exams."

The article says a woman "became suspicious" after the man started a genital exam and didn't use any rubber gloves! Oh my God! How damn stupid do you need to be? Hey lady! Wow are you intuitive! Do you think maybe you should have been a bit suspicious as soon as the guy came to do door? Or maybe when he said he was doing breast exams and apparently thought you were special and needed to go genital on you? Holy crap!

Do you drop your drawers for everybody that comes by? Trick-or-treaters probably love coming to your house! "I think I saw Sonic the hedgehog!" Now you know why there's that guy that always dresses-up as "weed-whacker man." I wonder if the mailman shivers at the thought of having to see that cottage-cheese body of yours? Great googly-moogly! Did you give this guy a frosty beverage before he decided to violate you? Did you ask for some ID?

So I have this friend who hasn't done so well with the girls lately. If I send him over, can he play doctor with you too? He doesn't own a weed-whacker though. Will the "Flowbie" work? He can bring the light that straps to his forehead if you want. Wow! Talk about gullible...

...and now, for the "let's get free shit" award, is every woman this guy duped into exposing the seafood for a 76-year old shuttle driver from a car dealership...Dr. Dodge...Gynecologist. They jumped on freebies like a fat kid on a cupcake. The urge for free stuff, especially amongst the "Wally Martinez" (Walmart) demographic of middle-class Miami immigrants is like the urge Wildebeast have to cross the river even though they know the crocodiles are waiting for them! Why do you think people risk their lives all the time trying to go from Cuba to Florida? Answer: they hear the tales of everybody giving away free shit.

Funny how women let this guy into their house knowing he was going to cop a feel. Is this the quality health care you're used to? If it was the vacuum cleaner salesman, the guy that sells water softeners as "miracle water treatment filters," or some dude selling insurance, the Scouts, Unicef, or the police, they probably would have slammed the door instantly! "Ai Cabrone! La Migra!"

Remember, there's no door-to-door gynecology...except in Miami.

April 21, 2006

True Americans

You might be a TRUE AMERICAN if: It never occurred to you to be offended by the phrase, "One nation, under God."

You might be a TRUE AMERICAN if: You've never protested about seeing the 10 Commandments posted in public places.

You might be a TRUE AMERICAN if: You still say "Christmas" instead of "Winter Festival."

You might be a TRUE AMERICAN if: You bow your head when someone prays.

You might be a TRUE AMERICAN if: You stand and place your hand over your heart when they play the National Anthem.

You might be a TRUE AMERICAN if: You treat Vietnam vets with great respect, and always have.

You might be a TRUE AMERICAN if: You've never burned an American flag.

You might be a TRUE AMERICAN if: You know what you believe and you aren't afraid to say so, no matter who is listening.

You might be a TRUE AMERICAN if: You respect your elders and expect your kids to do the same.

You might be a true American if: You wish everyone would stop being a "hyphenated-American" and just be an American.

You might be a TRUE AMERICAN if: You'd give your last dollar to a friend.

God Bless the U S A !

April 18, 2006

AP: States Omit Minorities' School Scores


This is political correctness gone mad. First comes forced bussing so schools "represent" the politically correct mix of kids and politicians can feel warm and fuzzy while they justify school funding while again being politically correct. Then we put in the "no child left behind" law that makes school kids take tests to see if they're learning. After that, in order to see if it's all working, schools report the statistics, but if there is a "disproportionate amount of minorities," then they're not counted? What kind of stupid s--t is that?

This is racial pandering, and it's some PC bullshit we don't need. If people really want racial equality, stop identifying school children by the color of their skin. Where do you think they learn that stuff from? From us.

Oh, and while you're at it, we can stop naming kids "Laquanya" and "Shaniqua" and such. I know a guy named Dan, who had a daughter. So you think she would be "Danielle," right? Wrong. Danette. Can you believe that? Danette?

In Tampa I saw a little girl whose mother named her Shithead, pronouncing the word like Shi-thaid. What happens when she realizes her name is shit-head? I'm not making this up. Another kid was named NosmoKing. His mother said she got on the bus to go to the hospital and there on the front of the bus was her son's name..."No Smoking."

Maybe that lady needs to take the test?

April 17, 2006

Israel Reportedly Proposes Swap for Spy

...and still people wonder why everyone hates Israel. I'm not surprised. Here they are, the United State's biggest charity child, and they're still more self-serving than any other nation.

This latest swap for a spy isn't between Israel and Palestine. It isn't even really between Israel and the U.S. No. In a classic, conniving, sneaky puke Jewish state maneuver, they'll let a terrorist go back to Palestine if we release someone they had spying...on us! Classic!

Where do we come in on this? The neighbor keeps running over my mailbox, but I'll forget about that if my boss at work pays to get my house painted. What? There is no connection, and it makes very little (if any) sense.

What Israel is really saying is; "we let this terrorist go who is against the current Palestinian government, and tell the Americans we'll do it in exchange for one of our spies, who we just gave citizenship. They're stupid enough to go for it, and if not, our paid lobbyists will make everybody feel guilty about not supporting our cause. Ha! Ha! Ha! Dumb bastards! We crap all over them and they just keep forking over the dough! What's better is, we have them thinking they have to!"

In a blatant F-U to the United States, the spy that was the handler for the American they turned into a spy, was just put on the Israeli Parliament. Thanks a lot for that one. We appreciate it. What's worse is most of the terrorism we deal with is in direct response to our relationship with Israel, yet we keep forking over the cash and letting them do whatever they want. Good thing I'm not president.

I love this kind of whiny bullshit. After all, the stereotype of the sniveling, deceitful, back-stabbing, money-grubbing jew wouldn't be so cliche' if not for the continued support of such childlike behavior. Yes, they may be a government, but they act like children. Yes, the children can be smart, and strong, and talented, but underneath, they're still children.

Well, the children grew-up to be the bastard, red-headed stepchildren we all use as metaphor for the kids that everyone knows just aren't yours...the kids that blatantly point out a relationship with someone that was a mistake. I don't feel guilty about what happened to them in WW2, and it's time we stopped it. After all, if we should feel guilty then why do Jews drive German cars?

Israel is our mistake. They're like the kids that take your hard-earned money as an allowance and use it to pay for someone to kick your ass. Where do you think the money came from they used for spying on us?

Clearly, when the pros stop outweighing the cons, it's time to cut them loose. They think they're tough enough to go it alone. I say we let them.

April 14, 2006

Thoughts so far today

Why do we let in every uneducated worker, but cut the number of skilled worker visas in half?

Zacharias Moussaoui was an illegal alien.

Why do people say "heart" and soul are in the same place, usually in the chest area, but then say the eyes are "the window to the soul?" I think they are more like windows to the brain...

Why is it, when something is written on a piece of paper, it may as well be cast in stone, even if what is said is wrong?

If I had to start a list of industries that can vanish off the face of the earth and no one would miss them, I'd have to start with the fashion industry. After all, what redeeming value to mankind does a skinny, flat-chested 15 year-old runway model wearing purple feathers, pink chiffon, blue lace, a bit of fake fur, a wig, and stiletto heels have...other than comedic? Sure, you'll find someone washing that outfit at the laundromat...not.

Is it really always darkest before dawn?

Why do the words "tea bag" make people laugh?

Why do army aviation weenies refer to army helicopters as "rotary wing assets?" When did "helicopter" become a bad word?

CANX DEP or shift LAD APOE for RDD of TQ PAX (TAT SAE) left ICW GAC VIC TQ MODLOC. Why do we talk like this again?

I think the words "shit" and f--k" are the most versatile words in the English language.

I went from wife with a four-letter name beginning with "M" to a wife with a four-letter name beginning with "M." Is there something odd about that? Just a co-inky-dink?

Why is it, when someone says people are "clowning around," you never see any big shoes, rubber noses, red wigs, or squirting flowers? I don't ever see any clowns.

I hate clowns.

What would an Arab think if he ever saw a clown?

Do you know why the 9-11 attacks couldn't have happened in July? Because these were a bunch of rag-heads, and it would have been 7-11. Even they say "thank heaven for 7-11."

Why aren't irritating people aware of it?

What's the difference between "cutting the grass" and "mowing the lawn?"

"Brief" is a weird word. You can "brief" someone, create a brief, go to a brief, be brief, wear briefs, but you can't wear briefs and give the same brief. Only "inspector 9" can inspect briefs, and you can brief briefs but not briefs, and you can do a brief brief. Weird.

What exactly is an ass-clown?

On a round planet, is there really a direction "up?"

I think I just realized what it is like to have your body fail and your mind still be sharp. It must be the reason for senior citizens going crazy! We treat seniors like a bunch of drunk retards and it's just not right.

In England, is it the "left of way?"

Detectives search for suspect in rape of teen at Deerfield Beach hotel

She fell for the "I've got something to show you" line? Wow! I guess there's a new generation of girls that haven't heard that one. Duhhh.

It's not nearly as stupid as letting your 17 year-old daughter go to Aruba on a class trip, but shows that bad things happen everywhere, even at Hilton hotels in Deerfield.

Personally, I blame the Paris Hilton's father for the whole thing...

Florida tackles a creepy problem - Burmese pythons

The creepy problem is actually "snake people," who like snakes and want them as pets. Thy always seem a bit odd to me.

Snakes don't come when you call! You can't teach them to catch a Frisbee! The darn collar never stays on! They border on "ridiculously" stupid...but they do keep that irritating stray cat problem to a minimum.

Would we catch them, cut certain parts out of them, then bury the rest in a landfill? Why not? We do that to fish.

Would we grind them up and feed them to cats? Why not? We do that to fish. Why is a cat more valuable than a fish or a snake?

Would we grind them up and sell frozen blocks of ground snake for use in catching other snakes? Why not? We do that to fish. Sell snake chum.

Can we establish a commercial market for them, then a recreational catching program where a person with a recreational license can catch two but a commercial guy can catch 2 tons worth? Why not? We do that with fish.

Can we cut certain parts off of a living snake and let the rest of the snake go, to suffer and eventually die? Why not? We do that with sharks.

I have the solution...just tell the Japanese they're tastier than American eel, and tell the Chinese they help put "lead in your pencil," and in a matter of months, they'll all be gone.

April 13, 2006

Never trust the government

Want another in the long list of reasons? Remember the "we want to help people buy their first home" pack of lies?

Now we have the greediest people on the face of the earth (real estate developers), buying every square inch of land possible, and in some cases, plowing it all under to build houses that all look alike, which happen to be next to stupid golf courses. Even the residents of our nation's stereotypically low-rent neighborhoods are now in fear of developers pushing them out of what? None other than their trailers!

The proof is the news article "Location, location: Developers snatch up trailer parks."

That's all we need...more cookie-cutter, conformist housing developments for cookie-cutter, conformist people to live in, and more displaced people needing affordable housing. Why do you think Toll Brothers is one of the best performing stocks in the country?

We better start donating to Habitat for Humanity now.

Oh...and remember, the government really cares about you...

Pope Urges Confession During Holy Week

Come on, O.J., you can do it...

I'd like to hear some other confessions too, from:

Ted Kennedy

Michael Jackson

Bill Clinton

Ray Nagin

Mark McGwire, Sammy Sosa, and their cronies

most of the members of the NBA

Kofi Annon

April 10, 2006

Officer Cited for Showing 'Brokeback'

Now this one's funny. They didn't want to show the movie due to the "graphic nature of the sexually explicit scenes." Wow! How ridiculous. wasn't (from what I hear) a movie about cowboys raping each other, but a movie about man-love. Creepy...sordid...extramarital man-love, but non-violent.

To have a prison get upset about that makes as much sense as letting homicidal maniacs pump weights and turn into raging musclebound homicidal maniacs...about as much sense as boxer shorts and mini candy bars. Nobody's getting raped here boys.

Of course, it could spark a round of unwelcome man-love amongst the lonely inmates, but that's supposed to happen or we wouldn't have our stereotypes and cliche's, now would we?

What we do at work...

China to establish reserve for rare white dolphin they can pen them all in, making them easier to kill and eat. This is similar to the bear-bile milking farms used for ancient medicines, the poachers employed to kill all the Rhino's in Africa; all the brown and black bears in the American Rockies, all the sharks in the sea, all the eels and menhaden in the northeast, exotic species from around the world including Mountain Gorillas; sardines and herring in California, and until 1994 when the net ban came, all the mullet in Florida.

Rhino know, the Chinese aren't "horny" enough.

...but at least a beer "huggie" only costs fifty cents...

April 9, 2006

Communistic ideas.

You know, sometimes I have Communistic ideas, and really, they're more like tendencies.

I hate the greedy, and the arrogant, and believe they should be taught lessons.

I applaud Hugo Chavez' cheap oil to poor people in our country program. He should keep it up and the greedy American oil companies and our government which supports them should be taught shame for making this necessary.

We would never do anything about the record oil company profits because we've let greed and arrogance get so in-grained into our culture that doing something to them would make the stock market plunge and hurt every other American company and citizen.

There will never be a cure for cancer in this country because there's no profit in it for the big, government supported greedy and arrogant drug companies. People say Cuba, yes Cuba, the little country everybody seems to flee because of how bad it sucks, is actually reported to have a national health care plan and competent doctors, a program which should come as an embarrassment to the big, greedy, drug and insurance company-run medical system we have here.

I hate insurance companies that threaten you into parting with all kinds of money for all kinds of coverage, and when the flood or natural disaster hits, or you get in an accident, they default (read: refuse to pay) on coverage they were bound to pay you by contract, and the government says "oh well," and does nothing. The insurance companies do what they want; they are above the law; their greedy corporate culture screws-over Americans left-and-right, and the government has no problem with that. The government would rather make sure the company stays afloat than honor its contractual obligations to pay. In other words, the government doesn't care if it does the right thing and shafting American citizens is fine with them.

Did we ever figure out what was in it for us when we invaded Iraq? Was it worth the huge deficit we have now? Did I authorize that? Did I say they could spend so much dough on a frivolous exercise in futility? Was it a benefit or a burden for all Americans to invade Iraq?

What other greedy, arrogant politicians will we elect next go-around. Guaranteed there'll be a Kennedy in there somewhere. You have to have mistress-drowning adulterers. It's a rule. And you have to bring all your cronies with you when you go to Washington so when all the skeletons start coming out of the closet, your supposed friends and advisors can jump off that rat ship you built. You know, the rat ship of sniveling, brown-nosing, wanna-be politician yes-men. Don't worry though, more crooked idiots are already waiting to pretend to be your friends.

It's called lobbyists, corruption, greed, and arrogance. This is the kind of thing the 2nd Amendment says we need guns from a tyrannical government. As you can see, it's starting to burn all the president's men, all the vice-president's flunkies, big-time corporate jerkoffs, congressmen, and a bunch of others. Their arrogance and greed gets in the way of doing the right thing for the rest of the country. Their country-club corporate power-politics makes them corrupt and lust for power and political favor. They can't see the real picture because of it, and they never will. They vote themselves millionaire retirement plans and pay raises, but forget about things like border security until it bites them. After the wound heals, they go right back to business-as-usual until it bites them again, and so-on, and so-on.

Poll: Immigration Worries Growing in U.S.

A couple thoughts come to mind dealing with the whole immigration issue:

-We are not a nation of immigrants. We are a nation of legal immigrants wanting to find a PC way to deal with the illegal ones.

-Illegal immigrants are aliens, not immigrants

-Stop all the benefits we give people for being here illegally and some may go home. How do these people get cars and get in accidents, kill people, and all that happens is they get sent home? That happened this week.

-If you really want to slap an American in the face, just tell him he has to take out a loan to send his kid to college while an illegal alien gets in for free.

-How do they think they'll enforce the new immigration idea? Answer: They're not, and they never intended to in the first place. It's a political trick. It's a lie.

-Why is immigration such a problem? It's just because of the tax revenue and the burden in health, social services, and schools these aliens put on the rest of us. however, everybody knows this is a problem that president after president gave lip-service to, and it snowballed into the problem it is today.

-Amnesty for anyone here before 1 January 06 is probably the only way to enforce this thing.

-Does this mean I'll hear English in the Walmart in Miami? No way!

-They may not like it, but when Vincente Fox said "Mexicans will do work that Blacks won't do," he was right. In fact, they'll do work that most Americans won't. Why is that? Because work is work to them. Having a job is a noble thing, and a way to provide for your family. Only in America do we arrogantly look down our noses and put people in working "classes."

-Like I said before...if the Mexican government doesn't want to stop all its citizens fleeing here, then they need to pay us in oil to keep letting them come.

-A guy running across the border makes a great target for sniper practice!

-Maybe we could pay the people coming up and crossing the border to test sneakers and hiking shoes! Then we could advertise "rugged enough to make the Baja 200- mile immigrant walk.

-Did Mexico run out of farm fields or something?

-When the Latin immigrants join gangs in California, we should be allowed to practice fire-and-maneuver tactics on them.

-Why can't they just do it the legal way? I mean really? Why not? Is there something that would stop them from coming? Do they just want to be illegal?

-Why isn't the Mexican government (and others in central and South America) just flat-out embarrassed that their countries suck so bad their people are clamoring to come here?

U.N.: Nations Refuse to Stop Geneocide

No they aren't. They don't know any better. It's age-old ethnic, religious, clan, tribal, and political warfare. It happens. The only problem is all the U.N. does is whine while they wait for the United States to do something about it.

They asked France and a couple other nations to do something about a number of these issues, and either it was a miserable failure or they said no. I believe it's also part of Darwinism. The strong survive, while the weak need to be tended-to by the masses and by outsiders. This is combined with developed nations saying "what's in it for me," and deciding if the case is worth getting involved.

I also think people now decide to stay out of things because in more and more cases, someone goes to some shitty country somewhere and ends-up getting killed for their trouble. It's like going to the neighbor's house when you stop the husband beating the crap out of the wife, and then in the irony of ironies, she pulls a gun and kills you for it. Crime statistics bear this out, proving that domestic violence calls are the most dangerous ones for police to respond.

The U.N. needs to ask themselves when they really need to get involved in nations that continually show they would not only rather have someone handle theior problems, but left to their own devices, they would rather be warring than at peace. Just look at Haiti. The U.N. intervenes in 1994 and then 2004, and is it any better than it was? Are Haitians still killing each other for power and money? Are gangs still roaming around doing the politician's dirty work? Has the poverty, AIDS, and environmental destruction stopped or even slowed? Have foreign investors come in or gone away? Does corruption rule or is there compassionate leadership? Has the infrastructure improved or further deteriorated?

I think it's time to tell the United Nations to sit down and shut-up. They're not effective and corruption reigns supreme there also. Until they go saying how screwed-up other places and other people are, they need to be above reproach or at least not seen as part of the problem.

By the way...the AP reporter on this story spelled "Genocide" wrong. Spell-check my lad, spell check...

U.S. Troops Kill 8 Suspected Insurgents

What is this, Washington D.C.? Do all these people have lawyers? I know, the ACLU has it's band of merry men over there handing out cards and teaching insurgents about the "US versus Miranda" court case, right?

WTF? Maybe they should call the article "Terrorist shit-heads get "benefit of the doubt." Or "American legal system a boon to the terrorist cause?"

Sure, sure, our legal system is okay, but it leans too heavily on the side of the criminal. "Suspected" insurgents. "Suspected" safehouse. What's with all the "suspected" nonsense? This isn't America we're fighting in, and we don't normally shoot people down who just look like insurgents. I would hazard to say that when one of these "suspected" insurgents fires an AK-47 at you, they're no longer "suspected" of anything. And what's with calling them "assailants?" Did they just rob a Walmart or something?

Hey news media! I have a solution; drop the touchy-feely PC bullshit and write normally. Here's an example:

"The U.S. military reports American troops killed eight insurgents Sunday during a raid north of Baghdad. Clashes erupted when troops surrounded a safehouse and nearby tent on the northern outskirts of the city. American forces killed five enemy insurgents inside the tent, and as enemy firing on them continued, our troops called for an air strike which claimed the other three bad guys."

Now is that so hard?

April 7, 2006

Money talks and B.S. walks...

This broad goes from the Florida Secretary of State to Congress, and now wants to go to the Senate, has a history of corruption, and said she would put in 10 million of "her own" dollars to her campaign. It makes me think a few things:

This proves that people would pay any amount possible for the power and payback that comes with being an American politician. It's also part of the payback for her efforts during the 2000 Florida recount. Yep, Republicans are as crooked as Democrats.

Where the heck did she get $10,000,000?

How does someone caught taking illegal campaign contributions get to keep being a politician? Easy. It's because of the culture of corruption. I welcome any and all contributions to the Brainclogger fund...

A testament to the truly worthless... This nutcase is currently in the can, and tries to hire a hit man to "whack-out" his wife, his brother's girlfriend, his shrink, and his brother, who is also a head-shrinker. Wow! Here's a guy that Cornell University pays good money to do research on alcohol's effect on houseplants. What's worse is this guy was actually published in his industry trade magazine. Talk about excitement! The people that actually read "HortTechnology" magazine must be some party animals, eh! Hard to believe these kind of Melvins and Mortimers make a living doing this. Nerds rule! This chiropractor claims he can go back in time to cure illnesses. If so, can he go back to the seventies and kick my brother's ass? I'll give him the money to buy some microsoft stock before he goes. If I could go back in time, I'd go kill the guy that invented disco...but I digress. The guy also invented a treatment program he calls "bahlaqueem," which he admits means nothing but sounds good. He also denies being a bit nutty. Starbucks manager by day...drummer in a Motley Crue "tribute band" by night. He got to fill in for Tommy Lee in a concert due to a wrist injury to Lee. What this fine gentleman doesn't realize, is that he dedicates his life to idolizing someone else, and the peak...the crowning achievement of his life just happened. It will never get any better for you. Ever. The rest of your life will now be meaningless to you, just as all of your prior life was meaningless to the rest of us. ...take the band with you first before you go, and make sure you get your whole head in front of the shotgun. Have a nice trip. The owner of the now-famous "One-eyed kitten," who I affectionately refer to as the "One-eyed kitten Lady," wants the cat's remains to go to a religious group instead of to Ripley's because of the cats "religious significance." Cat people irritate me. Dude isn't happy with the dick surgery he had, so he mails a bomb to the doctor? How weak is that! If you're pissed about the status of your "unit," I say that's time for a direct confrontation, not some sissy maneuver through the mail. Then he pleads guilty using a WMD, even though he was only targeting one guy! Hey, why do 2 years when you can do 5, right? I think these passive aggressive tendencies and feelings of inadequacy would find a quick cure if the guy with the "Mini-me" handled his issues in person. There you go, advice from Dr. Brainclogger, who also notices the guy comes from "Reamstown." Ironic, because that's what the inmates call jail. With a broken tally-whacker and an inferiority complex, it won't be like a day at the beach... Look out, here come the Latin baby-shower brawlers. Yo esay, ju got sun-kina prollem, mang? Ju lookin at my stroller, vato? Afte I fold deez "one-zies" we're throwin-down, Holmes. Of course, it's hard to be scared of a guy named "Jazz," and funny that people felt the need to be armed at a baby shower. Of course, one of these tough guys thought he needed to take a stick to a pregnant chick. Hey, that rhymed! Here's another one; Juan and Jazz both have a sore azz. In the Big House, in the Clink, now you have the jailhouse sphinc. Up the river, there you go, now you're Bubba's little Ho. The article says "Fake Sheik, phony art, real jail time." There you go, an Arab in the U.S. trying to get "paid" like everyone else. An immigrant trying to rip people off. Wow, he really did assimilate well. He has his piece of the American dream. Now true to form, he'll go to jail and convince himself he's innocent and only in jail because the "man" put him there. Afterward, he'll recuit all the prison Muslims and convince them they're disaffected too, instead of being the crack-heads, murders, rapists, assholes and general scum they really are. Then he'll get out, start a mosque in New York, get a tax break from the government, and plan to start a "Jihad" on the "Infidel" Americans who live so decadently. Of course, this is the same shithead that impersonated a Saudi in order to cheat people out of their money for his own greed and ill-gotten gain. ...but we're the bag guys... Why, at $3.oo a gallon, did people trust a Saudi in the first place? People in California sell Chronic Candy," which is supposed to taste like marijuana, but doesn't have any THC, so the government out there wants to ban it. The government of Oakland...which is connected to San Francisco...the 60's drug culture's virtual "epicenter" and they want to ban a lollipop that tastes like "the ganja?" The pot-smoking, acid-dropping, tune-in, drop-out, get-high hall-of-fame wants to ban a lollipop because they think it "improperly influences teens and young adults..." They say the candy is already banned in Chicago and parts of New York. That's great! They don't do jack-squat about the real drug problems in our country, but a pot-flavor lollipop is public enemy number-one! It's sad, and typical of our weak-willed, power-hungry, misguided, greedy, crooked, PC, lying sack-of s--t politicians. As for the guy that makes Chronic's a good idea, and a money maker, but worthless to society, therefore making you worthless. Donate the profits to charity. A glowing testimony to the worthlessness of lawyers and the rediculous nature of our legal system. To people went to court to argue for custody of a freaking Poodle! A poodle! It's not even a real dog! It's name is Zena. What do you want to bet it was named after "Zena, Warrior Princess?" So that also means there is a guy arguing for custody of a female poodle. Egads! How's your manhood now, pal? If I was the judge, I would have kept the poodle and threw the two people in jail. Whoever held-out the longest for the dog would be the winner.

Alleged castrator had medical experience

This has an "Uncle Jesse gives Uncle Clem the 'blumpkin' in the woodshed" kind of ring to it. It's just plain creepy.

So here we are, three old backwoods redneck country rope-smokers attracting other men to their place and then treating them to a Lorena Bobbit style winky whacking. Ouch! Yep, they're doing their best to further gay rights.

I think it's more like the "Hic and the hound-dog" rather than master-slave.

April 5, 2006

Hilton Considered for Mother Theresa Role

Okay, Idiot Alert!!! Freakin Dot-Head. Now watch, he is insulting an icon of the Christian community and nobody's going to say jack-squat. If it was Oliver Stone casting Dolph Lundgren to play Muhammad, the complaints would fall from the sky like a tickertape parade.

She must not be a liberal

"Jessica Alba, Playboy end spat with Hefner apology."

She accepted Hugh Hefner's apology for creating the impression (by having her on the cover of the magazine) that there were nude pictures of her inside. She apparently felt a sense of justice and dropped her lawsuit.

Wow! I'm stunned. With suing people as the national pastime of our country, I would expect to see some kind of mention about Hefner coughing-up some dough. I'm speechless.

Sex tourism thriving in Bible Belt

Don't you think it's high-time they removed Atlanta from the Bible Belt? The article said it was the "buckle" of the Bible Belt. More like the un-buckled buckle.

In a city that has a Ludacris Day, where a prerequisite for government service is you not be Caucasian, where corruption and inefficiency, nepotism, greed, vice, and graft reign supreme, I'm not surprised in the least by this article.

In a city that celebrates "bling-bling," excess, "thuggery," all things Escalade, and is more concerned about "Sean Jean" and FUBU than morality, crime, drug control, proper fiscal policy, or proper child education, I'm not surprised. Atlanta sets race relations back years.

Of course, the sexual exploitation of children is just disgusting, and anybody that wants to have sex with a ten year-old needs a serious beating, and 14 cities were named as centers for this sort of depravity, but Atlanta was number one.

As for the "Bible-Belt"'s a fallacy. What Bible is this? If it was real, this other crap wouldn't be happening there. Or it it that sex and money, ignorance and greed are more attractive to people in Atlanta than God?

Now I'll be called racist for telling the truth.

Homeland Deputy Arrested in Seduction Case

Hey, I don't have time to plan for natural disasters, terrorist attacks, or worry about hurricane recovery, I'm too busy trying to pick-up 14 year-old kids on the internet! Why worry about the New Orleans people getting fresh food when I'm shooting for some high-school freshman "stuff."

I know what turns on 14 year-old work picture with my DHS pin and my TSA lanyard! I'm a sexy bitch. She must see me as a big piece of 55 year-old "man candy!" I don't think so. Getting snagged like that is so classic. Bad boys, bad boys...

Of course, proof that these governmental idiots get special treatment, and probably the funniest line in the article is; "There was no immediate response to messages left on Doyle's government-issued cell phone and his e-mail, and he could not be reached by phone at the jail for comment." Hey, if I ever go to jail I'd appreciate it if "The Slammer" would screen my calls too.

Then again, he can be as big a shithead as he wants...he's a federal government civilian "politician wanna-be." Politicians get away with that kind of thing. Can you say Bill Clinton? Gary Condit? Ted Kennedy? For those of us in the military, the mere perception of a lack of integrity or morality is enough to cost us our jobs. Our standard of conduct is higher than for those who send us into harm's way, and there's something wrong with that. There's also something wrong with Mr. Boyle.

Teacher charged with raping student 28 times

...while he lied to his father about where he was staying in order to go bang this fat broad, and while his little buddy watched! Of course, the law says she was the rapist, which is almost comical.

28 times from 24 March to 31 March? If you spread it over the eight days (like she did), that's 3.5 times per day! Otherwise, there was some heavy-duty stuff happening, and on a bunch of school nights to boot! When did she find time for work?

Dad must be so proud...and concerned his son's stamina may be far greater than his own. Not.

Half-a-million-dollar bail? Wow! That's one expensive piece-of-ass.

...well, she is willing to do it 28 times in eight days...

So I've been called "homophobic"

Phobia- An irrational, persistent fear or dread.

I wouldn't exactly call it a "phobia," per se. Well, on second thought, a bearded 300-pound dude in a tu-tu would scare the hell out of me. In fact, I think all "gay pride" events would scare me. A hundred or so guys dressed like Dorothy in the Wizard of Oz and people dressed like they're in the Village people is disturbing, if not just downright frightening. Face it, most of those events are a testament to bizarre behavior, and I say they hurt their cause. If they marched in khaki pants and polo shirts, I would expect for people to listen to their point of view, not just find them a curiosity.

Now I wouldn't say I was homophobic. If it was truly a fear of mine, I would confront it in a fine, expedient military manner and eliminate the cause of my fear. I don't think I'll do that. I'd rather just live and let-live, with one caveat...I want to live in peace, so as people try to further any cause, not just gay rights, be assured I don't want to hear it and leave me alone.

I also don't think, as a lesbian, that I am averse to all forms of homosexuality. You know, the guy version of it is invasive and just plain creepy, but I can understand the girl a lesbian, that is. Besides, the only thing that I find irritating is what is commonly referred to as "flamers" and "bull dikes." If you want to be a girl, then become a girl, but don't be a faggy guy. If you want to be a guy, then be a guy, but not a masculine female. No matter how much they try, a guy will never look good in halter tops or fish nets, and belly-button rings are for girls. Maybe I find the growing androgeny of America irritating too, I don't know.

As for gay movies, I have no problem with them either. I'm not going to see them, so there's no issue. Why won't I? I don't want to. I'm not interested. Sorry if the liberals find my freedom of choice offensive.

Of course, nothing plays in stereo quite like a stereotype, so here is a gay movie I actually would see...

March 30, 2006

So they "let her go?"

Sure they did. These ragheads let go of hostages like Mexicans let go of lawnmowers.

I can think of a few more believable scenarios...

She was so scared all the time all she did was cry and menstruate and dragging around a hostage that was always sniffling and leaving a blood trail was hurting their "clandestine" activities...

As an American girl she nagged them so badly they tried to let her go for weeks but she just wouldn't leave, and wouldn't shut the f--k up.

Like any relationship, the sex was good in the beginning, but then they just lost interest

She snuck out while the kidnappers were watching a soccer game

In an attempt to get away, the kidnappers snuck out while she was asleep

The kidnappers hate other Muslims so badly they dropped her on the Iraqi Islamic Party.

They fed her, so every time she got hungry she showed up. Eventually they stopped feeding her.

When they realized she knew the Koran better than they did, it pissed them off and they sent her packing.

One kidnapper eventually convinced the others that the "female infidel" was "cramping their style."

They captured her without a change of clothes and she used too much water washing the same pair of "granny panties" every day.

She just wouldn't stop naming all the goats and it made the kidnappers feel bad to eat them.

She's notoriously bad with names and all the kidnappers were tired of being called Mohammed.

While they were out planting IED's, she would call them constantly

It's time once again to review the winners of the annual "Stella Awards."

The Stella Awards are named after 81 year-old Stella Liebeck who spilled coffee on herself and successfully sued McDonald's. That case inspired the Stella awards for the most frivolous, ridiculous, but successful lawsuits in the United States.

Here are this year's winners:

7th Place: Kathleen Robertson of Austin, Texas, was awarded $780,000 by a jury of her peers after breaking her ankle tripping over a toddler who was running inside a furniture store. The owners of the store were understandably surprised at the verdict, considering the
misbehaving little toddler was Ms. Robertson's son.

6th Place: 19-year-old Carl Truman of Los Angeles won $74,000 and medical expenses when his neighbor ran over his hand with a Honda Accord. Mr. Truman apparently didn't notice there was someone at the wheel of the car when he was trying to steal his neighbor's hubcaps.

5th Place: Terrence Dickson of Bristol, Pennsylvania, was leaving a house he had just finished robbing by way of the garage. He was not able to get the garage door to go up since the automatic door opener was malfunctioning. He couldn't re-enter the house because the door
connecting the house and garage locked when he pulled it shut. The family was on vacation, and Mr. Dickson found himself locked in the garage for eight days. He subsisted on a case of Pepsi he found, and a large bag of dry dog food. He sued the homeowner's insurance claiming the situation caused him undue mental anguish. The jury agreed to the tune of $500,000.

4th Place: Jerry Williams of Little Rock, Arkansas, was awarded $14,500 and medical expenses after being bitten on the buttocks by his next-door neighbor's beagle. The beagle was on a chain in its owner's fenced yard. The award was less than sought because the jury felt the dog might have been just a little provoked at the time by Mr. Williams who had climbed over the fence into the yard and was shooting it repeatedly with a pellet gun.

3rd Place: A Philadelphia restaurant was ordered to pay Amber Carson of Lancaster, Pennsylvania, $113,500 after she slipped on a soft drink and broke her coccyx (tailbone). The beverage was on the floor because Ms. Carson had thrown it at her boyfriend 30 seconds earlier
during an argument.

2nd Place: Kara Walton of Claymont, Delaware, successfully sued the owner of a nightclub in a neighboring city when she fell from the bathroom window to the floor and knocked out her two
front teeth. This occurred while Ms. Walton was trying to sneak through the window in the ladies room to avoid paying the $3.50 cover charge. She was awarded $12,000 and dental expenses.

1st Place: This year's run away winner was Mrs Mary Grazinski of Oklahoma City, Oklahoma. Mrs. Grazinski purchased a brand new 32-foot Winnebago motor home. On her first trip home, (from an OU football game), having driven onto the freeway, she set the cruise control at 70 mph and calmly left the driver's seat to go into the back and make herself a sandwich. Not surprisingly, the RV left the freeway, crashed and overturned. Mrs. Grazinski sued Winnebago for not advising her in the owner's manual that she couldn't actually do this. The jury awarded her $1,750,000 plus a new motor home. The company actually changed their manuals on the basis of this suit, just in case there were any other complete morons around.

Support your favorite stereotype...and cliche's...

Look at this retard; Jack Abramoff, who should be Abramoffenstein, furthering the stereotype of the crooked Jew who's greedy, corrupt, integrity-free, and a chicken shit. He also did the cliche' "blame it on your partner and hang him out to dry" routine. Now the government, in the purely "going through the motions" world of making it look like they're investigating politicians, has turned him into a rat. Of course, the best cliche is his invoking all the God references after he's been had. He's a Dick. Now he gets to go from political influence peddler and generally slimy puke to "Inmate 12345." Fare-thee-well, Mr. Me-off. Don't forget the soap on a rope.

Artsy people, museums, and Yoga. Too easy. This is as cliche and stereotypical as Birkies, tree-huggers, and yogurt.

Ga. Congresswoman in Scuffle With Police. Wow! This one covers a few of them. A Black politician from Atlanta? What else is there? A black politician who doesn't act right? Hmm, where have I seen that before? A black woman who thinks she can put the smackdown on the coppers and either doesn't have to listen to them, or thinks she's so important they should know her. Whoa! Are you trying to hit all the stereotypes at once? Well, her last public appearance besides in congress was at the Martin Luther King Service...dressed in tiger stripes!

The inept government attorney. The Moussaoui prosecutors called the terrorist a "hanger-on," in terms of his involvement with 9-11, saying he was dreaming he had involvement, but was pretty much a terd. They didn't say strap-hanger, leech, wanna-be, or some other well-known term...they used "hanger-on." I'd like them to use hanger-on'er. They say he used lies in order to hide what was to happen on 9-11. Maybe next they'll call him a "big meanie." A dictionary and thesaurus are on the way to the Justice Department.

Iran Urged to Clear Up Nuclear Suspicions. Yep, here goes that fearless bunch of idiots in the U.N. again. The told Iran to clear-up questions about their nuclear programs in 30 days or else. Or else what? Or else they'll have another meeting and declare Iran a bunch of no-fun "doo-doo heads" and then huff and stomp away like the impotent, gut-less, worthless body of bureaucrats they are. In more stereotypical fashion, the Europeans say they want to get "tough," but don't actually want to do anything to Iran. It's like a French cop yelling "stop! Or I'll yell stop again!" Further, the Russians and Chinese are urging caution, which are the first steps to dissent among the paper-tiger security counsel, while the Russians say the most important thing that came out of the meetings was a unified counsel. Wow, the most dysfunctional organization in the world is united on something... Maybe the United Nations should stick to what they're good at...milking the U.S. for money while being corrupt; taking money from international programs for personal gain; nepotism, and all other forms of vice and graft.

Arab taxi drivers. In this case, Miami Arab taxi driver rapists...

The continuing saga of the stereotypical "it's all about me" American society...a society that has a service problem. "Broward to make military recruitment opt-out forms more accessible"

The stereotype of Lib vs Conservative, Dem vs Republican, and a newspaper poll showing a democrat beating a republican. With Catherine Harris, it's also the one about an inept rookie politician, and how one side makes the other look as dirty as possible, whether it's true or not.

This news article is about Jessica Simpson wanting to adopt kids, and that's not the stereotype. In the very end of the article it says she's doing a movie about a movie star who hits rock-bottom and joins the Marines. There it is; the stereotype that the military is the last resort and final place for the disenfranchised, destitute, and destroyed to go.

Actors with no brains try to prove they have one, and those with brains try to prove they're not corrupt. Rob Reiner is also your cliche' Hollywood democrat that has the money to be a liberal, and is too arrogant to possibly question if he should be.

Fascism in the Middle East. With the installation of the terror goup Hamas into power in Palestine, and with Mahmoud Abbas as the central figure, fascism reigns supreme...just as it does in Afghanistan, Pakistan, Saudi Arabia, and all those other places where race, religion, and a strict adherance to a political philosophy determine the rules...

March 29, 2006

This position got her that way in the first place!

This photograph, released by sculptor Daniel Edwards on Tuesday, March 28, 2006,shows his sculpture of singer Britney Spears giving birth. The life-sized "Monument to Pro-Life: The Birth of Sean Preston," seen at the artists studio in in Moosup, Conn., will be shown at the Capla Kesting Fine Art gallery in the Williamsburg section of New York beginning April 7. (AP Photo/Daniel Edwards)

I wonder if it's anatomically correct??? If so, the artist definitely has issues...not like he doesn't already!

Next time you think you're having a bad hair day...

Music producer Phil Spector is shown in Superior Court Monday, May 23, 2005, in Los Angeles.

Hey Phil...the seventies are over pal...

Maybe it's some kind of animal living on his head?
Hair Club- he's not just a member, but also the plaintiff...

I didn't know cotton candy came in that color.

Hedgehog hair by Ronco...

He finally figured out what to do with all that dryer lint...

Christian convert sightings continue...

In reports following yesterdays escape from hell, numerous sighting of the Afghan man who converted to Christianity have been recorded. So far, he's been seen:

Taking his picture with Mickey at EuroDisney. Or is it Le Mickey?

Earlier in France police responded to a group of men apparently assaulting someone. Fearing the man was the Afghan escapee, police rushed to the scene only to discover the men kicking the Le Crap out of a Mime. Apparently French people hate Mimes too...

Some time later he was spotted flying a cargo airplane full of the fabled "rubber dog shit" out of Hong Kong. This was proven impossible as in recent years China has become the world leader in the rubber dog shit business and is now the sole manufacturer of imitation animal excrement and simulated bodily fluids industry. Everyone knows the yucks just keep coming when you play with plastic vomit and the fake spilled-can of soda! People just can't get enough!

He was also seen sneaking into that eminently more progressive country...Pakistan. Word had it after that, he was thinking of really "going nuts" and trying either Saudi Arabia or Iran! Somebody stop him! Talk about a party animal! He said he had dreams that had to do with seeing a woman's ankle and they made him feel dirty.

He was sighted in the United Arab Emirates having lunch with a strange looking American in a traditional woman's Durka. He said that also made him feel dirty...

Sighted in China being the taskmaster in a sweatshop employing 10 year-old girls making garter belts for American women. Word has it Michael Jackson told him about the position.

Spotted on South Beach where he saw suntan-oil-slathered Latin women in skimpy bikini's, some topless playing paddleball...and promptly exploded.

Thrown out of a casino in Atlantic City because his attempts at yelling "come on seven" in Arabic at the craps table sounded like he was getting ready to spit on somebody.

Seen enrolling at Yale.

Arrested with a group of soccer hooligans following Manchester United's defeat to Uventis.

Seen at Mount Rushmore on the job as the guy that dangles from a rope to clean Lincoln's nose.

Employed at over 100 Seven-Eleven, Circle-K, and Piggy-Wiggly convenience stores nationwide.

Taxi driver in New York City

Now gay and living in San Francisco where he absolutely refuses to wear anything tan or brown.

Tour guide at St. Peter's Basilica in the Vatican.

Seen running across the southern border of the United States disguised as a Mexican, where he was promptly apprehended and returned to Mexico. Apparently authorities had a hard time believing his name was Pancho Villa.

Driving the Conch Tour Train in Key West. Apparently he makes money on the side convincing drunken tourists to take their picture with him because of how much he looks like Hemingway.

Roadie for Aerosmith

Third member of the all Arab reggaeton group "Dos Rag-Heads and a Camel Jockey."

Learning to bribe law enforcement officials and mix martinis in case he could ever be of service to Ted Kennedy.

He's inspector #9.


Scarlett Johansson tops sexiest list

No she doesn't! She's cute, but she's a kid. So are Jessica Alba, Jessica Simpson, and Keira Knightley. Besides, Jenny McCarthy comes off as so obnoxious it takes any chance of sexiness away. As for Carmen Electra, she tries too hard and married a guy with a head three-times too big for his body. Terry Hatcher's pretty,but it was that stupid TV show that got her on the list. Halle Berry is pretty, and again, Maria Sharipova is also just a kid.

Tell you wife better be on that list!

How to spell r-e-t-i-r-e-m-e-n-t...

from today's Miami Herald:

Patti LaBelle struggled through a weekend show in Palm Beach County after taking the stage at midnight, at one point sitting down and crying.
''I've never been this embarrassed in my life,'' LaBelle told the crowd Saturday at the Riviera Beach Jazz & Blues Festival. ``It's the worst show I've ever done in my life.''
As temperatures dipped into the low 50s, LaBelle explained that she's nearly 62, has diabetes and a heart murmur -- and the cold weather wasn't agreeing with her.
The R&B singer tried to belt out a few notes, then told fans huddled under blankets that she understood if they walked out on her.
LaBelle struggled through Lady Marmalade with assistance from a few in the crowd, sang some gospel songs and On My Own before retreating.

Low fifties, sick, heart problem, and going on at midnight? She has unrealistic expectations. I wouldn't have gone on and I'm twenty years younger. When you lose the awareness you're doing something you shouldn't be doing, it's time to hang it up.

March 28, 2006

Christian Convert Vanishes After Release

Now this is proof we're all insane! This is an international incident...a man in Afghanistan, a place so ass-backward that they want to kill a guy for converting to Christianity! This is a place where we're spending billions, and Americans have been killed, and for what? What's changed? Are the Taliban truly out? I say f--k no.

President Karzai is afraid of offending the sensibilities of these Muslim clerics who are calling for the murder of this guy? Muslim "students" are joining in? Is it the same school where the 42-year old 9-11 types come from? The same school that teaches Muslims that everybody should pity them because of how disaffected they supposedly are and their only recourse is to go kill people?

I just have to ask what the fuck are we doing over there if this sort of shit is happening in March 2006?

Thoughts of the day.

Douglas MacArthur named commander of all forces in Korea, July 8, 1950. Exactly 14 years before I was born on that day.

July 8 1776 was the first time the Declaration of Independence was read in public. 230 years before I was born on that day.

In the irony of ironies, there is a Kevin Bacon blog or two early in this thing. July 8, 1958, Kevin Bacon was born...six years before I was born on that day. I only have one degree of Kevin Bacon.

With the release of this Abdel Rahman character, the country of Afghanistan is saying Christians are mentally unfit to be Muslims. This is a country that wants to kill a guy for not wanting to be a Muslim. Sounds a bit "salmon Rushdie-ish" to me. Yep, he believes in something different than other let's kill him before it spreads. Allah wants you to be a mindless drone who blindly follows his edicts as dictated to you by an out-of-touch, narrow-minded, near-sighted, non-traveled, bigoted, hate-mongering elder called an Imam, who can dictate the Muslim holy book as he sees fit, and to his own ends. Yep, drones kill, drones bomb, drones fly airplanes into buildings. Come on, we want more drones...

Sean Hannity ripped Alec Baldwin a new one on the Scottie Whitman radio show.

Why does the name "Jack Abramoff" sound so much like a verb?

Lyndon Johnson preferred calling his wife "Lady Bird" because it gave her the initials LBJ. Her name was Claudia. I like Claudia better. I found out recently two interesting facts about him which make me think he was a kooky cat, and probably would have been interesting to talk to: First, he liked to take his friends and visitors for rides on the country roads near his ranch and drink scotch while doing 90 mph. The second is he used to take important people into the bathroom to discuss important things, which he thought put psychological pressure on the person to whom he was speaking. He did that in combination with looming over them, since he was 6'4".

Animals can walk and poo at the same time, but people can't. I bet you always wanted to know that!

Graceland went on the registry of National Historic Landmarks. In fact, it's the second most popular home museum in the country, following the White House, with Mount Vernon, Monticello, and Ernest Hemingway's house trailing way behind. In an interview, Lisa Marie said Elvis loved Graceland and she was so proud of him. She also spoke of how people the world over loved her father. that's the reason why he died alone, overweight, from a drug overdose while on the toilet, and when he hit the floor no one was around to hear it. Uh-huh, great way for the "King of Rock and Roll" to go. What did the EPC (Elvis Presley corporation make last year? $60 million? I would have said the same thing...

If animals can sense evil, how can Hillary Clinton have a cat?

March 24, 2006

That's NORTH Jersey, Thank You

So New York and California have the worst air pollution eh? That's no friggin shock. Washington DC and Jersey, well there's no earth-shattering news there either...

But Oregon? What's going on in Oregon? I thought the place was full of tree-huggers and the lumberjacks that love to cut them down? By "them" I mean the trees or the tree-huggers it really makes no difference.

One thing people should know, however, is the pollution that gives the Garden State its bad rap comes from two places. 1. From the area around New York City in North Jersey, such as Newark, Hoboken, Jersey City, Elizabeth, Bayonne, etc., and 2. from the area right near the Deleware Memorial Bridge that connects Southwestern Jersey to Delaware.

South Jersey is (believe it or not) predominantly state forest, farmland, and seashore barrier islands. To be on the beach here is to see the cleanest air anywhere. Actually, you can't see the air, which proves it's clean!

Like Springsteen said, " cause down the shore everything' s all right."

Keep that Jersey slander to yourself...

The best place to pick up easy, irresponsible chicks!

An abortion rally during the middle of the week has to be the easiest place to pick up a sleazy broad! After all, they skipped-out on work to go rally for the right to have doctors rip out a fetus if their irresponsible sexual activities end up getting them pregnant.

What other conclusion is there? I mean another that makes sense...not the "women want the right to blah blah blah stupidity about planning their lives, etc. Do they want the truth? Here it is: If you think you're old enough to have sex, then you're old enough to have a kid. Maybe these sluts should keep their pants on...

March 23, 2006

Alternate Universe Discovered Off Coast of Aruba!

While in the process of photographing every inch of the earth looking for Osama bin Laden, Jimmy Hoffa, the lost Nixon tapes and Amelia Earheart's car keys, NASA engineers recently discovered an alternate universe which they say actually surrounds the island of Aruba.

Apparently, upon entering this alternate universe, all 17-year old sexually active teenagers become virgins and are instantly transported forward four years, thus making them of legal drinking age.

Scientists examining this phenomenon also noted what they call a "leaking effect," where the parents of these teenagers are magically led to believe this universe and its effects are real, instead of the reality they let their 17 year-old daughters free, or actually sent them to drink, gamble, have sex, and ultimately get killed.

March 22, 2006

One more thing about the fountain...

Here's what I think it would be a fitting tribute to Diana:

A big statue of her in a bikini standing next to Dodi Fayed as Dodi urinates on a smaller statue of Prince Charles, who is riding Camilla.

Maybe a statue of her as the little Coppertone kid with her butt showing...and Charles kissing it...again, as Dodi Fayed pees on him.

What about Diana in body armor pushing Charles onto a land-mine that sends him flying over a model of Buckingham Palace where the government has come and is reposessing all his stuff!

Hey! He may be a prince, but he's no day at the beach...if you know what I mean.

Maybe it can be one where Diana bitch-slaps the Queen, who turns and slaps Charles, who turns to slap Camilla but gets one from her instead. Then Charles turns to his son William, who slaps him, and then to Harry, who slaps him also, then to Winston Churchill and Tony Blair, each who give the prince his just comeuppance. Charles then turns back to the queen, whom he slaps. The Queen then turns back to Diana and gets a palm-pasting from her, starting the whole thing again. All the while, a likeness of Richard Branson slaps Camilla at will. I know they have nothing to do with each other, but I like Richard Branson and Camilla needs additional pasting so I figured what the hell. There's another version where everybody gets kicked in the crotch, but you get the picture.

Meanwhile, a nearby statue of Pierce Brosnan gets a slapping from Colin Farrell due to Brosnan's being such a little bitch about the latest James Bond movie and Colin...well, he just seems to be everywhere.

Next to that is one of Hugh Grant getting kicked in the "James" by Elizabeth Hurley with a gusto that would bring a tear to Rochambeau's eye, while a recording shouts "what are you, stupid?" in her voice every time her knee finds its target.

Next to that one is the fantasy statue of the members of Coldplay getting their butts kicked by the all-girl members of L7 and Team Dresch!

Next to that is a statue of a football (soccer to us Yanks), an actual frisbee, and a little girl selling Jello. Why? Because the Brits love their football, there's never a bad time for frisbee and there's always room for Jello...

England has obviously gone insane!

A "problem-plagued" memorial fountain that costs $3.5 million more than it should? I know people really loved Princess Diana, but are you all freaking nuts or what?

$9 million dollars for a memorial fountain for a dead princess, and 520K on the opening ceremony! Wow! She was apparently important enough for old Queenie to drop that kind of dough, but not so important as to be treated well while she was alive! Her husband is obviously inbred and deranged. Proof? Well, no one really needs anything more than whom he chose over Diana! Eek! The memorial is all part of the collective guilt of the "Royals" and their attempt to look magnanimous instead of disingenuous. Not!

The odd thing is how people reacted. Some say the memorial is fitting, while others say it isn't quite enough! I think they all need their heads examined. Charles should count his lucky stars too. Just look at his two sons...handsome, intelligent, with great potential. He obviously saw Diana as nothing more than breeding stock, and it's a good thing he didn't see Camilla that way! Can you imagine that? How gooney-looking would those unfortunates be? Long faces, squinty-eyes, teeth so crooked they could eat corn-on-the-cob through a chain-link fence, with personalities so dry they would make even British comedy look like slap-stick. I can picture a kid with a face like Alfred E. Neuman playing bridge and drinking tea (at 11 years-old) and using expressions like "how droll" and "by-the-bye." He would need at least three bodyguards so he wouldn't get his ass kicked at least once a day!

Do you think Diana would have preferred the 9 million go to land-mine removal or saving little kids in Africa, or to some huge stone testament to the worthlessness and obsolescence of the royal system in England? The fact that the same people who ignored and mistreated her while she was alive still have their priorities all screwed-up isn't lost on me. No wonder they didn't like her...she was the only sane one of the bunch.

March 18, 2006

Man Severs Own Penis, Throw it at Officers

Catch! Watch my change-up! Whoop!

Question: If you cut off your nose to spite your face, what does cutting off the "one-eyed monster" do? Answer: It proves you're a freakin psychopath! Nutcase. Whack job. Looney Tune. Knucklehead. "It's a bit drastic" is definitely an understatement.

Now this makes men squirm just thinking about it. What's up with that? Well, not his Johnson, I guess. So what gives? Was it being impudent? Talking back to him? Being uncooperative? Nagging him to use it on an actual girl once in a while? Did it have a hair-trigger problem that he found embarassing? Or did he finally realize it was his one true friend?

So he cut it off because of problems with his girlfriend in...Poland... That was probably after he broke up with his girl from Canada, and the one before that from Denmark...and all the other imaginary girlfriend's he's had. He probably turned queer, regrets it, and has to "exercise the demon."

Cops have glamorous jobs too, don't they? Nothing like having to fight a crazy naked guy who has a bunch of knives, is bleeding like hell and just cut off his own wanker.

So they sew it back on? Is it straight? It better be or he's the proud owner of a boomerang with the ability to pee around a corner.

Of course, if you just cut off Captain Winky, you're koo-koo for Cocoa Puffs...

Sometimes I love the news...

I don't love the news for the politically biased news articles, but rather, for the way the headlines seem so ridiculous. In a news media attempt to be either political or provocative, sometimes they just end-up sounding silly. For instance:

Bombs, bullets greet Shiites on pilgrimage - After all, nothing says "welcome" like an ambush.
New abortion law may affect S.D. tourism - I never knew abortion was such a tourist attraction!
Many in Belarus love their autocratic leader - ...and if they say different...they get shot.
Aussie strippers win meal break, OT rights - now there's the best indicator of the development of a society...when they finally feed the strippers and pay them overtime! What's next? They get to vote? Good thing they have a union! They also get maternity leave, which I think is bad because you know how much everybody wants to see a pregnant woman hump a brass pole.
'South Park' battle over Scientology heats up - It's funny when a celebrity religious group feels threatened by a cartoon.
'Dukes of Hazzard' actor Tom Wopat charged - A guy stars in a TV show 20 years ago and that is what he's most famous for? That's sad. I try to forget stuff I did 20 years ago.
Bush adviser says Iran bluffing on Iraq - And we all know how right the Bush advisors have been!
Two more deaths added to record-high Bike Week toll (Miami Herald) What? Come on, there's nothing safer than bar-hopping on a motorcycle, especially with a passenger!
Argument over relationship ends with shooting at mall - Now who brings a gun to the mall? I mean really? Is it used to get lower prices? "Now how much is that lava lamp?" Is it to help you shop? "I wanna go to the record store. No, I wantto Victoria'storia's Secret (Boom!). Okay, we'll go to the record store!" "Quit looking at that guy (Boom)." "Do these pants make my ass look fat? I didn't think so."
Safety stand down held at Kennedy Space Center after mishaps - Again? What the hell is wrong with these people? Don't have a politically correct "safety stand down...make some heads roll! Kick some ass! For crying out loud, demand safety and do your risk management! Who's in charge over there? Get him on the phone!
Jerry Lewis gets French medal - Is it a medal with Pepe' Le'Pew's face on it? Maybe a miniature Eiffel tower with the German and Iraqi flags on top? Le' Bozo badge? I has a picture of Chirac surrendering to a schoolgirl while he's standing on a French immigrant, right?
Striking workers at UM to get raise - At one of the best learning institutions in the state, they couldn't negotiate? There's a law school right there! Lawyers showing their value yet again. In typical fashion, union workers make the company lose money by striking in order to get more money...a vicious circle unions will never understand. Giving in to them just makes it worse. Florida is a right to work state, so busting the union is no issue.
Fashion Designer Oleg Cassini Dies at 92 - From the truly meaningless file, this is some old fag that's famous for making dresses for Jackie O...the woman who was married to JFK, then married a Greek tycoon reportedly so her kids would grow up wealthy, then when she died was buried next to the president. Hmm. What do they call a woman who has a relationship with someone for money?

March 17, 2006

St. Patrick's Day...apparently the day to get yourself an Asian chick...

Leprechauns like them too...but isn't he supposed to wear green?

Gay Pol to Skip St. Patrick's Day Parade

Go ahead and skip it little Miss Carpet-muncher! This is the kind of stuff that makes gays look stupid as they try to push their agenda. A Gay and Lesbian Irish group? How F'ing stupid is that. Look out! Here come the Gay Indians, the Lesbian Eskimos, the Androgynous Asian Pacific Islanders, the Black he-she Association, the Transsexual Dwarves, and the Cross-dressing Canadian Club!

Do gays and lesbians have hearing problems or cognitive difficulties? Are they mentally-challenged? Why do I ask? The reason is obvious!

You weren't invited to the parade! Hello! It's kind of hard to boycott the parade and say you aren't going to go when you aren't invited and no one wants you there! This broad's probably a snotty pain-in-the-ass. "Well, I'm not going." Good, you're not invited. "Well, I'm not going" and on and on...

Oh, look at me! I'm so cool and trendy! Who needs the parade...I'll just go get some dinner and maybe go to church like a good little homosexual...

Do you think any of the people in the parade will be carrying any signs or banners celebrating their heterosexuality? I don't think so. Why? Because nobody wants to hear that shit...from any of them. No gay Irish or cleft-palate Italians. No cross-eyed Asians or transgender Germans or any of that stuff.

March 16, 2006

Underground Railroad Museum $5.5M in Red

I have to stop laughing long enough to type this... Political correctness comes back to haunt Cincinnati!!!

This thing has to be little more than a giant static display. I can't see too many moving parts required. Does it really need a $10 million /year budget? I'm laughing again!

Come on, having people re-enact operations of the "underground railroad" is just cruel, not to mention an EO complaint because you don't let any American Indian (Native American) or Alaska Natives (a.k.a. Eskimos) play the parts of slaves escaping the South! Racist bastards!

So 15 people already had to go? What do they think this is...The Rock and Roll Hall of Fame? I can't picture a very cheerful atmosphere, any rides, IMAX theater, or aquarium. Here's a hint; civil war reenactor-nerds do that stuff for free...just like people who go to Star Trek conventions or dress-up like characters from Star Wars.

A $110 million dollar Freedom Center. Wow! I can think of a bunch of things you could have spent your money on. You have to love PC politicians spending other people's money, then going back to the well after they realize how big of a failure they created. I wouldn't pay for it.

A $110,000,000 dollar Freedom Center in Cincinnati Ohio? Cincinnati...the city right near the Kentucky border? It's still in Ohio, isn't it? Ohio is still between Pennsylvania and Illinois, right? The people being known as among the most boring and plain in the entire country? The 86% caucasian (not of Hispanic origin) state? (Jersey is 66%). Jeepers Creepers!

Actually, I'm just kidding. Harriet Beecher Stowe lived in Cincinnati, and Ohio actually had the most developed and active underground railroad network of any state. It's very interesting and very historic. I just think the museum is a bit over-the-top. Check out the website:

Most Americans not Fit to Join

Some readers of the attached article may think it indicated a problem with the military. I would be so bold as to say this does no such thing.

A few months ago, a 2-star general came over to the desert to talk about the state of a couple branches of the army, and the army in general. He said something that stuck with me:

-The Army doesn't have a recruiting problem...America has a service problem.

I couldn't agree more. In our greedy, ego-centric, shameless, selfish country, I couldn't agree more...

Politicians should stay away from foreign policy

I thought about this earlier this morning when I saw a news article about the House of Representatives introducing a bill that would punish Iran. Well just hold the flappety-flappin phone a minute...

These are the same representatives who:
-let focus groups and lobbyists tell them how to think
-vote along poll numbers instead of with their conscience
-let special interests rule their terms of service
-allow political correctness to focus their efforts on the truly meaningless
-can't get along with each other
-believe bashing the president is a course of action for our country
-join subcommittees for the apparent prestige without knowing what the hell they're doing
-spend billions (with a b) of taxpayer dollars on pet projects, kickbacks, and political rewards

People full of this kind of bullshit and with this kind of bureaucratic narrow-mindedness should stick to domestic affairs where they can line their own pockets and not get our whole country in trouble.

For example, Congressman Kendrick Meek of Florida. His biggest claim to fame is being on the House Armed Services committee, where earlier this week, he told Secretary Rumsfeld there weren't enough minority generals in the military. That's pretty f-ing thin, but par for the course for Meek. Pretty boy...

How long were you in the military there, Congressman? Never? Oh...I see. Well, how about a nice hot cup of shut the f--k up! Minorities don't join the combat arms, they join the support units. Most of the generals come out of the combat arms, so unless you can convince more minorities to be grunts, then zip it, okay pal... I'm sick and tired of the whole EO speech. There are no roadblocks to minorities in the military or the service academies, so knock it off. Where did you go? A predominantly black school? Whoa! What about getting ahead based on merit there, Mama's boy? Yep, he got elected because his mother was the congresswoman in his district before him. How else do you go from Highway patrol to US House of Representatives so quickly?

What he should be asking is are there too many generals to begin with? How did we go from an 850,000 soldier force (pre-1994), to a 420,000 soldier force and not eliminate one single general officer position? Not one.

What about congressmen and women with agendas that aren't beneficial to society as a whole. Why would a congresswoman from California be so involved with Haiti? It was a black thing. Why is another so involved in Cuba to the detriment of other aspects of her service? Because she's Cuban. Should they be allowed to influence foreign policy? Definitely not.

Why would others let corporations tell them what to do unless there was something in it for them? What about the thousands, or possibly millions of people affected by a corporation wreaking havoc and raining death and destruction on them? Example? The most heavily subsidized industry in America is the sugar industry in Florida...the same industry that is destroying or has destroyed Lake Okeechobee and the Everglades. "Big" Sugar. The pollution from lake water released to both coasts devastates huge areas, kills millions of marine creatures, birds, reptiles, and both land and marine mammals, hurts other industries, and affects millions of people. The artificially high level of the lake has killed lake species, some specific only to that lake. Fertilizers have poisoned ground water and run-off causes algae blooms and devastation to both fresh and salt-water environments. The Everglades was called the "river of grass" until they dammed the lake in order to irrigate sugar lands. So why is it every time a sugar industry executive sneezes there's a politician there to wipe his nose?

Can you trust people who can't fix things at home to handle foreign policy?

Why do some of these people not have websites? Why do some of these people have no way to contact them except by phone to their office where some flunkie takes a message or you hear a recording to request information rather than get in touch? Why do none of the email links to them work (I spent time and tried a bunch.)

Politicians today just don't have the skills to do foreign policy, and they rely on bad advice, racial bias, ethnic bias, lobbyists, prejudices, personal agendas, and a bunch of other things they shouldn't. They should leave it to people who can do it right, and don't speak for corporations, special interest, or political parties, but truly have the best interests of our people at heart.

I know... I have as much chance of seeing that as I do peeing in the ocean and raising the tide...

Chinese President Issues List of Virtues the number-one Commie over there created a list of virtues, did he? I have a couple more for the list:

-Honor thy eight-year old girl working 16-hour days making pants for the ignorant Americans...the best way to win a war is without firing a shot...we can pay her less and maximize our day owning the United States because they can't control themselves.

-Artificially deflate your money in order to make other money more valuable, thus creating a larger profit margin. Don't worry about being called an underhanded's just business in the communist world.

Apparently, one of the virtues says "Be honest and trustworthy, not profit-mongering at the expense of your values." ...Are you shitting me?

March 13, 2006

I knew it! I knew it!

PARALLEL UNIVERSE DISCOVERED . . . Where Bill Clinton Is A Celibate Priest!

With his powers, I knew he was a space alien!

A couple thoughts...

When's the last time a liberal recommended a solution to an issue instead of just trying to make someone else look bad? They're like children who spill ice cream on the floor, then try to blame the other kids for their mistake while they have money handed to them and pull out their other pocket claiming they haven't gotten any money yet.

Why would a Jew buy a German car?

If China locks-up gays and forbids homosexuality, should gays shop at Wal-Mart? (Hint: 70% of everything in the store is made in China)

What could be worse than a lawyer who goes into politics?

The same people who want to impeach the president think it was okay for President Clinton to get a BJ in the White House, dip his cigar "where the sun don't shine," spooge on his college intern's dress, then lie about it to the entire country on national TV and try to use some lawyerly bullshit (the definition of "is") to get out of it. Then his wife just lets it go and she's the darling of these same democrats?

Wow. How does Bill do that?

If someone really needs an ass-whooping, you should be able to give them one. There should be guidelines you can go by and keep on something the size of a credit card so you can hand it to them beforehand. Family members don't need a card first.

Why don't people like station wagons but love mini-vans? If you put a sliding door on the side, would they like it then?

If you buy a foreign car that's built in this country, are you helping to keep someone employed and giving money to foreigners? If you buy an American car, are you paying a corporation and a labor union...and giving money to foreigners since most of them are made in Canada and Mexico?

Gordon Gekko is an ass. Greed is not good. Greed will lead to some country trying to take-over the United States within my lifetime.

Ignorance and Greed led to American jobs going overseas. Both sides wanted too much money.

Ignorance and Greed led us to the Iraq war. The oil companies hold all the top seats in government.

Ignorance and Greed will keep gas prices high. No way the government would ever let the oil companies have less-than "insane" profits.

Ignorance and Greed led us to the trade imbalance: Everybody has to buy everything they can, money or not. No one remembers to buy American-made, and some things you can't buy American-made, even things we invented.

Ignorance and Greed led to my divorce. She was worried about herself first, not her son, marriage, home, honor, or morality. Now she can live with the consequences.

Ignorance and Greed puts people in bankruptcy.

Ignorance and Greed started every war in history. It's the battle of the "haves versus the have-nots," and the greedy struggle for power and domination. People don't remember the movie "War Games," where the message of the movie was there is no winner in a nuclear war. The only point is not to have one. Maybe we should show it to the Iranians.

Ignorance and Greed keeps France on the side of the money every time.

Ignorance and Greed guarantees there will never be a cure for cancer, hair loss, aging, failing eyesight, liver disease, TB, or any other disease the drug companies profit from.

Why is my wife so smoking-hot?

Why do we value money and rich people with no moral value, character, or integrity more than a common person with these traits?

Do all people that are sniveling pukes and selfish jerks as kids stay that way the rest of their lives?

Where did the first person come from that ate a crab, a bears gall bladder, a shark fin, a camel's hump, a gorilla paw, or an elephant's asshole? I'll give you a rhymes with China.

If stupid girls who think modeling has a redeeming social value and get paid to walk around in lingerie and ugly dresses all the time and profess to love it so much...why aren't any of them smiling?

Can a gay man dress a male model to represent all men, or just gay men?

Fashion weirdos think people watch "Fashion TV" for the designer clothes. Nope. They watch it for the girls in swimwear and lingerie who (every once in a while) don't look like they need a sandwich and 8-hours sleep. When they show the faggy-looking guys (really kids), that's when people take a potty break.

Is an insurance company breaking any laws when they fail to pay? Oh, I forget, they own the other part of the government not owned by the oil and drug companies...

Why is it when you sleep in so late that you have problems getting to sleep the next night, when you wake up the following morning, you're still tired?

Now I understand the philosophical difference between Sting saying "We are spirits in a material world" and Madonna saying "I am a material girl." What a worthless tramp.

March 12, 2006

Lying liberal whack-job alert!!!

Feingold Proposes Bush Censure Over Spying

Again the democrats are so clue-less they have nothing else they can do but bash the president. Thanks for making every country around the world know our government is a bunch of arrogant, elitist, back-stabbing, disloyal, uncooperative and incompetent buffoons who are so out of touch with real life they all need ass-kickings. Thanks again.

Yep, Bill Clinton can use the NSA to watch Americans and that shithead President Carter can give away our strategic defense capability in the Caribbean and let the Chinese government control the Panama canal, but let Mr Bush use the NSA and everybody suddenly has an issue.

Talk about some disingenuous partisan bullshit. (By the way, I know the Carter thing is off the point, but that just pisses me off).

Chicago Requires Driver's Ed for the Blind

The finest education system in the world!

They also require them to pass needlepoint in home economics, play dodgeball in gym class, play baseball, participate in cross country running as an extra curricular (for those new to the U.S., that means running long distances through the woods), be the bus monitors, take the welding test in metal shop and make a microscope rack in woodshop, string the lights at "non-specific non-denominational winter celebration" time, coach the shooting team, and judge all horse-jumping competitions.

The hearing-impaired (also known as the deaf) kids are required to pass music class, the physically challenged, handi-capable kids (if you call them the crippled kids, or the gimpy kids, or the "one with the bum leg," you get sued) have to join JROTC. The developmentally challenged (can't call them retards) are required to join the debate team, the cheerleading squad, and cut all the firewood for the homecoming bonfire. After all, there's nothing that says handi-capable better than giving a bunch of retards a mess of axes and chainsaws and saying "have at-it!"

Actually, in lawsuit-happy America, the school system is probably afraid to not include them in drivers ed. You never know, one of the blind kids may pull the "race card!"

March 11, 2006

Thoughts for today...

...Why do they call them think "tanks?" What kind of tank are they talking about? The armored tank that has firepower and can charge the enemy and use decisive tactics and engagement to destroy, or a tank like a septic or fish tank where ooze collects, combines, and coagulates with other forms of ooze...

When was it determined that the breast was a focal point and an object of desire for women? What if it was something like their foreheads? Would we still celebrate the size of their forehead? Would they augment their foreheads? Would they cover them if they were modest and expose them if they weren't? Would we disregard the "hooters, bozo's, snoobs, rack, melons, jugs, taa-taa's, cans, etc?

Is all Mexican food the mixed together, tasteless, "let's smother it in hot peppers and cheese" kind of retch that I see? If you have to add hot peppers, cheese, or sour cream to it to taste it, then why eat it? Do you mix all your food together?

What if Ronald McDonald's first name was Al?

Why do some women wear more under their clothes than they do to the beach, but get all freaked out if you see them in their underwear? Hey girls, I have news...if you don't want a guy to see what your equipment looks like in your underwear, a bikini does the same thing. Do women make a conscious decision when it's acceptable for other men to see them in their underwear? If someone sees your wife or sister in a bathing suit, they can see her crotch just like they could if she was in her underwear... Oops!

So the American was the only hostage to get killed out of those Christian missionaries in Iraq. I'm not surprised, it's no big shock, and I actually expected that. They didn't kill him first because he was a Christian missionary in a Muslim country. They did it because he was the American.

So who made everyone hate Americans so much? Politicians...not any of us. Stereotypes like fat booze-hound rich white guys making deals and swaggering around like they're royalty in our country.