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February 20, 2010

Snowboarder Lago goes home after "scandalous" pictures hit the internet

Dont Go Scotty! Dude! Don't go! Stay! Embrance your heterosexual behavior! Relish in your rebellious snowboarder culture!

In today's PC society, two things people tend to forget are first, no matter where you go, you can always find some sleazy broad ready to drop to her knees to kiss something, and second, if it was a guy that went to his knees to kiss the medal, no one would have the guts to say a damn thing.

You're not Tiger Woods and his bevy of strippers, or the governor of South Carolina and his lying to the whole state reference his whereabouts and flying all the way to South America for a "liaison." You're not even Michael Phelps doing a bong hit! That's right, the sweetheart of the olympics shows up in his 1960's B-space movie silver coat and he's a media darling, and thank goodness for the media's short-term memory, right?

A young kid wins a medal and does some partying. No drugs, it wasn't someone else's wife (at least I don't think so), and she did what she did of her own free will so where's the problem? Not appropriate conduct? Mr. Kettle, this is Mr. soon as you stop the professional athletes from competing in your "amateur" event, stop selling-out to corporate greed, and decide to concentrate on sport instead of turning the event into a metaphor for global conflict, your little rules of conduct are assinine.

Maybe if Lago was doing a bong hit with Phelps standing next to him, you would have said nothing. Whatever happened to loving the rebels and young upstarts? Is what happened at the party really more important than his accomplishment? We've had Presidents spoodge on their interns in the White House and they stayed at the show!

Maybe we should blame Harvey and the scandal soldiers at TMZ? Do they have to broadcast everything they receive? This kid will probably be embarrassed about this for the rest of his life, and he suffers any sort of issues over it, TMZ is to blame. He's a kid. Remember when you were 21 and thought you knew everything, only to reach 31 or 41 and realize all you didn't know?

Stay Dude, Stay! Get ten more chicks to kiss the medal. Get the Flying Tomato to kiss it too before his head is too big to fit in the room.

Scotty Lago is my new hero!

February 19, 2010

Tiger yells "shut-up, beeyatch!" to both men and women

Actually, Brainclogger needs to tell some stupid whores to shut the F--K up! Patti Poon-Stanger, the hagged-out, bad-hair hostess of the severely anti-man TV show "Millionaire Matchmaker," the show where one gold-digging slut teaches others how to trick a man in order to get his money, tells us " I can read body language," and Tiger isn't sincere. Well, well, well, look who we get our commentary from. This is the same body language used to help trick men into parting with their money, just like, should I say it? Street walking, man-milk-guzzling, mattress-backed street whores. Ooh, harsh, isn't it?

The mistress...rather, one of Tiger Woods' weak-willed, shit-brained, starry-eyed gravy-train jumping tramps decides she's going to hold her own press conference with her celebrity attorney after Tiger's press conference. Holy smoke, a stripped who suddenly thinks she's someone special! Is your name Moll Flanders? Guess what honey, you're famous for dropping your drawers for a guy with money, just like, a street walking, man-milk-guzzling, mattress-backed street whore. The celebrity attorney in this case is nothing more than a pimp. Could it be pimp-ette? Okay, for sake of argument, she's a media whore, thrown in with the other whores.

Let's set the record straight. Wandering eyes-forgivable. Went to the strip club-forgivable. A little fellatio in the limo after a night out drinking by a girl dealing them out with no one special in particular-forgivable. Hey, what's okay for the president is okay for Tiger...but dip your junk into another woman-unforgivable! That's right! I say ONE affair is unforgivable, so I won't even entertain the severity of two slutty strumpet six-packs. At least twelve tarts-a- laying...come on fellas, golf or no golf, he swore to everyone, in church, to God that he would honor his wife and forsake all others, and he didn't do it.

GRETA's upset with him. That's good, she's credible and has righteous anger. I won't go into my aversion to her cosmetic surgery. GAWKER says he needs her more than she needs him. I say yes and no. While he is clearly the mental midget in the relationship and far weaker from a moral fiber perspective, the mere fact the issue is how much ass he's getting and how much of his vast fortune she would get indicates he can go down either route with equal ease. He can, however, count as a blessing the traumatic episode on Thanksgiving night. Without that, the booty count could have gone even higher, the public shame and embarrassment even more shocking. Hey, if he was caught in the sack with another woman, got one pregnant, or came home with a disease, this thing would be too sordid even for TMZ.

For men to forgive him so readily speaks to the weakness of men. The feminizing of our society speaks to the weakness of men. Just look at TV lately; shows like Millionaire Matchmaker" and the commercials during the Superbowl (a traditionally male event) bashing men at every turn. The new thing is to use men as sport, to emasculate them, to show them wearing clown shoes.

For women to give us our rightful place in life, we can't forcefully take it, we can't scream about it, and we can't bow-down or bend-over for women. We have to show them by the strength of our morality and our integrity that we're solid, steadfast, and serious about our convictions. Such conduct tells women we are strong yet gentlemanly, strong yet caring, and both respectful and deserving respect. Don't dismiss what Tiger did. If you do, when your woman cheats on you for having character of an imbecile, you can forget about that and about your self-respect at the same time. Let her cheat on's okay. Men will be the downfall of men, it seems.

There's an old saying "a thousand years can't replace a moment's lost integrity." It's true no matter if it's Kobe Bryant using words like "axkin," saying he's "wif" his wife (he was going for "with"), muttering "erf" instead of earth, or Tiger Woods speaking eloquently, be it ever so contrived and scripted. I say shame on both of them, and shame on Clinton too, and all the other cheaters that ask for forgiveness. Marriage is a zero-defect arrangement when it comes to laying down with other women, no matter how much money you have. Think of it as a one-round shotgun with the safety off and a hair trigger pointed at your head; you know it's loaded, and what will happen, so for your own safety and self-preservation you just don't mess with it. If you do, those that see your scattered mess of a head and say "what a dumb-shit, screw him, he was an ass anyway" about you should say the same if you get caught cheating.

Regardless of the outcome, it begs the question...if these guys weren't so famous, would the women have stayed with them? The feminist view should be that the wife should tell him to get lost, take the money and go home. It won't be. Especially not for that Matchmaker chick. They said nothing when Hillary stayed with Bill for political purposes. They told Monica Lewinsky "you go girl." They told Kobe's wife to stay for the money, and they'll probably tell Elin Woods to do the same. Then there's the issue of never, ever commenting when women step out on their husbands. Madonna makes a fool of herself with A-Rod and all they say on the View is "doesn't she look fabulous!" But I digress.

February 17, 2010

Victim of "Olympification."

Maybe it's Olympication, or Olymptrophy, or even Olympicitis?

This girl snowboarder doesn't win and they practically lampoon her for it. People win and people lose, but the emphasis on the fact Miss Jacobellis couldn't pull it off not only points to a press that has no dignity, but disregards the other competitors that raced that day. From what I read she wasn't even the favorite to win, so I say lay off her.

The real problem, yet again, is making certain sports Olympic events. I think some are chosen only to appeal to a certain audience, not because they deserve entry. Don't even get me started on the ridiculousness of professional athletes competing in what was ALWAYS intended to be a showcase of amateur athletes. Now they reach deep into obscure sports and make them Olympic events, and it's just idiotic.

I call it the olympification of sports, and I think part of the motivation for it is insecurity. Countries think winning Olympic events is helpful to their image, their national pride, and a salve for their bruised egos or ruffled feathers caused by perceived insignificance. The US sends their professional basketball players to stomp all over other countries, the world sends professional tennis players, even paying their expatriates to come back to the "motherland" and on and on.

Then comes the "x" factor. For years, people thinking ski jumping, curling, or biathlon were too slow and obscure to attract a TV audience thought some "X" game sports would make good entertainment so they brought in the snowboarders. Half-pipe...good. Snowboard jump...also good. Snowboard downhill? Eh, that's pushing it, but the snowboard cross is just reaching, grasping at straws. What's worse, the snowboarders that claim to be "counter-culture" or anti-establishment don't realize they sold-out in order to get on TV. Yep. Sorry kids, when what's-his-name spins-up a controversy about his nickname (the flying tomato), he's a sell-out. What was it I said about insecurity?

Think about it; if the games were really about sport, it would be all amateur and there wouldn't be so much emphasis placed on the by-country "medal count." There would not be such an effort for racers to put sponsor labels on their clothes for people to see, kick-off their ski's or snowboards so fast so they can hold them up for the camera, and the news would report who trained the hardest, won the most prior competitions, and then subsequently kicked ass instead of focusing on some one's misfortune or making someone considered pretty such a topic. Go ahead and make an issue out of some snowboarder wearing tight pants. I know! Make the females wear mini-skirts, big furry boots and hats! Now that's entertainment. Skin still sells where I come from, but faux fur only, please. Oh, and if you let professionals in, then some female luge racer that made her sled a bit too heavy can go ahead and race.

What's next for the winter games? Snowball fights as a metaphor for global armed conflict? Snowman building? the politically correct world of today, it would have to be "snow-person." After all, the feminizing of the world has to continue, right?

How about toboggan? I know, luge and skeleton are toboggan-on-steroids, but they don't really show it much on TV. Besides, you can enter in the degree of difficulty of spending some time in the lodge drinking before the event. THAT's how people really toboggan so why not give it a go? Why not snowboard moguls? Figure skating against an opponent dressed as your favorite cartoon character? Speed skating while carrying an enormous cup of coffee? (winner crosses the line the fastest with the most coffee remaining in the cup, sponsored by Starbucks). Downhill skiing while avoiding getting shot by a paintball. Snowboarders towed up the slope by snowmobiles and the snowboarders armed with wiffle-ball bats to use on the other boarders! Get to the top without your boarder and you lose! Run to the top of the slope from the bottom while being pursued by angry dogs. Now there's a nail-biter for you! How about the race to the ski area over slick, snow and ice-covered roads in order to beat the lift lines? Now there's reality TV for you!

If the Olympics keeps going in their current fashion, one day it will be NASCAR, MMA, snowboarding, paintball, golf...and figure skating. It's the "olympification" of the Olympic games. Go for the ratings, not the athletics. After all, who can explain the fact people actually watch golf on TV? Forget about the "human drama of athletic competition, people just want to see Sarapova play for the Russians. Make no mention of the fact she's an American. It all makes drag racing so much more attractive. Put it in the snow and it would be a great winter game.

February 15, 2010

Did you know???

In Spanish-speaking countries they don't have the option to "Press 2 for English?"

In predominantly Korean-speaking areas of our country, they don't do "press 2 for Korean," yet STILL do "press 2 for Spanish." Same with French, Italian, Armenian, Creole, and other areas of our country.

They even ask you if you want to continue in Spanish at ATM's on INDIAN RESERVATIONS! What the F---?

Do you know how silly it is to press a button to continue in English?

Do you know one of the only countries in the world to NOT declare a national language is the US? Political correctness = spineless leadership.

Do you know it's gotten so bad in Miami that foreigners working there chastise Americans that don't speak Spanish? Yep, it happened to Brainclogger at Sam's Club. That was lots of fun.

Do you know it's actually easier to speak English than Spanish? Yep. Try remembering all the verb tenses and masculine/feminine references in Spanish. It makes you freaking crazy! soy, son, somos, es, esta, este, estan, estamos, arggh! La cabeza de Brainclogger es por todas partes. (Brainclogger's head is everywhere)

All this makes me there English Braille and Spanish Braille, or is it just Braille?

Hollywood, Dollywood, or Bollywood?

Three "woods." and only one really gives me any.

Hollywood is full of fakes, frauds, wanna-be's, bloviating liberal jackasses, drug addicts, broken hearts, broken dreams, the "beautiful" people (remember, beauty is only skin deep, but ugly goes to the bone), distorted reality, misplaced priority, the phony famous and the pretend royalty. Ouch...harsh, but true. Look at what they consider entertainment. We've gone so far down into the moral sewer we watch shows about "celebrity" drug addicts at their worst, wealthy "housewives" famous for bad behavior, the new form of the dating game that comes with cash and a little nudity (bachelor/bachelorette), mental midgets with far too many offspring behaving badly, the search for yet another unnecessary "idol" (what is it they say about false idols?), hairdresser competitions, the search for another anorexic uneducated female mannequin and other such television that just sucks the brain out of your head.

Maybe it's because people pay Hollywood types so much unnecessary attention. Yes, Megan Fox is a real nice piece of ass, albeit a child, but from what I hear, she's also a snotty, immature, conceited pain in the ass. Johnny Depp wears a Che Guevara pendant. Does he understand Che was a jailer responsible for the murder of nearly 15,000 people and wildly racist? Does he know Che said every man, woman, and child in America should be exterminated and blacks live a frivolous life of drunkenness? Nice hero Johnny picked. Dipshit. Sexy and stupid...I thought Hollywood only liked women that way? That comment should piss someone off.

Don't worry, Hollywood won't change. The people that like the status quo are in charge. No wonder Brainclogger can't get his little mystery novel represented by anyone with balls enough to take on someone new...but I digress.

Dollywood is full of fakes, frauds, wanna-be's, etc., etc., but at least you can get a beer there and they have rides that can't give you herpes like in Hollywood. (get it?) Truth be told, whatever they're injecting into Dolly's hide to preserve her, send me a case or two! She's still cute. Of course, no one believes those breasts wouldn't reach for the floor unless augmented to do otherwise. You can't really call them fake though, since they're covered in real skin. Also, Dollywood can probably get away with using the term "Hoe-Down" since they're in the country, something you could never do in Hollywood. The meaning is entirely different.

Then comes Bollywood. Wow. I look at the pictures of the actresses and have to just sit and stare. Smoking hot. They look conspicuously natural. I don't see "over-the-top breast implants, tramp-stamp tattoos or Asian writing that probably says "hey, I'm a whore" instead of something spiritual like the girls think they do. Hopefully tattoo artists have a sense of humor. I don't see wild hair colors or women so obsessed with their bodies they start to look like men. It's not trashy, tacky, or fake to the naked eye. All the men look regal, intelligent, and interesting. Maybe it's just the great hair, I don't know.

Hollywood can learn a lot from Bollywood, and hopefully the latter doesn't aspire to become the former. Please don't.