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March 18, 2006

Man Severs Own Penis, Throw it at Officers

Catch! Watch my change-up! Whoop!

Question: If you cut off your nose to spite your face, what does cutting off the "one-eyed monster" do? Answer: It proves you're a freakin psychopath! Nutcase. Whack job. Looney Tune. Knucklehead. "It's a bit drastic" is definitely an understatement.

Now this makes men squirm just thinking about it. What's up with that? Well, not his Johnson, I guess. So what gives? Was it being impudent? Talking back to him? Being uncooperative? Nagging him to use it on an actual girl once in a while? Did it have a hair-trigger problem that he found embarassing? Or did he finally realize it was his one true friend?

So he cut it off because of problems with his girlfriend in...Poland... That was probably after he broke up with his girl from Canada, and the one before that from Denmark...and all the other imaginary girlfriend's he's had. He probably turned queer, regrets it, and has to "exercise the demon."

Cops have glamorous jobs too, don't they? Nothing like having to fight a crazy naked guy who has a bunch of knives, is bleeding like hell and just cut off his own wanker.

So they sew it back on? Is it straight? It better be or he's the proud owner of a boomerang with the ability to pee around a corner.

Of course, if you just cut off Captain Winky, you're koo-koo for Cocoa Puffs...

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