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March 4, 2006

Here's another problem with us...

The "Stars" are to arrive at the Oscars in "Green Cars."

Oh my god! Where do I start on this one?

alright. Here goes... We call them stars and "VIP's" when all they do is pretend to be someone else for a living and get paid obscene amounts of money to do it. It's a lifestyle that's absolutely worthless to humanity. The kind of people who have "entourages," and while they protest against things like guns, their bodyguards are close by fully strapped.

They push agendas and ideals on us by using mass media and expect for all of us to take it. Well, I don't. I don't think a movie about gay sheep herders is what the entire country wants to see. I don't agree with rich-person politics of "listen to me bitch and snivel because I'm important," and I wish they'd either do what they say they will do, or just shut the fuck up. I know of at least three actors who said they would split if GW Bush won re-election, and they're still here running their mouths.

Have you seen the size of these people's houses? Wow! How much does it take to heat or cool those things? How much land was dug up or trees cut down? You're so green you own ten other cars that get really bad gas mileage, but as a stunt, you go to the Oscars in a "green" vehicle. Do you people know what "hypocrite" means?

Why do we care about the Oscars anyway? Answer: because we're so starved for bullshit entertainment in the US, we'd watch George Clooney taking a shit if it came on the tube. The "Oscars" is a party thrown by Hollywood, where Hollywood comes and kisses Hollywood's ass for how great Hollywood is. Then everyone worries about the dresses the women wear, and who is going to what after-party. It's almost like the prom but doesn't suck as bad.

"George Clooney takes time from his yacht in Italy to ride in a hybrid Lexus" sounds a bit more truthful. "Brokeback actor Gyllenhaal takes time from riding the baloney pony and trying to convince himself he took the right part to take a bio-diesel burning truck to the Oscars" makes some sense. Maybe "More people hope Crash gets into a crash than comes to the Oscars in a hybrid" is more honest than the article's version.

One thing is true. They tell the truth when they say "people are flocking to them" in reference to alternative fuel vehicles. Since Hollywood types are "stars" and VIP's," they're not included in that group. When will Paris Hilton tell us how "green" she is?

Believing that anything they do is honest and genuine is like trying to convince yourself that a pig doesn't eat a lot of crap.

Big Duke Heads to The Slammer

This guy's an ass. Is anyone surprised? I don't think so.

We expect politicians to be corrupt. We're not surprised when they turn criminal. We do that to them. We also pick people who have the media talent to win, calling them "electable." That name goes to mostly rich, pampered people who are about as informed about the real world as a Barbie or Ken doll. Want proof? Just look at the Hollywood idiots they hang out with.

We created an atmosphere of royalty where the elected officials think we serve them. The truth is...we do. After all, how does someone drive drunk with a woman in the car that is not your wife, drive into the water, leave the scene, allow the woman to drown, lies about it, and still get to be a Senator? Answer: because we allow political "dynasties" in this country where daddy can buy you elections and get you out of trouble.

Look how they're treated. Look at their ridiculous retirement pension for working a mere six years. Military people have to work 20 years or nothing. Anything less, and no pension...not even if it's one day less.

They get to vote for their own pay raises. What could be more wrong? We let lobbyists run freely through Washington with money practically falling out of their pockets as they go. We let people stay in office forever, while the president has a term limit. Why should Kerry and Kennedy, or Lott and DeLay be allowed to create their own little kingdoms? This very thing leads to vice and graft.

This Cunningham dipshit isn't the only politician that thinks he's above the law. He's just the latest one that got caught. I bet if we started an investigation into corrupt politicians, we'd uncover all kinds of things.

Personally, I'm glad he's going to the Pokey. Maybe we should call him "Colonel Clink?" I'd like to send a bunch more with him. Others I'd just like to give a good old-fashioned Jersey ass-kicking.

March 1, 2006

Congress finally admits they are more important than American Soldiers

Body armor for soldiers? It makes a great issue to beat-up the president with, but when it comes to getting the body armor to the troops, Congressmen today said "who gives a shit."

Aparrently lobbyists and power politics are more important, no matter how many soldiers die.


Marines to deploy troubled Osprey aircraft

I'm not flying in it. No Sir.

This thing looks like it went the same way the Bradley was developed. Once they spent enough money on it to realize it was a piece of crap, they also realized they spent too much money to cancel it, regardless of how many people it killed.

A couple of politician's jobs also hung on this project, so what do you think happened? Suddenly the Defense Department said how great it was and bought it, although everyone knows the evaluation program was rigged.

I wonder what will happen the first time one crashes?

The ACLU hates your rights...and you...

So the guy building Ave Maria University in Florida wants to make the town strictly Catholic and the ACLU scum lawyer down there doesn't like it, and is already talking lawsuit. I wonder if he would be bitching if it was a town full of gays, convicts, pedophiles, Muslims, or blacks?

Ever been to Utah there, Mr. Simon (the lawyer in question)? Mormons live the way Mormons are told to live, and if you don't want to comply, then don't live there. Wow! What a concept! If you don't like it, then don't live there. Were you planning to buy property at Ave Maria? Change your plans.

So is it just Christians you hate, or Catholics specifically? Why don't they have the right to do what they want, just like the other groups you stump for? Isn't it politically correct enough for you?

Are they discriminating against some pornographer you have as a client? Did the gay groups feel threatened? Hey! They take over South Beach and other prime real estate and no one whines about it, so if they're griping about this one, tell them to shut the f---k up. They weren't moving into Immokalee anyway.

So some liberal anti-Catholic lobbyist gets a say here? Blame the liberal press on that one. The fact some lesbian in D.C. doesn't like their bans on abortion and birth control is her right, but remember that other people have rights equal to hers. She says it's "un-American," saying it'll be a township that will want to restrict the rights of it's citizens. No such thing. They are trying to attract like-minded people who want to live in a place guided by certain principles. Not only is that a refreshing idea, but I think they'll have no problem selling all the real estate.

But then again, why am I thinking of Waco Texas, and the movie "The Village?"

Civil war looms with 68 killed in Baghdad

No it doesn't.

These people have been murdering each other since the dawn of time. This is the"cradle of civilization" remember. Of course, it's not all that civilized, is it?

The people there are also smart enough to understand that "piece-of-shit" insurgent terrorists are trying to start a civil war by alternating which religious sect they kill.

They're not smart enough, however, to realize they've been duped by Osama Bin Laden. These disaffected, angry, poor Muslims who are striking out against the west because the evil capitalists are to blame, fail to realize that Bin Laden himself was once a rich capitalist, and all his money comes from his parents, who are about the richest land developers in Saudi Arabia. That's right, they're following a spoiled rich kid.

Sheik that!

Carol City Custard Caper

So the music finally made someone snap? I know how that feels. Every time I hear rap music, I just want to "bust some caps." Isn't that what I'm supposed to do? After all, isn't a jailhouse rapper more respected than a college graduate? Maybe I'll change my name to "x-Fitty = Fitty cent." It's not just a name, but an algebra problem (x-50 =50). Apparently the terms "Fifty" and the plural "cents" are either unacceptable, or not pronounceable.

So what kind of ice cream was that? An ice cream man selling "scoops" in Carol City at night? That's a bit suspicious. By any chance was his name Tony Montana? Was it "Cocaine Custard, Peruvian Nose Candy, Colombian Marching Powder," or some other reference to drugs I heard from Miami Vice? Was he selling "eight balls" instead of Snowballs? Does this give an entirely new meaning to the term "want some sprinkles on that?" Miami "Ice." Now there's a good name for some snow cone-looking dope.

So what made the guy shoot? Did he want a Rocket Pop and all the ice cream man had were Creamsickles? I know Rocket Pops are good, but not something to drill the dude over.

Did the ice cream man not come across with enough dough? Is there a minimum you have to give some assclown in order to not get shot? "Sorry Sir, you've not met the minimum cover charge...Boom!"

Maybe the ice cream truck was a sweet machine? Lowered, chromed-out, with a new motor pushing out 500 horsepower; all leather inside, disco ball in the back? Someone in Miami getting shot over a set of "spinners" is no big shock. What's the rule now? Rims are supposed to be at least double the value of the car?

Was the ice cream man "playing popsicle" with the robber's wife? After all, he was the fudgesicle guy. ...graphic, eh? Be glad I didn't say corndog...

It's probably not any of these things. It was most likely just some typical piece-of-crap thief who decided he didn't need a job and that shooting and robbing people and destroying other people's families was the best way to go. Obviously he's too stupid to realize while he thinks he's so poor and desperate he needs to steal, or he's an addict and has to get money, he spent money on a gun and ammo. Maybe he should spend it on something else?

I have the solution. He can just sell the gun and buy some food, or use the gun...on himself. The latter is actually preferable.

February 28, 2006

Plan to save the lottery winners

In a surprising revelation today, governors from four southern states announced a plan to save the lottery winners...from themselves...their own ignorance...their own ignorant relatives...and all the lawyers and vultures that inevitably follow.

It's not a bad idea, although I made it up. Take Florida for example. It seems the lottery winners have an average life expectancy of two years or less after winning. I contend that we need an age limit and the rules for playing the lottery in the first place. No people on fixed incomes...we know how gambling can make people crazy. No retirees, no welfare or public assistance recipients...hey, you people apparently already won the lottery!

You heard me, no retirees. If a retiree feels the need to play the lottery in order to improve his or her standard of living, maybe they shouldn't have retired in the first place. I have the answer...get a job.

Money makes people nutty. People turn on each other, so maybe we really should do things differently. Hey! How about an I.Q test? Score below a high school level and you're required to take the annuity payments. No lump sum for you there, pal, there's no future brain surgeon in your family.

Maybe use dental exams? If you're missing more than two teeth, then it's the automatic payments for you too. We have to protect the inbred, back-woods white trash from not only themselves, but the rest of the Budweiser-swilling residents of their trailer park.

No fat people. If you can't even see your private parts, how can you be expected to handle big money? Blowing millions of dollars at Burger King would just be stupid.

Nobody that can't "abla." At least learn to say thanks in english before La Migra comes.

Legal residents only. I can see what would happen if an illegal alien won the lottery. The shit storm would be epic.

Venezuela expands controversial US fuel sales

Wow! The stories about Venezuela just keep coming, and considering the people involved, you could fill-up an entire "Ship of Fools" on this one. A whole heap of thoughts come to mind.

-We're spending billions in an oil country on their freedom, while we diminish our own freedoms at home. We also would never take oil from Iraq since the increased supply would lower the prices here and thus the profits for the oil companies and all the politicians they "grease."

-We have people who can't afford to buy heating oil because our government lets the oil companies make record profits. That's just freaking stupid. Profit from misery...the American way.

-I got it! If they can't afford the heating oil, help them buy the house! What? Yes, this is actually our government's attitude. Are you people serious or just seriously misguided? Sometimes rich people suck. Well...most times.

-If Representative Barton is wondering if this is part of a hostile government's belligerent policy toward us, I have to ask if the fact it's happening on our own soil concerns him?

-Politicians are wondering if this is a political stunt. Ya think? How long did it take you to figure that out, Mr. Whitfield? Or should I call you Einstein? By the way...the current administration doesn't need any help looking like fools. You however, need me to point out the obvious. Read on...

-Can't politicians see the obvious? If you wonder if this is political, liberal, anti-republican, designed to embarrass people, just look at the picture and you'll realize there's a Kennedy involved!!! I wonder if he's getting anything under the table? Teddy probably is. Wealthy hypocrite liberals dealing with communists in order to sling mud on the republicans? Say it isn't so! By the you see any republican states taking that oil?

-Political stunt or not, it got poor people heating oil.

-Why does some religious knucklehead (or group of knuckleheads) from an oil state think the best way to help these poor people is to boycott the Venezuelan State Oil Company Citgo...the same people that give us 15% of our oil. Yep, religious compassion in action. After this, I have some baseball bats so you can fix that little homeless problem.

-Does it bother anyone that a communist country in South America considers our country in need of "humanitarian assistance?" It bothers me.

-When will our politicians realize they've sold us all out to the oil companies? They decided profits for themselves and the oil companies are more important than our own citizens. What makes it worse is, in the very next breath they contradict themselves by bending over for China.

The press calls it a "spat" between Chavez and President Bush. Why do we expect a street kid and a rich kid can get along? When will someone around here realize the "rich" United States is running on credit, spending the kids college money, and the poor Venezuela has us by the cajones?

-Where did the sense of shame go? We lost our pride long ago...

Sheehan, Chavez join to bash Bush, Iraq war

Yuck. Eek! Burr! Cringe! Gag! So many emotions come over me when I look at this woman, all of them like feeling the sensation of eating dog crap during a horror movie while sitting naked on a frozen lake realizing my male-parts are stuck to the ice and remembering I just ate the doggy doo. How's that for a picture, eh?

Cindy needs a reality check. Chavez may need a Tetanus shot.

Hey Cindy! What you fail to realize is when you protest our country while inside the country, it's covered by your right to protest. When you leave it and go to one where the communist dictator swears to overthrow our country, then you bad-mouth our president, it's no longer your's called subversion.

Hey Chavez! If Harry Belafonte and Cindy Sheehan are the best you can do, then maybe you are second-rate. What were you thinking? If you're having that much trouble finding some pooty, just go down the street and drop some cash. Even prisoners cringe when they see that broad! You may just be going blind...

Oddly enough, when Mr. Chavez calls the United States an "Imperialistic Empire," he's only partly correct. Sure, our country extends its power and influence all over the place, but where we fail is in extending our territories. We just don't take enough shit over. As for Chavez mentioning Panama, we gave all that up at our own expense and to our own peril. Thanks President Carter...nothing but love for you.

Have we acted like bullies to our neighbors? Sure we have. Do we pick-and-choose who we act nice to based on an ever convoluted set of standards? Of course we do. Can we put down the drama and nonsense and have a rational discourse with other heads of state? Yes...we can.

It's simple. When you kick dirt on your neighbors and bully them all the time, they go find other friends. That's life. For all the silver-spoon politicians out there, that's called the law of the playground. When they find other friends that you may also not like, don't be surprised when they gang up on you. Why do we act so surprised Chavez talks to Castro? Why wouldn't he? Oh, and our blue-blooded politicians shouldn't even try to understand a street kid like Chavez. Ask for help with that one. You know, I think for once, maybe we can try to be the adult influence in this relationship.

However, Mr. Chavez' hanging out with Cindy Sheehan just makes him look like a desperate fool. Any self-respecting macho Latin guy wouldn't touch her with a 10-foot pole. You better be planning a "hit-and-run" only there, Spanky. If that's your taste in chicks, every woman in Venezuela can relax and know they're safe. Oh, and stop talking about "pitching your tent." ...Sinner.

Mr Chavez, your Latin "coolness" just took a big hit. Send that Yankees jersey back immediately! I know mid-life may be tough on some people, but Jeez! Your "mid-life crisis car" better not be a Volkswagen Beetle. What's next? Is that a Viagra bottle on your desk?

I think we created Chavez, and now we treat him like the crazy cousin no one invites for Thanksgiving dinner. Problem is, where oil is concerned, it's like Chavez is supplying the turkey.

February 27, 2006

...another thought

If people think they have it hard, just remember there are people getting shot-at and bombed in order for them to have another shitty day.

If you think you have it hard, just listen to the Jimmy Buffet song "Lucky Stars," from the CD "Beach House on the Moon."

Some thoughts for the day...

-do I still hate Mondays when every day over here is the same? Maybe every day is a Monday?

-People with "designer dogs" need designer ass-kickings.

-Why does it take 12 weeks to get in shape, but only one to get out of it?

-Why do I have to give a person in Kuwait a memo saying I'm in Kuwait when I'm standing in front of that Kuwait?

-Is my hairline receding or my forehead just getting bigger?

-Stress makes me grind my teeth at night, and need to use a tooth-guard. If I worked out in my dreams, would I wake up all pumped-up?

-Why is it that in the Middle East, the men are the focus outside the house, and the women are the focus inside the house, while in our country, the women want to be the focus outside the house, and the focus inside the house?

-Why does wearing a pair of men's thong underwear (be very afraid) make me think of my wife in her thongs?

-why is surfer speak the same as skier speak?

-Why is it, if you join PETA, a group that has perpetrated known terrorist acts and believes they can assault you and destroy your property as their right to protest, you're courageous and humane, but if you join the National Rifle Association, you're an extremist and a villain?

-I don't think I can take another day of veal yeagerschnitzel, dried fish, and beef jerky-flavored pot roast/roast beef/country ham...the last three being the same meat.

-why have people been saying the phrase "that's hot" for fifty years but some 24 year-old rich-girl slut gets the credit?

-Why do we drive on the parkway and park in a driveway?

-62 days until they let me out of hell.

-Why do I wake up with songs playing in my head that I haven't heard in months?

-Should I expect the Indian cooks, supervised by the Filipino's, supplied by the Kuwaiti distributor, and paid by the Saudi contractor to really know how to make spaghetti?

-Why do foreigners understand Coke "Lite" but not not "Diet" Coke?

-Even in the Middle East, a tissue is a "Kleenex."

-Why do you only see speed skating and bobsledding at Olympic time? If no one cares any other time, why would we want to see it in the Olympics?

-Why do gay people have all the best real estate?

-Try as I may, I still don't give a crap about Natalee Halloway.

-Why are people the most interested in people with the most meaningless lives?

-Women's boxing? I still don't get it. Maybe if they called it "Lesbo Boxing" I would? Am I supposed to find women who want to beat-up other women in bloodsports attractive? No thanks.

Democrats seek probe of NSA eavesdropping

In a startling revelation, senior Democratic officials in Washington admitted they actually are partisan, obstructionist, without a clue as to how to govern our country, and just wanted to blow smoke up people's asses instead of actually doing something productive.

When asked for comment, Senator Worthless Democrat responded "we're just so tired of the Republicans telling us President Clinton did it that we finally decided to admit we were just being difficult and partisan while enforcing the double standard. Who do you think came up with the expression 'damned if you do, damned if you don't?' in the first place?"

Stunned by this apparent display of honesty, Congressional Republicans were dumbstruck, but wondered what was the "catch?" Senator Good-old Boy Republican responded "those democrats are sneaky critters and normally as worthless as bird-shit on a pump-handle, so when they pull a stunt like actually telling the truth, you have to wonder what they're up to."

The antics between the opposite sides of our government are like watching old Looney Toons cartoons, with both parties taking turns being the road runner and the coyote.

Where's Underdog when you need him?

Hillary gets a Bullshit Flag!!!

So she's so upset about the ports deal she had to go to Florida to talk about it? That's pretty stupid since she's a Senator from New York. Or is she? Wasn't she a resident of Arkansas?

Why wasn't she down at the Port of New York?

-One reason is she is a politician escaping the February weather.

-Another is she wanted to say she wouldn't stand for a foreign company running the ports, but be far enough away from the New York area when she said it. After all, a foreign company already runs the Port of New York! Talk about a lying politician!

-She's also stumping for a run for the presidency while all the liberal news agencies are doing their best to convince the American people they're ready for a female president. Look at this poll. Look at that poll. It's all B-S too.

She can say what she long as she makes it snappy. I'm coming back from the Middle East in a couple months and don't want her to scare the fish away. Apparently they can sense evil.

Venezuela flight ban will have some impact on South Florida...

...and make me rant...

Okay everyone, let's all try and get along. We can be adults about American-Venezuelan relations one of these days, right?

Truth is, American relations with Venezuela is one of (quite a few) areas where I have to say the U.S. is failing. It makes me wonder if any of the politicians involved ever had to share a playpen with other kids, or actually played on the playground instead of sitting by themselves and watching the other kids.

What the Secretary of State meant to say was Chavez was a threat, not Venezuela. If Venezuela really took ten years to react to something the American government did, that's weak. However, I have a feeling it's something else or this would get more play on the news.

I think Chavez is just waiting for our country to be good to him. Doesn't anyone else see him wearing his Yankees jersey? Hello? So when did we make the rule that we show respect to every other macho Latin guy in charge of something except Hugo Chavez?

How many other Latin countries are we going to piss on before it bites us on the ass? Marxism and Socialism are spreading like wildfire in South America and no one seems too concerned. We'll take Venezuelan oil but we won't show respect to the leader of the country? Is the United States being disingenuous?

Personally, I don't like how American politicians decide who to be nice to and what "face" to show to each country. I want a say in that process. There are far too many people in our government with their own agendas and who don't consider the good and will of all Americans as a primary concern. People say you're either part of the solution or part of the problem. I think in this case, we are the problem. Chavez has something we can't live without, but we feel it's okay to treat him like we do. I'm sorry to say, but our oil dependence makes us weak, and in many cases, forces us to kiss ass and turn our heads to things we really shouldn't.

Why doesn't Chavez get the same treatment we give the Saudi's? We're all puckered-up for people from the Middle East but we crap all over people from our own hemisphere. We spend billions of dollars on bringing peace and democracy to countries in the Middle East that don't even want it, while we pay no attention to our own back yard. That's just not very smart.

On a side note, when do we give our Spanish-speaking citizens their due (wow, that's another issue)? I'm not one of them, but I know bullshit when I see it. We're also too focused on Cuba, and our bullshit wet foot/dry foot policy gets people killed and makes us look stupid (like we need any help with that one).

The way our country selectively chooses its friends and applies our foreign policy really makes me mad sometimes.

Now that should piss someone off...