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July 7, 2018

Schadenfreude and the Current #Uber Shitshow

So there I am, having early morning coffee, and on comes a new Uber TV commercial. (The link is from May and there's been some head-rolling since then) They're funny. And sad. "We have to be better citizens." We have to do things better" "We're re-inventing ourselves." Yeah. Sure you are. Like Wells Fargo said they were doing. Then had to say it again when more crap hit the fan. Right? Waving the bullshit flag. This bad juju and stepping on your air hose at Uber just keeps going and going. It comes down to computer geeks who read a copy of Fortune and let it go to  their head. They let a company get too big, too fast, try to do too many things at once, not perfecting "first things first," and not do that old standby, "keeping the main thing, the main thing." Okay, cliche' time is over. Did you figure out that tech weenies might not be leaders? Did you finally make the connection between people with anger control issues and negative perception of the people in charge? Will the self-driving car sexually assault people too? Realizing you need to know who's behind the wheel was a hard lesson, eh? Seems that should have been the easy one. It's the typical, American, in a hurry "let's implement number three before we have one and two figured out." It doesn't work. It never works. Well, unless you're Jeff Bezos, but that's a different animal entirely. So I'm at least getting some amusement out of all this. Schadenfreude- deriving pleasure from someone else's misfortune. Yep, that about sums it up.

Lunatic Fringe, I Know You're Out There!

In another music-themed entry involving crazy liberals, the lunatic in question is obviously off her meds. Or maybe she's over-medicating from the bottle of vodka she substitutes for water. Typical democrat, more concerned with the "rights" of those who break the law as their first act upon illegally entering this country than the safety, security, and prosperity of those of us either citizens or here legally. She's nuts. It's glaringly obvious. Both oars don't touch the water. Elevator doesn't go all the way up. A few donuts short of a dozen. All that and more. Also the one that dozes-off at State of the Union addresses and vilifies other democrats less-crazy than herself (with the rest of the lunatic fringe's approval). I see her reaching for the marbles in her pocket like "Captain Queeg" in The Caine Mutiny. Paranoid, delusional, the whole bit. Only Bogie did it better. It's pathetic how Nancy bothers herself with illegals more so than addressing why 22 veterans commit suicide every day (one every 65 minutes). She never served. The most likely reason? Never had the mental or physical toughness or the moral courage or character. It wasn't something her husband's money could buy for her. The song "Lunatic Fringe" by Red Rider fits ironically well into this issue, especially considering the culprit.

Lunatic fringe
I know you're out there
You're in hiding
And you hold your meetings
I can hear you coming
I know what you're after
We're wise to you this time (wise to you this time)
We won't let you kill the laughter

Lunatic fringe
In the twilight's last gleaming
But this is open season
But you won't get too far
'Cause you've got to blame someone
For your own confusion
We're on guard this time (on guard this time)
Against your final solution

We can hear you coming (we can hear you coming)

The Day...the Fitness...Died...

"Bye, Bye Miss American Pie, You're So Freaking Heavy That The Buddha Would Cry, You Think 4XL Stretchy Pants Hide All The Donuts and Pie, You Suntan and We All Wonder Why? You Suntan and We All Wonder Why?"  So I go out to the beach this morning in my post-insomnia daze to get some air and stretch my legs, fishing rod in-hand (just in case). No breakfast, trying to cut down a bit with just a little protein powder on-board, I feel a slight twinge of empty stomach churn as I pass a couple "walk of shamers" coming the other way. I hear the familiar slap of my bare feet on the wooden ramp leading to the beach and pick up the scent of salt air and dry seaweed. Walking out on the sand, I'm suddenly struck with a sense of horror! It's a mass marine mammal stranding! But wait! Whales can't walk upright. What? Whales can't sit up like Buddha slathering sunblock on large-curd cottage cheese thighs and bingo-winged appendages. What gives? I walk carefully, slowly, so not to alarm the wildlife. One beached creature is laying with it's tail fins in the water. I peer out into the early morning Gulf of Mexico, hoping to see the rescue boats coming to throw lines around these things tails and drag them back out to sea. Help them!  Help them! I silently plead in vain. Then I hear a crunch! A sick, nauseating crunch! I turn and to my amazement, one of them is holding a giant-sized bag of potato chips and voraciously stuffing them into it's gaping mouth like it's the last meal they'll ever get and they've stopped making original Lays! I'm aghast! Gobsmacked! Frozen in disbelief and disgust. Arrrgh. Brrrr. Yikes! Eeek! OMG!!! WTF... How have people gotten so fat? Do we blame it on leggings big enough to put on a hippo? Walmart swimsuits in sizes 2XL, 4XL, and Volkswagen? Do we blame it on TV shows with 400-pound women both pre and post heart attack, tragically proclaiming how good their lives are? Bullshit flag. You can tell they're lying. The "bleeding heart channel" put them up to it. It can't be that good if the term "morbidly obese" would describe someone half that size. Chips? What? Stuffing chips (crisps to my European friends) in your craw like you're starving at 8:30 in the morning? At a minimum 200 pounds overweight and stuffing chips? Ever hear of a salad? How about an apple? I'm no fitness model, but what the f---?  Seriously? Now don't give me your diagnosis of the mental pathology. Save it. Spare me. It's gluttony. Overindulgence. Nothing more. Gourmandism. Reprehensible overeating. Why not just stop using your hands entirely and bury your face in whatever you're eating. How about some restraint? Get rid of the fun-house mirror you obviously have in your house that says you're thin and those legging are "working for you." They're not. Or have a welcoming party for all the medical ailments, the stroke and heart attack that will eventually come your way. This morning, it might just be the day the very idea of fitness died. Don't worry though, for every person out their struck queasy by the sight of the beached whales (both male and female), there is somebody screwed-up enough to look at that person in their Volkswagen swimwear and say "yeah, I'd do that," which is another conversation entirely.

Abolish ICE? How about Abolish Democrats and take your Subversion With You...

How about taking your drink straight up? In the Middle East, they ask if you want your water "still" or "sparkling," but never include ICE. $300 dollar scotch never gets ICE. Drinking something while standing in front of the open refrigerator never gets ICE. And liberal democrats don't get it either. It's the mother of all bad ideas. To abolish the organization that battles #illegal immigration, #terrorists infiltrating across the border, #illegal gangs coming into the country, and #drugs like #heroin and #fentanyl coming in is just lunacy. Then again, people like #Elizabeth Warren, #Kamala Harris, and #Kirsten Gillibrand are lunatics. They're obviously just trying to get their faces in the news, albeit for an incredibly asinine reason. I can't help to think this just helps the GOP and law-and-order democratic citizens pull off another big win come election day. We spend billions of dollars a year to protect the borders of other countries, yet these morons think we should give away our sovereignty and our safety for some deluded idea of morality. I say no. Vote out these knuckleheads and get people who live on this planet in their seats. They're not doing this on moral grounds. Do you really think plastic woman #Nancy Pelosi is worried about that? No. They just want to illegally make more democrats. Their party is lacking leadership, those at the wheel are driving off the cliff, the rest are following these miscreants like lemmings, and this is their best, worst idea. It appears lefties are taking their drinks no ICE, straight up. A lot of them. Booze mixed with the democrat bathwater.

July 3, 2018

I Know a Guy

I know a guy that has nine kids. Wait, need for exclamation points!!! Yep, nine, four from his first marriage, four step-kids from the second wife, and a new one from the both of them. I know a guy that works like an animal dawn to dusk, then goes home to the big family. They live in a modest house they rent, but no one goes wanting. I know a guy that other people might look down their noses at, thinking he's some sort of white trash. I also know a guy that has an 840 credit score. Guess what...SAME GUY!" Yep, his shit is definitely together. He may not look like most people's idea of upper-middle class, but fuck those people, those pretentious judgmental douche-bags. When he goes by in his new boat, all those people might think he's one of them. I know a guy, gold Rolex. Real estate guy. You know the type. A hint of some fake blue-blood accent, fuchsia color shorts, red and white striped seersucker shirt. Big house, new car, wife all silicone and nip/tuck. You've seen it, face stuck in his phone at the restaurant, car dealer, in traffic, in the bathroom, boat shoes with no socks on a workday making it look like he's on top of the world.  And he's in hock up to his eyeballs. One false move, one accident, one unforeseen expenditure, one more uptick in his credit card percentage rate, and dude's tits-up. His credit rating is oddly still high. Lenders love someone leveraged to the max, but any moment, the sword of Damocles will fall. Bye bye private schools. See ya later long vacations. Trade the Mercedes for that Mitsu. Someone else is going by in your boat. Oddly though, ask someone who they would like to be, and they'd probably tell you guy number two. Not me. I'm just guy number one with a little different history and a bunch fewer kids. It changes the meanings of "Look out for number one," and "Don't be number two."

Ratship.Blogspot.Com is now

The blog is out from the shadows. Now you can find it, share it, comment on it, suggest future rants, articles, commentary, etc. I may as well apologize now. I may offend you. I might make you laugh. You may misinterpret sarcasm for anger or vitriol. There will be no sniveling. I'll tell it like it is, usually very bluntly. Sometimes it will be serious, but most times it will be tongue-in-cheek sarcastic wise-ass commentary intended to make you both think, and laugh. Hopefully you'll come to see my blog as a place with common sense truth-telling, waving the bullshit flag on people that deserve it, or giving someone credit where credit is due even if the mainstream media would rather shit on that person. Enjoy!

When Lies aren't Lies to Liars, or, "When Liars aren't Liars to Liars."

He "told viewers erroneously?" He "aired an erroneous Trump report?" Bullshit. He lied. Call it that. When will someone with any sort of balls say "he purposely lied so we fired him. He's a liberal puke jackass and he made us all look like idiots so he got shit-canned." The sniveling liberal media is a big fat problem in this country. When you sling mud on someone and stoke the flames of hate and discontent, you put ideas in people heads. They think they can talk however they please about the elected leader of our country. They spark the urge in the weak-minded democratic drones out there to take shots at conservatives at a baseball game, cry "resist" from the rooftops, urge their stupid followers to confront the opposition party when they're out with their spouses and children, and it all creates a world no one is very proud of or even wants to live in. Stop it. Enough! You assholes don't speak for anybody. Do you really think everyday people think like Maddow, Matthews, Hayes, Acosta, any of those dipshits on the View, or anyone at CNN? Do you really think ordinary Americans don't see the incredibly poisonous and completely unfair bias? Do you really believe that regular Americans believe Weiner, Abedeen, Clinton, Podesta, Comey, Lynch and all those various idiots are pure as the driven snow and Trump is to blame for everything from the Tide Pod challenge to rising Ocean levels? Sure. And Vince Foster really did die from two self-inflicted gunshots to the head!!!!  Go away Brian Ross. Don't let the door hit you in the ass.

July 2, 2018

Describing Who You Are...

I just noticed a spot on my page that says "Describe Who You Are." What the "firetruck" is FB thinking on that one? Someone needs a nut punch. Pull the pretentiousness bus over. It's the most aggravating form of question usually posed by fakers. Posers. The pseudo intellectual. The ones REM used to call the freaking "shiny, happy people." The question "who are you" ends more conversations than it starts...probably because it's closely associated with "who the hell do you think you are?" I hate people that try to sound smart. They know they aren't so they try to fake it. "So, tell me about yourself." "Well, I'm retired army: married to my Panamanian queen, I fish, sell boats, write novels that don't sell, rant online and am currently addicted to NETFLIX." "No, tell me about you." "What?" "Tell me something about the inner you." "WTF do you mean?" you ask, thinking don't ask me to open up, it's too soon. At this point you get the fake sincerity stare into your eyes, aiding the realization that behind those eyes is a tangled web of bad wiring and excrement. "Tell me about the real you" "What?" So now Springsteen's "Nebraska" starts playing in your head and you go for shock value. "Well, I have a strong desire to slit the throats of at least three people in the room, notice the fat one in the stretchy pants' butt looks as lumpy as a bag of clams, I always wear my underwear with the seams out, and right now, getting uncomfortable with this line of questioning I'm eyeing the door." "Oh, I didn't mean to make you uncomfortable." What? Of course you did you stupid skank." "Well I never" "Yeah, that's bullshit." "Well that's not productive?" "No, what's productive is getting my butt out of the DMV and going to the tackle shop." Bam! You thought I was going somewhere else with this, eh?
Why does Blogger Spell Check think "donut" is misspelled?

Amazing! A Rant from October 16, 2016 is Still Valid!!!

In yet another edition of "TODAY'S INDIFFERENCE WITH BRAINCLOGGER," I comment on the following: -Today is "National Coming Out Day" and if there is anything called "less-of-a-shit," that's what I'm giving on that topic. So what, you're gay. Well woop-dee-freaking-doo, keep your sexual orientation issues to yourself. I don't give a crap. -Obama wants to send people to Mars. Personally, I'd like to send Obama to way...and help the rest of his sycophantic personality cult pack to go with him. Too bad he gives more to NASA than to the vets that shed their blood keeping this boiling cauldron called America free enough for him to fuck it up some more. National debt...that's all I have to say, the shell game of running us into debt we can't recover from while blowing smoke up our butts and telling us how great everything is...when it's not. But I digress. Nancy O'Dell is saying she's the woman Trump was talking about in his now infamous "P-word" rant. First, this cosmetic surgery queen strikes me as someone that feels some sort of desire to stay in the spotlight. I mean, why would you put yourself in the middle of that shitstorm? Oh, and her assertion that "men's locker room talk" has no place in government is absurd. Women talk trash too. Come on, you know you do. Admit it. You'll feel better. Besides, Trump isn't some kind of southern gent or metro-sexual douche-bag. He's a product of New York City. Only PC boot-lickers, "P-word-whipped men" and the women who own them are truly surprised by the supposedly "offensive" banter. Well, maybe not the latter. Sorry, I'm not offended either. It's not offensive to me. Besides, the true sell-outs are already in government with names like Ryan, Reid, Pelosi, Cruz, Chafitz, Obama, and Schumer. What is offensive is how the news media lets Hillary get away with anything and everything and are in "cahoots" with the dems. I mean, when the debate moderator went to your wedding, you rigged the debate. When your husband goes on a plane to talk to the attorney general the Friday before you're supposed to get in deep shit over mishandling classified data, then you don't, you rigged the system. When you say you're pro-woman but get dough from Saudi and no one calls you on it, you rigged the media. When you sell US government uranium to the Russians, who pay your foundation (not the govt), then you say the Russians are working with Trump, then the news backs you up on the Trump thing and ignores the uranium are completely corrupt and so are they (I could go on forever). Yep, above the law. She could punch a baby in the face in Times Square on national TV and the press would give her a pass. Truly offensive things are crimes against children, XXX stretchy pants, lawyers, fat people who claim their donut habit is caused by "low blood sugar," people that push their religion on others, fishermen that don't catch and release, and the fact no one seems to remember "sticks and stones can break my bones but names will never hurt me." Arrghh.

So there you go...

Rant of The Day: "Selfies"

(rant of the day) I have a dream...a dream of snatching the phone out of the hand of every jackass that forces me to stop walking because they stopped in front of me to take a "selfie." Then I heave the phone as far as I can. Just the word itself makes me want to go ape shit. Selfie. Sounds more like masturbation than picture taking. Selfie... How about "keep it to your selfie, go f---' your selfie, kill your selfie, punch your selfie in the face!" It's made worse when you see roving packs of dudes that live in work camps here in the UAE wandering around the beachfront taking "selfies" and glamour shots of each other. It's creepy, made even more sad because you know they make about twenty bucks a day but have $300 cell teenagers. Half of these guys are wearing their man-scarves, which just makes it worse. A third of them remind me of Freddie Mercury. They hold hands with each other. I know it's a cultural thing but I'm from Jersey so knock it off. I'm amazed I don't drink here. Maybe I should.


I just heard the term "Duck Face" for the first time. Funny. Yeah, I know...where have I been, blah blah blah. It seems girls actually do make that face every time they take another vain selfie picture of themselves. Damn that Kim Kardashian. She isn't the first girl with big lips you know. However, some Duck Faces aren't that flattering. Stupid really. And vain. Take a picture of something else for once. Did you hear about this video camera that turns on when it sees you and tracks and records your every move. Orwell told us this would happen. Remember, they use the same sort of cameras in airports and prisons. People never realize how they give up their freedoms until they have none. They do it willingly, then try to blame others when it happens. As for me, I'm going fishing. See you out there.

From the Archive: The First Rant of 2017

Denial is an ugly thing. Obama denying he had any scandals during his 8 years is ugly. It makes him look stupid and cowardly. His people doing it for him only makes it worse. #EricHolder denying he was part of that is ugly. California hiring him to be anti-POTUS is worse. Libs everywhere in their denial to accept the election results are doing ugly shit everywhere. Obama too. Just go away already. #DonLemmon's disgusting version of denial is stating the four black kids that tortured the white kid in Chicago wasn't a hate crime. Yes it was. Lib denial makes them meekly report and "lib deny" the incident and sound as stupid as they obviously are. If roles were reversed, the mall protests in Chicago (they don't protest in the black neighborhoods there) would be in full swing and riot fires would be seen from space. Hypocracy is that other ugly thing. To a liberal, accepting reality must be as bad as denial or honesty. Libs actually love #Trump. He's the guy that lets them finally stop blaming GW Bush for everything, jump over all the libs in between and now blame everything on Trump. Would Killary be getting this much bullshit? I think not. To a lib she's Snow White when in fact she's the Evil Queen and the mirror fell off the wall and shattered into fifty-million sniveling, whining, where-is-my-stress-dog liberal pieces. I digress, so I circle back around and blame this on Obama and all his sycophantic drones. Let me be clear...if you relinquish your brain to the bathwater-drinking liberal cause, I don't care what your opinion is. I'm sick and tired of liberal bullshit. You don't sound smart. Your position makes no sense. What manner of excrement is in that cranium of yours? Fast and Furious was a scandal. Benghazi was a scandal. The beer summit thing was a scandal. Missing stimulus money is a scandal. Need I go on? This country has become so permissive to sniveling assholes that idiots like the four black kids in Chicago thought nothing of broadcasting torture and hate on Facebook. Can the internet actually make people more stupid? The "selfie generation," so insecure yet so bafflingly conceited they constantly take their own picture. How about a picture of you getting a job, helping out instead of wanting a hand-out? How about a selfie of a new set of balls, a backbone, or the ability to shut your mouth, accept reality, learn how our country actually works, and remember, some of us just suffered through 8 years of a complete disaster. #BruceSpringsteen? He went from the "Boss" to a complete douche. Shut up and sing Bruce. The fact money made you lose your friggin mind is a different issue. Nonsequitor yes, but so what. Oh, and if any lib reading this is so offended you want to reply, good, but don't bother. Like I said before, your delusional kool-aide drinking lib philosophy makes your argument ridiculous and your opinion nonsense. Obama said he had a phone and a pen, well I have a delete button and a middle finger. Cheers!