Search This Blog

March 11, 2010

Mexican becomes richest man in world. Subsequently erects border fence!

In a bizarre twist on isolationism, Mexican Carlos Slim, the richest man in the world (including the King of Bahrain and his solid silver car and 224-room house) threw up a border fence to keep more Americans from emigrating to his country. When asked for comment, he said "those damned gringos are becoming a strain on my country. There's no money here, why do they keep coming?" When asked if his riches would slow the flight of his countrymen to the "Great Satan" United States, he revealed his border fence will be like a raccoon can go through one way, but not come back out. Pressed for a reason why he would favor a fence that Mexicans can go through but not come back, he said "I have a G-5, what do I care? Besides, they'll get free health care there, so more money for me!"

Meanwhile, at his smallish 150 million-dollar home in Seattle, Bill Gates commented that Slim wouldn't be the richest man in the world if he indeed had to manufacture a product, saying "if I could just get those darned Malaysian kids to stop sleeping so much, we could get more work done. Two hours is good enough for any eight year-old."

Not to be outdone, after feeling a bit insecure, Warren Buffet sent an order to Boeing for a new 747 to add to his collection of private aircraft. His new mantra is apparently "my bizjet is bigger than his bizjet."

Cory Haim was enabled all the way into the ground.

What the f---k is an "addictionologist?" Whay are people in Hollywood of the opinion that doing less drugs is a sign of recovery? Drugs are drugs, and you're either addicted, or you're not.

He was an addict in a downward spiral, and it doesn't take a genius to know that.

He was a washed-up child star, and no one in Hollywood had the guts or love for him to teach that to him. Look aat the record:
-Danny Bonaduce- addiction problem, coping problem, other issues
-Andrew Koenig- What more can I say?
-Gary Coleman- should have quit after Different Strokes ended.
-Todd Bridges- same.
-Willy Ames- after washing up, he had money issues, became a minister, failed at that, and now is a registered financial advisor! How ironic.
-Tracy Gold- I don't even want to go there.
-River Phoenix- room temperature
-Lindsay Lohan- not going there either.
-Lisa Bonet- into obscurity
-McCaulay Culkin- What drug are you on today there, dude?
-Robert Blake- he was cool as Mickey, and good as Beretta, but should have quit when he was ahead
-Haley Joel Osment- until you stop seeing dead people, no driver's license for you
-Dana Plato- room temperature
-Dustin Diamond- convinced Screech was cool. Tricked into believeing it. Failed as a porn actor

Actually, the list is so entertaining, the link above goes to a website that gives an update on all the child stars.

Needless to say, no one told Cory Haim he needed to try college, the service, a supporting job, or even a spot on Dr. Drew.

Fairwell Bro, your so-called "friends" failed you.

Straight students denied their rights by Lesbian

ACLU...if i had a dime for every time they fell into the wrong side of an argument. What civil liberties are there for all the other kids in that school now? They're at the mercy of the gay agenda and the ACLU's anti-American activities. That's right, they're discriminating against all the other kids because they're NOT gay.

The girl wants to wear a tuxedo to the prom. That's great, a cross-dressing lesbian wants to bring her lesbian lover to the prom. Does one lesbian AWLAYS have to be the dude? Why do they assume male sex roles if they are female? What's next? Male gay students wanting to wear dresses to the Prom? Who is Prom "Queen" at that point? I guess it's automatic when a cross-dressing transvestite dude walks into the Prom.

Now this girl will have the rest of her life to deal with everyone else in her class she denied the high school ritual of Prom. Will the ACLU be with her for the rest of her life as she deals with that load of resentlment and anger? Probably not. Her parents will now get as much negativity as she does, and they probably deserve it. They failed to teach her that her activities may lead to discrimination against all the other kids, and obviously never heard "what's good for the many outweighs the needs of the one." Her parents should have told her that college is the place to press your cause, not in some Mississippi high school.

Will she pay the ACLU legal fees? Now the taxpayers of her town will have to fork over the dough for the defense, so she'll probably piss-off the entire town. Good going.

Forcing political correctness on people never works, but the ACLU will never understand that.

March 7, 2010

Oscars Utter Failure! Actors commit mass suicide!

Well, not really, but after watching all the self-indulgent,hero-worshipping horseshit for the few minutes I could stand, I felt like beating myself to death with the copy of Syriana I somehow have in my DVD collection.

They made it racist. Yep, they asked if the first African American would win a best Oscar of some type, I was paying more attention at that point to cleaning between my toes.

So they're giving awards to a computer-generated movie, eh? What's next...and the Oscar goes to Bugs Bunny? Avatar, for all it's grandeur, is a cartoon. A guy gets a cinematographer award for directing a cartoon? Lovely.

Somewhere, a soldier guarantees those "celebrities," the "beautiful people," their right to be pretentious blowhards. Are any of the actors thanking them? Only the guy that spent a year in Iraq before making The Hurt Locker.

Somewhere, a soldier is facing more fear and danger than any of those people ever will. Somewhere, a soldier is laying his life on the line...for them, and very few appreciate it. Sure, Brad Pitt made a military movie, but has he been to Iraq to see the troops? Tarantino makes a war movie, but has he been over yet? Hey Quentin, how did you get that new chin? You look so much like Jay Leno it's weird.

Keanu Reeves just called war an "alluring narcotic." What the f--k are you talking about? First off there, Neo, what do you know about it? Nothing. Okay Ted, put-up or shut-up. Go over and say thanks to the soldiers that protect you. Didn't bother shaving for the awards, eh? Nice. You looked like crap. Good choice.

Interesting to see the aging progeny of John Hughes. John Cryer and Anthony Michael Hall looked great. Molly Ringwald looked pretty good, but McCauley Culkin needs a bath and it looked like Judd Nelson and Ally Sheedy shared some crystal meth before the show. Bender looks like he's been on a...well...bender. Ally looked like a tweaker as she invoked Peter Pan in some off-the-hip tribute to someone she should have thought harder for. Where was Rob Lowe or Andrew McCarthy? Were Robert Downey Junior in his oh-so-stylish blue shades, and Demi Moore (not Di-mee) too good to wander over and stand next to their fellow John Hughes actors? Come on Robert, we remember the jailbird drug addict you used to be.

Let me be the first to say Steve Martin isn't funny. Never was, never will be. If he gets out his freaking banjo I'll go smash my head with the front door against the door jamb until the piercing pain of banjo music goes away.

Oh Lord, I just saw Tim Robbins. Please say it isn't so. If I'm still, maybe he'll go away.

Hey! There's Jeff Lebowski! Jeff Bridges is being honored for Crazy Heart. Wow. He seems so normal. He seems like the one guy in the room you'd like to shoot pool or go fishing with. Others, like George Clooney, Tim Robbins, Ben Stiller and a number of others, you'd just like to kick in the teeth. Who knows, maybe they're great guys in person, but the level of arrogance, entitlement, and self-absorption I perceive from them makes me think they're really tools.

Hey! Jeff Bridges just got the Best Actor Oscar! Wow. To win it instead of Clooney makes me feel even better about it.

Crazy-eyed Forrest Whittaker is finally wearing glasses as he speaks about Sandra Bullock. Good choice. Quit whispering dude, I'm feeling a strange stirring in my loins.

I have a great idea! As the millionaires file out, have them all give half a million to Haiti Relief, and another half mill to the USO. That way the Hollywood hypocrites that did the Haiti relief telethon and those that refuse to go over and thank the troops can do their part, even if, for them, it's like throwing pennies to the peasants. Speilberg manning a stupid was that? Stiller's on-stage rant at the telethon was almost as idiotic as his dressing-up as an avatar to present an Oscar. Almost.

I think Sean Penn had a few cocktails. Uh, uh, uh, aren't actors paid to speak? Hey Spicoli, suits come from Brooks Brothers, not Blues Brothers. Add him to my list of people I want to kick in the teeth. Mr. anger management's next performance will be on Celebrity Rehab with Dr. Drew. How did he carry a gun through New Orleans after Katrina and not get in trouble?

Jesse James cleans-up really nicely. I bet it's his wife's influence.

Barbara Streisand just had to say "well, the time has come" for the first woman to win Best director. Guess what...she set feminism back a couple notches by saying that. It's just like saying "you're just as good as a man," which presupposes the issue. If she didn't say that, the playing field would have been among directors, not directors, a black director, and a female director. Stupid Barbara.

Hey, the female director just thanked the troops. Excellent.

Hurt Locker wins Best Picture over Avatar! There really are people there somewhere with some sense. A story about soldiers doing life-and-death work over a cartoon and a stupid George Clooney movie (among others). Excellent. Wow, Ms. Female director just thanked the soldiers again, and also hazmat and emergency workers. I think the influence may be hers. Now that's leveling the playing field.