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2006-04-22

and now, in the "why didn't I think of that" category...

From the Miami Herald "Phony doctor gives free breast exams."

The article says a woman "became suspicious" after the man started a genital exam and didn't use any rubber gloves! Oh my God! How damn stupid do you need to be? Hey lady! Wow are you intuitive! Do you think maybe you should have been a bit suspicious as soon as the guy came to do door? Or maybe when he said he was doing breast exams and apparently thought you were special and needed to go genital on you? Holy crap!

Do you drop your drawers for everybody that comes by? Trick-or-treaters probably love coming to your house! "I think I saw Sonic the hedgehog!" Now you know why there's that guy that always dresses-up as "weed-whacker man." I wonder if the mailman shivers at the thought of having to see that cottage-cheese body of yours? Great googly-moogly! Did you give this guy a frosty beverage before he decided to violate you? Did you ask for some ID?

So I have this friend who hasn't done so well with the girls lately. If I send him over, can he play doctor with you too? He doesn't own a weed-whacker though. Will the "Flowbie" work? He can bring the light that straps to his forehead if you want. Wow! Talk about gullible...

...and now, for the "let's get free shit" award, is every woman this guy duped into exposing the seafood for a 76-year old shuttle driver from a car dealership...Dr. Dodge...Gynecologist. They jumped on freebies like a fat kid on a cupcake. The urge for free stuff, especially amongst the "Wally Martinez" (Walmart) demographic of middle-class Miami immigrants is like the urge Wildebeast have to cross the river even though they know the crocodiles are waiting for them! Why do you think people risk their lives all the time trying to go from Cuba to Florida? Answer: they hear the tales of everybody giving away free shit.

Funny how women let this guy into their house knowing he was going to cop a feel. Is this the quality health care you're used to? If it was the vacuum cleaner salesman, the guy that sells water softeners as "miracle water treatment filters," or some dude selling insurance, the Scouts, Unicef, or the police, they probably would have slammed the door instantly! "Ai Cabrone! La Migra!"

Remember, there's no door-to-door gynecology...except in Miami.

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