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September 17, 2008

It's a shitty job...

My imagination goes in all different directions with this one...

World's Smallest Gay

If you find yourself under a woman in a skirt BAM!!! get a kick in the face. Then you visit with a guy dressed in blue with a stick and a gun. Here he is, apparently put there by the woman standing over him. All I can say is "Dude, Look Up!" Come on Pingpong, look up for Brainclogger...

In Israel, Fido hires the OJ attorneys!

Get Barry Schek! Dig up Johnnie Cochran because they're using DNA from dog poo to find the dog that dropped it! I'm amazed we didn't think of this first! Now all those crime lab technicians can be glad they took out those college loans, eh? Sorry, CSI Miami isn't for you! No fancy Hummer, here's a pooper scooper. And this is the country we give the most aid? They actually have to reward people in order for them to clean up after their dogs? More self-absorbed people.

Beware of Blue Plastic Cows

The "illuminati" sent their best agent to retrieve the nuke housed in the dreaded blue cow...but this ninja stealth assassin got the airshaft...and called the cops on himself. His defense? Oops! This might be the wrong museum! This kid should be called the "bathwater bandit" because it's clear he's been drinking his fare share.

Somebody's lying to me!!!

If the per-barrel price of oil came down 36% from the all-time high, why did the price at the pump only drop 5%? I used to be dead-set against taxing the oil companies, but it's clear they're keeping 30% for themselves. A 36% drop means we'd be back around $2.65. Now it's not that Americans really care about gas prices, just look at the commuters. One person in each car? If they really cared, they would fill the other three seats and drop the demand in half, but greed, pride, and good old American need for convenience keeps the prices high and the traffic gridlocked.