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April 2, 2010

A-Hole of the Next Ten Minutes

In a new feature here on Brainclogger and a tribute to Larry Flynt, I've decided to put a face to the people I consider perpetrating utter stupidity in the name of humanity. Sadly, there are so many brown-eyes, turd cutters, sphincters, poop chutes, rectal caves, balloon knots and other a-hole resembling people doing a-hole-ish things that I can't go with "A-Hole of the month," or the week, or even the day. People in society today, not even mentioning our government make not calling someone a butthole every few minutes virtually impossible.

Back to these two silly Russians. Dipshit female number one, on the left, barely 17 years-old, was most likely 16 in the picture with her "husband," a rat bastard Muslim terrorist otherwise known as dipshit male number two (also an anal reference)on the right. Where were these kids parents? Maybe they're the real a-holes of the next ten minutes. Who let her marry at 16? Who made her an extremist shithead? Who turned her into a mass murderer? Who gave her the gun she has in her miniature hand? Who introduced her to the Muslim zealot she apparently married as a child?

So where does a 17 year-old girl get an explosive belt? There must not be many malls in Russia, or schools, or proms, cell phones, Facebook, or TV, or something other than marrying young, filling yourself full of hate, and instead of going to the movies with your friends, you blow-up a subway full of innocent people because in your warped mind, the mass-murdering shithead you married whom the government killed, needs to be avenged. Maybe they never learned to fish.

I am so tired of hearing about Muslim terrorists I could scream. They're like the ACLU...they're always doing despicable things for the wrong reason, and they just won't go away.

April 1, 2010

Bizarre New Sea Creature Arrives!

Just don't tell the Chinese, or else they'll say it's a delicacy and it will be extinct in no time.

March 29, 2010

I'm on the Attorney General holder Blog!

How screwed-up is that?

Ricky's gay and Spicoli's a Commie!


Come on, anyone could tell Ricky Martin was flaming? If you couldn't, you were obviously blind.

Sean Penn is a deluded communist of epic proportions, and not only did he open his stupid mouth wide enough on Bill Maher to spew sewage all over, but he helped Maher look like an even bigger gutless pinko shithead than he already did, the pseudo-intellectual arrogant self-absorbed egotistical jackoff that he is. But I digress.

What Bill "am I as important as I feel" Maher didn't call Sean Penn on was this: Penn said people are big meanies and say lies about his buddy Hugo Chavez, and "anyone that says such things should be jailed." Hmm, let me think who that reminds me of? Stalin? Pinochet? Castro? Duvalier? Mao? Kim Jong Il? Edi Amin? Saddam Hussein? The Nazis? The Chinese? Wow, what friends are these, Sean?

You see, Bill Maher should have had the guts to stop being a sniveling liberal for two minutes and say "Hey Sean, what you're saying here is people who exercise their rights to free speech under our Constitution should be thrown in jail? Really? Did Sean Penn just let us in on a glimpse of how screwed-up he really is? After all, I still remember he went over and had tea with Saddam. That from a guy that cruise the streets of New Orleans after Katrina with a shotgun. The same guy that punches-out photographers and doesn't think he deserves to be punished, but talk about his little buddy and you should go to jail ya big meanie doo doo head!

He must have congratulated Chavez after he changed his constitution by force in order to elect himself president in perpetuity, closed the TV stations and newspapers, took over the oil companies and threw 70% of his country into poverty...but hey, that's not a communist dictator any more so than in North Korea.

Maybe it's all a cover? Maybe he works for the CIA? He has to be, or else he's the biggest brown-eye on the planet. Well, next to Maher.

Nah, he really is the butthole we all think he is.

Jerseylicious is Jerseydiculous, Jerseytarded, and Jerseythetic

When will the dipshits across the river in New Yowk realize that Joizee people don't all say Joizee, Doun da Showur, Owe my Gawud, or any other stereotypical activity of Bergen or Somerset counties, which, to the assholes at MTV and E-Channel are the only places that make New Jersey...well, New Jersey. The "Real Housewives" are anything but real, spandex and camaro hair went out of style long ago, and if the point of the show is to watch uppity beeyatches argue the entire time, you hit your mark.

Now for this new batch of fucksticks. Try and get the tramp with the fake tan and the New York accent to stop saying "I'm from Joizee," "It's a Joizee thing," and so forth. Chances are this little slut's never been outside route 87. They all need to watch Fast Times at Ridgemont High and the Breakfast Club so they can see the time warp they're stuck in. Spiked heel boots and off the shoulder sweaters? Where's the sauseech? Is that a rug on Frankie's head? I think I can see a net underneath. Forgeddaboudit.

This brings me to a diversion called The Jersey Shore. Not the place, or even the mindset, but the TV show full of Staten Island posers trying to FAKE they're from Jersey, and they do a pretty shitty job of it. Come down to South Jersey where we can actually pronounce the "er" and see how big of morons you look like.

Hey! I got a situation for the Situation. It's called a genital situation, and the Situation knows what he can do with my situation along with those guttersluts from New York on the show with him. The only one from Jersey is from Hazlet, a nice little town that from the looks of it, spawns it's fair share of little bimbos. Good thing is, all the hair gel DJ Jazzy Jagoff party boys like the one on the show and the pink polo shirt wearing Gotti guinea boys are already rounded up on an island. It's called Staten island, and someone needs to tell the TV people it's not New Jersey.

Why does MTV take outsiders and have them ACT like what they think Jersey people are like? Partly because the MTV people are a bunch of Hollywood phonies who think they should typecast rather than actually know what they're doing, and partly because they're opinion of Jersey is rather low, based soley on Bergen and Somerset. They think it's okay to insult the entire state as long as they make a few bucks.

Now we have these tacky, polyester wearing, big hair wannabe Manhattan hookers in a hair salon to represent E-Channel's idea of who and what Jersey is, and I tell you, it's freakin sad. Even Pauly Walnuts and Sill would be embarrassed by these tools. Hell, Pauly Shore would be embarrassed by them.