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October 7, 2005

Cleric sees Bali Bombing as sign from God

...And I see the cleric as sign you can't swing a dead cat above your head in the Muslim world and not hit an asshole. They keep on bombing, and they keep on saying how great it is. The lead clerics ignore it and attack us, and foreigners in Iraq, Bali, England, wherever, continue to terrorize innocent people while other Muslims stand by and let it happen. Don't tell me Islam is a peaceful religion unless you want an ass kicking... Why else would we all be on alert during Ramadan?


Take a look at this asswipe!

This dipshit blew himself up on a park bench outside the OU football game, an act of suicide because he apparently couldn't take anyone else with him. Where do we breed these idiots?

I have a better idea...they can all respond to this posting and I can have someone come over with a baseball bat and end their misery for them.


Lord of the Anal Ring

Now look at the picture of Viggo Mortensen and Orlando Bloom. It isn't enough that Bloom already looks a bit "poofy" with those faggy sideburns, but if old Viggo (who needs an Italian last name like Scungilli or Carbonara instead of Mortensen) isn't trying to plant a smacker on cutie-pie Orlando, then what's the deal? Plus, Viggo doesn't look so good.


Commercial Fisherman's reality check...

Guess what guys, here's the truth, from a Florida fisherman....'re fighting over a resource you don't own. If a species takes years to grow to "marketable" size, and you take them out in too drastic a number, they will go away.

Want another reality check? Okay. Everywhere the commercial fishing of a species has been controlled...the fish came back. Everywhere! Look at the results of the Florida net ban, the mackerel management plan, and up north at the Striped Bass recovery just to see a few.

The odd thing is, you all get so greedy and competitive against one another, you forget there are other people out there. Some people, myself included, no longer bottom fish with any regularity. Part of the reason is I'm currently deployed to the middle east, but there are a couple others:

-You don't see the numbers of fish you used to see. I didn't catch a Red Grouper anywhere near keeper size in 2004. I only kept one Gag Grouper all year.

-Guides taking people fishing and others who don't know bow from stern act like assholes. You have to all share a patch of reef or spoil area, but they get so damn competitive for space it takes the fun out of it. It went from days where everyone applauded if someone caught something good, to "fuck you this is my spot!" I didn't become a fisherman to deal with stress and idiots.

-Groupers have predators in the form of Jewfish (the politically incorrect but real name of the Goliath Grouper), which eat everything in sight, and have become plentiful, yet are still protected. One pain-in-the-ass Jewfish bit almost every time I was on a certain spot.

-bottom fishing is pretty boring and only needs a minimum of skill. I prefer sight casting.

-I'm a catch-and-release fisherman who fishes for the fun of it. If I fished merely for meat, it would turn fishing into the nautical version of the aviator's "$100 hamburger." With how much boats cost now, unless you're entering and winning tournaments, guiding clients, or using commercial gear, you will never recover anywhere near the cost of the boat by the amount of fish you catch or revenue produced, so stop trying.

As for you commercial fisherman, take it easy on the resource, offer your "bycatch" to a recreational fisherman, and don't ever let me catch you "finning" sharks or you will receive a beating that will teach you not to do it again. If you need some discipline, I'll give it to you.


Interesting thing today

I noticed that first, my predictions about the aftermath of the hurricane (printed on 2 SEP) came true.

Second, I saw that Kurt Vonnegut, who was a prisoner of war during WWII, said "American soldiers in the Middle East are being treated, as I never was, like toys a rich kid got for Christmas."

I tend to agree...and it scares me because Vonnegut is a lefty...

He said some interesting things in a Yahoo article today. Clink on the link to see it.


We need more we need ...

...well, like we need more kinds of deodorants, or feminine hygiene products. Yep, we don't have enough so make some new deodorant fragrances that make people smell like their surroundings. Instead of Ocean Breeze or Summer Surf or any of that bullshit, go for some realism with Trash-Truck tropical (for garbage haulers), Municipal Utility Authority Apple (MUA Apple for short at the shit-plant), Jet Fuel Fresh (for people who work at the airport), Exotic Exhaust Pipe (for commuters and taxi-drivers), combined with more subtle things like Wetland White Out (with the smell of the marshes and office products), Copy-Paper Potpourri, Candy Carpet-Glue (it masks the smell of cigarettes and booze really well), and Urinal Cake Cherry (when you know you like the smell of the bathroom, and want to take it with you)!

As for the feminine hygiene products...wait..I digress...I'm supposed to be talking about monuments, right? Oh, okay...

Now coming to a mall near you...well, a mall not near you, but in the city you pay for with a mall that goes from the Jefferson Memorial to the Capital building. A mall where you can't buy a damn thing but more of your money is spent there than anywhere else on the planet. Money spent by governmental dipshits who wouldn't know the first thing about paying their bills; a hard day's work; defending their country, or living in the real world.

Well, now these knuckleheads feel the need for yet another memorial. Jeez! What now? Well, it's supposed to be a "Victims of Communism" memorial. Whew! Man, am I relieved! I thought they were going to skip that one! You know with Washington, Jefferson, Lincoln, the Korean War, the Vietnam War, the Vietnam Women's memorial, the Buffalo soldier, the Unknown soldier, The Holocaust, and about 10 others, it's a good thing they got this one in while there was space!

I know you're thinking about what to plan for next, so I thought I'd offer a few more ideas...just in case.

- The Honest Politician Memorial. This one is self-explanatory, and actually should have been erected some time last century.
- The "Illegal Aliens" memorial- dedicated to all the bad treatment illegal aliens received under the hands of the mean old Immigration and Naturalization Service. It's a stone likeness of "Elian 'Alien' Gonzalez."
- The "Victims of Erectile Dysfunction" memorial- dedicated to all those people, mostly minorities, who were unable to achieve an erection due to a vast right-wing government conspiracy. Paid for by cutting the benefit to welfare recipients who don't have jobs but can get free Viagra.
- The "Victims of the Scurvy" memorial, which by politically correct inclusion also includes those who died from Rickets, cleft palate, hydro-cephaly (water on the brain), and Elephantitis in the US. This will be funded by the Navy, who were planning to use the money for another Filipina pedicurist at the Navy Annex.
-The Day We Killed all the Oil Company Presidents" Memorial. This one can have it's own little oil gusher and miniature people gathered around the entrance to a fictitious oil company, reminiscent of the people that came to the castle to kill Frankenstein. The government would have to employ at least 10 people to make sure no oil was spilled, or no people stole it to take home and refine in their little home refineries since the oil companies can't build any.
- The "Day China Bought Washington" Monument, commemorated by a Panda Express stand at the new Mao Tse Tung Memorial...formerly the Jefferson Memorial.
-"The Day the Music Died" memorial, a monument to the day(February 3, 1959) Buddy Holly, Richie Valens, and the Big Bopper died in a plane crash. A loop of Don McLeans "Miss American Pie" will play 24 hours a day.
-The Ray Nagin "Wasn't my Fault" memorial, dedicated to 30 years of corrupt black rule in New Orleans followed by the ability to blame all your failures on that "White Devil" George Bush. A loop of the Shaggy song "Wasn't me" will play 24 hours a day. The self-guided tour is said to be "versheazy" and described as the "shiznit!"
-The Fisherman's Memorial"- This memorial is triple purpose, serving as a memorial to all the species of ocean fishes that were fished out of existence by foreign countries in our waters, while our government didn't have the balls to do anything about it. The second purpose is to commemorate the government's "bold" act of renaming fisherman into "fisherperson," so as to not offend women. The last is the when the women attacked the congress building claiming the name was changed right after there were no more fish to catch." As they attacked, one person heard the utterance of the term "dicks" in reference to some politicians, but none of them responded to that for fear of "offending someone."
-The "Sharp Instrument" memorial- Due to product liability lawsuits, all sharp instruments, to include thumb-tacks and disposable razors, will no longer be produced in the very near future. This memorial scheduled to go next to the "American Hunter," "American Gun Owner," and "Hot Coffee" and "Baseball Bat" memorials. Baseball bats will be labeled as deadly weapons in 2007 following the bludgeoning murder of Bruce Springsteen at the Democratic National Convention.
-The Yugo Memorial- commemorates the introduction and failure of the Yugoslavian "Yugo" in the US, where a whopping 200 were sold. Monument is an actual Yugo for sale.


October 4, 2005

Why Texas didn't have any looters after Hurricane Rita

Anti-gun Brady Bunch people flat-out lying...

Take a look at the picture in the link. It is a bold faced, flat-out, Liberal lie. No one is in greater danger in Florida as a result of the new "castle" law other than criminals

The poster actually says "use special caution when arguing with motorists on Florida roads." Hey dumbass! I have a better idea! Why don't you NOT argue with motorists! It's called road rage, dipshit, and it gets people killed! Why don't you plan on coming to Florida and actually acting civil for once in your life, eh? You don't have the right or luxury of having a pass that lets you come down and be an ass...

The new law states that if you are somewhere you have a legal right to be (read: your home, on the street, in your yard), and someone attacks you, it is now legally assumed they have the intent to cause you bodily harm or death. In such a case, you are no longer required to flee (which you still are in other states), but are now able (since lawmakers in Florida understand your rights) to actually defend yourself without fear the perpetrator will put YOU in jail for hurting him.

I know, it sounds too ridiculous to be true, but the liberals are so involved with criminal rights, it pisses them off that Floridians no longer have to run out of their own homes in order to flee an attacker for fear of going to jail. Now those idiots in the Brady bunch are doing what libs do best...just plain lying to you. Sinners...

I know, criminals on vacation have rights too...


The Plan for America.

A friend of mine sent me an email which apparently had Robin Williams offering his plan for America. I realize this is tongue-in-cheek stuff from a comedian, but it makes sense to me...

1) "The US will apologize to the world for our "interference" in their> affairs, past & present. You know, Hitler, Mussolini, Stalin, Tojo, Noriega, Milosevic, Hussein, and the rest of those 'good ole boys', we will never "interfere" again.
2) We will withdraw our troops from all over the world, starting with Germany, South Korea, the Middle East, and the Philippines. They don't want us there. We would station troops at our borders. No one allowed sneaking through holes in the fence.
3) All illegal aliens have 90 days to get their affairs together and leave. We'll give them a free trip home. After 90 days the remainder will be gathered up and deported immediately, regardless of whom or where they are. They're illegal!!! France will welcome them.
4) All future visitors will be thoroughly checked and limited to 90 days unless given a special permit!!!! No one from a terrorist nation will be allowed in. If you don't like it there, change it yourself and don't hide here. Asylum would never be available to anyone. We don't need any more cab drivers or 7-11 cashiers.
5) No foreign "students" over age 21. The older ones are the bombers. If they don't attend classes, they get a "D" and it's back home baby.
6) The US will make a strong effort to become self-sufficient energy wise. This will include developing nonpolluting sources of energy but will require a temporary drilling of oil in the Alaskan wilderness. The caribou will have to cope for a while.
7) Offer Saudi Arabia and other oil producing countries $10 a barrel for their oil. If they don't like it, we go some place else. They can go somewhere else to sell their production. (About a week of the wells filling up the storage sites would be enough.)
8) If there is a famine or other natural catastrophe in the world, we will not "interfere." They can pray to Allah or whomever, for seeds, rain, cement, or whatever they need. Besides most of what we give them is stolen, or given to the army. The people who need it most get very little, if anything.
9) Ship the UN Headquarters to an isolated island some place. We don't need the spies and fair weather friends here. Besides, the building would make a good homeless shelter or lockup for illegal aliens.
10) All Americans must go to charm and beauty school. That way, no one can call us "Ugly Americans" any longer. The Language we speak is> ENGLISH...learn it...or LEAVE...Now, isn't that a winner of a plan?
11) The Statue of Liberty is no longer saying 'Give me your tired, your poor, your huddled masses.' She's got a baseball bat and she's yelling, 'you want a piece of me?'


October 3, 2005

Greed is not good...

Don't you just love how greed in this country got us where we are? We were attacked because we're greedy and believe in nothing but money. We have an oil crisis going on because we're controlled by the oil companies who will do whatever they can to maintain control of our country. We had to keep making big cars for greedy Americans. We watch foreign companies drive American companies under while the American company employees strike because they want more money, not even wondering if a job with less pay is better than no job. We see baseball players act like babies unless they make 200 million a year, basketball players making millions fighting people in the stands, while paramedics and cops make under 45K a year. All the while, I spend another year away from my kid to protect the rights of people to act like greedy idiots.

Tom DeLay and the 5 Monkeys

Five monkeys are put in a cage. From the center of the cage, a banana hangs from a rope. A ladder is nearby. After a while, the monkeys figure out they can get the banana using the ladder. After putting the ladder under the hanging fruit, they begin to climb the ladder and are immediately doused with cold water. After a while, the monkeys try again and are doused again with water. Fairly soon if any monkey gets near the ladder, the rest attack them for fear of being hit with more water. One monkey is removed for a new one, who gets near the ladder and is immediately attacked by the others. Another is removed, and when that one gets near the ladder, it is attacked by the other monkeys including the monkey that just came in. After a while, all the monkeys are replaced, so no monkeys sit in the cage that have ever been sprayed with water, but every time one of them gets near the ladder, they all get sprayed with water. They don't know why they do it, but that's what they were taught, that's how it has always been done, and that's the environment they found themselves in.

What if the monkeys were our politicians? What would they do? They're practically swimming in bananas, yet they still fight each other for more. They hide bananas and try to get more while acting like they don't have any. If they see someone else with a banana, they ridicule that monkey and try to take that banana away. If everyone else gets bananas, they bully the others, take their bananas, and keep them for themselves. Do they ever give some bananas to the people that put them in the cage? No. Do they give bananas to the other monkeys in the cage? No, and they ridicule the ones that do. They still attack the ones that try to climb the "ladder." Do they act this way because it's the right thing to do? No. They do it because that's the way it's always been done. Besides, it's better to be the "big monkey in charge," than one of the new guys.

You know, I don't care if the latest mud thrown on Congressman DeLay is valid or not, he needs to go. He is a blatant example of the good-old boy, corrupt, 5-monkey political system we have here, where there''s the way it should be, and the way it is.

Mr words to him: Guess what asshole...the people didn't elect you in order for you to line your pockets, but you're doing a good job milking the rest of the country for their gain! They may call you the "Teflon Texan," but I have a better word... Dick.


October 2, 2005

The foreign policy of Bingo...

Our foreign policy reminds me of Bingo. You go from turn to turn, not knowing what number will come up. You don't know what one it will be, but if you win, you suddenly believe it is because of your Bingo prowess instead of the sheer luck it really is. There is no consistent way to win, as there is no consistent foreign policy in our country.

It must be utter revulsion to politics and politicians that makes me think about how screwed-up our political system is. It's both humiliating and infuriating as an American, the way we let politicians warp our basic values for our comfort, pleasure, entertainment, security, or plain twisted sense of humor, and they do this internationally. What's funnier, and even more pathetic, is the way these "public servants" (excuse me while I go vomit) line their pockets and become "American royalty" in the process. People in government should call YOU Sir, treat YOU special, and kiss YOUR ass, yet somehow, we do it the other way. Well, not me. I just make myself scarce when they come around. My hypocrisy only goes so far...

Here are a few examples of our completely warped foreign policy. Warning! The truth hurts!

  • We say we're friends with Saudi Arabia, a monarchy, because they give us oil. This is the only reason we support such a repressive regime, on par with maybe...Cuba?
  • We don't like North Korea because Kim Jong Il is an evil little troll bent on destruction...but since he has nukes, we'll start being nice and "normalize" relations.
  • We don't like the evil Iranians, while secretly, we buy oil from them. We refer them to the U.N. for sanctions, while we send food to the North Koreans? Can you say inconsistency?
  • We don't like Cuba because Castro is a dictator. What do we give a shit? The only reason we don't like Cuba is because the pro-embargo side always gets the votes from the anti-Castro Cubans in Florida. If the Cuban voters in Florida said they wanted the politicians to have sex with pine trees, the hypocrites would be running around looking for a knothole. Why do you think we have a policy that gives residency to Cubans who land on the shore, but we don't do that for any other country, not even Canada?
  • We say we like China because they are a "democratic country." Yep, they're about as democratic as I am a Martian. We just like cheap sneakers, cheap dockers, and want to stay on the good side of their more powerful economy and enormous military. Basically, we're being nice so they don't kick our ass in a multitude of ways. Can you say trade imbalance?
  • We don't like Venezuela, but...wait...we do like Venezuelans, but not Chavez. Hmm. Wonder why that is? They give us 15% of our oil.
  • We like Haiti. Yep, we like anyone in Haiti that will keep the violence down to a low enough simmer so it doesn't make front-page news in Miami. That's it.
  • We don't like Syria because they harbor terrorists and won't secure their borders. If that's a criteria to not like someone, then why do we like Mexico? Oh, I remember, the Mexican government is run by a bunch of elitist rich people, just like we are! Why do you think we protect the borders of Iraq but not the border of the U.S.?
  • As for African policy, we like any country we can call the "good guys," whether they're being attacked by a neighbor, oppressed by religious groups, picked on by a bigger neighbor, or whatever. If they're the underdog, we can act magnanimous and say we're "helping" the little guy. Without that, or some oil, we could give a shit about them too.
  • We like Israel. We like Israel because the collective guilt of the world tells us to, and the fact they are an investment to the tune of a couple billion a year.
  • We like Kuwait. Why? Because they haven't cut off our oil supply...yet.
  • We like Egypt, because we pay Egypt to not attack Israel and they comply. Cash is King!
  • Japan and South Korea. We say we like them, so much in fact that we bend over and take it to the tune of "how do you like that trade deficit." They take advantage of us on purpose, and we let them. When we rebuilt Japan, did we give the newest steel-making technology to the American companies and give their old stuff to Japan? Hell no! We gave them the new stuff! Guess how long it took Japan to kill our steel industry?
  • For any country we say we like, it comes right down to the "Almighty dollar" as the reason why. We can't be neighbors and friends to other countries, because that wouldn't make any of our politicians rich...unless you have a lump of kickback money on you...
  • You can never tell how the politicians will strike a relationship with another country, therefore the foreign policy Bingo!!!

I think our policies should be based on the desire for win-win relations, not oil for overly large cars, guilt, consolation prizes, whims, popularity, or payola. But that's just my opinion...