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February 27, 2006

Some thoughts for the day...

-do I still hate Mondays when every day over here is the same? Maybe every day is a Monday?

-People with "designer dogs" need designer ass-kickings.

-Why does it take 12 weeks to get in shape, but only one to get out of it?

-Why do I have to give a person in Kuwait a memo saying I'm in Kuwait when I'm standing in front of that Kuwait?

-Is my hairline receding or my forehead just getting bigger?

-Stress makes me grind my teeth at night, and need to use a tooth-guard. If I worked out in my dreams, would I wake up all pumped-up?

-Why is it that in the Middle East, the men are the focus outside the house, and the women are the focus inside the house, while in our country, the women want to be the focus outside the house, and the focus inside the house?

-Why does wearing a pair of men's thong underwear (be very afraid) make me think of my wife in her thongs?

-why is surfer speak the same as skier speak?

-Why is it, if you join PETA, a group that has perpetrated known terrorist acts and believes they can assault you and destroy your property as their right to protest, you're courageous and humane, but if you join the National Rifle Association, you're an extremist and a villain?

-I don't think I can take another day of veal yeagerschnitzel, dried fish, and beef jerky-flavored pot roast/roast beef/country ham...the last three being the same meat.

-why have people been saying the phrase "that's hot" for fifty years but some 24 year-old rich-girl slut gets the credit?

-Why do we drive on the parkway and park in a driveway?

-62 days until they let me out of hell.

-Why do I wake up with songs playing in my head that I haven't heard in months?

-Should I expect the Indian cooks, supervised by the Filipino's, supplied by the Kuwaiti distributor, and paid by the Saudi contractor to really know how to make spaghetti?

-Why do foreigners understand Coke "Lite" but not not "Diet" Coke?

-Even in the Middle East, a tissue is a "Kleenex."

-Why do you only see speed skating and bobsledding at Olympic time? If no one cares any other time, why would we want to see it in the Olympics?

-Why do gay people have all the best real estate?

-Try as I may, I still don't give a crap about Natalee Halloway.

-Why are people the most interested in people with the most meaningless lives?

-Women's boxing? I still don't get it. Maybe if they called it "Lesbo Boxing" I would? Am I supposed to find women who want to beat-up other women in bloodsports attractive? No thanks.

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