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April 7, 2006

Money talks and B.S. walks...

This broad goes from the Florida Secretary of State to Congress, and now wants to go to the Senate, has a history of corruption, and said she would put in 10 million of "her own" dollars to her campaign. It makes me think a few things:

This proves that people would pay any amount possible for the power and payback that comes with being an American politician. It's also part of the payback for her efforts during the 2000 Florida recount. Yep, Republicans are as crooked as Democrats.

Where the heck did she get $10,000,000?

How does someone caught taking illegal campaign contributions get to keep being a politician? Easy. It's because of the culture of corruption. I welcome any and all contributions to the Brainclogger fund...

A testament to the truly worthless...

http://www.miami.com/mld/miamiherald/news/weird_news/14282215.htm This nutcase is currently in the can, and tries to hire a hit man to "whack-out" his wife, his brother's girlfriend, his shrink, and his brother, who is also a head-shrinker. Wow!

http://www.miami.com/mld/miamiherald/news/weird_news/14273308.htm Here's a guy that Cornell University pays good money to do research on alcohol's effect on houseplants. What's worse is this guy was actually published in his industry trade magazine. Talk about excitement! The people that actually read "HortTechnology" magazine must be some party animals, eh! Hard to believe these kind of Melvins and Mortimers make a living doing this. Nerds rule!

http://www.miami.com/mld/miamiherald/news/weird_news/14282200.htm This chiropractor claims he can go back in time to cure illnesses. If so, can he go back to the seventies and kick my brother's ass? I'll give him the money to buy some microsoft stock before he goes. If I could go back in time, I'd go kill the guy that invented disco...but I digress. The guy also invented a treatment program he calls "bahlaqueem," which he admits means nothing but sounds good. He also denies being a bit nutty.

http://www.miami.com/mld/miamiherald/news/weird_news/14280681.htm Starbucks manager by day...drummer in a Motley Crue "tribute band" by night. He got to fill in for Tommy Lee in a concert due to a wrist injury to Lee. What this fine gentleman doesn't realize, is that he dedicates his life to idolizing someone else, and the peak...the crowning achievement of his life just happened. It will never get any better for you. Ever. The rest of your life will now be meaningless to you, just as all of your prior life was meaningless to the rest of us. ...take the band with you first before you go, and make sure you get your whole head in front of the shotgun. Have a nice trip.

http://www.miami.com/mld/miamiherald/news/weird_news/14271605.htm The owner of the now-famous "One-eyed kitten," who I affectionately refer to as the "One-eyed kitten Lady," wants the cat's remains to go to a religious group instead of to Ripley's because of the cats "religious significance." Cat people irritate me.

http://www.miami.com/mld/miamiherald/news/weird_news/14272246.htm Dude isn't happy with the dick surgery he had, so he mails a bomb to the doctor? How weak is that! If you're pissed about the status of your "unit," I say that's time for a direct confrontation, not some sissy maneuver through the mail. Then he pleads guilty using a WMD, even though he was only targeting one guy! Hey, why do 2 years when you can do 5, right? I think these passive aggressive tendencies and feelings of inadequacy would find a quick cure if the guy with the "Mini-me" handled his issues in person. There you go, advice from Dr. Brainclogger, who also notices the guy comes from "Reamstown." Ironic, because that's what the inmates call jail. With a broken tally-whacker and an inferiority complex, it won't be like a day at the beach...

http://www.miami.com/mld/miamiherald/news/weird_news/14270386.htm Look out, here come the Latin baby-shower brawlers. Yo esay, ju got sun-kina prollem, mang? Ju lookin at my stroller, vato? Afte I fold deez "one-zies" we're throwin-down, Holmes. Of course, it's hard to be scared of a guy named "Jazz," and funny that people felt the need to be armed at a baby shower. Of course, one of these tough guys thought he needed to take a stick to a pregnant chick. Hey, that rhymed! Here's another one; Juan and Jazz both have a sore azz. In the Big House, in the Clink, now you have the jailhouse sphinc. Up the river, there you go, now you're Bubba's little Ho.

http://www.miami.com/mld/miamiherald/news/weird_news/14269619.htm The article says "Fake Sheik, phony art, real jail time." There you go, an Arab in the U.S. trying to get "paid" like everyone else. An immigrant trying to rip people off. Wow, he really did assimilate well. He has his piece of the American dream. Now true to form, he'll go to jail and convince himself he's innocent and only in jail because the "man" put him there. Afterward, he'll recuit all the prison Muslims and convince them they're disaffected too, instead of being the crack-heads, murders, rapists, assholes and general scum they really are. Then he'll get out, start a mosque in New York, get a tax break from the government, and plan to start a "Jihad" on the "Infidel" Americans who live so decadently. Of course, this is the same shithead that impersonated a Saudi in order to cheat people out of their money for his own greed and ill-gotten gain. ...but we're the bag guys... Why, at $3.oo a gallon, did people trust a Saudi in the first place?

http://www.miami.com/mld/miamiherald/news/weird_news/14263273.htm People in California sell Chronic Candy," which is supposed to taste like marijuana, but doesn't have any THC, so the government out there wants to ban it. The government of Oakland...which is connected to San Francisco...the 60's drug culture's virtual "epicenter" and they want to ban a lollipop that tastes like "the ganja?" The pot-smoking, acid-dropping, tune-in, drop-out, get-high hall-of-fame wants to ban a lollipop because they think it "improperly influences teens and young adults..." Oh...my...God... They say the candy is already banned in Chicago and parts of New York. That's great! They don't do jack-squat about the real drug problems in our country, but a pot-flavor lollipop is public enemy number-one! It's sad, and typical of our weak-willed, power-hungry, misguided, greedy, crooked, PC, lying sack-of s--t politicians. As for the guy that makes Chronic Candy...it's a good idea, and a money maker, but worthless to society, therefore making you worthless. Donate the profits to charity.

http://www.miami.com/mld/miamiherald/news/weird_news/14271417.htm A glowing testimony to the worthlessness of lawyers and the rediculous nature of our legal system. To people went to court to argue for custody of a freaking Poodle! A poodle! It's not even a real dog! It's name is Zena. What do you want to bet it was named after "Zena, Warrior Princess?" So that also means there is a guy arguing for custody of a female poodle. Egads! How's your manhood now, pal? If I was the judge, I would have kept the poodle and threw the two people in jail. Whoever held-out the longest for the dog would be the winner.

Alleged castrator had medical experience

This has an "Uncle Jesse gives Uncle Clem the 'blumpkin' in the woodshed" kind of ring to it. It's just plain creepy.

So here we are, three old backwoods redneck country rope-smokers attracting other men to their place and then treating them to a Lorena Bobbit style winky whacking. Ouch! Yep, they're doing their best to further gay rights.

I think it's more like the "Hic and the hound-dog" rather than master-slave.

April 5, 2006

Hilton Considered for Mother Theresa Role

Okay, Idiot Alert!!! Freakin Dot-Head. Now watch, he is insulting an icon of the Christian community and nobody's going to say jack-squat. If it was Oliver Stone casting Dolph Lundgren to play Muhammad, the complaints would fall from the sky like a tickertape parade.

She must not be a liberal

"Jessica Alba, Playboy end spat with Hefner apology."

She accepted Hugh Hefner's apology for creating the impression (by having her on the cover of the magazine) that there were nude pictures of her inside. She apparently felt a sense of justice and dropped her lawsuit.

Wow! I'm stunned. With suing people as the national pastime of our country, I would expect to see some kind of mention about Hefner coughing-up some dough. I'm speechless.

Sex tourism thriving in Bible Belt

Don't you think it's high-time they removed Atlanta from the Bible Belt? The article said it was the "buckle" of the Bible Belt. More like the un-buckled buckle.

In a city that has a Ludacris Day, where a prerequisite for government service is you not be Caucasian, where corruption and inefficiency, nepotism, greed, vice, and graft reign supreme, I'm not surprised in the least by this article.

In a city that celebrates "bling-bling," excess, "thuggery," all things Escalade, and is more concerned about "Sean Jean" and FUBU than morality, crime, drug control, proper fiscal policy, or proper child education, I'm not surprised. Atlanta sets race relations back years.

Of course, the sexual exploitation of children is just disgusting, and anybody that wants to have sex with a ten year-old needs a serious beating, and 14 cities were named as centers for this sort of depravity, but Atlanta was number one.

As for the "Bible-Belt" myth...it's a fallacy. What Bible is this? If it was real, this other crap wouldn't be happening there. Or it it that sex and money, ignorance and greed are more attractive to people in Atlanta than God?

Now I'll be called racist for telling the truth.

Homeland Deputy Arrested in Seduction Case

Hey, I don't have time to plan for natural disasters, terrorist attacks, or worry about hurricane recovery, I'm too busy trying to pick-up 14 year-old kids on the internet! Why worry about the New Orleans people getting fresh food when I'm shooting for some high-school freshman "stuff."

I know what turns on 14 year-old chicks...my work picture with my DHS pin and my TSA lanyard! I'm a sexy bitch. She must see me as a big piece of 55 year-old "man candy!" I don't think so. Getting snagged like that is so classic. Bad boys, bad boys...

Of course, proof that these governmental idiots get special treatment, and probably the funniest line in the article is; "There was no immediate response to messages left on Doyle's government-issued cell phone and his e-mail, and he could not be reached by phone at the jail for comment." Hey, if I ever go to jail I'd appreciate it if "The Slammer" would screen my calls too.

Then again, he can be as big a shithead as he wants...he's a federal government civilian "politician wanna-be." Politicians get away with that kind of thing. Can you say Bill Clinton? Gary Condit? Ted Kennedy? For those of us in the military, the mere perception of a lack of integrity or morality is enough to cost us our jobs. Our standard of conduct is higher than for those who send us into harm's way, and there's something wrong with that. There's also something wrong with Mr. Boyle.

Teacher charged with raping student 28 times

...while he lied to his father about where he was staying in order to go bang this fat broad, and while his little buddy watched! Of course, the law says she was the rapist, which is almost comical.

28 times from 24 March to 31 March? If you spread it over the eight days (like she did), that's 3.5 times per day! Otherwise, there was some heavy-duty stuff happening, and on a bunch of school nights to boot! When did she find time for work?

Dad must be so proud...and concerned his son's stamina may be far greater than his own. Not.

Half-a-million-dollar bail? Wow! That's one expensive piece-of-ass.

...well, she is willing to do it 28 times in eight days...

So I've been called "homophobic"

Phobia- An irrational, persistent fear or dread.

I wouldn't exactly call it a "phobia," per se. Well, on second thought, a bearded 300-pound dude in a tu-tu would scare the hell out of me. In fact, I think all "gay pride" events would scare me. A hundred or so guys dressed like Dorothy in the Wizard of Oz and people dressed like they're in the Village people is disturbing, if not just downright frightening. Face it, most of those events are a testament to bizarre behavior, and I say they hurt their cause. If they marched in khaki pants and polo shirts, I would expect for people to listen to their point of view, not just find them a curiosity.

Now I wouldn't say I was homophobic. If it was truly a fear of mine, I would confront it in a fine, expedient military manner and eliminate the cause of my fear. I don't think I'll do that. I'd rather just live and let-live, with one caveat...I want to live in peace, so as people try to further any cause, not just gay rights, be assured I don't want to hear it and leave me alone.

I also don't think, as a lesbian, that I am averse to all forms of homosexuality. You know, the guy version of it is invasive and just plain creepy, but I can understand the girl thing...as a lesbian, that is. Besides, the only thing that I find irritating is what is commonly referred to as "flamers" and "bull dikes." If you want to be a girl, then become a girl, but don't be a faggy guy. If you want to be a guy, then be a guy, but not a masculine female. No matter how much they try, a guy will never look good in halter tops or fish nets, and belly-button rings are for girls. Maybe I find the growing androgeny of America irritating too, I don't know.

As for gay movies, I have no problem with them either. I'm not going to see them, so there's no issue. Why won't I? I don't want to. I'm not interested. Sorry if the liberals find my freedom of choice offensive.

Of course, nothing plays in stereo quite like a stereotype, so here is a gay movie I actually would see...

March 30, 2006

So they "let her go?"

Sure they did. These ragheads let go of hostages like Mexicans let go of lawnmowers.

I can think of a few more believable scenarios...

She was so scared all the time all she did was cry and menstruate and dragging around a hostage that was always sniffling and leaving a blood trail was hurting their "clandestine" activities...

As an American girl she nagged them so badly they tried to let her go for weeks but she just wouldn't leave, and wouldn't shut the f--k up.

Like any relationship, the sex was good in the beginning, but then they just lost interest

She snuck out while the kidnappers were watching a soccer game

In an attempt to get away, the kidnappers snuck out while she was asleep

The kidnappers hate other Muslims so badly they dropped her on the Iraqi Islamic Party.

They fed her, so every time she got hungry she showed up. Eventually they stopped feeding her.

When they realized she knew the Koran better than they did, it pissed them off and they sent her packing.

One kidnapper eventually convinced the others that the "female infidel" was "cramping their style."

They captured her without a change of clothes and she used too much water washing the same pair of "granny panties" every day.

She just wouldn't stop naming all the goats and it made the kidnappers feel bad to eat them.

She's notoriously bad with names and all the kidnappers were tired of being called Mohammed.

While they were out planting IED's, she would call them constantly

It's time once again to review the winners of the annual "Stella Awards."

The Stella Awards are named after 81 year-old Stella Liebeck who spilled coffee on herself and successfully sued McDonald's. That case inspired the Stella awards for the most frivolous, ridiculous, but successful lawsuits in the United States.

Here are this year's winners:

7th Place: Kathleen Robertson of Austin, Texas, was awarded $780,000 by a jury of her peers after breaking her ankle tripping over a toddler who was running inside a furniture store. The owners of the store were understandably surprised at the verdict, considering the
misbehaving little toddler was Ms. Robertson's son.

6th Place: 19-year-old Carl Truman of Los Angeles won $74,000 and medical expenses when his neighbor ran over his hand with a Honda Accord. Mr. Truman apparently didn't notice there was someone at the wheel of the car when he was trying to steal his neighbor's hubcaps.

5th Place: Terrence Dickson of Bristol, Pennsylvania, was leaving a house he had just finished robbing by way of the garage. He was not able to get the garage door to go up since the automatic door opener was malfunctioning. He couldn't re-enter the house because the door
connecting the house and garage locked when he pulled it shut. The family was on vacation, and Mr. Dickson found himself locked in the garage for eight days. He subsisted on a case of Pepsi he found, and a large bag of dry dog food. He sued the homeowner's insurance claiming the situation caused him undue mental anguish. The jury agreed to the tune of $500,000.

4th Place: Jerry Williams of Little Rock, Arkansas, was awarded $14,500 and medical expenses after being bitten on the buttocks by his next-door neighbor's beagle. The beagle was on a chain in its owner's fenced yard. The award was less than sought because the jury felt the dog might have been just a little provoked at the time by Mr. Williams who had climbed over the fence into the yard and was shooting it repeatedly with a pellet gun.

3rd Place: A Philadelphia restaurant was ordered to pay Amber Carson of Lancaster, Pennsylvania, $113,500 after she slipped on a soft drink and broke her coccyx (tailbone). The beverage was on the floor because Ms. Carson had thrown it at her boyfriend 30 seconds earlier
during an argument.

2nd Place: Kara Walton of Claymont, Delaware, successfully sued the owner of a nightclub in a neighboring city when she fell from the bathroom window to the floor and knocked out her two
front teeth. This occurred while Ms. Walton was trying to sneak through the window in the ladies room to avoid paying the $3.50 cover charge. She was awarded $12,000 and dental expenses.

1st Place: This year's run away winner was Mrs Mary Grazinski of Oklahoma City, Oklahoma. Mrs. Grazinski purchased a brand new 32-foot Winnebago motor home. On her first trip home, (from an OU football game), having driven onto the freeway, she set the cruise control at 70 mph and calmly left the driver's seat to go into the back and make herself a sandwich. Not surprisingly, the RV left the freeway, crashed and overturned. Mrs. Grazinski sued Winnebago for not advising her in the owner's manual that she couldn't actually do this. The jury awarded her $1,750,000 plus a new motor home. The company actually changed their manuals on the basis of this suit, just in case there were any other complete morons around.

Support your favorite stereotype...and cliche's...

Look at this retard; Jack Abramoff, who should be Abramoffenstein, furthering the stereotype of the crooked Jew who's greedy, corrupt, integrity-free, and a chicken shit. He also did the cliche' "blame it on your partner and hang him out to dry" routine. Now the government, in the purely "going through the motions" world of making it look like they're investigating politicians, has turned him into a rat. Of course, the best cliche is his invoking all the God references after he's been had. He's a Dick. Now he gets to go from political influence peddler and generally slimy puke to "Inmate 12345." Fare-thee-well, Mr. Me-off. Don't forget the soap on a rope.
http://news.yahoo.com/s/ap/20060330/ap_on_re_us/lobbyist_fraud

Artsy people, museums, and Yoga. Too easy. This is as cliche and stereotypical as Birkies, tree-huggers, and yogurt. http://news.yahoo.com/s/ap/20060330/ap_on_he_me/fit_fitness_artsy_yoga

Ga. Congresswoman in Scuffle With Police. Wow! This one covers a few of them. A Black politician from Atlanta? What else is there? A black politician who doesn't act right? Hmm, where have I seen that before? A black woman who thinks she can put the smackdown on the coppers and either doesn't have to listen to them, or thinks she's so important they should know her. Whoa! Are you trying to hit all the stereotypes at once? Well, her last public appearance besides in congress was at the Martin Luther King Service...dressed in tiger stripes!
http://news.yahoo.com/s/ap/20060329/ap_on_go_co/McKinney_scuffle

The inept government attorney. The Moussaoui prosecutors called the terrorist a "hanger-on," in terms of his involvement with 9-11, saying he was dreaming he had involvement, but was pretty much a terd. They didn't say strap-hanger, leech, wanna-be, or some other well-known term...they used "hanger-on." I'd like them to use hanger-on'er. They say he used lies in order to hide what was to happen on 9-11. Maybe next they'll call him a "big meanie." A dictionary and thesaurus are on the way to the Justice Department. http://news.yahoo.com/s/ap/20060330/ap_on_re_us/Moussaoui

Iran Urged to Clear Up Nuclear Suspicions. Yep, here goes that fearless bunch of idiots in the U.N. again. The told Iran to clear-up questions about their nuclear programs in 30 days or else. Or else what? Or else they'll have another meeting and declare Iran a bunch of no-fun "doo-doo heads" and then huff and stomp away like the impotent, gut-less, worthless body of bureaucrats they are. In more stereotypical fashion, the Europeans say they want to get "tough," but don't actually want to do anything to Iran. It's like a French cop yelling "stop! Or I'll yell stop again!" Further, the Russians and Chinese are urging caution, which are the first steps to dissent among the paper-tiger security counsel, while the Russians say the most important thing that came out of the meetings was a unified counsel. Wow, the most dysfunctional organization in the world is united on something... Maybe the United Nations should stick to what they're good at...milking the U.S. for money while being corrupt; taking money from international programs for personal gain; nepotism, and all other forms of vice and graft. http://news.yahoo.com/s/ap/20060330/ap_on_re_mi_ea/un_iran_nuclear

Arab taxi drivers. In this case, Miami Arab taxi driver rapists... http://www.miami.com/mld/miamiherald/news/14213581.htm

The continuing saga of the stereotypical "it's all about me" American society...a society that has a service problem. "Broward to make military recruitment opt-out forms more accessible" http://www.miami.com/mld/miamiherald/news/breaking_news/14215157.htm

The stereotype of Lib vs Conservative, Dem vs Republican, and a newspaper poll showing a democrat beating a republican. With Catherine Harris, it's also the one about an inept rookie politician, and how one side makes the other look as dirty as possible, whether it's true or not. http://www.miami.com/mld/miamiherald/news/breaking_news/14215876.htm

This news article is about Jessica Simpson wanting to adopt kids, and that's not the stereotype. In the very end of the article it says she's doing a movie about a movie star who hits rock-bottom and joins the Marines. There it is; the stereotype that the military is the last resort and final place for the disenfranchised, destitute, and destroyed to go. http://entertainment.tv.yahoo.com/entnews/eo/20060329/114368262000.html

Actors with no brains try to prove they have one, and those with brains try to prove they're not corrupt. Rob Reiner is also your cliche' Hollywood democrat that has the money to be a liberal, and is too arrogant to possibly question if he should be. http://news.yahoo.com/s/nm/20060329/pl_nm/california_reiner_dc

Fascism in the Middle East. With the installation of the terror goup Hamas into power in Palestine, and with Mahmoud Abbas as the central figure, fascism reigns supreme...just as it does in Afghanistan, Pakistan, Saudi Arabia, and all those other places where race, religion, and a strict adherance to a political philosophy determine the rules... http://news.yahoo.com/s/ap/20060330/ap_on_re_mi_ea/palestinians_israel

March 29, 2006

This position got her that way in the first place!

This photograph, released by sculptor Daniel Edwards on Tuesday, March 28, 2006,shows his sculpture of singer Britney Spears giving birth. The life-sized "Monument to Pro-Life: The Birth of Sean Preston," seen at the artists studio in in Moosup, Conn., will be shown at the Capla Kesting Fine Art gallery in the Williamsburg section of New York beginning April 7. (AP Photo/Daniel Edwards)

I wonder if it's anatomically correct??? If so, the artist definitely has issues...not like he doesn't already!

Next time you think you're having a bad hair day...

Music producer Phil Spector is shown in Superior Court Monday, May 23, 2005, in Los Angeles.

Hey Phil...the seventies are over pal...

Maybe it's some kind of animal living on his head?
Hair Club- he's not just a member, but also the plaintiff...

I didn't know cotton candy came in that color.

Hedgehog hair by Ronco...

He finally figured out what to do with all that dryer lint...

Christian convert sightings continue...

In reports following yesterdays escape from hell, numerous sighting of the Afghan man who converted to Christianity have been recorded. So far, he's been seen:

Taking his picture with Mickey at EuroDisney. Or is it Le Mickey?

Earlier in France police responded to a group of men apparently assaulting someone. Fearing the man was the Afghan escapee, police rushed to the scene only to discover the men kicking the Le Crap out of a Mime. Apparently French people hate Mimes too...

Some time later he was spotted flying a cargo airplane full of the fabled "rubber dog shit" out of Hong Kong. This was proven impossible as in recent years China has become the world leader in the rubber dog shit business and is now the sole manufacturer of imitation animal excrement and simulated bodily fluids industry. Everyone knows the yucks just keep coming when you play with plastic vomit and the fake spilled-can of soda! People just can't get enough!

He was also seen sneaking into that eminently more progressive country...Pakistan. Word had it after that, he was thinking of really "going nuts" and trying either Saudi Arabia or Iran! Somebody stop him! Talk about a party animal! He said he had dreams that had to do with seeing a woman's ankle and they made him feel dirty.

He was sighted in the United Arab Emirates having lunch with a strange looking American in a traditional woman's Durka. He said that also made him feel dirty...

Sighted in China being the taskmaster in a sweatshop employing 10 year-old girls making garter belts for American women. Word has it Michael Jackson told him about the position.

Spotted on South Beach where he saw suntan-oil-slathered Latin women in skimpy bikini's, some topless playing paddleball...and promptly exploded.

Thrown out of a casino in Atlantic City because his attempts at yelling "come on seven" in Arabic at the craps table sounded like he was getting ready to spit on somebody.

Seen enrolling at Yale.

Arrested with a group of soccer hooligans following Manchester United's defeat to Uventis.

Seen at Mount Rushmore on the job as the guy that dangles from a rope to clean Lincoln's nose.

Employed at over 100 Seven-Eleven, Circle-K, and Piggy-Wiggly convenience stores nationwide.

Taxi driver in New York City

Now gay and living in San Francisco where he absolutely refuses to wear anything tan or brown.

Tour guide at St. Peter's Basilica in the Vatican.

Seen running across the southern border of the United States disguised as a Mexican, where he was promptly apprehended and returned to Mexico. Apparently authorities had a hard time believing his name was Pancho Villa.

Driving the Conch Tour Train in Key West. Apparently he makes money on the side convincing drunken tourists to take their picture with him because of how much he looks like Hemingway.

Roadie for Aerosmith

Third member of the all Arab reggaeton group "Dos Rag-Heads and a Camel Jockey."

Learning to bribe law enforcement officials and mix martinis in case he could ever be of service to Ted Kennedy.

He's inspector #9.

MORE SIGHTINGS AS THEY HAPPEN!

Scarlett Johansson tops sexiest list

No she doesn't! She's cute, but she's a kid. So are Jessica Alba, Jessica Simpson, and Keira Knightley. Besides, Jenny McCarthy comes off as so obnoxious it takes any chance of sexiness away. As for Carmen Electra, she tries too hard and married a guy with a head three-times too big for his body. Terry Hatcher's pretty,but it was that stupid TV show that got her on the list. Halle Berry is pretty, and again, Maria Sharipova is also just a kid.

Tell you what...my wife better be on that list!

How to spell r-e-t-i-r-e-m-e-n-t...

from today's Miami Herald:

SO YOU HAD A BAD DAY...
Patti LaBelle struggled through a weekend show in Palm Beach County after taking the stage at midnight, at one point sitting down and crying.
''I've never been this embarrassed in my life,'' LaBelle told the crowd Saturday at the Riviera Beach Jazz & Blues Festival. ``It's the worst show I've ever done in my life.''
As temperatures dipped into the low 50s, LaBelle explained that she's nearly 62, has diabetes and a heart murmur -- and the cold weather wasn't agreeing with her.
The R&B singer tried to belt out a few notes, then told fans huddled under blankets that she understood if they walked out on her.
LaBelle struggled through Lady Marmalade with assistance from a few in the crowd, sang some gospel songs and On My Own before retreating.

Low fifties, sick, heart problem, and going on at midnight? She has unrealistic expectations. I wouldn't have gone on and I'm twenty years younger. When you lose the awareness you're doing something you shouldn't be doing, it's time to hang it up.

March 28, 2006

Christian Convert Vanishes After Release

Now this is proof we're all insane! This is an international incident...a man in Afghanistan, a place so ass-backward that they want to kill a guy for converting to Christianity! This is a place where we're spending billions, and Americans have been killed, and for what? What's changed? Are the Taliban truly out? I say f--k no.

President Karzai is afraid of offending the sensibilities of these Muslim clerics who are calling for the murder of this guy? Muslim "students" are joining in? Is it the same school where the 42-year old 9-11 types come from? The same school that teaches Muslims that everybody should pity them because of how disaffected they supposedly are and their only recourse is to go kill people?

I just have to ask what the fuck are we doing over there if this sort of shit is happening in March 2006?

Thoughts of the day.

Douglas MacArthur named commander of all forces in Korea, July 8, 1950. Exactly 14 years before I was born on that day.

July 8 1776 was the first time the Declaration of Independence was read in public. 230 years before I was born on that day.

In the irony of ironies, there is a Kevin Bacon blog or two early in this thing. July 8, 1958, Kevin Bacon was born...six years before I was born on that day. I only have one degree of Kevin Bacon.

With the release of this Abdel Rahman character, the country of Afghanistan is saying Christians are mentally unfit to be Muslims. This is a country that wants to kill a guy for not wanting to be a Muslim. Sounds a bit "salmon Rushdie-ish" to me. Yep, he believes in something different than other people...so let's kill him before it spreads. Allah wants you to be a mindless drone who blindly follows his edicts as dictated to you by an out-of-touch, narrow-minded, near-sighted, non-traveled, bigoted, hate-mongering elder called an Imam, who can dictate the Muslim holy book as he sees fit, and to his own ends. Yep, drones kill, drones bomb, drones fly airplanes into buildings. Come on, we want more drones...

Sean Hannity ripped Alec Baldwin a new one on the Scottie Whitman radio show.

Why does the name "Jack Abramoff" sound so much like a verb?

Lyndon Johnson preferred calling his wife "Lady Bird" because it gave her the initials LBJ. Her name was Claudia. I like Claudia better. I found out recently two interesting facts about him which make me think he was a kooky cat, and probably would have been interesting to talk to: First, he liked to take his friends and visitors for rides on the country roads near his ranch and drink scotch while doing 90 mph. The second is he used to take important people into the bathroom to discuss important things, which he thought put psychological pressure on the person to whom he was speaking. He did that in combination with looming over them, since he was 6'4".

Animals can walk and poo at the same time, but people can't. I bet you always wanted to know that!

Graceland went on the registry of National Historic Landmarks. In fact, it's the second most popular home museum in the country, following the White House, with Mount Vernon, Monticello, and Ernest Hemingway's house trailing way behind. In an interview, Lisa Marie said Elvis loved Graceland and she was so proud of him. She also spoke of how people the world over loved her father. Yep...so that's the reason why he died alone, overweight, from a drug overdose while on the toilet, and when he hit the floor no one was around to hear it. Uh-huh, great way for the "King of Rock and Roll" to go. What did the EPC (Elvis Presley corporation make last year? $60 million? I would have said the same thing...

If animals can sense evil, how can Hillary Clinton have a cat?

March 24, 2006

That's NORTH Jersey, Thank You

So New York and California have the worst air pollution eh? That's no friggin shock. Washington DC and Jersey, well there's no earth-shattering news there either...

But Oregon? What's going on in Oregon? I thought the place was full of tree-huggers and the lumberjacks that love to cut them down? By "them" I mean the trees or the tree-huggers it really makes no difference.

One thing people should know, however, is the pollution that gives the Garden State its bad rap comes from two places. 1. From the area around New York City in North Jersey, such as Newark, Hoboken, Jersey City, Elizabeth, Bayonne, etc., and 2. from the area right near the Deleware Memorial Bridge that connects Southwestern Jersey to Delaware.

South Jersey is (believe it or not) predominantly state forest, farmland, and seashore barrier islands. To be on the beach here is to see the cleanest air anywhere. Actually, you can't see the air, which proves it's clean!

Like Springsteen said, " cause down the shore everything' s all right."

Keep that Jersey slander to yourself...

The best place to pick up easy, irresponsible chicks!

An abortion rally during the middle of the week has to be the easiest place to pick up a sleazy broad! After all, they skipped-out on work to go rally for the right to have doctors rip out a fetus if their irresponsible sexual activities end up getting them pregnant.

What other conclusion is there? I mean another that makes sense...not the "women want the right to blah blah blah stupidity about planning their lives, etc. Do they want the truth? Here it is: If you think you're old enough to have sex, then you're old enough to have a kid. Maybe these sluts should keep their pants on...

March 23, 2006

Alternate Universe Discovered Off Coast of Aruba!

While in the process of photographing every inch of the earth looking for Osama bin Laden, Jimmy Hoffa, the lost Nixon tapes and Amelia Earheart's car keys, NASA engineers recently discovered an alternate universe which they say actually surrounds the island of Aruba.

Apparently, upon entering this alternate universe, all 17-year old sexually active teenagers become virgins and are instantly transported forward four years, thus making them of legal drinking age.

Scientists examining this phenomenon also noted what they call a "leaking effect," where the parents of these teenagers are magically led to believe this universe and its effects are real, instead of the reality they let their 17 year-old daughters free, or actually sent them to drink, gamble, have sex, and ultimately get killed.

March 22, 2006

One more thing about the fountain...

Here's what I think it would be a fitting tribute to Diana:

A big statue of her in a bikini standing next to Dodi Fayed as Dodi urinates on a smaller statue of Prince Charles, who is riding Camilla.

Maybe a statue of her as the little Coppertone kid with her butt showing...and Charles kissing it...again, as Dodi Fayed pees on him.

What about Diana in body armor pushing Charles onto a land-mine that sends him flying over a model of Buckingham Palace where the government has come and is reposessing all his stuff!

Hey! He may be a prince, but he's no day at the beach...if you know what I mean.

Maybe it can be one where Diana bitch-slaps the Queen, who turns and slaps Charles, who turns to slap Camilla but gets one from her instead. Then Charles turns to his son William, who slaps him, and then to Harry, who slaps him also, then to Winston Churchill and Tony Blair, each who give the prince his just comeuppance. Charles then turns back to the queen, whom he slaps. The Queen then turns back to Diana and gets a palm-pasting from her, starting the whole thing again. All the while, a likeness of Richard Branson slaps Camilla at will. I know they have nothing to do with each other, but I like Richard Branson and Camilla needs additional pasting so I figured what the hell. There's another version where everybody gets kicked in the crotch, but you get the picture.

Meanwhile, a nearby statue of Pierce Brosnan gets a slapping from Colin Farrell due to Brosnan's being such a little bitch about the latest James Bond movie and Colin...well, he just seems to be everywhere.

Next to that is one of Hugh Grant getting kicked in the "James" by Elizabeth Hurley with a gusto that would bring a tear to Rochambeau's eye, while a recording shouts "what are you, stupid?" in her voice every time her knee finds its target.

Next to that one is the fantasy statue of the members of Coldplay getting their butts kicked by the all-girl members of L7 and Team Dresch!

Next to that is a statue of a football (soccer to us Yanks), an actual frisbee, and a little girl selling Jello. Why? Because the Brits love their football, there's never a bad time for frisbee and there's always room for Jello...

England has obviously gone insane!

A "problem-plagued" memorial fountain that costs $3.5 million more than it should? I know people really loved Princess Diana, but are you all freaking nuts or what?

$9 million dollars for a memorial fountain for a dead princess, and 520K on the opening ceremony! Wow! She was apparently important enough for old Queenie to drop that kind of dough, but not so important as to be treated well while she was alive! Her husband is obviously inbred and deranged. Proof? Well, no one really needs anything more than whom he chose over Diana! Eek! The memorial is all part of the collective guilt of the "Royals" and their attempt to look magnanimous instead of disingenuous. Not!

The odd thing is how people reacted. Some say the memorial is fitting, while others say it isn't quite enough! I think they all need their heads examined. Charles should count his lucky stars too. Just look at his two sons...handsome, intelligent, with great potential. He obviously saw Diana as nothing more than breeding stock, and it's a good thing he didn't see Camilla that way! Can you imagine that? How gooney-looking would those unfortunates be? Long faces, squinty-eyes, teeth so crooked they could eat corn-on-the-cob through a chain-link fence, with personalities so dry they would make even British comedy look like slap-stick. I can picture a kid with a face like Alfred E. Neuman playing bridge and drinking tea (at 11 years-old) and using expressions like "how droll" and "by-the-bye." He would need at least three bodyguards so he wouldn't get his ass kicked at least once a day!

Do you think Diana would have preferred the 9 million go to land-mine removal or saving little kids in Africa, or to some huge stone testament to the worthlessness and obsolescence of the royal system in England? The fact that the same people who ignored and mistreated her while she was alive still have their priorities all screwed-up isn't lost on me. No wonder they didn't like her...she was the only sane one of the bunch.

March 18, 2006

Man Severs Own Penis, Throw it at Officers

Catch! Watch my change-up! Whoop!

Question: If you cut off your nose to spite your face, what does cutting off the "one-eyed monster" do? Answer: It proves you're a freakin psychopath! Nutcase. Whack job. Looney Tune. Knucklehead. "It's a bit drastic" is definitely an understatement.

Now this makes men squirm just thinking about it. What's up with that? Well, not his Johnson, I guess. So what gives? Was it being impudent? Talking back to him? Being uncooperative? Nagging him to use it on an actual girl once in a while? Did it have a hair-trigger problem that he found embarassing? Or did he finally realize it was his one true friend?

So he cut it off because of problems with his girlfriend in...Poland... That was probably after he broke up with his girl from Canada, and the one before that from Denmark...and all the other imaginary girlfriend's he's had. He probably turned queer, regrets it, and has to "exercise the demon."

Cops have glamorous jobs too, don't they? Nothing like having to fight a crazy naked guy who has a bunch of knives, is bleeding like hell and just cut off his own wanker.

So they sew it back on? Is it straight? It better be or he's the proud owner of a boomerang with the ability to pee around a corner.

Of course, if you just cut off Captain Winky, you're koo-koo for Cocoa Puffs...

Sometimes I love the news...

I don't love the news for the politically biased news articles, but rather, for the way the headlines seem so ridiculous. In a news media attempt to be either political or provocative, sometimes they just end-up sounding silly. For instance:

Bombs, bullets greet Shiites on pilgrimage - After all, nothing says "welcome" like an ambush.
New abortion law may affect S.D. tourism - I never knew abortion was such a tourist attraction!
Many in Belarus love their autocratic leader - ...and if they say different...they get shot.
Aussie strippers win meal break, OT rights - now there's the best indicator of the development of a society...when they finally feed the strippers and pay them overtime! What's next? They get to vote? Good thing they have a union! They also get maternity leave, which I think is bad because you know how much everybody wants to see a pregnant woman hump a brass pole.
'South Park' battle over Scientology heats up - It's funny when a celebrity religious group feels threatened by a cartoon.
'Dukes of Hazzard' actor Tom Wopat charged - A guy stars in a TV show 20 years ago and that is what he's most famous for? That's sad. I try to forget stuff I did 20 years ago.
Bush adviser says Iran bluffing on Iraq - And we all know how right the Bush advisors have been!
Two more deaths added to record-high Bike Week toll (Miami Herald) What? Come on, there's nothing safer than bar-hopping on a motorcycle, especially with a passenger!
Argument over relationship ends with shooting at mall - Now who brings a gun to the mall? I mean really? Is it used to get lower prices? "Now how much is that lava lamp?" Is it to help you shop? "I wanna go to the record store. No, I wantto Victoria'storia's Secret (Boom!). Okay, we'll go to the record store!" "Quit looking at that guy (Boom)." "Do these pants make my ass look fat? I didn't think so."
Safety stand down held at Kennedy Space Center after mishaps - Again? What the hell is wrong with these people? Don't have a politically correct "safety stand down...make some heads roll! Kick some ass! For crying out loud, demand safety and do your risk management! Who's in charge over there? Get him on the phone!
Jerry Lewis gets French medal - Is it a medal with Pepe' Le'Pew's face on it? Maybe a miniature Eiffel tower with the German and Iraqi flags on top? Le' Bozo badge? I know...it has a picture of Chirac surrendering to a schoolgirl while he's standing on a French immigrant, right?
Striking workers at UM to get raise - At one of the best learning institutions in the state, they couldn't negotiate? There's a law school right there! Lawyers showing their value yet again. In typical fashion, union workers make the company lose money by striking in order to get more money...a vicious circle unions will never understand. Giving in to them just makes it worse. Florida is a right to work state, so busting the union is no issue.
Fashion Designer Oleg Cassini Dies at 92 - From the truly meaningless file, this is some old fag that's famous for making dresses for Jackie O...the woman who was married to JFK, then married a Greek tycoon reportedly so her kids would grow up wealthy, then when she died was buried next to the president. Hmm. What do they call a woman who has a relationship with someone for money?

March 17, 2006

St. Patrick's Day...apparently the day to get yourself an Asian chick...

Leprechauns like them too...but isn't he supposed to wear green?

Gay Pol to Skip St. Patrick's Day Parade

Go ahead and skip it little Miss Carpet-muncher! This is the kind of stuff that makes gays look stupid as they try to push their agenda. A Gay and Lesbian Irish group? How F'ing stupid is that. Look out! Here come the Gay Indians, the Lesbian Eskimos, the Androgynous Asian Pacific Islanders, the Black he-she Association, the Transsexual Dwarves, and the Cross-dressing Canadian Club!

Do gays and lesbians have hearing problems or cognitive difficulties? Are they mentally-challenged? Why do I ask? The reason is obvious!

You weren't invited to the parade! Hello! It's kind of hard to boycott the parade and say you aren't going to go when you aren't invited and no one wants you there! This broad's probably a snotty pain-in-the-ass. "Well, I'm not going." Good, you're not invited. "Well, I'm not going" and on and on...

Oh, look at me! I'm so cool and trendy! Who needs the parade...I'll just go get some dinner and maybe go to church like a good little homosexual...

Do you think any of the people in the parade will be carrying any signs or banners celebrating their heterosexuality? I don't think so. Why? Because nobody wants to hear that shit...from any of them. No gay Irish or cleft-palate Italians. No cross-eyed Asians or transgender Germans or any of that stuff.

March 16, 2006

Underground Railroad Museum $5.5M in Red

I have to stop laughing long enough to type this... Political correctness comes back to haunt Cincinnati!!!

This thing has to be little more than a giant static display. I can't see too many moving parts required. Does it really need a $10 million /year budget? I'm laughing again!

Come on, having people re-enact operations of the "underground railroad" is just cruel, not to mention an EO complaint because you don't let any American Indian (Native American) or Alaska Natives (a.k.a. Eskimos) play the parts of slaves escaping the South! Racist bastards!

So 15 people already had to go? What do they think this is...The Rock and Roll Hall of Fame? I can't picture a very cheerful atmosphere, any rides, IMAX theater, or aquarium. Here's a hint; civil war reenactor-nerds do that stuff for free...just like people who go to Star Trek conventions or dress-up like characters from Star Wars.

A $110 million dollar Freedom Center. Wow! I can think of a bunch of things you could have spent your money on. You have to love PC politicians spending other people's money, then going back to the well after they realize how big of a failure they created. I wouldn't pay for it.

A $110,000,000 dollar Freedom Center in Cincinnati Ohio? Cincinnati...the city right near the Kentucky border? It's still in Ohio, isn't it? Ohio is still between Pennsylvania and Illinois, right? The people being known as among the most boring and plain in the entire country? The 86% caucasian (not of Hispanic origin) state? (Jersey is 66%). Jeepers Creepers!

Actually, I'm just kidding. Harriet Beecher Stowe lived in Cincinnati, and Ohio actually had the most developed and active underground railroad network of any state. It's very interesting and very historic. I just think the museum is a bit over-the-top. Check out the website:
http://www.ohiodnr.com/parks/explore/magazine/sprsum96/UNDERGRR.htm

Most Americans not Fit to Join

Some readers of the attached article may think it indicated a problem with the military. I would be so bold as to say this does no such thing.

A few months ago, a 2-star general came over to the desert to talk about the state of a couple branches of the army, and the army in general. He said something that stuck with me:

-The Army doesn't have a recruiting problem...America has a service problem.

I couldn't agree more. In our greedy, ego-centric, shameless, selfish country, I couldn't agree more...

Politicians should stay away from foreign policy

I thought about this earlier this morning when I saw a news article about the House of Representatives introducing a bill that would punish Iran. Well just hold the flappety-flappin phone a minute...

These are the same representatives who:
-let focus groups and lobbyists tell them how to think
-vote along poll numbers instead of with their conscience
-let special interests rule their terms of service
-allow political correctness to focus their efforts on the truly meaningless
-can't get along with each other
-believe bashing the president is a course of action for our country
-join subcommittees for the apparent prestige without knowing what the hell they're doing
-spend billions (with a b) of taxpayer dollars on pet projects, kickbacks, and political rewards

People full of this kind of bullshit and with this kind of bureaucratic narrow-mindedness should stick to domestic affairs where they can line their own pockets and not get our whole country in trouble.

For example, Congressman Kendrick Meek of Florida. His biggest claim to fame is being on the House Armed Services committee, where earlier this week, he told Secretary Rumsfeld there weren't enough minority generals in the military. That's pretty f-ing thin, but par for the course for Meek. Pretty boy...

How long were you in the military there, Congressman? Never? Oh...I see. Well, how about a nice hot cup of shut the f--k up! Minorities don't join the combat arms, they join the support units. Most of the generals come out of the combat arms, so unless you can convince more minorities to be grunts, then zip it, okay pal... I'm sick and tired of the whole EO speech. There are no roadblocks to minorities in the military or the service academies, so knock it off. Where did you go? A predominantly black school? Whoa! What about getting ahead based on merit there, Mama's boy? Yep, he got elected because his mother was the congresswoman in his district before him. How else do you go from Highway patrol to US House of Representatives so quickly?

What he should be asking is are there too many generals to begin with? How did we go from an 850,000 soldier force (pre-1994), to a 420,000 soldier force and not eliminate one single general officer position? Not one.

What about congressmen and women with agendas that aren't beneficial to society as a whole. Why would a congresswoman from California be so involved with Haiti? It was a black thing. Why is another so involved in Cuba to the detriment of other aspects of her service? Because she's Cuban. Should they be allowed to influence foreign policy? Definitely not.

Why would others let corporations tell them what to do unless there was something in it for them? What about the thousands, or possibly millions of people affected by a corporation wreaking havoc and raining death and destruction on them? Example? The most heavily subsidized industry in America is the sugar industry in Florida...the same industry that is destroying or has destroyed Lake Okeechobee and the Everglades. "Big" Sugar. The pollution from lake water released to both coasts devastates huge areas, kills millions of marine creatures, birds, reptiles, and both land and marine mammals, hurts other industries, and affects millions of people. The artificially high level of the lake has killed lake species, some specific only to that lake. Fertilizers have poisoned ground water and run-off causes algae blooms and devastation to both fresh and salt-water environments. The Everglades was called the "river of grass" until they dammed the lake in order to irrigate sugar lands. So why is it every time a sugar industry executive sneezes there's a politician there to wipe his nose?

Can you trust people who can't fix things at home to handle foreign policy?

Why do some of these people not have websites? Why do some of these people have no way to contact them except by phone to their office where some flunkie takes a message or you hear a recording to request information rather than get in touch? Why do none of the email links to them work (I spent time and tried a bunch.)

Politicians today just don't have the skills to do foreign policy, and they rely on bad advice, racial bias, ethnic bias, lobbyists, prejudices, personal agendas, and a bunch of other things they shouldn't. They should leave it to people who can do it right, and don't speak for corporations, special interest, or political parties, but truly have the best interests of our people at heart.

I know... I have as much chance of seeing that as I do peeing in the ocean and raising the tide...

Chinese President Issues List of Virtues

...so the number-one Commie over there created a list of virtues, did he? I have a couple more for the list:

-Honor thy eight-year old girl working 16-hour days making pants for the ignorant Americans...the best way to win a war is without firing a shot...we can pay her less and maximize our profits...one day owning the United States because they can't control themselves.

-Artificially deflate your money in order to make other money more valuable, thus creating a larger profit margin. Don't worry about being called an underhanded cheat...it's just business in the communist world.

Apparently, one of the virtues says "Be honest and trustworthy, not profit-mongering at the expense of your values." ...Are you shitting me?

March 13, 2006

I knew it! I knew it!

PARALLEL UNIVERSE DISCOVERED . . . Where Bill Clinton Is A Celibate Priest!

With his powers, I knew he was a space alien!

A couple thoughts...

When's the last time a liberal recommended a solution to an issue instead of just trying to make someone else look bad? They're like children who spill ice cream on the floor, then try to blame the other kids for their mistake while they have money handed to them and pull out their other pocket claiming they haven't gotten any money yet.

Why would a Jew buy a German car?

If China locks-up gays and forbids homosexuality, should gays shop at Wal-Mart? (Hint: 70% of everything in the store is made in China)

What could be worse than a lawyer who goes into politics?

The same people who want to impeach the president think it was okay for President Clinton to get a BJ in the White House, dip his cigar "where the sun don't shine," spooge on his college intern's dress, then lie about it to the entire country on national TV and try to use some lawyerly bullshit (the definition of "is") to get out of it. Then his wife just lets it go and she's the darling of these same democrats?

Wow. How does Bill do that?

If someone really needs an ass-whooping, you should be able to give them one. There should be guidelines you can go by and keep on something the size of a credit card so you can hand it to them beforehand. Family members don't need a card first.

Why don't people like station wagons but love mini-vans? If you put a sliding door on the side, would they like it then?

If you buy a foreign car that's built in this country, are you helping to keep someone employed and giving money to foreigners? If you buy an American car, are you paying a corporation and a labor union...and giving money to foreigners since most of them are made in Canada and Mexico?

Gordon Gekko is an ass. Greed is not good. Greed will lead to some country trying to take-over the United States within my lifetime.

Ignorance and Greed led to American jobs going overseas. Both sides wanted too much money.

Ignorance and Greed led us to the Iraq war. The oil companies hold all the top seats in government.

Ignorance and Greed will keep gas prices high. No way the government would ever let the oil companies have less-than "insane" profits.

Ignorance and Greed led us to the trade imbalance: Everybody has to buy everything they can, money or not. No one remembers to buy American-made, and some things you can't buy American-made, even things we invented.

Ignorance and Greed led to my divorce. She was worried about herself first, not her son, marriage, home, honor, or morality. Now she can live with the consequences.

Ignorance and Greed puts people in bankruptcy.

Ignorance and Greed started every war in history. It's the battle of the "haves versus the have-nots," and the greedy struggle for power and domination. People don't remember the movie "War Games," where the message of the movie was there is no winner in a nuclear war. The only point is not to have one. Maybe we should show it to the Iranians.

Ignorance and Greed keeps France on the side of the money every time.

Ignorance and Greed guarantees there will never be a cure for cancer, hair loss, aging, failing eyesight, liver disease, TB, or any other disease the drug companies profit from.

Why is my wife so smoking-hot?

Why do we value money and rich people with no moral value, character, or integrity more than a common person with these traits?

Do all people that are sniveling pukes and selfish jerks as kids stay that way the rest of their lives?

Where did the first person come from that ate a crab, a bears gall bladder, a shark fin, a camel's hump, a gorilla paw, or an elephant's asshole? I'll give you a guess...it rhymes with China.

If stupid girls who think modeling has a redeeming social value and get paid to walk around in lingerie and ugly dresses all the time and profess to love it so much...why aren't any of them smiling?

Can a gay man dress a male model to represent all men, or just gay men?

Fashion weirdos think people watch "Fashion TV" for the designer clothes. Nope. They watch it for the girls in swimwear and lingerie who (every once in a while) don't look like they need a sandwich and 8-hours sleep. When they show the faggy-looking guys (really kids), that's when people take a potty break.

Is an insurance company breaking any laws when they fail to pay? Oh, I forget, they own the other part of the government not owned by the oil and drug companies...

Why is it when you sleep in so late that you have problems getting to sleep the next night, when you wake up the following morning, you're still tired?

Now I understand the philosophical difference between Sting saying "We are spirits in a material world" and Madonna saying "I am a material girl." What a worthless tramp.

March 12, 2006

Lying liberal whack-job alert!!!

Feingold Proposes Bush Censure Over Spying

Again the democrats are so clue-less they have nothing else they can do but bash the president. Thanks for making every country around the world know our government is a bunch of arrogant, elitist, back-stabbing, disloyal, uncooperative and incompetent buffoons who are so out of touch with real life they all need ass-kickings. Thanks again.

Yep, Bill Clinton can use the NSA to watch Americans and that shithead President Carter can give away our strategic defense capability in the Caribbean and let the Chinese government control the Panama canal, but let Mr Bush use the NSA and everybody suddenly has an issue.

Talk about some disingenuous partisan bullshit. (By the way, I know the Carter thing is off the point, but that just pisses me off).

Chicago Requires Driver's Ed for the Blind

The finest education system in the world!

They also require them to pass needlepoint in home economics, play dodgeball in gym class, play baseball, participate in cross country running as an extra curricular (for those new to the U.S., that means running long distances through the woods), be the bus monitors, take the welding test in metal shop and make a microscope rack in woodshop, string the lights at "non-specific non-denominational winter celebration" time, coach the shooting team, and judge all horse-jumping competitions.

The hearing-impaired (also known as the deaf) kids are required to pass music class, the physically challenged, handi-capable kids (if you call them the crippled kids, or the gimpy kids, or the "one with the bum leg," you get sued) have to join JROTC. The developmentally challenged (can't call them retards) are required to join the debate team, the cheerleading squad, and cut all the firewood for the homecoming bonfire. After all, there's nothing that says handi-capable better than giving a bunch of retards a mess of axes and chainsaws and saying "have at-it!"

Actually, in lawsuit-happy America, the school system is probably afraid to not include them in drivers ed. You never know, one of the blind kids may pull the "race card!"

March 11, 2006

Thoughts for today...

...Why do they call them think "tanks?" What kind of tank are they talking about? The armored tank that has firepower and can charge the enemy and use decisive tactics and engagement to destroy, or a tank like a septic or fish tank where ooze collects, combines, and coagulates with other forms of ooze...

When was it determined that the breast was a focal point and an object of desire for women? What if it was something like their foreheads? Would we still celebrate the size of their forehead? Would they augment their foreheads? Would they cover them if they were modest and expose them if they weren't? Would we disregard the "hooters, bozo's, snoobs, rack, melons, jugs, taa-taa's, cans, etc?

Is all Mexican food the mixed together, tasteless, "let's smother it in hot peppers and cheese" kind of retch that I see? If you have to add hot peppers, cheese, or sour cream to it to taste it, then why eat it? Do you mix all your food together?

What if Ronald McDonald's first name was Al?

Why do some women wear more under their clothes than they do to the beach, but get all freaked out if you see them in their underwear? Hey girls, I have news...if you don't want a guy to see what your equipment looks like in your underwear, a bikini does the same thing. Do women make a conscious decision when it's acceptable for other men to see them in their underwear? If someone sees your wife or sister in a bathing suit, they can see her crotch just like they could if she was in her underwear... Oops!

So the American was the only hostage to get killed out of those Christian missionaries in Iraq. I'm not surprised, it's no big shock, and I actually expected that. They didn't kill him first because he was a Christian missionary in a Muslim country. They did it because he was the American.

So who made everyone hate Americans so much? Politicians...not any of us. Stereotypes like fat booze-hound rich white guys making deals and swaggering around like they're royalty in our country.

Is it really Walmart's problem?

Hypothetical situation:

I grow up with limited education and questionable skills, so I go to work in the local factory, where I get pressured into joining the local union because "they fight for me." So while I'm doing some mindless job, the union is fighting the company that gave me the job. They fight and fight, foster bad relations with the company and create an adversarial relationship...all for me. The company on the other hand, now doesn't like me because I'm their adversary, and they think they're being pushed into paying me more than other companies (especially overseas) pay their employees to do the same work. Who am I to complain? After all, $15 dollars an hour to make razor blades and beer huggies is pretty good.

Eventually it gets to the point where in order to pay me the money the union requires (in order to not go on strike and stop the company from making any money), they have to either take the quality out of the products we make, or employ less of us. They can't fire any of us because of...you guessed it...union rules. So the company takes the quality out of the product (just like the United Auto Workers forced the car companies to do in the 70's), and sales drop, so less money is coming in. All the while, the union is demanding raises for members and increases in health care coverage and cost of living allowances or they'll stop working until they get it. This is money the company doesn't have, but faced with a strike, they take more quality out of the product in order to limp along under the union rules.

Not able to bear the burden of more money going out than coming in, and with flagging sales, the factory is forced to decide which product line is the least profitable...and stop it. Wouldn't you know, as bad luck would have it, that's my product line. So instead of going with the newest employees first, they lay off everybody...well, everybody except a union steward who magically gets transferred to another line while the rest of us are laid off. A couple months later, I find out the factory now makes the products from my product line, in a factory in China, where people are glad to have a job. Oh, and they just stopped another product line to ship it overseas before they get in such bad financial straits again. Again, the union reps weren't laid off.

So the union, in their greed, lost my job for me. Of course, the union reps all still have jobs, and they want dues from me even though I'm not working...because they're working to get my job back. Sure they are...

Greed is to blame. Greed from companies trying to make a profit; greed from the unions trying to make a profit, and greed from workers thinking they should make 20 bucks an hour to make garbage cans (which now come from China along with the beer huggies, razor blades, garden hoses, shovels, toys, sports equipment, sneakers, and every other damn thing, including the lingerie in the AAFES post exchange catalog.) Why do you think America's biggest company is Wal-Mart and they import 70% of their products from overseas? Americans want to buy cheap shit but it costs too much for companies to make cheap shit...with union labor.

Of course, does the government care about lowering the trade deficit, keeping kids out of sweat shops and factories overseas, and keeping American jobs? About as much as the unions do.

So don't look for the union label, bacause all you'll find is underwear from Mexico, socks from Thailand, T-shirts from Sri Lanka, pants and shoes from China, a belt from Chile, and a hat from Korea. Look around the house for American goods and good luck finding any. Look out in the driveway, and you'll see Japan, Germany, or Korea. Put up an American flag at your house...it's made in China. Sure we invented the TV and the computer, but now those things and all other electronics are made in Asia, where people find nobility in working and aren't born with the idea that someone owes them something.

Want to find the truly American thing in this situation? Greed. Now that's American. Ignorance and arrogance too.

March 9, 2006

Men's Rights Group Eyes Child Support Stay

Okay, look at this Putz...

I have news for him. News he may not want to hear...

Sorry dude, but you banged her...live with it.

This is some real after-the-fact bullshit. So what women have more choices when their pregnant. In case anyone forgot, they're the ones that do that. I know our country hates gender roles, but life's a bitch...literally for this guy. And so what men have no choices after the girl gets pregnant.

Here's a revelation for all the guys that can't keep it in their pants...if you play with a loaded gun, don't be surprised if it goes off. (hey, some double entendre') Literally, if you can't put a rubber on, maybe you're too stupid to be allowed to breed in the first place, but if you believe anything a American woman tells you, then you're proving you're an idiot.

Now don't go thinking I'm some liberal, bite your tongue. In fact, pierce your tongue because the way you're going to get bent over by the court system, you may as well learn to be gay. I got raked over the coals during my divorce by a corrupt and sexist court system, but I learned to live with it. Do you know why? Because it's my son, no matter who he lives with. Of course, I wanted him to being with, but she doesn't even deserve custody of him, the stupid slut that she is.

So go ahead and try your frivolous lawsuit. Sure men get no choice, but you have one in the beginning. Next time take it...and bang her with someone else's Johnson.

Oh silly man, thinking anyone cares...

Armed man takes pupils hostage in French school...and the French Army Surrenders

Oh, so it's only in our country where nutcases come to school with guns? I don't think so.

Maybe he wants answers to questions he's been asking himself for years, like"

-Why does my entire body smell like goat cheese?
-Who told the women to stop shaving under their arms?
-Why does the French Army fold up faster than a Swiss Army knife?
-Why does the sound of bullets make French Army troops put their arms in the air?
-Does Jacques Chirac ever smile? Can he smile?
-Why do they call them "French" whores?
-When will Jean-Luc Picard run for President?
-Where are the French Maids I saw in the Fredericks of Hollywood catalog?
-Why can't I stop fat people from French kissing?
-Who decided to eat the snails in the first place?
-Who called it a "French" tickler?
-I like those American Fries, but you can keep the French toast.
-What makes French roasting different from other kinds of roasting?
-Why do people think we hate them when we really just hate ourselves?
-Why can't we just take places over the right way, instead of the way we did in Vietnam, Haiti, Sierra Leone, French Guyana, Canada, etc.
-Why did they call it Legionnairs Disease if there weren't any Legionairres there?
-Why is a beret right for any occasion?
-Why do people think all mimes are French? I hate mimes?

Yep, this dude probably has a lot on his mind...

China Lashes Back at U.S. on Human Rights

As well they should. They call the United States hypocrites when we criticize other countries about their human rights issues. Sad to say, but they're RIGHT!

Of course, there are a few angles they don't see. Like how we enacted civil rights laws in our country, but some ethnic groups seem to subjugate themselves, wait for hand-outs, and blame others for their plight instead of helping each other to succeed as a group.

They see us help other countries during natural disasters...and where were they?

They oppose us on every initiative in the United Nations and are part of the problem, not part of the solution.

They employ child labor and suppress the value of their dollar to kill us on trade...and it's working.

They think we're oppressing Muslims, but even after an attack on our own soil, we allow millions of Muslims to live in the U.S.

However, they also see us spend money on other countries infrastructure to our own peril. We fight wars and burn billions of dollars on supposedly fighting terrorism abroad, to our own domestic peril. They watch as we save Pakistanis and Indonesians from natural disasters while we fiddle-f--k around with the recovery from Hurricane Katrina. They see us do nothing as American companies close down on our soil only to open up on theirs...then China cheats and kills us economically.

I find the hypocrisy of allowing Chinese people, who really live in a communist society, to come over here as tourists, and we force Cubans (also from a communist society) to risk their lives to come here. Ironically, we pay both the Cubans and the Chinese, only the Cubans get the money handed to individuals here while the Chinese government (remember those commies) get the money sent over to them.

I agree that an internal focus should be the goal. We should stop jumping in every time there are people being murdered, natural disasters, diseases, and all that. Then we should buy American products only. After that, we take all the money we spend overseas and clean up the cities.

Then we tell China to go f--k themselves.

In Honor of Chavez and Castro


...and their obvious love affair, as well as today's pop-culture issues...

It's really called "Broke-Country Mountain."

Flawed drama about post-combat tragedies

I'd love to know from which angle this play comes? The horror of battle? The problems with separations? The loyalty of spouses? I have a sneaky suspicion it comes from the bullshit angle that war turns men into brutal beasts who come home and take it out on their women who sat home like angels crying their eyes out while they were gone.

Has anyone ever heard of "Jody?" The mythic figure fabled in military lore and talked about every time soldiers march or run in formation?

"Ain't no use in calling home...Jody's got your girl and gone."

Well, a fight between a returning soldier and his wife that leads to his beating her to death has to have another element involved that would lead him to snap than just her moving the furniture. A scene in a play like that makes the assumption that soldiers are ignorant neanderthals that club their women unless they follow orders to the letter.

Having served at Fort Bragg, I can report that not a weekend goes by that you don't see wives of deployed soldiers out in the clubs, on dates, involved with other men, and doing things that are definitely not designed to help their marriages. That's Jody. What's worse is that other soldiers at Bragg not deployed disrespect their deployed brethren by pursuing their wives while they're away. That's Jody too.

"You know what happens when you're gone...your wife's got Jody mowing the lawn."

Then you have people who carry a weapon and live in danger for over a year and need to depressurize, only to come back and have things thrown on them. I know a troop that survived six IED attacks, two offensives, the initial invasion, and a year of street patrols and firefights, only to be told by his wife that staying home with their three year-old was harder than what he was doing. Then he went home to find out that she was involved with a soldier three ranks and 10 years younger than he, and that the neighbor's wife (whose husband was deployed, and was the person who was supposed to help his wife), was pregnant by the buddy of the soldier his wife was dating. When he confronted the soldier, the troop actually acted proud of what he was doing. To add insult to injury, during the divorce, the wife got custody of the three year-old. Did he take out his baseball bat? No, but if he did, I'd understand.

"Ain't no use in feeling blue...the kids call Jody 'Daddy' too."

Have some soldiers just come home and snapped? Sure. Have these soldier's upbringings and battle experiences contributed in some way? Probably. Could they have snapped because of something stupid like the bills, the house, the car, or thinking they've been disrespected? Are there tragedies out there? Yes. It happens. That's Jody too. But did the men have sole responsibility and the women are all just victims? Hell no. Oh, and remember, in an equal-opportunity army, Jody's a girl too.

"Ain't no use in feeling blue...Jody's got your girlfriend/boyfriend too..."

Writing a play about this kind of thing is sticking your nose where it doesn't belong, and talking about something you don't know jack-shit about, so stop it.

It's America's 'pastime,' but a Latin obsession

Wrong! It's not America's "pastime." I'll tell you why...

First, America's pastime is suing each other.

Next, baseball stopped being America's pastime when the business of baseball became more important than the game. When salary caps, bonuses, multi-millionaires; hundred-dollar tickets, stadium deals, strikes; arbitration, performance enhancing drugs, and Congressional hearings took precedence over the sound of the bat, the pitch, the hustle on the field, the camaraderie of the fans; bringing the kids to the game, and so on. When a hot dog and a coke became $12 dollars.

Last, it stopped being the pastime when players decided they were more important than the game, when they could verbally and physically assault people who pay to see them; once players decided they needed to charge for an autograph to some little kid; when players could take drugs and lie about it...making the assumption we're stupid; when stadiums steeped in sports history and loved by fans were knocked down for not generating the right kind of revenue.

Basically, greed screwed it all up. Greed...and ego.

Latin countries understand it's more than the players. It's an event; a part of their culture like how the British love their soccer (football). The players want the fans to come and be part of the spectacle, to celebrate not just their team, but the sport as part of their country. They want it to have a party atmosphere, to be festive. To them, it represents the best in sport, not just for the talented players or the action on the field, but for its nostalgia and history. It's an institution.

We don't have that in America anymore. We should stop kidding ourselves. Years ago, when the race for baseball revenue started, it rang the death knell for our national pastime. Now seeing players sign for $250 million just glaringly shows our greed, our ego, and our ignorance, not to mention what the baseball industry really considers important...the money, not the game.

Madonna getting her just desserts

So her daughter is asking her tough questions and is obsessed with gays? This is what normal people call her past "coming to bite her on the ass."

All those years of being a freak are tough to hide, and now that her kids need a role model, they find mommy a bit lacking, not to mention conflicted and ambiguous.

Lourdes asks why she kissed Britney Spears, and she gives her the bullshit "I'm the mommy pop-star" line? No Madonna, you're the egotistical and stereotypical singer seeing the end of her career and trying to hold onto your youth as your career starts to flag. Truth hurts...so live with it. By the way, how are those dark roots doing today?

Kids know bullshit when they see it, so saying she's "passing her energy" is just an insult to her own kid, who is obviously smarter than her mother realizes, and probably smarter than her mother. Once you "pass your energy," your energy should be gone, so why keep trying to be a pop star? It's like passing the baton...once you pass it, you don't have it anymore. Pretending you do just makes you look silly and pathetic.

Did Madonna ever hear of the term "putting two and two together?" Her daughter sees her published in "Out" magazine, a magazine of the gay community, and hears she is an "icon" of the same group of people. Then she sees her mother kiss another woman in front of an audience (a move a person who is "out" would do), and naturally puts two and two together. Then she's feuding with Elton John, someone who is openly gay and marries a man. How long will Madonna think her daughter is stupid?

Whatever happens, Madonna can rest assured she failed as a role model. Her nine-year old being obsessed with gays? Who put that in her head?

Dear Madonna,
Congratulations Dipshit....instead of your daughter playing with her friends, riding her bike, and being a kid, she's worried about sex-roles before the age of 10. Stop dragging her to all your adult functions like she's a handbag. She's not some accessory you need to show your friends. You're not a 47-year old "Diva," you're a 47 year-old parent. Start acting like one. Life is not all about you.

What are you getting her for Christmas? A bustier'?

Cuban Americans, White House to discuss policy

This is NOT how the Cuba policy should be discussed. Should I say that again? NOT!

Cuban-American members of Congress meeting with White House officials adds up to little more than a lobby group pushing their own agenda, but without the political kickbacks. This is a national issue and it should get time on the floor in order for the entire Congress to discuss it.

As a Miami resident and an American, I don't agree with the policy. I don't believe Cubans are refugees who come over and should be entitles to social security money. This is a charity and a lure to Cubans, creating a stronger draw for them than the urge to leave home. The policy also entices Cubans to risk their lives coming over. In plain language, the policy gets people killed. What's more, calling a Cuban a refugee is inappropriate in light of the political situation in the Caribbean and Central/South America. Far too many people live under Communist, Socialist, Marxist, or corrupt/tyrannical governments to single-out Cuba for refugee status.

You have to wonder about refugee status and the appropriateness of the law when you see Cubans in America waving their Cuban flags, creating Cuban sections of town, celebrating Cuban holidays, etc. They celebrate another country while this one gives them taxpayer money no taxpayer approved they could have. They act like they would rather be back in Cuba. People are treated worse in other places, so what makes Cuba so important? Years ago people came to America to be Americans. Now they come to be expatriots. I know, don't tell me the story of the people who sacrifice to come here in order to send money back home. If coming to where I come from is such a sacrifice...then don't.

Cubans aren't the only ones to do that. During the last Venezuelan elections, Venezuelans in Miami drove around town with Venezuelan flags on their cars, but not one of them put up an American flag. Maybe the US government would be more eager to help people if they didn't show how much they'd rather be somewhere else?

Being spit on by a Venezuelan when I was in uniform outside my South Beach apartment doesn't help my attitude either...

Ironically, I'm writing this while listening to the Buena Vista Social Club. You see, I want to go to Cuba, go fish in Cuba, and have nothing against it. Sure Castro is a dictator, but so what? People live worse in other places, but those people don't have anyone in Congress. Maybe going there would change my attitude?

I just think the policy is wrong, as is the fact Cubans lament their homeland once they get here. If someone misses their homeland so much, they shouldn't have left it in the first place. It's our own fault. We don't use the most "adult" diplomacy toward Cuba. The fact we use a bad policy that entices them to risk their lives to come here is our fault. Our policy gets Cubans killed.

March 8, 2006

Thoughts for Wednesday the 7th.

-We put terrorists in Guantanamo, kill them in Iraq and Afghanistan and hunt for them all over. They fly into the World Trade Center, crash into the Pentagon, fight us in the Middle East, and swear to kill all of us...but the spokesman for the Taliban is a student at Yale.

Yale is the same school where GW Bush and John Kerry went to school... Hmm.

They say we have 12 million illegal aliens in our country. How do they know?

Why do Taliban spokesmen get to go to Yale and illegal aliens get free college tuition? I think someone is screwing-up.

An Iranian student plows his SUV into a group of students to avenge the way the US has been treating Muslims. What about after the Pakistan Earthquake? What about the Muslims in Africa? What about our support for Egypt? What about all the free Muslims in our country? I guess we didn't learn our lesson about Middle Eastern "students" after 9-11. No big surprise how freaking stupid we are. I bet political correctness is to blame for that one.

If you call the spot where a nuclear bomb explodes "ground-zero," why are we using the same phrase to identify the spot where the World Trade Center used to be?

If you start catching fish, are you still "fishing?" If the game "go fish" involves blindly searching for a card, and a plumber blindly "fishes" something out of the drain, if I cast my line to a fish I actually see, am I "fishing?"

How can you work consecutive 15-hour days, exercise, eat fairly well, take it easy on caffeine after 12 noon and still have problems sleeping?

If a spaceship landed and a being got out, would it be an illegal alien, a plain old alien, or a trespasser?

Same spaceship lands and a being gets out. The being has the sexual organs of both men and women, and is in incredible shape by American standards...what do you do (besides being strangely fascinated)?

Same spaceship lands and Alec Baldwin gets out. What do you do?
Answer: Remember to put the fire out and stomp on the little pieces. I have the big ones.

Why do congressmen from Arizona need to "tour the border." It's been there all along and you've done absolutely jack shit about it so far, so what gives?

Why do they use the word "bob" to describe something floating and..well...bobbing up and down? Why do we call people name Robert "Bob?" Why bob? Why not some other word? Maybe Frank? Also, aren't the girls the ones that are supposed to "bob" up and down? Can't we tell something about a girl (or a guy for that matter), if we see them "bobbing?" I guess people named Richard are safe though, because the terms "dick" and "dicking" are too specific.

What does it mean when you have a dream you're a lobster driving a 1970 Eldorado convertible down the street and it starts to rain melted butter. Sitting next to you is Hunter Thompson, and in the back seat is a guy in a lobster costume that Thompson keeps yelling at for being a "poser," saying if he was going to be a lobster, he should be a real lobster?

Antique: an item produced in a bygone era.

I was born in 1964. When I look for used cars of that year, I have to look in the "Antique and Classic Car trader." Some people call them classics, while others say antique. I don't mind looking there. I know how old I am, and I like older things.

Old stuff is good, like old surfboards, old comfy clothes, old boats, old dogs, old furniture, old people, etc.

I find that no matter how well someone restores a car of that year, they always treat them gingerly, expect them to be tempermental, and don't use them as their everyday ride. It kind-of sounds like dating advice.

So this begs the question (well, at least to me); Why do they consider cars as old as me antique or classic, but not airplanes? You look at used airplanes nowadays and they talk about one built in 1958 like it's brand new. Yes, I know, constant maintenance, parts replacement according to a scheduled lifespan, blah, blah, blah. Still, there's no getting around the fact it's a small airplane that was built back when they were making Edsels.

Would I fly in a commercial airliner that was over 40? Nope. Would I get into a 40 year old car without thinking "wow, this is an oldie but a goodie?" Probably not. Sure, they're exciting, traditional, sturdy, and make us think of better times, but that's the cars. As for airplanes, all I'm thinking is "I wonder what's changed in metallurgy and engine technology in 48 years, and will the wings stay on? Would I want to use a 40-year old roll of aluminum foil if I found one? Would I be able to?

I would contend that the only older things we should stick to are our parents, older women, and things that stay on the ground. As for airplanes, it's time to call them antiques.

At least the ghouls are well paid

Panhandle woman sues over possible contaminated tissue transplant. As well she should.

Usually I can think about the depths of human greed, of how low we can go, and fail to be surprised. This story really makes me squirm, and I don't know why. I'm actually surprised.

Grave robbing and stealing bodies in order to cut them up and sell the parts? That's wrong on so many levels I'm just flabbergasted. Yuck. To think there are people so low they would desecrate human bodies for profit just disturbs me.

What's next? Eating the bodies? Stuffing them so you can use them like the "safety guy" you put in the passenger seat next to you? Hey, why have a fake dummy when you can have Uncle Larry? Maybe selling the parts on eBay? Okay, then I'd like a new large intestine. After ten months in the desert, it's been acting kind of funny. Do you offer any warranty? Can I put a colon on a credit card?

As for the body not being screened for HIV, I think once the human body drops four or five degrees after death the HIV virus dies. I hope so.

Two endangered American crocodiles found shot to death

One of them had a gun.

The other had a bootleg DVD of Brokeback Mountain.

Authorities think it was a murder-suicide.

Today's Darwin award winners

I know, any death of a kid is tragic, but you have to wonder a couple things:

-What were they doing playing ball in the bedroom?
-Why was there a sword on the wall in a kids room that wasn't fixed in such a way so it wouldn't come down or get knocked off the wall by something? What's next? A dart board and some throwing knives for the 9-year old?
- If one slash from a sword falling off a wall was enough to kill, then does that mean on top of everything else, the sword was sharpened?

I need to say "what the f---k is wrong with you people?" Let me start the chain saw before I put it on the shelf. No need to label the battery acid you put in that water bottle. When hammering, make sure you put your hand as close to the nail as possible. Forget those rear view mirrors... they're for sissies! That dog's not going to attack, no matter how mad he looks or those tooth-looking things I think he's showing you. Disregard the growling, he's just clearing his throat.
Those exhaust fumes don't bother me. Don't you think that smoke alarm is a bit loud? Put your hand in that barracuda's mouth so we can see what happens. Don't worry, hornets love to play. That snake doesn't look poisonous to me.

I personally have never seen a sword someone put on the wall being a sharpened sword...not even a Samurai sword. If you have a sharpened sword, it's no longer a decoration...it's a weapon. To have it on a rack where it can fall off is like loading a gun and tossing it to the 9-year old.

Don't call it an accident. The parents were either negligent, or this is a bullshit excuse for how it actually happened. It does have a "my dog ate it" feel to it. A slash from a slow moving sword with no power behind it. I smell a rat.

I don't think there are any future brain surgeons in this family. In fact, it seems as if Darwin stepped in and used their own ignorance to cull the herd. Ironic. It shows that the phrase "accident waiting to happen" is no joke. Neither is a kid getting killed because of stupidity.

March 7, 2006

Christopher Reeve's Widow Dies at Age 44

I wonder; if her husband never had his accident and was wheelchair-bound, and she never had to devote all her time to his care and the stress that comes from that, would she be dead now?

Exposure to gays leaves woman emotionally scarred

The headline actually reads "WIFE CAN'T SHAKE THE MEMORY OF HUSBAND AND BROTHER IN BED."

My first reaction is OMG! The one after that is hard to describe in writing but it comes with spitting on the floor while making the sound "oi."

I have news for this woman...they didn't go out to the bar, have someone slip them a "Mickey," and it made them decide to go home and slip each other the Dickey(it rhymes). If so, that was some of the best X ever!

So you have to ask yourself:

1. Was it that damned Brokeback Mountain that finally "outted" them?
2. How long has this been going on? Since before or after the movie premier?
3. What is it about you that makes your husband find your brother's ass preferable to your own?
4. Are you a frigid, nagging, stereotypical American woman? Are you capable of love? How are you between the sheets? Was it a position you refuse to do? Do you keep yourself in shape and the bikini-line "policed-up?"
5. Do you really want to be married to a fag?
6. How come you didn't jump in? Now that would be a psychiatrists wet dream!
7. Did you feel like gouging your eyes out when you saw that?
8. Have you ever heard your brother or husband use the term "fabulous?"
9. Why didn't your husband's sudden career change from electrician to interior decorator not ring any alarms?
10. How does he defend what he did? What's the real explanation? A magic pill...yeah, right.

Okay honey, here's some advice; it's not a man-bag!

Now it's time to get even. Go out and find the most smoking-hot woman you can find and let him catch you in the act.

Wait! That would probably just turn him back to being hetero...

B-Diddy

I heard the other day that Sean Combs wants to be called "Diddy" now. Hmmm. Let's review, shall we?

First it was Sean Combs. Then it was Sean "Puff Daddy" Combs. That was followed by "Puff Daddy," which was followed by "Puffy," then "P-Diddy," all of which not considered as "hip" and trendy as just plain old "Diddy." Maybe it's the efficiency of the one-word name...

I have questions about the further evolution of one Mr. Combs....a talented and successful man for sure, but someone who suffers from obvious identity issues. After all, who is Sean Jean? Is he French too?

After Diddy, I think it will go to "Do-wa-Diddy," which, as anyone knows, comes with a soundtrack from the glorious British Band Manfred Mann. I see a dub session in the future since rappers apparently have no talent or patience when it comes to melody, but here's some advice; somebody already did Ice-Ice Baby, and "what's his name" already did Led Zeppelin. I know...what balls...

This will undoubtedly be followed by "Do-wa-Diddy-Diddy," and after by "Diddy-Diddy-do." Of course, the next logical adaptation would be the even more efficient "Diddy-do," but since that sounds like a noun and tends to make people think of doggie doo, Mr. Combs will probably skip that one and go straight for the next evolution...Diddy Dum.

Then I ask you; why doesn't he save us all the waiting, skip the foreplay and all the machinations thus saving us all a mess of time and change his name now to it's final maxim...Dum.

Of course, you heard it from Brainclogger, not B-Clogger or B-Clog or even just Clog.

Definitely not B-Diddy...