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February 28, 2006

Sheehan, Chavez join to bash Bush, Iraq war

Yuck. Eek! Burr! Cringe! Gag! So many emotions come over me when I look at this woman, all of them like feeling the sensation of eating dog crap during a horror movie while sitting naked on a frozen lake realizing my male-parts are stuck to the ice and remembering I just ate the doggy doo. How's that for a picture, eh?

Cindy needs a reality check. Chavez may need a Tetanus shot.

Hey Cindy! What you fail to realize is when you protest our country while inside the country, it's covered by your right to protest. When you leave it and go to one where the communist dictator swears to overthrow our country, then you bad-mouth our president, it's no longer your's called subversion.

Hey Chavez! If Harry Belafonte and Cindy Sheehan are the best you can do, then maybe you are second-rate. What were you thinking? If you're having that much trouble finding some pooty, just go down the street and drop some cash. Even prisoners cringe when they see that broad! You may just be going blind...

Oddly enough, when Mr. Chavez calls the United States an "Imperialistic Empire," he's only partly correct. Sure, our country extends its power and influence all over the place, but where we fail is in extending our territories. We just don't take enough shit over. As for Chavez mentioning Panama, we gave all that up at our own expense and to our own peril. Thanks President Carter...nothing but love for you.

Have we acted like bullies to our neighbors? Sure we have. Do we pick-and-choose who we act nice to based on an ever convoluted set of standards? Of course we do. Can we put down the drama and nonsense and have a rational discourse with other heads of state? Yes...we can.

It's simple. When you kick dirt on your neighbors and bully them all the time, they go find other friends. That's life. For all the silver-spoon politicians out there, that's called the law of the playground. When they find other friends that you may also not like, don't be surprised when they gang up on you. Why do we act so surprised Chavez talks to Castro? Why wouldn't he? Oh, and our blue-blooded politicians shouldn't even try to understand a street kid like Chavez. Ask for help with that one. You know, I think for once, maybe we can try to be the adult influence in this relationship.

However, Mr. Chavez' hanging out with Cindy Sheehan just makes him look like a desperate fool. Any self-respecting macho Latin guy wouldn't touch her with a 10-foot pole. You better be planning a "hit-and-run" only there, Spanky. If that's your taste in chicks, every woman in Venezuela can relax and know they're safe. Oh, and stop talking about "pitching your tent." ...Sinner.

Mr Chavez, your Latin "coolness" just took a big hit. Send that Yankees jersey back immediately! I know mid-life may be tough on some people, but Jeez! Your "mid-life crisis car" better not be a Volkswagen Beetle. What's next? Is that a Viagra bottle on your desk?

I think we created Chavez, and now we treat him like the crazy cousin no one invites for Thanksgiving dinner. Problem is, where oil is concerned, it's like Chavez is supplying the turkey.

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