First of all, do we really want women's ice hockey? I know I don't. I'm a firm believer that men's sports are for men, and women's sports are for women. Sorry, I'm a sloped-forehead, knuckle-dragging Philistine that believes chivalry isn't dead...but dying under the feminist agenda.
After that, do we really want them swilling beer and smoking cigars after beating the American team? Did they grab their crotches and spit like baseball players too? Did they pull out their false teeth and sneer at the cameras? Did anyone say "wow, this athletic supporter's really irritating me?" Were they farting and belching too? Did anyone sing "Oh Canada" in one continuous belch?
What of the girls under-age drinking on the ice? Boo I say, Boo. Who's idea was that?
The human drama of athletic competition...and women acting like men. The two are not compatible no matter how good the cigars were. Did they say to each other "take off" and "eh" repetitively in some sort of Strange Brew tribute?
Next thing you'll see is the female remake of Slap Shot. Wait! We already did. I say no to the Hanson sisters.
Showing posts with label Olympics. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Olympics. Show all posts
February 26, 2010
February 24, 2010
Never underestimate the power of "oops!"
Dude in his disturbing orange body suit and helmet skates in the wrong lane and loses Gold! He listened to the coach! What's a coach to do? Say "oops."
Told him to change lanes and shouldn't have? Oops!
Didn't count the laps and lane changes for your guy? You know, the one they compare to Michael Phelps in his sport and considered best in the world? Oops!
Didn't pay close-enough attention during the most important day in your racer's life, and probably yours? Oops!
Made your guy hysterical and absolutely inconsolable? Oops!
Made people wonder if you can count? Oops!
Probably going to have a negative encounter with his parents and your own Olympic committee? Oops!
I was channel-surfing at the time and magically caught the race. I don't even like speed skating, so what do I say? Oops.
Told him to change lanes and shouldn't have? Oops!
Didn't count the laps and lane changes for your guy? You know, the one they compare to Michael Phelps in his sport and considered best in the world? Oops!
Didn't pay close-enough attention during the most important day in your racer's life, and probably yours? Oops!
Made your guy hysterical and absolutely inconsolable? Oops!
Made people wonder if you can count? Oops!
Probably going to have a negative encounter with his parents and your own Olympic committee? Oops!
I was channel-surfing at the time and magically caught the race. I don't even like speed skating, so what do I say? Oops.
February 21, 2010
Skeleton girl has a magic helmet!
I don't think they were looking at the right thing. Her helmet gave her an advantage? Hey, we protest her helmet! Please.
What I saw was a woman in a skin tight outfit, laying face down and buns-up on a sled with her arms at her side making it look like her butt was sticking-up even higher. I didn't look at the helmet. Brainclogger being the red-blooded heterosexual he is was looking at her ass. To think she has a British accent and might go have a stout and some bangers and mash after the race makes it all that much better.
Actually, I'll stick with Mrs. Brainclogger, but come on, her helmet made all the difference? Maybe it was her day? Maybe she threw caution to the wind and hung it all out there kamikaze-style? Maybe the others were a bit slower than usual? Maybe the track was fastest when she slid and her order in the race made a difference? Maybe her sled rails were better prepared? Maybe her butt had something to do with lowering her wind resistance? Who knows.
Cheers.
What I saw was a woman in a skin tight outfit, laying face down and buns-up on a sled with her arms at her side making it look like her butt was sticking-up even higher. I didn't look at the helmet. Brainclogger being the red-blooded heterosexual he is was looking at her ass. To think she has a British accent and might go have a stout and some bangers and mash after the race makes it all that much better.
Actually, I'll stick with Mrs. Brainclogger, but come on, her helmet made all the difference? Maybe it was her day? Maybe she threw caution to the wind and hung it all out there kamikaze-style? Maybe the others were a bit slower than usual? Maybe the track was fastest when she slid and her order in the race made a difference? Maybe her sled rails were better prepared? Maybe her butt had something to do with lowering her wind resistance? Who knows.
Cheers.
February 20, 2010
Snowboarder Lago goes home after "scandalous" pictures hit the internet
Dont Go Scotty! Dude! Don't go! Stay! Embrance your heterosexual behavior! Relish in your rebellious snowboarder culture!
In today's PC society, two things people tend to forget are first, no matter where you go, you can always find some sleazy broad ready to drop to her knees to kiss something, and second, if it was a guy that went to his knees to kiss the medal, no one would have the guts to say a damn thing.
You're not Tiger Woods and his bevy of strippers, or the governor of South Carolina and his lying to the whole state reference his whereabouts and flying all the way to South America for a "liaison." You're not even Michael Phelps doing a bong hit! That's right, the sweetheart of the olympics shows up in his 1960's B-space movie silver coat and he's a media darling, and thank goodness for the media's short-term memory, right?
A young kid wins a medal and does some partying. No drugs, it wasn't someone else's wife (at least I don't think so), and she did what she did of her own free will so where's the problem? Not appropriate conduct? Mr. Kettle, this is Mr. Pot...as soon as you stop the professional athletes from competing in your "amateur" event, stop selling-out to corporate greed, and decide to concentrate on sport instead of turning the event into a metaphor for global conflict, your little rules of conduct are assinine.
Maybe if Lago was doing a bong hit with Phelps standing next to him, you would have said nothing. Whatever happened to loving the rebels and young upstarts? Is what happened at the party really more important than his accomplishment? We've had Presidents spoodge on their interns in the White House and they stayed at the show!
Maybe we should blame Harvey and the scandal soldiers at TMZ? Do they have to broadcast everything they receive? This kid will probably be embarrassed about this for the rest of his life, and he suffers any sort of issues over it, TMZ is to blame. He's a kid. Remember when you were 21 and thought you knew everything, only to reach 31 or 41 and realize all you didn't know?
Stay Dude, Stay! Get ten more chicks to kiss the medal. Get the Flying Tomato to kiss it too before his head is too big to fit in the room.
Scotty Lago is my new hero!
In today's PC society, two things people tend to forget are first, no matter where you go, you can always find some sleazy broad ready to drop to her knees to kiss something, and second, if it was a guy that went to his knees to kiss the medal, no one would have the guts to say a damn thing.
You're not Tiger Woods and his bevy of strippers, or the governor of South Carolina and his lying to the whole state reference his whereabouts and flying all the way to South America for a "liaison." You're not even Michael Phelps doing a bong hit! That's right, the sweetheart of the olympics shows up in his 1960's B-space movie silver coat and he's a media darling, and thank goodness for the media's short-term memory, right?
A young kid wins a medal and does some partying. No drugs, it wasn't someone else's wife (at least I don't think so), and she did what she did of her own free will so where's the problem? Not appropriate conduct? Mr. Kettle, this is Mr. Pot...as soon as you stop the professional athletes from competing in your "amateur" event, stop selling-out to corporate greed, and decide to concentrate on sport instead of turning the event into a metaphor for global conflict, your little rules of conduct are assinine.
Maybe if Lago was doing a bong hit with Phelps standing next to him, you would have said nothing. Whatever happened to loving the rebels and young upstarts? Is what happened at the party really more important than his accomplishment? We've had Presidents spoodge on their interns in the White House and they stayed at the show!
Maybe we should blame Harvey and the scandal soldiers at TMZ? Do they have to broadcast everything they receive? This kid will probably be embarrassed about this for the rest of his life, and he suffers any sort of issues over it, TMZ is to blame. He's a kid. Remember when you were 21 and thought you knew everything, only to reach 31 or 41 and realize all you didn't know?
Stay Dude, Stay! Get ten more chicks to kiss the medal. Get the Flying Tomato to kiss it too before his head is too big to fit in the room.
Scotty Lago is my new hero!
February 17, 2010
Victim of "Olympification."
Maybe it's Olympication, or Olymptrophy, or even Olympicitis?
This girl snowboarder doesn't win and they practically lampoon her for it. People win and people lose, but the emphasis on the fact Miss Jacobellis couldn't pull it off not only points to a press that has no dignity, but disregards the other competitors that raced that day. From what I read she wasn't even the favorite to win, so I say lay off her.
The real problem, yet again, is making certain sports Olympic events. I think some are chosen only to appeal to a certain audience, not because they deserve entry. Don't even get me started on the ridiculousness of professional athletes competing in what was ALWAYS intended to be a showcase of amateur athletes. Now they reach deep into obscure sports and make them Olympic events, and it's just idiotic.
I call it the olympification of sports, and I think part of the motivation for it is insecurity. Countries think winning Olympic events is helpful to their image, their national pride, and a salve for their bruised egos or ruffled feathers caused by perceived insignificance. The US sends their professional basketball players to stomp all over other countries, the world sends professional tennis players, even paying their expatriates to come back to the "motherland" and on and on.
Then comes the "x" factor. For years, people thinking ski jumping, curling, or biathlon were too slow and obscure to attract a TV audience thought some "X" game sports would make good entertainment so they brought in the snowboarders. Half-pipe...good. Snowboard jump...also good. Snowboard downhill? Eh, that's pushing it, but the snowboard cross is just reaching, grasping at straws. What's worse, the snowboarders that claim to be "counter-culture" or anti-establishment don't realize they sold-out in order to get on TV. Yep. Sorry kids, when what's-his-name spins-up a controversy about his nickname (the flying tomato), he's a sell-out. What was it I said about insecurity?
Think about it; if the games were really about sport, it would be all amateur and there wouldn't be so much emphasis placed on the by-country "medal count." There would not be such an effort for racers to put sponsor labels on their clothes for people to see, kick-off their ski's or snowboards so fast so they can hold them up for the camera, and the news would report who trained the hardest, won the most prior competitions, and then subsequently kicked ass instead of focusing on some one's misfortune or making someone considered pretty such a topic. Go ahead and make an issue out of some snowboarder wearing tight pants. I know! Make the females wear mini-skirts, big furry boots and hats! Now that's entertainment. Skin still sells where I come from, but faux fur only, please. Oh, and if you let professionals in, then some female luge racer that made her sled a bit too heavy can go ahead and race.
What's next for the winter games? Snowball fights as a metaphor for global armed conflict? Snowman building? Wait...in the politically correct world of today, it would have to be "snow-person." After all, the feminizing of the world has to continue, right?
How about toboggan? I know, luge and skeleton are toboggan-on-steroids, but they don't really show it much on TV. Besides, you can enter in the degree of difficulty of spending some time in the lodge drinking before the event. THAT's how people really toboggan so why not give it a go? Why not snowboard moguls? Figure skating against an opponent dressed as your favorite cartoon character? Speed skating while carrying an enormous cup of coffee? (winner crosses the line the fastest with the most coffee remaining in the cup, sponsored by Starbucks). Downhill skiing while avoiding getting shot by a paintball. Snowboarders towed up the slope by snowmobiles and the snowboarders armed with wiffle-ball bats to use on the other boarders! Get to the top without your boarder and you lose! Run to the top of the slope from the bottom while being pursued by angry dogs. Now there's a nail-biter for you! How about the race to the ski area over slick, snow and ice-covered roads in order to beat the lift lines? Now there's reality TV for you!
If the Olympics keeps going in their current fashion, one day it will be NASCAR, MMA, snowboarding, paintball, golf...and figure skating. It's the "olympification" of the Olympic games. Go for the ratings, not the athletics. After all, who can explain the fact people actually watch golf on TV? Forget about the "human drama of athletic competition, people just want to see Sarapova play for the Russians. Make no mention of the fact she's an American. It all makes drag racing so much more attractive. Put it in the snow and it would be a great winter game.
This girl snowboarder doesn't win and they practically lampoon her for it. People win and people lose, but the emphasis on the fact Miss Jacobellis couldn't pull it off not only points to a press that has no dignity, but disregards the other competitors that raced that day. From what I read she wasn't even the favorite to win, so I say lay off her.
The real problem, yet again, is making certain sports Olympic events. I think some are chosen only to appeal to a certain audience, not because they deserve entry. Don't even get me started on the ridiculousness of professional athletes competing in what was ALWAYS intended to be a showcase of amateur athletes. Now they reach deep into obscure sports and make them Olympic events, and it's just idiotic.
I call it the olympification of sports, and I think part of the motivation for it is insecurity. Countries think winning Olympic events is helpful to their image, their national pride, and a salve for their bruised egos or ruffled feathers caused by perceived insignificance. The US sends their professional basketball players to stomp all over other countries, the world sends professional tennis players, even paying their expatriates to come back to the "motherland" and on and on.
Then comes the "x" factor. For years, people thinking ski jumping, curling, or biathlon were too slow and obscure to attract a TV audience thought some "X" game sports would make good entertainment so they brought in the snowboarders. Half-pipe...good. Snowboard jump...also good. Snowboard downhill? Eh, that's pushing it, but the snowboard cross is just reaching, grasping at straws. What's worse, the snowboarders that claim to be "counter-culture" or anti-establishment don't realize they sold-out in order to get on TV. Yep. Sorry kids, when what's-his-name spins-up a controversy about his nickname (the flying tomato), he's a sell-out. What was it I said about insecurity?
Think about it; if the games were really about sport, it would be all amateur and there wouldn't be so much emphasis placed on the by-country "medal count." There would not be such an effort for racers to put sponsor labels on their clothes for people to see, kick-off their ski's or snowboards so fast so they can hold them up for the camera, and the news would report who trained the hardest, won the most prior competitions, and then subsequently kicked ass instead of focusing on some one's misfortune or making someone considered pretty such a topic. Go ahead and make an issue out of some snowboarder wearing tight pants. I know! Make the females wear mini-skirts, big furry boots and hats! Now that's entertainment. Skin still sells where I come from, but faux fur only, please. Oh, and if you let professionals in, then some female luge racer that made her sled a bit too heavy can go ahead and race.
What's next for the winter games? Snowball fights as a metaphor for global armed conflict? Snowman building? Wait...in the politically correct world of today, it would have to be "snow-person." After all, the feminizing of the world has to continue, right?
How about toboggan? I know, luge and skeleton are toboggan-on-steroids, but they don't really show it much on TV. Besides, you can enter in the degree of difficulty of spending some time in the lodge drinking before the event. THAT's how people really toboggan so why not give it a go? Why not snowboard moguls? Figure skating against an opponent dressed as your favorite cartoon character? Speed skating while carrying an enormous cup of coffee? (winner crosses the line the fastest with the most coffee remaining in the cup, sponsored by Starbucks). Downhill skiing while avoiding getting shot by a paintball. Snowboarders towed up the slope by snowmobiles and the snowboarders armed with wiffle-ball bats to use on the other boarders! Get to the top without your boarder and you lose! Run to the top of the slope from the bottom while being pursued by angry dogs. Now there's a nail-biter for you! How about the race to the ski area over slick, snow and ice-covered roads in order to beat the lift lines? Now there's reality TV for you!
If the Olympics keeps going in their current fashion, one day it will be NASCAR, MMA, snowboarding, paintball, golf...and figure skating. It's the "olympification" of the Olympic games. Go for the ratings, not the athletics. After all, who can explain the fact people actually watch golf on TV? Forget about the "human drama of athletic competition, people just want to see Sarapova play for the Russians. Make no mention of the fact she's an American. It all makes drag racing so much more attractive. Put it in the snow and it would be a great winter game.
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