Hollywood, Dollywood, or Bollywood?

Three "woods." and only one really gives me any.

Hollywood is full of fakes, frauds, wanna-be's, bloviating liberal jackasses, drug addicts, broken hearts, broken dreams, the "beautiful" people (remember, beauty is only skin deep, but ugly goes to the bone), distorted reality, misplaced priority, the phony famous and the pretend royalty. Ouch...harsh, but true. Look at what they consider entertainment. We've gone so far down into the moral sewer we watch shows about "celebrity" drug addicts at their worst, wealthy "housewives" famous for bad behavior, the new form of the dating game that comes with cash and a little nudity (bachelor/bachelorette), mental midgets with far too many offspring behaving badly, the search for yet another unnecessary "idol" (what is it they say about false idols?), hairdresser competitions, the search for another anorexic uneducated female mannequin and other such television that just sucks the brain out of your head.

Maybe it's because people pay Hollywood types so much unnecessary attention. Yes, Megan Fox is a real nice piece of ass, albeit a child, but from what I hear, she's also a snotty, immature, conceited pain in the ass. Johnny Depp wears a Che Guevara pendant. Does he understand Che was a jailer responsible for the murder of nearly 15,000 people and wildly racist? Does he know Che said every man, woman, and child in America should be exterminated and blacks live a frivolous life of drunkenness? Nice hero Johnny picked. Dipshit. Sexy and stupid...I thought Hollywood only liked women that way? That comment should piss someone off.

Don't worry, Hollywood won't change. The people that like the status quo are in charge. No wonder Brainclogger can't get his little mystery novel represented by anyone with balls enough to take on someone new...but I digress.

Dollywood is full of fakes, frauds, wanna-be's, etc., etc., but at least you can get a beer there and they have rides that can't give you herpes like in Hollywood. (get it?) Truth be told, whatever they're injecting into Dolly's hide to preserve her, send me a case or two! She's still cute. Of course, no one believes those breasts wouldn't reach for the floor unless augmented to do otherwise. You can't really call them fake though, since they're covered in real skin. Also, Dollywood can probably get away with using the term "Hoe-Down" since they're in the country, something you could never do in Hollywood. The meaning is entirely different.

Then comes Bollywood. Wow. I look at the pictures of the actresses and have to just sit and stare. Smoking hot. They look conspicuously natural. I don't see "over-the-top breast implants, tramp-stamp tattoos or Asian writing that probably says "hey, I'm a whore" instead of something spiritual like the girls think they do. Hopefully tattoo artists have a sense of humor. I don't see wild hair colors or women so obsessed with their bodies they start to look like men. It's not trashy, tacky, or fake to the naked eye. All the men look regal, intelligent, and interesting. Maybe it's just the great hair, I don't know.

Hollywood can learn a lot from Bollywood, and hopefully the latter doesn't aspire to become the former. Please don't.

Where are the "Quotation Marks?"

"Celebrity" Rehab. The word "celebrity" should have quotation marks, but it doesn't. Look at the "D" list "celebrities" they refer to on "Celebrity" Rehab, and quotes become even more justifiable. Dennis "pin-cushion" Rodman? Rodney King? Heidi "what the hell did I do to my lips" Fleiss? Bridget "rather have a bottle in front of me than a frontal lobotomy" Nielsen? Wow! I guess the A-list celebrities either do better drugs, have better doctors, or pay their publicists enough to not sell their clients out to a tacky, pathetic, reality show about how screwed-up their gravy train is. Maybe that's a testament to the trustworthiness of people that represent "celebrities," or maybe an indication of the ridiculousness of the whole "celebrity" thing in the first place.

Who are we calling "celebrities" in this instance? Singers, actors, a former whore (come-on, "madam's" don't start out as madam's), models...basically people who wouldn't be missed if they just went away. In that world, there's someone ready at any time to take your place in the "celebrity" mill of Hollywood. So "starved" for attention, they'll take any sort of "interest" in them, even at their lowest point. Apparently they don't realize that after a life of "look at me, look at me," there comes a point when you really don't want someone to look.

Maybe the rehab show is made up by "higher profile" people as a deterrent in order to have something where they can look at a guy like Tom Sizemore and say "wow, poor bastard, better him than me." If you want people to say "wow, people that have so much money they can live in a "rehab center," looking either for pity or to squeeze the last bit of coin out of their fleeting "celebrity," ...you're doing a good job. I say "take a baseball bat to all of you." Fame, fortune, and a life of privilege, but with a mind too weak to handle it. Old Brainclogger would love to feel the need to "handle" having money and adoration thrown at him. I bet my "anger management" issues with "celebrity" losers would lighten-up a bit. Or maybe not.

I know! A show called "Celebrity Downward Spiral," where you chronicle a "celebrity's" self-destruction. Go all the way from where they soil themselves on whatever drug they feel is important enough to trade for their self respect, have all their expensive crap repossessed, find out who they thought of as a friend thought of them as a meal ticket, ending in a dramatic climax where your last performance would be "etched" into the minds of people...for at least for 30 seconds. Some ideas include: a leap from a bridge holding an anvil and dressed like Bugs Bunny;a swim with sharks with a dead seal tied to your leg;stepping into a cage full of starving Rottweilers with a raw t-bone tied around their neck;skydiving with golf umbrella as a parachute, trying to outrun an avalanche (quite the metaphor for a drug addiction), painting yourself as an American flag and streaking through the Haj; dressing as a terrorist and taking a dump on the hood of a car on the starting line of a NASCAR race while yelling "rednecks are all fags"; or getting caught in the rope on an episode of "Deadliest Catch?" Now that's "entertainment"---in quotation marks.