Search This Blog

December 28, 2005

Brainclogger update

Still alive, and still in the Middle East. Back from R&R in the states for almost a month, and newly married! I got married to my oh-so-smoking-hot Spanish chica on 22 November, and so I've already been married for more than a month. We, along with my son, caught more redfish in the two weeks I was home in Naples than than any other time I can remember. She can really fish!

I'll be here until May, and trying to get back to Miami to live with my wife in her own town and in her own house, and so she can stay in her current job.


The Obituary of Mr. Common Sense

Mr. Sense had been with us for many years. No one knows for sure how old he was since his birth records were long ago lost in bureaucratic red tape. He will be remembered as having cultivated such valuable lessons as knowing when to come in out of the rain, why the early bird gets the worm and that life isn't always fair. Common Sense lived by simple, sound financial policies (don't spend more than you earn) and reliable parenting strategies (adults, not kids, are in charge). His health began to rapidly deteriorate when well-intentioned but overbearing regulations were set in place. Reports of a six-year-old boy charged with sexual harassment for kissing a classmate; teens suspended from school for using mouthwash after lunch; and a teacher fired for reprimanding an unruly student, only worsened his condition. Mr. Sense declined even further when schools were required to get parental consent to administer aspirin to a student; but, could not inform the parents when a student became pregnant and wanted to have an aboration. Finally, Common Sense lost the will to live as the Ten Commandents became contraband; churches became businesses; and criminals received better treatment than their victims. Common Sense finally gave up the ghost after a woman failed to realize that a steaming cup of coffee was hot. She spilled a bit in her lap, and was awarded a huge settlement. Common Sense was preceded in death by his parents, Truth and Trust; his wife, Discretion; his daughter, Responsibility; and his son, Reason. He is survived by two stepbrothers, My Rights and Ima Whiner. Not many attended his funeral because so few realized he was gone. Author unknown.

November 14, 2005

So I took a poll... my section as to the pronunciation of the following words:


...and I still got the "eye-RACK" pronunciation. When I said it bothered me that a certain general officer pronounced it even worse than that, I heard "well, he's from the South."

Imagine my surprise... Not...


The Ugly American speaks, and sounds like a dolt.

Every day I hear people pronounce the word Iraq as "eye-RACK" and it sends a chill up my spine every time. It's clearly nowhere near the proper pronunciation, and I hear it from everybody, all the way up to people wearing multiple stars! Eek!

I think sometimes it's because of American arrogance. Yep, we're an arrogant lot. An attitude fostered by years of warfare abroad, and a "do and say whatever you want" attitude back home. Americans routinely "piss in other people's Wheaties" with wreckless abandon, all the while thinking we have a right to. We think we have a right to everything, and would never entertain even the slightest notion that maybe we don't. This gives rise to what I call the "American apologist," which is a person who is fairly well-traveled (for Americans, it's anyone who has ever stepped off the rock and gone somewhere other than just Cancun for spring break), and does his part to reverse the negative attitudes held by people of other countries toward us.

Arrogance and decadence go together, you know. If either of them were of a lesser degree in the US, I say 9-11 wouldn't have happened. I also think people just don't care about showing respect to others. Our moral values are down the proverbial "crapper."

Take for instance whenever I tell someone I'm from South Jersey. Without fail, someone will say "oh, you're from Joy-zee?" I didn't use the common "Joe Piscopo" pronunciation, yet I get it given back to me every time. Little do people know how big of a "jer-koff" they sound like when "dissin" me. The irony is, some of these people are the most hillbilly, sister-marrying, shit-kicking, backward-ass redneck retards you've ever seen. A lesson in how I pronounce my state by some dipshit spitting "cope" in a bottle is really valuable to me...

So then here we are with "eye-RACK." Can we try to pronounce countries correctly BEFORE we invade? Can we send out some damn memo or something? Come on people, you watch TV? Every once in a while you hear an Arab say Iraq, which sounds like "E-rock" or "ear-rock" but in no way, shape, or form is it "eye-RACK!"

I know, we should be saying "Eye-magination, Eye-diot, Eye-maginary, Eye-legitimate, and possible Eye-gnorant." At the very least, we sound "Eye-literate." Well, what do expect from the home of the "nuke-ya-ler" weapon?

You see, the Ugly American has no concern for his mispronunciation. He thinks his way of speaking is correct, while others would say "well, he's a good-old boy so whadda-ya expect," or something in deference to his heritage and section of the country, all the while thinking he or she was simply uneducated. However, in other countries, and for those immigrants in our own country, they take our blatant mispronunciation of their homeland as an insult, and a sign of disrespect and arrogance from Americans. But then again, we don't give a shit, right?

Yep, no worries about our arrogance. Nope. No one will attack people on our own soil, or strap bombs to themselves, or send biological agents through the mail, or anything like that. How dare they show such arrogance....such contempt for us...the Ugly American.


November 11, 2005

I smell a rat in the latest Bush poll!

Okay, I'm waving the bullshit flag. First, the poll was done by Ipsos, a self-proclaimed independent (British) polling agency, whose people are pissed at their prime minister. Then it wasn't done as a question of Mr. Bush's honesty, but rather, his performance.

So you take the sample of 1000 people from the lower 48 states. First problem is 1000 doesn't evenly divide by 48 (20.83) so now you have to round off, or get more samples from one state than another. After that, the article doesn't mention the survey called people at random, so the AP could have told the Ipsos people where to call in each state according to political affiliation. Then the pollers say it was weighted to "represent the population." Man, big bullshit flag on this one!

Then the poll says one in twenty people polled will show results that have an error of more than 3%. So out of 1000 people, 50 will have a number that is in error greater than 3%, but gives no percentage of how bad it can actually get. Hmmm. Check it out for yourself at,1280,-5330098,00.html

Then you take the AP article, where they say "Most" Americans disapprove of the President's job. Then they tell you "most" means 57%. That's a bit of a stretch, I think. You take a poll that can be bullshit from the start, make the questions crap, like asking about Katrina (where the crap about his poor response was a democratic fabrication), then when you get 57%, use the word "most." That's pushing it a bit, even for the Associated Press.

Then they say "Poll: Most Americans Say Bush Not Honest." That wasn't what the poll asked. It asks about people's opinions about his performance, with a question about congress at the end. This is intentionally injurious to the president, and the AP should be ashamed (although they won't because they're all a bunch of liberal assclowns)

The president may not be doing a very good job at foreign policy, domestic policy, trade, fuel prices, or the deficit, but hey, the economy is actually doing well, and his wife is still smoking hot at 59! Nobody asked if he finally let cronyism and the good old boy thing, and his love for "big oil" bite him in the ass. That it did.

But what did any democrat do besides spread hate and discontent? Absolutely nothing. They stand for nothing except "whatever the opposite of what the republicans stand for." That's not a belief or plan. It's bullshit, so there's another flag! If you're not part of the solution, you're part of the problem.


November 3, 2005

November 1, 2005

Men Kick Down Home's Door In Random Attack

Ten bucks says these guys were illegals. Yep, that immigration policy is really working, isn't it?

I also wonder how they knew a woman would be by herself in her house, she wouldn't have a gun, and she had a car they could get away in? It wasn't random.

The article also has odd use of the word "apparently," for example "She heard a loud noise and apparently someone kicked the front door in," Orlando police Sgt. Barbara Jones said."



Alleged 'Black Family Mafia' Group Arrested In Car Bust

My question is, who is the head of this family of not-so-smart gangsters? Maybe they would learn things like "don't use a car registered to you to transport cocaine," or maybe "people without jobs driving exotic cars attract attention to themselves." You know, little things like that. The vehicles were obviously smarter than the people driving them.

Leave the "mafia" type things to the Italians, okay? By the you even know what a Kilo is?

I wonder why everything in this country is in standard measurements, except for drugs?


Man Caught On Tape Sprinkling Fecal Matter On Pastries

Now this is the first whacky news item for today. The interesting part is the dude was arrested by the FBI, probably for suspected use of a "bacterial agent," but it turned out to be plain old poo. The disturbing part is, this guy was "copping a squat" right next to his own bed! Yuck!That makes about as much sense as the protestors in the Rodney King riots burning down their own houses! Did he sleep there too? What else is he sprinkling dried "dump" on? Is this the next form of extreme recycling? Did he get charged with improper disposal of hazardous waste? What else did he touch while he was in the store? Wash that apple!!! Was it the act of a lone, stool-slinging "gunman," or did this rectal ranger have an alementary accomplice? Get CSI in there ASAP!

Of course, at least this guy had a hobby, and this will teach parents to let their kids have a cookie in the store! Okay moms, make the cookies at home from now on.

Of course, someone will probably sue the store over this, and it will go out of business due to legal fees, and in the end, only the lawyers will benefit...


October 31, 2005

Bush Picks Alito for Supreme Court

Senator Harry Reid, in another demonstration of delusion combined with absolutely enormous balls, said the following in response to the president's actions today:

"The Senate needs to find out if the man replacing Miers is too radical for the American people," said Senate Minority Leader Harry Reid, D-Nevada.

Wow. What's more, he said it with a straight face. Lightening didn't strike, thunder didn't clap, and a swarm of locusts didn't descend on D.C. (The president would have had to take the blame for any of that if it happened) He didn't even appear to have his fingers crossed behind his back.

But I wonder if somewhere else in the building, the rest of the evil coven (Pelosi, Gephardt, Clinton, Schumer, Kennedy, Feinstein, Boxer, Kerry, Byrd, et al) were in their robes, chanting incatations and making an offering to Beelzebub, Mephistopheles, Barbara Streisand, or whatever other liberal god they pray to?


I thought it already ended?

PARIS - Famed French actor Gerard Depardieu' says in a newspaper interview that he's ending his film career and swears he wasn't drunk when he said it.

Maybe he should have been? Then slapped a woman, kicked a dog, stripped naked, climbed the Eiffel Tower, and then checked into rehab. That would revive his career like it does for American actors.

Cheer up Froggy, life's not so bad. Oh, I forgot you're French.

So what does it take to be "famed" in France, anyway?


Comets Hit Early Americans, Scientist Says

I think it was aliens. Or maybe global warming...all sudden-like, and localized. Maybe flaming bovine flatulence, or even that whacky H.G. Wells and his time machine?

Of course, whatever the cause, President Bush will probably get the blame...or maybe the "white devil," even though were was no such thing as a "white person" 15000 years ago.

The president will probably take the wrap for that one too... I know! Blame it on FEMA!


Don't Quit Karl!!!

I don't care if you're guilty or not. Really, I don't. If those hypocrites are going to suggest you resign when their poster child President Clinton cheated on his wife with a young tart in "our house," then lied about it on TV to the entire world, and they didn't suggest the same for that one...bugger them, don't do it! In fact, blame it on them like they do to you...

Maybe you can quibble and snivel like Clinton did, with the "it depends on what the definition of the word 'is' is" nonsense. He should get an ass-kicking just for pulling that faggoty stunt! Now the woman that put up with that kind of nonsense wants to be president? Whatever.

Who listens to Senator Reid anyway, the hateful democrat that he is? He never, ever has anything positive to say, and his entire belief system is based on "the complete opposite of whatever they believe in." That's no way to live.

At least Karl Rove shows some "sack" by demonstrating loyalty and devotion to someone, unlike these democrats and their "we believe in nothing," agenda. Do they get up in the morning looking forward to being unproductive, uncooperative, clueless, and uninspiring? A little less pampering would do them some good.

Don't quit Mr. Rove.


One thing Rosa couldn't survive...

She lived for many years and survived countless things including Hurricane Katrina, but one thing she couldn't survive was the hypocritical political correctness of Washington D.C.


Birds verses Windmills

Now this is typical tree-hugger bullshit. Either people want alternative forms of energy or they don't. These same people who want to protect the birds by shutting down the windmills, will probably drive over and protest the power plant that has to pick up the slack for the lost windmill power.

It's all that "we say we want it to be PC, but we don't really want it," double-talk bullshit that makes me want to kill someone. What comes first, people or birds? Why can't you scare the birds away? Are they too stupid to see a giant whirling propeller? What's next? After this, the powerplant is making the air the birds fly in dirty? The fields around the power turbines have too much goose poo and it's mean to the ducks? The birds of prey feel singled-out for being carnivores and protested by the vegetarian tree huggers? Will the birds get lawyers?

If we shoot some of the birds, will others commit suicide in protest? Maybe they'll fly away and not go into the spinning windmills? We chase birds away from airports, right? Maybe we can play some Celine Deion! That's it! Her music can repel anything!

I know! Replace the windmills with a nice little nuclear power plant! They're fun for the whole family! Put an oil refinery on the other part of the property, and buy the land next door, strip off all the trees, then make it an open-pit mine. When the environmentalists want the windmills back again, we can strap antlers on their heads and hunt them like deer.

Like I said, we either want clean energy, or we don't. I know, I shouldn't expect for a Californian to make up their mind... Ooh, burn...


October 30, 2005

Seen American Beauty one too many times?

In the movie, there was the misunderstood kid, who was a bit whacky, a bit dark, but just wanted to be able to deal with his nutcase of a father. It was the father that turned out to be the killer after he decided to kiss the neighbor and was rebuked by him for not being gay. Oops!

This looks like another misunderstood kid. He played the guitar, so he had talent, and used a mask, which is fairly creative. He kills the girl across the street. Hmmm. Are you thinking what I'm thinking? He sat on the porch and saw her involved with other guys, in the form of them picking her up, or whatever? Carried a torch for her. How did he expect for people not to know it was him?

A paintball mask? Strange game. A sado-masochistic metaphor for armed lethal combat, armed mayhem without the requisite bloodshed, and you have beers with the enemy after. Well now, it didn't work out like that this time. Not surprising. The cape is a nice touch though. Now if he was naked except for the mask and cape, painted black with his ass painted red, wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom, a batman utility belt, and big fuzzy slippers, running around yelling "it puts the lotion in the basket," now that would be unique. And probably get him out of jail...

People shouldn't be surprised. Violence comes to the burbs. Just hope Micheal Moore doesn't get his fat ass involved.

Parents, hide the ammo.


Okay, so that explains it...

Okay, so George Takei coming out of the "closet" finally explains this picture. You know, I can take this in a number of directions (as I'm sure George can), for instance:

caption: Robert Conrad going "beep, beep, beep."
caption: You don't look like a Black Sheep there Bobby.
caption: Do you like my "helmet."
caption: Damn, why does every episode have a prostate exam scene?
caption: Pilot to co-pilot, we're going down in flames!

But I don't want to do that. Mr. Takei is an extremely accomplished man, who has a resume' a mile long, including all the Star Treks, appearing in the Green Beret's (a cheesy movie, but you have to dig John Wayne), Miami Vice, Mulan; he's received awards for social causes from the emperor of Japan and a bunch of democrats, and has probably accomplished more in his life than I ever will...except by being a soldier, I guarantee his right to do what he wants, live where he lives, and say what he wants to say. Plus, I've always liked the Asian chicks... (I had to say that, sorry. Come on, you know you like them too!)

What's more, he's been with the same person for 18 years, which is twice the record I was able to make with my ex, showing even gays have better records than I do when it come to the fidelity and loyalty of their partners! Creepy, but true. Oh well.

The only thing I disagree with is, even though Mr. Takei shows lots of guts by putting his "coming out" on the front page of his website, I really don't want to hear about his, or anybody else's (gay or straight) sexual preference. Keep it to yourself. Here's a news flash...the rest of the people in the country aren't like people in Hollywood, or even in California for that matter. What may have seemed like a monumentous thing to you and something celebrated by people in Hollywood, the rest of America could really give a shit. Sorry, but that's the truth. If you're a normal person, my troopers and I will have a soda with you. If you're gay, so what, we don't need a big proclamation. If you choose to march or scream about it, I choose to dislike you, use terms like "fag, rump-ranger, colon cowboy, etc, and make you feel like you're deviant and discriminated against. Maybe it's my South Jersey upbringing, I don't know.

Just act normally and all will be well...


In the words of Happy Gilmore

"All you need for golf are goofy clothes and a fat ass! My next door neighbor must be a great golfer...huge ass!"

The news says the golf craze is slowing down. Well, why should people go crazy and worry? Americans (who have unrealistic expectations in the first place) get stupid when something considered a "boom" starts to slow down. They somehow think the latest "boom" over golf is indicative of something. Here's your answer:

Their right, it is indicative of something, but it has nothing to do with golf. Here's the truth...sorry if it hurts you golfer-weirdo's out there: The only reason for golf courses is to build and sell the real estate around them. Period.

Americans, in their hunt for bling, have to be able to look down their noses at someone and say they live on a golf course. It's something Americans have to do, since an ego is one of our traits, and concentration on stuff that isn't important to anyone else but us, like material crap. Then they pull the oldest (nerd) trick in the book, which is take someone golfing, play down the course on their street, then try to act surprised as they exclaim to their guest "wow, I can see my house from the course!" Well of course you can, dipshit, it's 50 feet off the course and you've played that hole a hundred times... Now your guest thinks you're a real jerk too. Nice going.

It's not hard, the interest rates have started to go back up, and the amount of available housing around golf courses has decreased. It's a no-brainer. Besides, after the big attempt to attract John-Q Public to play golf, and seeing as many pairs of cut-off jeans and wife-beaters on the course, people get a bit tired of that kind of thing. The reason for the bandana hanging out of the back pocket is what again? Como? Come to find out, those high-top sneakers and all the Marlboro butts actually are bad for the course.

The hard reality of it is, unless you can afford the real estate, most of the golf courses around nowadays are private, so you're looking at forking-over some dough to play. The public courses are expensive too, and usually chewed-up by all the other golfers and neglected by the owners who put more money into the bar and restaurant than the course. People get tired of having the wife constantly tell them to bring the kids to the pitch-and-putt irons course (so she can go cheat on you for the afternoon), and once they get fairly good at the game, are tired of all the hackers and beer-golfers who screw-up the course and then make nine-holes take three hours.

Hey, it's a great game for senior citizens and corporate types, but if you're a guy who wants to hang with the kids, or do something where the scenery changes and you don't have to look at old women in plaid, try something else. Did you know fishing is the number-one sport in the country, twice as popular as NASCAR, pro sports, and yes, even golf. Why? Because it's not the game that's important, but the people you spend time with while you do them. Write that down.

Take up golf when you're knees finally give out, or you give really want to shine the boss's ass. Chances are he's got a big ass.

Never trust someone who doesn't fish.


October 28, 2005

More proof we're all crazy...Dead Celebrity watch!

We're so concerned with the truly unimportant, that we actually track the money earned by dead celebrities. What's worse is, I'm alive, and they still made more than me. Aside from that, someone is sitting back fat and happy, profiting off the earnings of a dead celebrity. Now there's the definition of completely worthless. I'd like to know where the money is going, for I could really give a shit about who made what.

Of course, what's even more sad, is a national money magazine like Forbes is reporting this crap. Oh, and doing so right next to more articles about big, gas-guzzling pig SUV's. When will Americans finally concentrate on the truly important things in life? When will we realize that we can't scorch the earth, suck up all the resources, scream "more more, gimme gimme" all the time, and finally give a damn about each other and our environment. When will the meaningless, the greed, the apathy, and the hate go away?

Our society is in its downfall. We've gotten so fat and lazy we've sealed our fate. Greed and hate has replaced caring and sharing. National or even community spirit has been replaced by "what's in it for me," and the feeling of "I'm looking out for number one." Well I ask you, what have all these people done to think they deserve such selfishness? We've segregated ourselves into subcultures with our own interests, looking to the government for special treatment, instead of everyone wanting to contribute to the bigger team. Yes, we segregate ourselves. We tear our country apart from the inside, while other countries laugh at us, and say we deserve it.

They may be right.


October 27, 2005

My opinion on Harriet Miers

Stupid decision, the president shouldn't have picked her, he needs to dump her. The good-old-boy house of cards is starting to fall, and even though I'm a conservative, I don't care. I don't care about the democrats either, or the congress in total.

Remember all that crap about "I'm a uniter, not a divider?" Still believe any of it? By the way, "uniter" isn't a word.