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November 1, 2005

Man Caught On Tape Sprinkling Fecal Matter On Pastries

Now this is the first whacky news item for today. The interesting part is the dude was arrested by the FBI, probably for suspected use of a "bacterial agent," but it turned out to be plain old poo. The disturbing part is, this guy was "copping a squat" right next to his own bed! Yuck!That makes about as much sense as the protestors in the Rodney King riots burning down their own houses! Did he sleep there too? What else is he sprinkling dried "dump" on? Is this the next form of extreme recycling? Did he get charged with improper disposal of hazardous waste? What else did he touch while he was in the store? Wash that apple!!! Was it the act of a lone, stool-slinging "gunman," or did this rectal ranger have an alementary accomplice? Get CSI in there ASAP!

Of course, at least this guy had a hobby, and this will teach parents to let their kids have a cookie in the store! Okay moms, make the cookies at home from now on.

Of course, someone will probably sue the store over this, and it will go out of business due to legal fees, and in the end, only the lawyers will benefit...


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