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July 2, 2018

Describing Who You Are...

I just noticed a spot on my page that says "Describe Who You Are." What the "firetruck" is FB thinking on that one? Someone needs a nut punch. Pull the pretentiousness bus over. It's the most aggravating form of question usually posed by fakers. Posers. The pseudo intellectual. The ones REM used to call the freaking "shiny, happy people." The question "who are you" ends more conversations than it starts...probably because it's closely associated with "who the hell do you think you are?" I hate people that try to sound smart. They know they aren't so they try to fake it. "So, tell me about yourself." "Well, I'm retired army: married to my Panamanian queen, I fish, sell boats, write novels that don't sell, rant online and am currently addicted to NETFLIX." "No, tell me about you." "What?" "Tell me something about the inner you." "WTF do you mean?" you ask, thinking don't ask me to open up, it's too soon. At this point you get the fake sincerity stare into your eyes, aiding the realization that behind those eyes is a tangled web of bad wiring and excrement. "Tell me about the real you" "What?" So now Springsteen's "Nebraska" starts playing in your head and you go for shock value. "Well, I have a strong desire to slit the throats of at least three people in the room, notice the fat one in the stretchy pants' butt looks as lumpy as a bag of clams, I always wear my underwear with the seams out, and right now, getting uncomfortable with this line of questioning I'm eyeing the door." "Oh, I didn't mean to make you uncomfortable." What? Of course you did you stupid skank." "Well I never" "Yeah, that's bullshit." "Well that's not productive?" "No, what's productive is getting my butt out of the DMV and going to the tackle shop." Bam! You thought I was going somewhere else with this, eh?

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