Mexican becomes richest man in world. Subsequently erects border fence!

In a bizarre twist on isolationism, Mexican Carlos Slim, the richest man in the world (including the King of Bahrain and his solid silver car and 224-room house) threw up a border fence to keep more Americans from emigrating to his country. When asked for comment, he said "those damned gringos are becoming a strain on my country. There's no money here, why do they keep coming?" When asked if his riches would slow the flight of his countrymen to the "Great Satan" United States, he revealed his border fence will be like a raccoon trap...you can go through one way, but not come back out. Pressed for a reason why he would favor a fence that Mexicans can go through but not come back, he said "I have a G-5, what do I care? Besides, they'll get free health care there, so more money for me!"

Meanwhile, at his smallish 150 million-dollar home in Seattle, Bill Gates commented that Slim wouldn't be the richest man in the world if he indeed had to manufacture a product, saying "if I could just get those darned Malaysian kids to stop sleeping so much, we could get more work done. Two hours is good enough for any eight year-old."

Not to be outdone, after feeling a bit insecure, Warren Buffet sent an order to Boeing for a new 747 to add to his collection of private aircraft. His new mantra is apparently "my bizjet is bigger than his bizjet."

Dead Man Causes Stock Market Drop

Now this is pathetic. People so terrified of the economic news they panic and make it bad for the rest of us. People to stupid to understand a 1% loan is a fraud. People too greedy to realize they can't afford a 5-bedroom house but buy it anyway. People more concerned with American Idol than the fact there are Soldiers being killed for their dumb asses. People so consumed with greed, vanity, and pride that they storm into a Walmart and trample a store employee to death. Sad, sad, sad. No wonder why people hate Americans. Look at the examples of how we act. Of course, the greedy bastards on Wall Street will probably use this incident to manipulate the market like they do. Anything for a crooked dollar. Good thing I'm not a postal employee.