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October 2, 2005

The foreign policy of Bingo...

Our foreign policy reminds me of Bingo. You go from turn to turn, not knowing what number will come up. You don't know what one it will be, but if you win, you suddenly believe it is because of your Bingo prowess instead of the sheer luck it really is. There is no consistent way to win, as there is no consistent foreign policy in our country.

It must be utter revulsion to politics and politicians that makes me think about how screwed-up our political system is. It's both humiliating and infuriating as an American, the way we let politicians warp our basic values for our comfort, pleasure, entertainment, security, or plain twisted sense of humor, and they do this internationally. What's funnier, and even more pathetic, is the way these "public servants" (excuse me while I go vomit) line their pockets and become "American royalty" in the process. People in government should call YOU Sir, treat YOU special, and kiss YOUR ass, yet somehow, we do it the other way. Well, not me. I just make myself scarce when they come around. My hypocrisy only goes so far...

Here are a few examples of our completely warped foreign policy. Warning! The truth hurts!

  • We say we're friends with Saudi Arabia, a monarchy, because they give us oil. This is the only reason we support such a repressive regime, on par with maybe...Cuba?
  • We don't like North Korea because Kim Jong Il is an evil little troll bent on destruction...but since he has nukes, we'll start being nice and "normalize" relations.
  • We don't like the evil Iranians, while secretly, we buy oil from them. We refer them to the U.N. for sanctions, while we send food to the North Koreans? Can you say inconsistency?
  • We don't like Cuba because Castro is a dictator. What do we give a shit? The only reason we don't like Cuba is because the pro-embargo side always gets the votes from the anti-Castro Cubans in Florida. If the Cuban voters in Florida said they wanted the politicians to have sex with pine trees, the hypocrites would be running around looking for a knothole. Why do you think we have a policy that gives residency to Cubans who land on the shore, but we don't do that for any other country, not even Canada?
  • We say we like China because they are a "democratic country." Yep, they're about as democratic as I am a Martian. We just like cheap sneakers, cheap dockers, and want to stay on the good side of their more powerful economy and enormous military. Basically, we're being nice so they don't kick our ass in a multitude of ways. Can you say trade imbalance?
  • We don't like Venezuela, but...wait...we do like Venezuelans, but not Chavez. Hmm. Wonder why that is? They give us 15% of our oil.
  • We like Haiti. Yep, we like anyone in Haiti that will keep the violence down to a low enough simmer so it doesn't make front-page news in Miami. That's it.
  • We don't like Syria because they harbor terrorists and won't secure their borders. If that's a criteria to not like someone, then why do we like Mexico? Oh, I remember, the Mexican government is run by a bunch of elitist rich people, just like we are! Why do you think we protect the borders of Iraq but not the border of the U.S.?
  • As for African policy, we like any country we can call the "good guys," whether they're being attacked by a neighbor, oppressed by religious groups, picked on by a bigger neighbor, or whatever. If they're the underdog, we can act magnanimous and say we're "helping" the little guy. Without that, or some oil, we could give a shit about them too.
  • We like Israel. We like Israel because the collective guilt of the world tells us to, and the fact they are an investment to the tune of a couple billion a year.
  • We like Kuwait. Why? Because they haven't cut off our oil supply...yet.
  • We like Egypt, because we pay Egypt to not attack Israel and they comply. Cash is King!
  • Japan and South Korea. We say we like them, so much in fact that we bend over and take it to the tune of "how do you like that trade deficit." They take advantage of us on purpose, and we let them. When we rebuilt Japan, did we give the newest steel-making technology to the American companies and give their old stuff to Japan? Hell no! We gave them the new stuff! Guess how long it took Japan to kill our steel industry?
  • For any country we say we like, it comes right down to the "Almighty dollar" as the reason why. We can't be neighbors and friends to other countries, because that wouldn't make any of our politicians rich...unless you have a lump of kickback money on you...
  • You can never tell how the politicians will strike a relationship with another country, therefore the foreign policy Bingo!!!

I think our policies should be based on the desire for win-win relations, not oil for overly large cars, guilt, consolation prizes, whims, popularity, or payola. But that's just my opinion...


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