Next time you think you're having a bad hair day...

Music producer Phil Spector is shown in Superior Court Monday, May 23, 2005, in Los Angeles.

Hey Phil...the seventies are over pal...

Maybe it's some kind of animal living on his head?
Hair Club- he's not just a member, but also the plaintiff...

I didn't know cotton candy came in that color.

Hedgehog hair by Ronco...

He finally figured out what to do with all that dryer lint...

Christian convert sightings continue...

In reports following yesterdays escape from hell, numerous sighting of the Afghan man who converted to Christianity have been recorded. So far, he's been seen:

Taking his picture with Mickey at EuroDisney. Or is it Le Mickey?

Earlier in France police responded to a group of men apparently assaulting someone. Fearing the man was the Afghan escapee, police rushed to the scene only to discover the men kicking the Le Crap out of a Mime. Apparently French people hate Mimes too...

Some time later he was spotted flying a cargo airplane full of the fabled "rubber dog shit" out of Hong Kong. This was proven impossible as in recent years China has become the world leader in the rubber dog shit business and is now the sole manufacturer of imitation animal excrement and simulated bodily fluids industry. Everyone knows the yucks just keep coming when you play with plastic vomit and the fake spilled-can of soda! People just can't get enough!

He was also seen sneaking into that eminently more progressive country...Pakistan. Word had it after that, he was thinking of really "going nuts" and trying either Saudi Arabia or Iran! Somebody stop him! Talk about a party animal! He said he had dreams that had to do with seeing a woman's ankle and they made him feel dirty.

He was sighted in the United Arab Emirates having lunch with a strange looking American in a traditional woman's Durka. He said that also made him feel dirty...

Sighted in China being the taskmaster in a sweatshop employing 10 year-old girls making garter belts for American women. Word has it Michael Jackson told him about the position.

Spotted on South Beach where he saw suntan-oil-slathered Latin women in skimpy bikini's, some topless playing paddleball...and promptly exploded.

Thrown out of a casino in Atlantic City because his attempts at yelling "come on seven" in Arabic at the craps table sounded like he was getting ready to spit on somebody.

Seen enrolling at Yale.

Arrested with a group of soccer hooligans following Manchester United's defeat to Uventis.

Seen at Mount Rushmore on the job as the guy that dangles from a rope to clean Lincoln's nose.

Employed at over 100 Seven-Eleven, Circle-K, and Piggy-Wiggly convenience stores nationwide.

Taxi driver in New York City

Now gay and living in San Francisco where he absolutely refuses to wear anything tan or brown.

Tour guide at St. Peter's Basilica in the Vatican.

Seen running across the southern border of the United States disguised as a Mexican, where he was promptly apprehended and returned to Mexico. Apparently authorities had a hard time believing his name was Pancho Villa.

Driving the Conch Tour Train in Key West. Apparently he makes money on the side convincing drunken tourists to take their picture with him because of how much he looks like Hemingway.

Roadie for Aerosmith

Third member of the all Arab reggaeton group "Dos Rag-Heads and a Camel Jockey."

Learning to bribe law enforcement officials and mix martinis in case he could ever be of service to Ted Kennedy.

He's inspector #9.

MORE SIGHTINGS AS THEY HAPPEN!

Scarlett Johansson tops sexiest list

No she doesn't! She's cute, but she's a kid. So are Jessica Alba, Jessica Simpson, and Keira Knightley. Besides, Jenny McCarthy comes off as so obnoxious it takes any chance of sexiness away. As for Carmen Electra, she tries too hard and married a guy with a head three-times too big for his body. Terry Hatcher's pretty,but it was that stupid TV show that got her on the list. Halle Berry is pretty, and again, Maria Sharipova is also just a kid.

Tell you what...my wife better be on that list!

How to spell r-e-t-i-r-e-m-e-n-t...

from today's Miami Herald:

SO YOU HAD A BAD DAY...
Patti LaBelle struggled through a weekend show in Palm Beach County after taking the stage at midnight, at one point sitting down and crying.
''I've never been this embarrassed in my life,'' LaBelle told the crowd Saturday at the Riviera Beach Jazz & Blues Festival. ``It's the worst show I've ever done in my life.''
As temperatures dipped into the low 50s, LaBelle explained that she's nearly 62, has diabetes and a heart murmur -- and the cold weather wasn't agreeing with her.
The R&B singer tried to belt out a few notes, then told fans huddled under blankets that she understood if they walked out on her.
LaBelle struggled through Lady Marmalade with assistance from a few in the crowd, sang some gospel songs and On My Own before retreating.

Low fifties, sick, heart problem, and going on at midnight? She has unrealistic expectations. I wouldn't have gone on and I'm twenty years younger. When you lose the awareness you're doing something you shouldn't be doing, it's time to hang it up.

Christian Convert Vanishes After Release

Now this is proof we're all insane! This is an international incident...a man in Afghanistan, a place so ass-backward that they want to kill a guy for converting to Christianity! This is a place where we're spending billions, and Americans have been killed, and for what? What's changed? Are the Taliban truly out? I say f--k no.

President Karzai is afraid of offending the sensibilities of these Muslim clerics who are calling for the murder of this guy? Muslim "students" are joining in? Is it the same school where the 42-year old 9-11 types come from? The same school that teaches Muslims that everybody should pity them because of how disaffected they supposedly are and their only recourse is to go kill people?

I just have to ask what the fuck are we doing over there if this sort of shit is happening in March 2006?

Thoughts of the day.

Douglas MacArthur named commander of all forces in Korea, July 8, 1950. Exactly 14 years before I was born on that day.

July 8 1776 was the first time the Declaration of Independence was read in public. 230 years before I was born on that day.

In the irony of ironies, there is a Kevin Bacon blog or two early in this thing. July 8, 1958, Kevin Bacon was born...six years before I was born on that day. I only have one degree of Kevin Bacon.

With the release of this Abdel Rahman character, the country of Afghanistan is saying Christians are mentally unfit to be Muslims. This is a country that wants to kill a guy for not wanting to be a Muslim. Sounds a bit "salmon Rushdie-ish" to me. Yep, he believes in something different than other people...so let's kill him before it spreads. Allah wants you to be a mindless drone who blindly follows his edicts as dictated to you by an out-of-touch, narrow-minded, near-sighted, non-traveled, bigoted, hate-mongering elder called an Imam, who can dictate the Muslim holy book as he sees fit, and to his own ends. Yep, drones kill, drones bomb, drones fly airplanes into buildings. Come on, we want more drones...

Sean Hannity ripped Alec Baldwin a new one on the Scottie Whitman radio show.

Why does the name "Jack Abramoff" sound so much like a verb?

Lyndon Johnson preferred calling his wife "Lady Bird" because it gave her the initials LBJ. Her name was Claudia. I like Claudia better. I found out recently two interesting facts about him which make me think he was a kooky cat, and probably would have been interesting to talk to: First, he liked to take his friends and visitors for rides on the country roads near his ranch and drink scotch while doing 90 mph. The second is he used to take important people into the bathroom to discuss important things, which he thought put psychological pressure on the person to whom he was speaking. He did that in combination with looming over them, since he was 6'4".

Animals can walk and poo at the same time, but people can't. I bet you always wanted to know that!

Graceland went on the registry of National Historic Landmarks. In fact, it's the second most popular home museum in the country, following the White House, with Mount Vernon, Monticello, and Ernest Hemingway's house trailing way behind. In an interview, Lisa Marie said Elvis loved Graceland and she was so proud of him. She also spoke of how people the world over loved her father. Yep...so that's the reason why he died alone, overweight, from a drug overdose while on the toilet, and when he hit the floor no one was around to hear it. Uh-huh, great way for the "King of Rock and Roll" to go. What did the EPC (Elvis Presley corporation make last year? $60 million? I would have said the same thing...

If animals can sense evil, how can Hillary Clinton have a cat?

That's NORTH Jersey, Thank You

So New York and California have the worst air pollution eh? That's no friggin shock. Washington DC and Jersey, well there's no earth-shattering news there either...

But Oregon? What's going on in Oregon? I thought the place was full of tree-huggers and the lumberjacks that love to cut them down? By "them" I mean the trees or the tree-huggers it really makes no difference.

One thing people should know, however, is the pollution that gives the Garden State its bad rap comes from two places. 1. From the area around New York City in North Jersey, such as Newark, Hoboken, Jersey City, Elizabeth, Bayonne, etc., and 2. from the area right near the Deleware Memorial Bridge that connects Southwestern Jersey to Delaware.

South Jersey is (believe it or not) predominantly state forest, farmland, and seashore barrier islands. To be on the beach here is to see the cleanest air anywhere. Actually, you can't see the air, which proves it's clean!

Like Springsteen said, " cause down the shore everything' s all right."

Keep that Jersey slander to yourself...

The best place to pick up easy, irresponsible chicks!

An abortion rally during the middle of the week has to be the easiest place to pick up a sleazy broad! After all, they skipped-out on work to go rally for the right to have doctors rip out a fetus if their irresponsible sexual activities end up getting them pregnant.

What other conclusion is there? I mean another that makes sense...not the "women want the right to blah blah blah stupidity about planning their lives, etc. Do they want the truth? Here it is: If you think you're old enough to have sex, then you're old enough to have a kid. Maybe these sluts should keep their pants on...

Alternate Universe Discovered Off Coast of Aruba!

While in the process of photographing every inch of the earth looking for Osama bin Laden, Jimmy Hoffa, the lost Nixon tapes and Amelia Earheart's car keys, NASA engineers recently discovered an alternate universe which they say actually surrounds the island of Aruba.

Apparently, upon entering this alternate universe, all 17-year old sexually active teenagers become virgins and are instantly transported forward four years, thus making them of legal drinking age.

Scientists examining this phenomenon also noted what they call a "leaking effect," where the parents of these teenagers are magically led to believe this universe and its effects are real, instead of the reality they let their 17 year-old daughters free, or actually sent them to drink, gamble, have sex, and ultimately get killed.

One more thing about the fountain...

Here's what I think it would be a fitting tribute to Diana:

A big statue of her in a bikini standing next to Dodi Fayed as Dodi urinates on a smaller statue of Prince Charles, who is riding Camilla.

Maybe a statue of her as the little Coppertone kid with her butt showing...and Charles kissing it...again, as Dodi Fayed pees on him.

What about Diana in body armor pushing Charles onto a land-mine that sends him flying over a model of Buckingham Palace where the government has come and is reposessing all his stuff!

Hey! He may be a prince, but he's no day at the beach...if you know what I mean.

Maybe it can be one where Diana bitch-slaps the Queen, who turns and slaps Charles, who turns to slap Camilla but gets one from her instead. Then Charles turns to his son William, who slaps him, and then to Harry, who slaps him also, then to Winston Churchill and Tony Blair, each who give the prince his just comeuppance. Charles then turns back to the queen, whom he slaps. The Queen then turns back to Diana and gets a palm-pasting from her, starting the whole thing again. All the while, a likeness of Richard Branson slaps Camilla at will. I know they have nothing to do with each other, but I like Richard Branson and Camilla needs additional pasting so I figured what the hell. There's another version where everybody gets kicked in the crotch, but you get the picture.

Meanwhile, a nearby statue of Pierce Brosnan gets a slapping from Colin Farrell due to Brosnan's being such a little bitch about the latest James Bond movie and Colin...well, he just seems to be everywhere.

Next to that is one of Hugh Grant getting kicked in the "James" by Elizabeth Hurley with a gusto that would bring a tear to Rochambeau's eye, while a recording shouts "what are you, stupid?" in her voice every time her knee finds its target.

Next to that one is the fantasy statue of the members of Coldplay getting their butts kicked by the all-girl members of L7 and Team Dresch!

Next to that is a statue of a football (soccer to us Yanks), an actual frisbee, and a little girl selling Jello. Why? Because the Brits love their football, there's never a bad time for frisbee and there's always room for Jello...

England has obviously gone insane!

A "problem-plagued" memorial fountain that costs $3.5 million more than it should? I know people really loved Princess Diana, but are you all freaking nuts or what?

$9 million dollars for a memorial fountain for a dead princess, and 520K on the opening ceremony! Wow! She was apparently important enough for old Queenie to drop that kind of dough, but not so important as to be treated well while she was alive! Her husband is obviously inbred and deranged. Proof? Well, no one really needs anything more than whom he chose over Diana! Eek! The memorial is all part of the collective guilt of the "Royals" and their attempt to look magnanimous instead of disingenuous. Not!

The odd thing is how people reacted. Some say the memorial is fitting, while others say it isn't quite enough! I think they all need their heads examined. Charles should count his lucky stars too. Just look at his two sons...handsome, intelligent, with great potential. He obviously saw Diana as nothing more than breeding stock, and it's a good thing he didn't see Camilla that way! Can you imagine that? How gooney-looking would those unfortunates be? Long faces, squinty-eyes, teeth so crooked they could eat corn-on-the-cob through a chain-link fence, with personalities so dry they would make even British comedy look like slap-stick. I can picture a kid with a face like Alfred E. Neuman playing bridge and drinking tea (at 11 years-old) and using expressions like "how droll" and "by-the-bye." He would need at least three bodyguards so he wouldn't get his ass kicked at least once a day!

Do you think Diana would have preferred the 9 million go to land-mine removal or saving little kids in Africa, or to some huge stone testament to the worthlessness and obsolescence of the royal system in England? The fact that the same people who ignored and mistreated her while she was alive still have their priorities all screwed-up isn't lost on me. No wonder they didn't like her...she was the only sane one of the bunch.

Man Severs Own Penis, Throw it at Officers

Catch! Watch my change-up! Whoop!

Question: If you cut off your nose to spite your face, what does cutting off the "one-eyed monster" do? Answer: It proves you're a freakin psychopath! Nutcase. Whack job. Looney Tune. Knucklehead. "It's a bit drastic" is definitely an understatement.

Now this makes men squirm just thinking about it. What's up with that? Well, not his Johnson, I guess. So what gives? Was it being impudent? Talking back to him? Being uncooperative? Nagging him to use it on an actual girl once in a while? Did it have a hair-trigger problem that he found embarassing? Or did he finally realize it was his one true friend?

So he cut it off because of problems with his girlfriend in...Poland... That was probably after he broke up with his girl from Canada, and the one before that from Denmark...and all the other imaginary girlfriend's he's had. He probably turned queer, regrets it, and has to "exercise the demon."

Cops have glamorous jobs too, don't they? Nothing like having to fight a crazy naked guy who has a bunch of knives, is bleeding like hell and just cut off his own wanker.

So they sew it back on? Is it straight? It better be or he's the proud owner of a boomerang with the ability to pee around a corner.

Of course, if you just cut off Captain Winky, you're koo-koo for Cocoa Puffs...

Sometimes I love the news...

I don't love the news for the politically biased news articles, but rather, for the way the headlines seem so ridiculous. In a news media attempt to be either political or provocative, sometimes they just end-up sounding silly. For instance:

Bombs, bullets greet Shiites on pilgrimage - After all, nothing says "welcome" like an ambush.
New abortion law may affect S.D. tourism - I never knew abortion was such a tourist attraction!
Many in Belarus love their autocratic leader - ...and if they say different...they get shot.
Aussie strippers win meal break, OT rights - now there's the best indicator of the development of a society...when they finally feed the strippers and pay them overtime! What's next? They get to vote? Good thing they have a union! They also get maternity leave, which I think is bad because you know how much everybody wants to see a pregnant woman hump a brass pole.
'South Park' battle over Scientology heats up - It's funny when a celebrity religious group feels threatened by a cartoon.
'Dukes of Hazzard' actor Tom Wopat charged - A guy stars in a TV show 20 years ago and that is what he's most famous for? That's sad. I try to forget stuff I did 20 years ago.
Bush adviser says Iran bluffing on Iraq - And we all know how right the Bush advisors have been!
Two more deaths added to record-high Bike Week toll (Miami Herald) What? Come on, there's nothing safer than bar-hopping on a motorcycle, especially with a passenger!
Argument over relationship ends with shooting at mall - Now who brings a gun to the mall? I mean really? Is it used to get lower prices? "Now how much is that lava lamp?" Is it to help you shop? "I wanna go to the record store. No, I wantto Victoria'storia's Secret (Boom!). Okay, we'll go to the record store!" "Quit looking at that guy (Boom)." "Do these pants make my ass look fat? I didn't think so."
Safety stand down held at Kennedy Space Center after mishaps - Again? What the hell is wrong with these people? Don't have a politically correct "safety stand down...make some heads roll! Kick some ass! For crying out loud, demand safety and do your risk management! Who's in charge over there? Get him on the phone!
Jerry Lewis gets French medal - Is it a medal with Pepe' Le'Pew's face on it? Maybe a miniature Eiffel tower with the German and Iraqi flags on top? Le' Bozo badge? I know...it has a picture of Chirac surrendering to a schoolgirl while he's standing on a French immigrant, right?
Striking workers at UM to get raise - At one of the best learning institutions in the state, they couldn't negotiate? There's a law school right there! Lawyers showing their value yet again. In typical fashion, union workers make the company lose money by striking in order to get more money...a vicious circle unions will never understand. Giving in to them just makes it worse. Florida is a right to work state, so busting the union is no issue.
Fashion Designer Oleg Cassini Dies at 92 - From the truly meaningless file, this is some old fag that's famous for making dresses for Jackie O...the woman who was married to JFK, then married a Greek tycoon reportedly so her kids would grow up wealthy, then when she died was buried next to the president. Hmm. What do they call a woman who has a relationship with someone for money?

St. Patrick's Day...apparently the day to get yourself an Asian chick...

Leprechauns like them too...but isn't he supposed to wear green?

Gay Pol to Skip St. Patrick's Day Parade

Go ahead and skip it little Miss Carpet-muncher! This is the kind of stuff that makes gays look stupid as they try to push their agenda. A Gay and Lesbian Irish group? How F'ing stupid is that. Look out! Here come the Gay Indians, the Lesbian Eskimos, the Androgynous Asian Pacific Islanders, the Black he-she Association, the Transsexual Dwarves, and the Cross-dressing Canadian Club!

Do gays and lesbians have hearing problems or cognitive difficulties? Are they mentally-challenged? Why do I ask? The reason is obvious!

You weren't invited to the parade! Hello! It's kind of hard to boycott the parade and say you aren't going to go when you aren't invited and no one wants you there! This broad's probably a snotty pain-in-the-ass. "Well, I'm not going." Good, you're not invited. "Well, I'm not going" and on and on...

Oh, look at me! I'm so cool and trendy! Who needs the parade...I'll just go get some dinner and maybe go to church like a good little homosexual...

Do you think any of the people in the parade will be carrying any signs or banners celebrating their heterosexuality? I don't think so. Why? Because nobody wants to hear that shit...from any of them. No gay Irish or cleft-palate Italians. No cross-eyed Asians or transgender Germans or any of that stuff.

Underground Railroad Museum $5.5M in Red

I have to stop laughing long enough to type this... Political correctness comes back to haunt Cincinnati!!!

This thing has to be little more than a giant static display. I can't see too many moving parts required. Does it really need a $10 million /year budget? I'm laughing again!

Come on, having people re-enact operations of the "underground railroad" is just cruel, not to mention an EO complaint because you don't let any American Indian (Native American) or Alaska Natives (a.k.a. Eskimos) play the parts of slaves escaping the South! Racist bastards!

So 15 people already had to go? What do they think this is...The Rock and Roll Hall of Fame? I can't picture a very cheerful atmosphere, any rides, IMAX theater, or aquarium. Here's a hint; civil war reenactor-nerds do that stuff for free...just like people who go to Star Trek conventions or dress-up like characters from Star Wars.

A $110 million dollar Freedom Center. Wow! I can think of a bunch of things you could have spent your money on. You have to love PC politicians spending other people's money, then going back to the well after they realize how big of a failure they created. I wouldn't pay for it.

A $110,000,000 dollar Freedom Center in Cincinnati Ohio? Cincinnati...the city right near the Kentucky border? It's still in Ohio, isn't it? Ohio is still between Pennsylvania and Illinois, right? The people being known as among the most boring and plain in the entire country? The 86% caucasian (not of Hispanic origin) state? (Jersey is 66%). Jeepers Creepers!

Actually, I'm just kidding. Harriet Beecher Stowe lived in Cincinnati, and Ohio actually had the most developed and active underground railroad network of any state. It's very interesting and very historic. I just think the museum is a bit over-the-top. Check out the website:
http://www.ohiodnr.com/parks/explore/magazine/sprsum96/UNDERGRR.htm

Most Americans not Fit to Join

Some readers of the attached article may think it indicated a problem with the military. I would be so bold as to say this does no such thing.

A few months ago, a 2-star general came over to the desert to talk about the state of a couple branches of the army, and the army in general. He said something that stuck with me:

-The Army doesn't have a recruiting problem...America has a service problem.

I couldn't agree more. In our greedy, ego-centric, shameless, selfish country, I couldn't agree more...

Politicians should stay away from foreign policy

I thought about this earlier this morning when I saw a news article about the House of Representatives introducing a bill that would punish Iran. Well just hold the flappety-flappin phone a minute...

These are the same representatives who:
-let focus groups and lobbyists tell them how to think
-vote along poll numbers instead of with their conscience
-let special interests rule their terms of service
-allow political correctness to focus their efforts on the truly meaningless
-can't get along with each other
-believe bashing the president is a course of action for our country
-join subcommittees for the apparent prestige without knowing what the hell they're doing
-spend billions (with a b) of taxpayer dollars on pet projects, kickbacks, and political rewards

People full of this kind of bullshit and with this kind of bureaucratic narrow-mindedness should stick to domestic affairs where they can line their own pockets and not get our whole country in trouble.

For example, Congressman Kendrick Meek of Florida. His biggest claim to fame is being on the House Armed Services committee, where earlier this week, he told Secretary Rumsfeld there weren't enough minority generals in the military. That's pretty f-ing thin, but par for the course for Meek. Pretty boy...

How long were you in the military there, Congressman? Never? Oh...I see. Well, how about a nice hot cup of shut the f--k up! Minorities don't join the combat arms, they join the support units. Most of the generals come out of the combat arms, so unless you can convince more minorities to be grunts, then zip it, okay pal... I'm sick and tired of the whole EO speech. There are no roadblocks to minorities in the military or the service academies, so knock it off. Where did you go? A predominantly black school? Whoa! What about getting ahead based on merit there, Mama's boy? Yep, he got elected because his mother was the congresswoman in his district before him. How else do you go from Highway patrol to US House of Representatives so quickly?

What he should be asking is are there too many generals to begin with? How did we go from an 850,000 soldier force (pre-1994), to a 420,000 soldier force and not eliminate one single general officer position? Not one.

What about congressmen and women with agendas that aren't beneficial to society as a whole. Why would a congresswoman from California be so involved with Haiti? It was a black thing. Why is another so involved in Cuba to the detriment of other aspects of her service? Because she's Cuban. Should they be allowed to influence foreign policy? Definitely not.

Why would others let corporations tell them what to do unless there was something in it for them? What about the thousands, or possibly millions of people affected by a corporation wreaking havoc and raining death and destruction on them? Example? The most heavily subsidized industry in America is the sugar industry in Florida...the same industry that is destroying or has destroyed Lake Okeechobee and the Everglades. "Big" Sugar. The pollution from lake water released to both coasts devastates huge areas, kills millions of marine creatures, birds, reptiles, and both land and marine mammals, hurts other industries, and affects millions of people. The artificially high level of the lake has killed lake species, some specific only to that lake. Fertilizers have poisoned ground water and run-off causes algae blooms and devastation to both fresh and salt-water environments. The Everglades was called the "river of grass" until they dammed the lake in order to irrigate sugar lands. So why is it every time a sugar industry executive sneezes there's a politician there to wipe his nose?

Can you trust people who can't fix things at home to handle foreign policy?

Why do some of these people not have websites? Why do some of these people have no way to contact them except by phone to their office where some flunkie takes a message or you hear a recording to request information rather than get in touch? Why do none of the email links to them work (I spent time and tried a bunch.)

Politicians today just don't have the skills to do foreign policy, and they rely on bad advice, racial bias, ethnic bias, lobbyists, prejudices, personal agendas, and a bunch of other things they shouldn't. They should leave it to people who can do it right, and don't speak for corporations, special interest, or political parties, but truly have the best interests of our people at heart.

I know... I have as much chance of seeing that as I do peeing in the ocean and raising the tide...

Chinese President Issues List of Virtues

...so the number-one Commie over there created a list of virtues, did he? I have a couple more for the list:

-Honor thy eight-year old girl working 16-hour days making pants for the ignorant Americans...the best way to win a war is without firing a shot...we can pay her less and maximize our profits...one day owning the United States because they can't control themselves.

-Artificially deflate your money in order to make other money more valuable, thus creating a larger profit margin. Don't worry about being called an underhanded cheat...it's just business in the communist world.

Apparently, one of the virtues says "Be honest and trustworthy, not profit-mongering at the expense of your values." ...Are you shitting me?

I knew it! I knew it!

PARALLEL UNIVERSE DISCOVERED . . . Where Bill Clinton Is A Celibate Priest!

With his powers, I knew he was a space alien!

A couple thoughts...

When's the last time a liberal recommended a solution to an issue instead of just trying to make someone else look bad? They're like children who spill ice cream on the floor, then try to blame the other kids for their mistake while they have money handed to them and pull out their other pocket claiming they haven't gotten any money yet.

Why would a Jew buy a German car?

If China locks-up gays and forbids homosexuality, should gays shop at Wal-Mart? (Hint: 70% of everything in the store is made in China)

What could be worse than a lawyer who goes into politics?

The same people who want to impeach the president think it was okay for President Clinton to get a BJ in the White House, dip his cigar "where the sun don't shine," spooge on his college intern's dress, then lie about it to the entire country on national TV and try to use some lawyerly bullshit (the definition of "is") to get out of it. Then his wife just lets it go and she's the darling of these same democrats?

Wow. How does Bill do that?

If someone really needs an ass-whooping, you should be able to give them one. There should be guidelines you can go by and keep on something the size of a credit card so you can hand it to them beforehand. Family members don't need a card first.

Why don't people like station wagons but love mini-vans? If you put a sliding door on the side, would they like it then?

If you buy a foreign car that's built in this country, are you helping to keep someone employed and giving money to foreigners? If you buy an American car, are you paying a corporation and a labor union...and giving money to foreigners since most of them are made in Canada and Mexico?

Gordon Gekko is an ass. Greed is not good. Greed will lead to some country trying to take-over the United States within my lifetime.

Ignorance and Greed led to American jobs going overseas. Both sides wanted too much money.

Ignorance and Greed led us to the Iraq war. The oil companies hold all the top seats in government.

Ignorance and Greed will keep gas prices high. No way the government would ever let the oil companies have less-than "insane" profits.

Ignorance and Greed led us to the trade imbalance: Everybody has to buy everything they can, money or not. No one remembers to buy American-made, and some things you can't buy American-made, even things we invented.

Ignorance and Greed led to my divorce. She was worried about herself first, not her son, marriage, home, honor, or morality. Now she can live with the consequences.

Ignorance and Greed puts people in bankruptcy.

Ignorance and Greed started every war in history. It's the battle of the "haves versus the have-nots," and the greedy struggle for power and domination. People don't remember the movie "War Games," where the message of the movie was there is no winner in a nuclear war. The only point is not to have one. Maybe we should show it to the Iranians.

Ignorance and Greed keeps France on the side of the money every time.

Ignorance and Greed guarantees there will never be a cure for cancer, hair loss, aging, failing eyesight, liver disease, TB, or any other disease the drug companies profit from.

Why is my wife so smoking-hot?

Why do we value money and rich people with no moral value, character, or integrity more than a common person with these traits?

Do all people that are sniveling pukes and selfish jerks as kids stay that way the rest of their lives?

Where did the first person come from that ate a crab, a bears gall bladder, a shark fin, a camel's hump, a gorilla paw, or an elephant's asshole? I'll give you a guess...it rhymes with China.

If stupid girls who think modeling has a redeeming social value and get paid to walk around in lingerie and ugly dresses all the time and profess to love it so much...why aren't any of them smiling?

Can a gay man dress a male model to represent all men, or just gay men?

Fashion weirdos think people watch "Fashion TV" for the designer clothes. Nope. They watch it for the girls in swimwear and lingerie who (every once in a while) don't look like they need a sandwich and 8-hours sleep. When they show the faggy-looking guys (really kids), that's when people take a potty break.

Is an insurance company breaking any laws when they fail to pay? Oh, I forget, they own the other part of the government not owned by the oil and drug companies...

Why is it when you sleep in so late that you have problems getting to sleep the next night, when you wake up the following morning, you're still tired?

Now I understand the philosophical difference between Sting saying "We are spirits in a material world" and Madonna saying "I am a material girl." What a worthless tramp.

Lying liberal whack-job alert!!!

Feingold Proposes Bush Censure Over Spying

Again the democrats are so clue-less they have nothing else they can do but bash the president. Thanks for making every country around the world know our government is a bunch of arrogant, elitist, back-stabbing, disloyal, uncooperative and incompetent buffoons who are so out of touch with real life they all need ass-kickings. Thanks again.

Yep, Bill Clinton can use the NSA to watch Americans and that shithead President Carter can give away our strategic defense capability in the Caribbean and let the Chinese government control the Panama canal, but let Mr Bush use the NSA and everybody suddenly has an issue.

Talk about some disingenuous partisan bullshit. (By the way, I know the Carter thing is off the point, but that just pisses me off).

Chicago Requires Driver's Ed for the Blind

The finest education system in the world!

They also require them to pass needlepoint in home economics, play dodgeball in gym class, play baseball, participate in cross country running as an extra curricular (for those new to the U.S., that means running long distances through the woods), be the bus monitors, take the welding test in metal shop and make a microscope rack in woodshop, string the lights at "non-specific non-denominational winter celebration" time, coach the shooting team, and judge all horse-jumping competitions.

The hearing-impaired (also known as the deaf) kids are required to pass music class, the physically challenged, handi-capable kids (if you call them the crippled kids, or the gimpy kids, or the "one with the bum leg," you get sued) have to join JROTC. The developmentally challenged (can't call them retards) are required to join the debate team, the cheerleading squad, and cut all the firewood for the homecoming bonfire. After all, there's nothing that says handi-capable better than giving a bunch of retards a mess of axes and chainsaws and saying "have at-it!"

Actually, in lawsuit-happy America, the school system is probably afraid to not include them in drivers ed. You never know, one of the blind kids may pull the "race card!"

Thoughts for today...

...Why do they call them think "tanks?" What kind of tank are they talking about? The armored tank that has firepower and can charge the enemy and use decisive tactics and engagement to destroy, or a tank like a septic or fish tank where ooze collects, combines, and coagulates with other forms of ooze...

When was it determined that the breast was a focal point and an object of desire for women? What if it was something like their foreheads? Would we still celebrate the size of their forehead? Would they augment their foreheads? Would they cover them if they were modest and expose them if they weren't? Would we disregard the "hooters, bozo's, snoobs, rack, melons, jugs, taa-taa's, cans, etc?

Is all Mexican food the mixed together, tasteless, "let's smother it in hot peppers and cheese" kind of retch that I see? If you have to add hot peppers, cheese, or sour cream to it to taste it, then why eat it? Do you mix all your food together?

What if Ronald McDonald's first name was Al?

Why do some women wear more under their clothes than they do to the beach, but get all freaked out if you see them in their underwear? Hey girls, I have news...if you don't want a guy to see what your equipment looks like in your underwear, a bikini does the same thing. Do women make a conscious decision when it's acceptable for other men to see them in their underwear? If someone sees your wife or sister in a bathing suit, they can see her crotch just like they could if she was in her underwear... Oops!

So the American was the only hostage to get killed out of those Christian missionaries in Iraq. I'm not surprised, it's no big shock, and I actually expected that. They didn't kill him first because he was a Christian missionary in a Muslim country. They did it because he was the American.

So who made everyone hate Americans so much? Politicians...not any of us. Stereotypes like fat booze-hound rich white guys making deals and swaggering around like they're royalty in our country.

Is it really Walmart's problem?

Hypothetical situation:

I grow up with limited education and questionable skills, so I go to work in the local factory, where I get pressured into joining the local union because "they fight for me." So while I'm doing some mindless job, the union is fighting the company that gave me the job. They fight and fight, foster bad relations with the company and create an adversarial relationship...all for me. The company on the other hand, now doesn't like me because I'm their adversary, and they think they're being pushed into paying me more than other companies (especially overseas) pay their employees to do the same work. Who am I to complain? After all, $15 dollars an hour to make razor blades and beer huggies is pretty good.

Eventually it gets to the point where in order to pay me the money the union requires (in order to not go on strike and stop the company from making any money), they have to either take the quality out of the products we make, or employ less of us. They can't fire any of us because of...you guessed it...union rules. So the company takes the quality out of the product (just like the United Auto Workers forced the car companies to do in the 70's), and sales drop, so less money is coming in. All the while, the union is demanding raises for members and increases in health care coverage and cost of living allowances or they'll stop working until they get it. This is money the company doesn't have, but faced with a strike, they take more quality out of the product in order to limp along under the union rules.

Not able to bear the burden of more money going out than coming in, and with flagging sales, the factory is forced to decide which product line is the least profitable...and stop it. Wouldn't you know, as bad luck would have it, that's my product line. So instead of going with the newest employees first, they lay off everybody...well, everybody except a union steward who magically gets transferred to another line while the rest of us are laid off. A couple months later, I find out the factory now makes the products from my product line, in a factory in China, where people are glad to have a job. Oh, and they just stopped another product line to ship it overseas before they get in such bad financial straits again. Again, the union reps weren't laid off.

So the union, in their greed, lost my job for me. Of course, the union reps all still have jobs, and they want dues from me even though I'm not working...because they're working to get my job back. Sure they are...

Greed is to blame. Greed from companies trying to make a profit; greed from the unions trying to make a profit, and greed from workers thinking they should make 20 bucks an hour to make garbage cans (which now come from China along with the beer huggies, razor blades, garden hoses, shovels, toys, sports equipment, sneakers, and every other damn thing, including the lingerie in the AAFES post exchange catalog.) Why do you think America's biggest company is Wal-Mart and they import 70% of their products from overseas? Americans want to buy cheap shit but it costs too much for companies to make cheap shit...with union labor.

Of course, does the government care about lowering the trade deficit, keeping kids out of sweat shops and factories overseas, and keeping American jobs? About as much as the unions do.

So don't look for the union label, bacause all you'll find is underwear from Mexico, socks from Thailand, T-shirts from Sri Lanka, pants and shoes from China, a belt from Chile, and a hat from Korea. Look around the house for American goods and good luck finding any. Look out in the driveway, and you'll see Japan, Germany, or Korea. Put up an American flag at your house...it's made in China. Sure we invented the TV and the computer, but now those things and all other electronics are made in Asia, where people find nobility in working and aren't born with the idea that someone owes them something.

Want to find the truly American thing in this situation? Greed. Now that's American. Ignorance and arrogance too.

Men's Rights Group Eyes Child Support Stay

Okay, look at this Putz...

I have news for him. News he may not want to hear...

Sorry dude, but you banged her...live with it.

This is some real after-the-fact bullshit. So what women have more choices when their pregnant. In case anyone forgot, they're the ones that do that. I know our country hates gender roles, but life's a bitch...literally for this guy. And so what men have no choices after the girl gets pregnant.

Here's a revelation for all the guys that can't keep it in their pants...if you play with a loaded gun, don't be surprised if it goes off. (hey, some double entendre') Literally, if you can't put a rubber on, maybe you're too stupid to be allowed to breed in the first place, but if you believe anything a American woman tells you, then you're proving you're an idiot.

Now don't go thinking I'm some liberal, bite your tongue. In fact, pierce your tongue because the way you're going to get bent over by the court system, you may as well learn to be gay. I got raked over the coals during my divorce by a corrupt and sexist court system, but I learned to live with it. Do you know why? Because it's my son, no matter who he lives with. Of course, I wanted him to being with, but she doesn't even deserve custody of him, the stupid slut that she is.

So go ahead and try your frivolous lawsuit. Sure men get no choice, but you have one in the beginning. Next time take it...and bang her with someone else's Johnson.

Oh silly man, thinking anyone cares...

Armed man takes pupils hostage in French school...and the French Army Surrenders

Oh, so it's only in our country where nutcases come to school with guns? I don't think so.

Maybe he wants answers to questions he's been asking himself for years, like"

-Why does my entire body smell like goat cheese?
-Who told the women to stop shaving under their arms?
-Why does the French Army fold up faster than a Swiss Army knife?
-Why does the sound of bullets make French Army troops put their arms in the air?
-Does Jacques Chirac ever smile? Can he smile?
-Why do they call them "French" whores?
-When will Jean-Luc Picard run for President?
-Where are the French Maids I saw in the Fredericks of Hollywood catalog?
-Why can't I stop fat people from French kissing?
-Who decided to eat the snails in the first place?
-Who called it a "French" tickler?
-I like those American Fries, but you can keep the French toast.
-What makes French roasting different from other kinds of roasting?
-Why do people think we hate them when we really just hate ourselves?
-Why can't we just take places over the right way, instead of the way we did in Vietnam, Haiti, Sierra Leone, French Guyana, Canada, etc.
-Why did they call it Legionnairs Disease if there weren't any Legionairres there?
-Why is a beret right for any occasion?
-Why do people think all mimes are French? I hate mimes?

Yep, this dude probably has a lot on his mind...

China Lashes Back at U.S. on Human Rights

As well they should. They call the United States hypocrites when we criticize other countries about their human rights issues. Sad to say, but they're RIGHT!

Of course, there are a few angles they don't see. Like how we enacted civil rights laws in our country, but some ethnic groups seem to subjugate themselves, wait for hand-outs, and blame others for their plight instead of helping each other to succeed as a group.

They see us help other countries during natural disasters...and where were they?

They oppose us on every initiative in the United Nations and are part of the problem, not part of the solution.

They employ child labor and suppress the value of their dollar to kill us on trade...and it's working.

They think we're oppressing Muslims, but even after an attack on our own soil, we allow millions of Muslims to live in the U.S.

However, they also see us spend money on other countries infrastructure to our own peril. We fight wars and burn billions of dollars on supposedly fighting terrorism abroad, to our own domestic peril. They watch as we save Pakistanis and Indonesians from natural disasters while we fiddle-f--k around with the recovery from Hurricane Katrina. They see us do nothing as American companies close down on our soil only to open up on theirs...then China cheats and kills us economically.

I find the hypocrisy of allowing Chinese people, who really live in a communist society, to come over here as tourists, and we force Cubans (also from a communist society) to risk their lives to come here. Ironically, we pay both the Cubans and the Chinese, only the Cubans get the money handed to individuals here while the Chinese government (remember those commies) get the money sent over to them.

I agree that an internal focus should be the goal. We should stop jumping in every time there are people being murdered, natural disasters, diseases, and all that. Then we should buy American products only. After that, we take all the money we spend overseas and clean up the cities.

Then we tell China to go f--k themselves.

In Honor of Chavez and Castro

...and their obvious love affair, as well as today's pop-culture issues...

It's really called "Broke-Country Mountain."

Flawed drama about post-combat tragedies

I'd love to know from which angle this play comes? The horror of battle? The problems with separations? The loyalty of spouses? I have a sneaky suspicion it comes from the bullshit angle that war turns men into brutal beasts who come home and take it out on their women who sat home like angels crying their eyes out while they were gone.

Has anyone ever heard of "Jody?" The mythic figure fabled in military lore and talked about every time soldiers march or run in formation?

"Ain't no use in calling home...Jody's got your girl and gone."

Well, a fight between a returning soldier and his wife that leads to his beating her to death has to have another element involved that would lead him to snap than just her moving the furniture. A scene in a play like that makes the assumption that soldiers are ignorant neanderthals that club their women unless they follow orders to the letter.

Having served at Fort Bragg, I can report that not a weekend goes by that you don't see wives of deployed soldiers out in the clubs, on dates, involved with other men, and doing things that are definitely not designed to help their marriages. That's Jody. What's worse is that other soldiers at Bragg not deployed disrespect their deployed brethren by pursuing their wives while they're away. That's Jody too.

"You know what happens when you're gone...your wife's got Jody mowing the lawn."

Then you have people who carry a weapon and live in danger for over a year and need to depressurize, only to come back and have things thrown on them. I know a troop that survived six IED attacks, two offensives, the initial invasion, and a year of street patrols and firefights, only to be told by his wife that staying home with their three year-old was harder than what he was doing. Then he went home to find out that she was involved with a soldier three ranks and 10 years younger than he, and that the neighbor's wife (whose husband was deployed, and was the person who was supposed to help his wife), was pregnant by the buddy of the soldier his wife was dating. When he confronted the soldier, the troop actually acted proud of what he was doing. To add insult to injury, during the divorce, the wife got custody of the three year-old. Did he take out his baseball bat? No, but if he did, I'd understand.

"Ain't no use in feeling blue...the kids call Jody 'Daddy' too."

Have some soldiers just come home and snapped? Sure. Have these soldier's upbringings and battle experiences contributed in some way? Probably. Could they have snapped because of something stupid like the bills, the house, the car, or thinking they've been disrespected? Are there tragedies out there? Yes. It happens. That's Jody too. But did the men have sole responsibility and the women are all just victims? Hell no. Oh, and remember, in an equal-opportunity army, Jody's a girl too.

"Ain't no use in feeling blue...Jody's got your girlfriend/boyfriend too..."

Writing a play about this kind of thing is sticking your nose where it doesn't belong, and talking about something you don't know jack-shit about, so stop it.

It's America's 'pastime,' but a Latin obsession

Wrong! It's not America's "pastime." I'll tell you why...

First, America's pastime is suing each other.

Next, baseball stopped being America's pastime when the business of baseball became more important than the game. When salary caps, bonuses, multi-millionaires; hundred-dollar tickets, stadium deals, strikes; arbitration, performance enhancing drugs, and Congressional hearings took precedence over the sound of the bat, the pitch, the hustle on the field, the camaraderie of the fans; bringing the kids to the game, and so on. When a hot dog and a coke became $12 dollars.

Last, it stopped being the pastime when players decided they were more important than the game, when they could verbally and physically assault people who pay to see them; once players decided they needed to charge for an autograph to some little kid; when players could take drugs and lie about it...making the assumption we're stupid; when stadiums steeped in sports history and loved by fans were knocked down for not generating the right kind of revenue.

Basically, greed screwed it all up. Greed...and ego.

Latin countries understand it's more than the players. It's an event; a part of their culture like how the British love their soccer (football). The players want the fans to come and be part of the spectacle, to celebrate not just their team, but the sport as part of their country. They want it to have a party atmosphere, to be festive. To them, it represents the best in sport, not just for the talented players or the action on the field, but for its nostalgia and history. It's an institution.

We don't have that in America anymore. We should stop kidding ourselves. Years ago, when the race for baseball revenue started, it rang the death knell for our national pastime. Now seeing players sign for $250 million just glaringly shows our greed, our ego, and our ignorance, not to mention what the baseball industry really considers important...the money, not the game.

Madonna getting her just desserts

So her daughter is asking her tough questions and is obsessed with gays? This is what normal people call her past "coming to bite her on the ass."

All those years of being a freak are tough to hide, and now that her kids need a role model, they find mommy a bit lacking, not to mention conflicted and ambiguous.

Lourdes asks why she kissed Britney Spears, and she gives her the bullshit "I'm the mommy pop-star" line? No Madonna, you're the egotistical and stereotypical singer seeing the end of her career and trying to hold onto your youth as your career starts to flag. Truth hurts...so live with it. By the way, how are those dark roots doing today?

Kids know bullshit when they see it, so saying she's "passing her energy" is just an insult to her own kid, who is obviously smarter than her mother realizes, and probably smarter than her mother. Once you "pass your energy," your energy should be gone, so why keep trying to be a pop star? It's like passing the baton...once you pass it, you don't have it anymore. Pretending you do just makes you look silly and pathetic.

Did Madonna ever hear of the term "putting two and two together?" Her daughter sees her published in "Out" magazine, a magazine of the gay community, and hears she is an "icon" of the same group of people. Then she sees her mother kiss another woman in front of an audience (a move a person who is "out" would do), and naturally puts two and two together. Then she's feuding with Elton John, someone who is openly gay and marries a man. How long will Madonna think her daughter is stupid?

Whatever happens, Madonna can rest assured she failed as a role model. Her nine-year old being obsessed with gays? Who put that in her head?

Dear Madonna,
Congratulations Dipshit....instead of your daughter playing with her friends, riding her bike, and being a kid, she's worried about sex-roles before the age of 10. Stop dragging her to all your adult functions like she's a handbag. She's not some accessory you need to show your friends. You're not a 47-year old "Diva," you're a 47 year-old parent. Start acting like one. Life is not all about you.

What are you getting her for Christmas? A bustier'?

Cuban Americans, White House to discuss policy

This is NOT how the Cuba policy should be discussed. Should I say that again? NOT!

Cuban-American members of Congress meeting with White House officials adds up to little more than a lobby group pushing their own agenda, but without the political kickbacks. This is a national issue and it should get time on the floor in order for the entire Congress to discuss it.

As a Miami resident and an American, I don't agree with the policy. I don't believe Cubans are refugees who come over and should be entitles to social security money. This is a charity and a lure to Cubans, creating a stronger draw for them than the urge to leave home. The policy also entices Cubans to risk their lives coming over. In plain language, the policy gets people killed. What's more, calling a Cuban a refugee is inappropriate in light of the political situation in the Caribbean and Central/South America. Far too many people live under Communist, Socialist, Marxist, or corrupt/tyrannical governments to single-out Cuba for refugee status.

You have to wonder about refugee status and the appropriateness of the law when you see Cubans in America waving their Cuban flags, creating Cuban sections of town, celebrating Cuban holidays, etc. They celebrate another country while this one gives them taxpayer money no taxpayer approved they could have. They act like they would rather be back in Cuba. People are treated worse in other places, so what makes Cuba so important? Years ago people came to America to be Americans. Now they come to be expatriots. I know, don't tell me the story of the people who sacrifice to come here in order to send money back home. If coming to where I come from is such a sacrifice...then don't.

Cubans aren't the only ones to do that. During the last Venezuelan elections, Venezuelans in Miami drove around town with Venezuelan flags on their cars, but not one of them put up an American flag. Maybe the US government would be more eager to help people if they didn't show how much they'd rather be somewhere else?

Being spit on by a Venezuelan when I was in uniform outside my South Beach apartment doesn't help my attitude either...

Ironically, I'm writing this while listening to the Buena Vista Social Club. You see, I want to go to Cuba, go fish in Cuba, and have nothing against it. Sure Castro is a dictator, but so what? People live worse in other places, but those people don't have anyone in Congress. Maybe going there would change my attitude?

I just think the policy is wrong, as is the fact Cubans lament their homeland once they get here. If someone misses their homeland so much, they shouldn't have left it in the first place. It's our own fault. We don't use the most "adult" diplomacy toward Cuba. The fact we use a bad policy that entices them to risk their lives to come here is our fault. Our policy gets Cubans killed.

Thoughts for Wednesday the 7th.

-We put terrorists in Guantanamo, kill them in Iraq and Afghanistan and hunt for them all over. They fly into the World Trade Center, crash into the Pentagon, fight us in the Middle East, and swear to kill all of us...but the spokesman for the Taliban is a student at Yale.

Yale is the same school where GW Bush and John Kerry went to school... Hmm.

They say we have 12 million illegal aliens in our country. How do they know?

Why do Taliban spokesmen get to go to Yale and illegal aliens get free college tuition? I think someone is screwing-up.

An Iranian student plows his SUV into a group of students to avenge the way the US has been treating Muslims. What about after the Pakistan Earthquake? What about the Muslims in Africa? What about our support for Egypt? What about all the free Muslims in our country? I guess we didn't learn our lesson about Middle Eastern "students" after 9-11. No big surprise how freaking stupid we are. I bet political correctness is to blame for that one.

If you call the spot where a nuclear bomb explodes "ground-zero," why are we using the same phrase to identify the spot where the World Trade Center used to be?

If you start catching fish, are you still "fishing?" If the game "go fish" involves blindly searching for a card, and a plumber blindly "fishes" something out of the drain, if I cast my line to a fish I actually see, am I "fishing?"

How can you work consecutive 15-hour days, exercise, eat fairly well, take it easy on caffeine after 12 noon and still have problems sleeping?

If a spaceship landed and a being got out, would it be an illegal alien, a plain old alien, or a trespasser?

Same spaceship lands and a being gets out. The being has the sexual organs of both men and women, and is in incredible shape by American standards...what do you do (besides being strangely fascinated)?

Same spaceship lands and Alec Baldwin gets out. What do you do?
Answer: Remember to put the fire out and stomp on the little pieces. I have the big ones.

Why do congressmen from Arizona need to "tour the border." It's been there all along and you've done absolutely jack shit about it so far, so what gives?

Why do they use the word "bob" to describe something floating and..well...bobbing up and down? Why do we call people name Robert "Bob?" Why bob? Why not some other word? Maybe Frank? Also, aren't the girls the ones that are supposed to "bob" up and down? Can't we tell something about a girl (or a guy for that matter), if we see them "bobbing?" I guess people named Richard are safe though, because the terms "dick" and "dicking" are too specific.

What does it mean when you have a dream you're a lobster driving a 1970 Eldorado convertible down the street and it starts to rain melted butter. Sitting next to you is Hunter Thompson, and in the back seat is a guy in a lobster costume that Thompson keeps yelling at for being a "poser," saying if he was going to be a lobster, he should be a real lobster?

Antique: an item produced in a bygone era.

I was born in 1964. When I look for used cars of that year, I have to look in the "Antique and Classic Car trader." Some people call them classics, while others say antique. I don't mind looking there. I know how old I am, and I like older things.

Old stuff is good, like old surfboards, old comfy clothes, old boats, old dogs, old furniture, old people, etc.

I find that no matter how well someone restores a car of that year, they always treat them gingerly, expect them to be tempermental, and don't use them as their everyday ride. It kind-of sounds like dating advice.

So this begs the question (well, at least to me); Why do they consider cars as old as me antique or classic, but not airplanes? You look at used airplanes nowadays and they talk about one built in 1958 like it's brand new. Yes, I know, constant maintenance, parts replacement according to a scheduled lifespan, blah, blah, blah. Still, there's no getting around the fact it's a small airplane that was built back when they were making Edsels.

Would I fly in a commercial airliner that was over 40? Nope. Would I get into a 40 year old car without thinking "wow, this is an oldie but a goodie?" Probably not. Sure, they're exciting, traditional, sturdy, and make us think of better times, but that's the cars. As for airplanes, all I'm thinking is "I wonder what's changed in metallurgy and engine technology in 48 years, and will the wings stay on? Would I want to use a 40-year old roll of aluminum foil if I found one? Would I be able to?

I would contend that the only older things we should stick to are our parents, older women, and things that stay on the ground. As for airplanes, it's time to call them antiques.

At least the ghouls are well paid

Panhandle woman sues over possible contaminated tissue transplant. As well she should.

Usually I can think about the depths of human greed, of how low we can go, and fail to be surprised. This story really makes me squirm, and I don't know why. I'm actually surprised.

Grave robbing and stealing bodies in order to cut them up and sell the parts? That's wrong on so many levels I'm just flabbergasted. Yuck. To think there are people so low they would desecrate human bodies for profit just disturbs me.

What's next? Eating the bodies? Stuffing them so you can use them like the "safety guy" you put in the passenger seat next to you? Hey, why have a fake dummy when you can have Uncle Larry? Maybe selling the parts on eBay? Okay, then I'd like a new large intestine. After ten months in the desert, it's been acting kind of funny. Do you offer any warranty? Can I put a colon on a credit card?

As for the body not being screened for HIV, I think once the human body drops four or five degrees after death the HIV virus dies. I hope so.

Two endangered American crocodiles found shot to death

One of them had a gun.

The other had a bootleg DVD of Brokeback Mountain.

Authorities think it was a murder-suicide.

Today's Darwin award winners

I know, any death of a kid is tragic, but you have to wonder a couple things:

-What were they doing playing ball in the bedroom?
-Why was there a sword on the wall in a kids room that wasn't fixed in such a way so it wouldn't come down or get knocked off the wall by something? What's next? A dart board and some throwing knives for the 9-year old?
- If one slash from a sword falling off a wall was enough to kill, then does that mean on top of everything else, the sword was sharpened?

I need to say "what the f---k is wrong with you people?" Let me start the chain saw before I put it on the shelf. No need to label the battery acid you put in that water bottle. When hammering, make sure you put your hand as close to the nail as possible. Forget those rear view mirrors... they're for sissies! That dog's not going to attack, no matter how mad he looks or those tooth-looking things I think he's showing you. Disregard the growling, he's just clearing his throat.
Those exhaust fumes don't bother me. Don't you think that smoke alarm is a bit loud? Put your hand in that barracuda's mouth so we can see what happens. Don't worry, hornets love to play. That snake doesn't look poisonous to me.

I personally have never seen a sword someone put on the wall being a sharpened sword...not even a Samurai sword. If you have a sharpened sword, it's no longer a decoration...it's a weapon. To have it on a rack where it can fall off is like loading a gun and tossing it to the 9-year old.

Don't call it an accident. The parents were either negligent, or this is a bullshit excuse for how it actually happened. It does have a "my dog ate it" feel to it. A slash from a slow moving sword with no power behind it. I smell a rat.

I don't think there are any future brain surgeons in this family. In fact, it seems as if Darwin stepped in and used their own ignorance to cull the herd. Ironic. It shows that the phrase "accident waiting to happen" is no joke. Neither is a kid getting killed because of stupidity.

Christopher Reeve's Widow Dies at Age 44

I wonder; if her husband never had his accident and was wheelchair-bound, and she never had to devote all her time to his care and the stress that comes from that, would she be dead now?

Exposure to gays leaves woman emotionally scarred

The headline actually reads "WIFE CAN'T SHAKE THE MEMORY OF HUSBAND AND BROTHER IN BED."

My first reaction is OMG! The one after that is hard to describe in writing but it comes with spitting on the floor while making the sound "oi."

I have news for this woman...they didn't go out to the bar, have someone slip them a "Mickey," and it made them decide to go home and slip each other the Dickey(it rhymes). If so, that was some of the best X ever!

So you have to ask yourself:

1. Was it that damned Brokeback Mountain that finally "outted" them?
2. How long has this been going on? Since before or after the movie premier?
3. What is it about you that makes your husband find your brother's ass preferable to your own?
4. Are you a frigid, nagging, stereotypical American woman? Are you capable of love? How are you between the sheets? Was it a position you refuse to do? Do you keep yourself in shape and the bikini-line "policed-up?"
5. Do you really want to be married to a fag?
6. How come you didn't jump in? Now that would be a psychiatrists wet dream!
7. Did you feel like gouging your eyes out when you saw that?
8. Have you ever heard your brother or husband use the term "fabulous?"
9. Why didn't your husband's sudden career change from electrician to interior decorator not ring any alarms?
10. How does he defend what he did? What's the real explanation? A magic pill...yeah, right.

Okay honey, here's some advice; it's not a man-bag!

Now it's time to get even. Go out and find the most smoking-hot woman you can find and let him catch you in the act.

Wait! That would probably just turn him back to being hetero...

B-Diddy

I heard the other day that Sean Combs wants to be called "Diddy" now. Hmmm. Let's review, shall we?

First it was Sean Combs. Then it was Sean "Puff Daddy" Combs. That was followed by "Puff Daddy," which was followed by "Puffy," then "P-Diddy," all of which not considered as "hip" and trendy as just plain old "Diddy." Maybe it's the efficiency of the one-word name...

I have questions about the further evolution of one Mr. Combs....a talented and successful man for sure, but someone who suffers from obvious identity issues. After all, who is Sean Jean? Is he French too?

After Diddy, I think it will go to "Do-wa-Diddy," which, as anyone knows, comes with a soundtrack from the glorious British Band Manfred Mann. I see a dub session in the future since rappers apparently have no talent or patience when it comes to melody, but here's some advice; somebody already did Ice-Ice Baby, and "what's his name" already did Led Zeppelin. I know...what balls...

This will undoubtedly be followed by "Do-wa-Diddy-Diddy," and after by "Diddy-Diddy-do." Of course, the next logical adaptation would be the even more efficient "Diddy-do," but since that sounds like a noun and tends to make people think of doggie doo, Mr. Combs will probably skip that one and go straight for the next evolution...Diddy Dum.

Then I ask you; why doesn't he save us all the waiting, skip the foreplay and all the machinations thus saving us all a mess of time and change his name now to it's final maxim...Dum.

Of course, you heard it from Brainclogger, not B-Clogger or B-Clog or even just Clog.

Definitely not B-Diddy...

Here's another problem with us...

The "Stars" are to arrive at the Oscars in "Green Cars."

Oh my god! Where do I start on this one?

alright. Here goes... We call them stars and "VIP's" when all they do is pretend to be someone else for a living and get paid obscene amounts of money to do it. It's a lifestyle that's absolutely worthless to humanity. The kind of people who have "entourages," and while they protest against things like guns, their bodyguards are close by fully strapped.

They push agendas and ideals on us by using mass media and expect for all of us to take it. Well, I don't. I don't think a movie about gay sheep herders is what the entire country wants to see. I don't agree with rich-person politics of "listen to me bitch and snivel because I'm important," and I wish they'd either do what they say they will do, or just shut the fuck up. I know of at least three actors who said they would split if GW Bush won re-election, and they're still here running their mouths.

Have you seen the size of these people's houses? Wow! How much does it take to heat or cool those things? How much land was dug up or trees cut down? You're so green you own ten other cars that get really bad gas mileage, but as a stunt, you go to the Oscars in a "green" vehicle. Do you people know what "hypocrite" means?

Why do we care about the Oscars anyway? Answer: because we're so starved for bullshit entertainment in the US, we'd watch George Clooney taking a shit if it came on the tube. The "Oscars" is a party thrown by Hollywood, where Hollywood comes and kisses Hollywood's ass for how great Hollywood is. Then everyone worries about the dresses the women wear, and who is going to what after-party. It's almost like the prom but doesn't suck as bad.

"George Clooney takes time from his yacht in Italy to ride in a hybrid Lexus" sounds a bit more truthful. "Brokeback actor Gyllenhaal takes time from riding the baloney pony and trying to convince himself he took the right part to take a bio-diesel burning truck to the Oscars" makes some sense. Maybe "More people hope Crash gets into a crash than comes to the Oscars in a hybrid" is more honest than the article's version.

One thing is true. They tell the truth when they say "people are flocking to them" in reference to alternative fuel vehicles. Since Hollywood types are "stars" and VIP's," they're not included in that group. When will Paris Hilton tell us how "green" she is?

Believing that anything they do is honest and genuine is like trying to convince yourself that a pig doesn't eat a lot of crap.

Big Duke Heads to The Slammer

This guy's an ass. Is anyone surprised? I don't think so.

We expect politicians to be corrupt. We're not surprised when they turn criminal. We do that to them. We also pick people who have the media talent to win, calling them "electable." That name goes to mostly rich, pampered people who are about as informed about the real world as a Barbie or Ken doll. Want proof? Just look at the Hollywood idiots they hang out with.

We created an atmosphere of royalty where the elected officials think we serve them. The truth is...we do. After all, how does someone drive drunk with a woman in the car that is not your wife, drive into the water, leave the scene, allow the woman to drown, lies about it, and still get to be a Senator? Answer: because we allow political "dynasties" in this country where daddy can buy you elections and get you out of trouble.

Look how they're treated. Look at their ridiculous retirement pension for working a mere six years. Military people have to work 20 years or nothing. Anything less, and no pension...not even if it's one day less.

They get to vote for their own pay raises. What could be more wrong? We let lobbyists run freely through Washington with money practically falling out of their pockets as they go. We let people stay in office forever, while the president has a term limit. Why should Kerry and Kennedy, or Lott and DeLay be allowed to create their own little kingdoms? This very thing leads to vice and graft.

This Cunningham dipshit isn't the only politician that thinks he's above the law. He's just the latest one that got caught. I bet if we started an investigation into corrupt politicians, we'd uncover all kinds of things.

Personally, I'm glad he's going to the Pokey. Maybe we should call him "Colonel Clink?" I'd like to send a bunch more with him. Others I'd just like to give a good old-fashioned Jersey ass-kicking.

Congress finally admits they are more important than American Soldiers

Body armor for soldiers? It makes a great issue to beat-up the president with, but when it comes to getting the body armor to the troops, Congressmen today said "who gives a shit."

Aparrently lobbyists and power politics are more important, no matter how many soldiers die.

Dicks.

Marines to deploy troubled Osprey aircraft

I'm not flying in it. No Sir.

This thing looks like it went the same way the Bradley was developed. Once they spent enough money on it to realize it was a piece of crap, they also realized they spent too much money to cancel it, regardless of how many people it killed.

A couple of politician's jobs also hung on this project, so what do you think happened? Suddenly the Defense Department said how great it was and bought it, although everyone knows the evaluation program was rigged.

I wonder what will happen the first time one crashes?

The ACLU hates your rights...and you...

So the guy building Ave Maria University in Florida wants to make the town strictly Catholic and the ACLU scum lawyer down there doesn't like it, and is already talking lawsuit. I wonder if he would be bitching if it was a town full of gays, convicts, pedophiles, Muslims, or blacks?

Ever been to Utah there, Mr. Simon (the lawyer in question)? Mormons live the way Mormons are told to live, and if you don't want to comply, then don't live there. Wow! What a concept! If you don't like it, then don't live there. Were you planning to buy property at Ave Maria? Change your plans.

So is it just Christians you hate, or Catholics specifically? Why don't they have the right to do what they want, just like the other groups you stump for? Isn't it politically correct enough for you?

Are they discriminating against some pornographer you have as a client? Did the gay groups feel threatened? Hey! They take over South Beach and other prime real estate and no one whines about it, so if they're griping about this one, tell them to shut the f---k up. They weren't moving into Immokalee anyway.

So some liberal anti-Catholic lobbyist gets a say here? Blame the liberal press on that one. The fact some lesbian in D.C. doesn't like their bans on abortion and birth control is her right, but remember that other people have rights equal to hers. She says it's "un-American," saying it'll be a township that will want to restrict the rights of it's citizens. No such thing. They are trying to attract like-minded people who want to live in a place guided by certain principles. Not only is that a refreshing idea, but I think they'll have no problem selling all the real estate.

But then again, why am I thinking of Waco Texas, and the movie "The Village?"

Civil war looms with 68 killed in Baghdad

No it doesn't.

These people have been murdering each other since the dawn of time. This is the"cradle of civilization" remember. Of course, it's not all that civilized, is it?

The people there are also smart enough to understand that "piece-of-shit" insurgent terrorists are trying to start a civil war by alternating which religious sect they kill.

They're not smart enough, however, to realize they've been duped by Osama Bin Laden. These disaffected, angry, poor Muslims who are striking out against the west because the evil capitalists are to blame, fail to realize that Bin Laden himself was once a rich capitalist, and all his money comes from his parents, who are about the richest land developers in Saudi Arabia. That's right, they're following a spoiled rich kid.

Sheik that!

Carol City Custard Caper

So the music finally made someone snap? I know how that feels. Every time I hear rap music, I just want to "bust some caps." Isn't that what I'm supposed to do? After all, isn't a jailhouse rapper more respected than a college graduate? Maybe I'll change my name to "x-Fitty = Fitty cent." It's not just a name, but an algebra problem (x-50 =50). Apparently the terms "Fifty" and the plural "cents" are either unacceptable, or not pronounceable.

So what kind of ice cream was that? An ice cream man selling "scoops" in Carol City at night? That's a bit suspicious. By any chance was his name Tony Montana? Was it "Cocaine Custard, Peruvian Nose Candy, Colombian Marching Powder," or some other reference to drugs I heard from Miami Vice? Was he selling "eight balls" instead of Snowballs? Does this give an entirely new meaning to the term "want some sprinkles on that?" Miami "Ice." Now there's a good name for some snow cone-looking dope.

So what made the guy shoot? Did he want a Rocket Pop and all the ice cream man had were Creamsickles? I know Rocket Pops are good, but not something to drill the dude over.

Did the ice cream man not come across with enough dough? Is there a minimum you have to give some assclown in order to not get shot? "Sorry Sir, you've not met the minimum cover charge...Boom!"

Maybe the ice cream truck was a sweet machine? Lowered, chromed-out, with a new motor pushing out 500 horsepower; all leather inside, disco ball in the back? Someone in Miami getting shot over a set of "spinners" is no big shock. What's the rule now? Rims are supposed to be at least double the value of the car?

Was the ice cream man "playing popsicle" with the robber's wife? After all, he was the fudgesicle guy. ...graphic, eh? Be glad I didn't say corndog...

It's probably not any of these things. It was most likely just some typical piece-of-crap thief who decided he didn't need a job and that shooting and robbing people and destroying other people's families was the best way to go. Obviously he's too stupid to realize while he thinks he's so poor and desperate he needs to steal, or he's an addict and has to get money, he spent money on a gun and ammo. Maybe he should spend it on something else?

I have the solution. He can just sell the gun and buy some food, or use the gun...on himself. The latter is actually preferable.

Plan to save the lottery winners

In a surprising revelation today, governors from four southern states announced a plan to save the lottery winners...from themselves...their own ignorance...their own ignorant relatives...and all the lawyers and vultures that inevitably follow.

It's not a bad idea, although I made it up. Take Florida for example. It seems the lottery winners have an average life expectancy of two years or less after winning. I contend that we need an age limit and the rules for playing the lottery in the first place. No people on fixed incomes...we know how gambling can make people crazy. No retirees, no welfare or public assistance recipients...hey, you people apparently already won the lottery!

You heard me, no retirees. If a retiree feels the need to play the lottery in order to improve his or her standard of living, maybe they shouldn't have retired in the first place. I have the answer...get a job.

Money makes people nutty. People turn on each other, so maybe we really should do things differently. Hey! How about an I.Q test? Score below a high school level and you're required to take the annuity payments. No lump sum for you there, pal, there's no future brain surgeon in your family.

Maybe use dental exams? If you're missing more than two teeth, then it's the automatic payments for you too. We have to protect the inbred, back-woods white trash from not only themselves, but the rest of the Budweiser-swilling residents of their trailer park.

No fat people. If you can't even see your private parts, how can you be expected to handle big money? Blowing millions of dollars at Burger King would just be stupid.

Nobody that can't "abla." At least learn to say thanks in english before La Migra comes.

Legal residents only. I can see what would happen if an illegal alien won the lottery. The shit storm would be epic.

Venezuela expands controversial US fuel sales

Wow! The stories about Venezuela just keep coming, and considering the people involved, you could fill-up an entire "Ship of Fools" on this one. A whole heap of thoughts come to mind.

-We're spending billions in an oil country on their freedom, while we diminish our own freedoms at home. We also would never take oil from Iraq since the increased supply would lower the prices here and thus the profits for the oil companies and all the politicians they "grease."

-We have people who can't afford to buy heating oil because our government lets the oil companies make record profits. That's just freaking stupid. Profit from misery...the American way.

-I got it! If they can't afford the heating oil, help them buy the house! What? Yes, this is actually our government's attitude. Are you people serious or just seriously misguided? Sometimes rich people suck. Well...most times.

-If Representative Barton is wondering if this is part of a hostile government's belligerent policy toward us, I have to ask if the fact it's happening on our own soil concerns him?

-Politicians are wondering if this is a political stunt. Ya think? How long did it take you to figure that out, Mr. Whitfield? Or should I call you Einstein? By the way...the current administration doesn't need any help looking like fools. You however, need me to point out the obvious. Read on...

-Can't politicians see the obvious? If you wonder if this is political, liberal, anti-republican, designed to embarrass people, just look at the picture and you'll realize there's a Kennedy involved!!! I wonder if he's getting anything under the table? Teddy probably is. Wealthy hypocrite liberals dealing with communists in order to sling mud on the republicans? Say it isn't so! By the way...do you see any republican states taking that oil?

-Political stunt or not, it got poor people heating oil.

-Why does some religious knucklehead (or group of knuckleheads) from an oil state think the best way to help these poor people is to boycott the Venezuelan State Oil Company Citgo...the same people that give us 15% of our oil. Yep, religious compassion in action. After this, I have some baseball bats so you can fix that little homeless problem.

-Does it bother anyone that a communist country in South America considers our country in need of "humanitarian assistance?" It bothers me.

-When will our politicians realize they've sold us all out to the oil companies? They decided profits for themselves and the oil companies are more important than our own citizens. What makes it worse is, in the very next breath they contradict themselves by bending over for China.

The press calls it a "spat" between Chavez and President Bush. Why do we expect a street kid and a rich kid can get along? When will someone around here realize the "rich" United States is running on credit, spending the kids college money, and the poor Venezuela has us by the cajones?

-Where did the sense of shame go? We lost our pride long ago...

Sheehan, Chavez join to bash Bush, Iraq war

Yuck. Eek! Burr! Cringe! Gag! So many emotions come over me when I look at this woman, all of them like feeling the sensation of eating dog crap during a horror movie while sitting naked on a frozen lake realizing my male-parts are stuck to the ice and remembering I just ate the doggy doo. How's that for a picture, eh?

Cindy needs a reality check. Chavez may need a Tetanus shot.

Hey Cindy! What you fail to realize is when you protest our country while inside the country, it's covered by your right to protest. When you leave it and go to one where the communist dictator swears to overthrow our country, then you bad-mouth our president, it's no longer your right...it's called subversion.

Hey Chavez! If Harry Belafonte and Cindy Sheehan are the best you can do, then maybe you are second-rate. What were you thinking? If you're having that much trouble finding some pooty, just go down the street and drop some cash. Even prisoners cringe when they see that broad! You may just be going blind...

Oddly enough, when Mr. Chavez calls the United States an "Imperialistic Empire," he's only partly correct. Sure, our country extends its power and influence all over the place, but where we fail is in extending our territories. We just don't take enough shit over. As for Chavez mentioning Panama, we gave all that up at our own expense and to our own peril. Thanks President Carter...nothing but love for you.

Have we acted like bullies to our neighbors? Sure we have. Do we pick-and-choose who we act nice to based on an ever convoluted set of standards? Of course we do. Can we put down the drama and nonsense and have a rational discourse with other heads of state? Yes...we can.

It's simple. When you kick dirt on your neighbors and bully them all the time, they go find other friends. That's life. For all the silver-spoon politicians out there, that's called the law of the playground. When they find other friends that you may also not like, don't be surprised when they gang up on you. Why do we act so surprised Chavez talks to Castro? Why wouldn't he? Oh, and our blue-blooded politicians shouldn't even try to understand a street kid like Chavez. Ask for help with that one. You know, I think for once, maybe we can try to be the adult influence in this relationship.

However, Mr. Chavez' hanging out with Cindy Sheehan just makes him look like a desperate fool. Any self-respecting macho Latin guy wouldn't touch her with a 10-foot pole. You better be planning a "hit-and-run" only there, Spanky. If that's your taste in chicks, every woman in Venezuela can relax and know they're safe. Oh, and stop talking about "pitching your tent." ...Sinner.

Mr Chavez, your Latin "coolness" just took a big hit. Send that Yankees jersey back immediately! I know mid-life may be tough on some people, but Jeez! Your "mid-life crisis car" better not be a Volkswagen Beetle. What's next? Is that a Viagra bottle on your desk?

I think we created Chavez, and now we treat him like the crazy cousin no one invites for Thanksgiving dinner. Problem is, where oil is concerned, it's like Chavez is supplying the turkey.

...another thought

If people think they have it hard, just remember there are people getting shot-at and bombed in order for them to have another shitty day.

If you think you have it hard, just listen to the Jimmy Buffet song "Lucky Stars," from the CD "Beach House on the Moon."

Some thoughts for the day...

-do I still hate Mondays when every day over here is the same? Maybe every day is a Monday?

-People with "designer dogs" need designer ass-kickings.

-Why does it take 12 weeks to get in shape, but only one to get out of it?

-Why do I have to give a person in Kuwait a memo saying I'm in Kuwait when I'm standing in front of that person...in Kuwait?

-Is my hairline receding or my forehead just getting bigger?

-Stress makes me grind my teeth at night, and need to use a tooth-guard. If I worked out in my dreams, would I wake up all pumped-up?

-Why is it that in the Middle East, the men are the focus outside the house, and the women are the focus inside the house, while in our country, the women want to be the focus outside the house, and the focus inside the house?

-Why does wearing a pair of men's thong underwear (be afraid...be very afraid) make me think of my wife in her thongs?

-why is surfer speak the same as skier speak?

-Why is it, if you join PETA, a group that has perpetrated known terrorist acts and believes they can assault you and destroy your property as their right to protest, you're courageous and humane, but if you join the National Rifle Association, you're an extremist and a villain?

-I don't think I can take another day of veal yeagerschnitzel, dried fish, and beef jerky-flavored pot roast/roast beef/country ham...the last three being the same meat.

-why have people been saying the phrase "that's hot" for fifty years but some 24 year-old rich-girl slut gets the credit?

-Why do we drive on the parkway and park in a driveway?

-62 days until they let me out of hell.

-Why do I wake up with songs playing in my head that I haven't heard in months?

-Should I expect the Indian cooks, supervised by the Filipino's, supplied by the Kuwaiti distributor, and paid by the Saudi contractor to really know how to make spaghetti?

-Why do foreigners understand Coke "Lite" but not not "Diet" Coke?

-Even in the Middle East, a tissue is a "Kleenex."

-Why do you only see speed skating and bobsledding at Olympic time? If no one cares any other time, why would we want to see it in the Olympics?

-Why do gay people have all the best real estate?

-Try as I may, I still don't give a crap about Natalee Halloway.

-Why are people the most interested in people with the most meaningless lives?

-Women's boxing? I still don't get it. Maybe if they called it "Lesbo Boxing" I would? Am I supposed to find women who want to beat-up other women in bloodsports attractive? No thanks.

Democrats seek probe of NSA eavesdropping

In a startling revelation, senior Democratic officials in Washington admitted they actually are partisan, obstructionist, without a clue as to how to govern our country, and just wanted to blow smoke up people's asses instead of actually doing something productive.

When asked for comment, Senator Worthless Democrat responded "we're just so tired of the Republicans telling us President Clinton did it that we finally decided to admit we were just being difficult and partisan while enforcing the double standard. Who do you think came up with the expression 'damned if you do, damned if you don't?' in the first place?"

Stunned by this apparent display of honesty, Congressional Republicans were dumbstruck, but wondered what was the "catch?" Senator Good-old Boy Republican responded "those democrats are sneaky critters and normally as worthless as bird-shit on a pump-handle, so when they pull a stunt like actually telling the truth, you have to wonder what they're up to."

The antics between the opposite sides of our government are like watching old Looney Toons cartoons, with both parties taking turns being the road runner and the coyote.

Where's Underdog when you need him?

Hillary gets a Bullshit Flag!!!

So she's so upset about the ports deal she had to go to Florida to talk about it? That's pretty stupid since she's a Senator from New York. Or is she? Wasn't she a resident of Arkansas?

Why wasn't she down at the Port of New York?

-One reason is she is a politician escaping the February weather.

-Another is she wanted to say she wouldn't stand for a foreign company running the ports, but be far enough away from the New York area when she said it. After all, a foreign company already runs the Port of New York! Talk about a lying politician!

-She's also stumping for a run for the presidency while all the liberal news agencies are doing their best to convince the American people they're ready for a female president. Look at this poll. Look at that poll. It's all B-S too.

She can say what she wants...as long as she makes it snappy. I'm coming back from the Middle East in a couple months and don't want her to scare the fish away. Apparently they can sense evil.

Venezuela flight ban will have some impact on South Florida...

...and make me rant...

Okay everyone, let's all try and get along. We can be adults about American-Venezuelan relations one of these days, right?

Truth is, American relations with Venezuela is one of (quite a few) areas where I have to say the U.S. is failing. It makes me wonder if any of the politicians involved ever had to share a playpen with other kids, or actually played on the playground instead of sitting by themselves and watching the other kids.

What the Secretary of State meant to say was Chavez was a threat, not Venezuela. If Venezuela really took ten years to react to something the American government did, that's weak. However, I have a feeling it's something else or this would get more play on the news.

I think Chavez is just waiting for our country to be good to him. Doesn't anyone else see him wearing his Yankees jersey? Hello? So when did we make the rule that we show respect to every other macho Latin guy in charge of something except Hugo Chavez?

How many other Latin countries are we going to piss on before it bites us on the ass? Marxism and Socialism are spreading like wildfire in South America and no one seems too concerned. We'll take Venezuelan oil but we won't show respect to the leader of the country? Is the United States being disingenuous?

Personally, I don't like how American politicians decide who to be nice to and what "face" to show to each country. I want a say in that process. There are far too many people in our government with their own agendas and who don't consider the good and will of all Americans as a primary concern. People say you're either part of the solution or part of the problem. I think in this case, we are the problem. Chavez has something we can't live without, but we feel it's okay to treat him like we do. I'm sorry to say, but our oil dependence makes us weak, and in many cases, forces us to kiss ass and turn our heads to things we really shouldn't.

Why doesn't Chavez get the same treatment we give the Saudi's? We're all puckered-up for people from the Middle East but we crap all over people from our own hemisphere. We spend billions of dollars on bringing peace and democracy to countries in the Middle East that don't even want it, while we pay no attention to our own back yard. That's just not very smart.

On a side note, when do we give our Spanish-speaking citizens their due (wow, that's another issue)? I'm not one of them, but I know bullshit when I see it. We're also too focused on Cuba, and our bullshit wet foot/dry foot policy gets people killed and makes us look stupid (like we need any help with that one).

The way our country selectively chooses its friends and applies our foreign policy really makes me mad sometimes.

Now that should piss someone off...