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September 17, 2008

It's a shitty job...

My imagination goes in all different directions with this one...

World's Smallest Man...is Gay


If you find yourself under a woman in a skirt BAM!!!...you get a kick in the face. Then you visit with a guy dressed in blue with a stick and a gun. Here he is, apparently put there by the woman standing over him. All I can say is "Dude, Look Up!" Come on Pingpong, look up for Brainclogger...

In Israel, Fido hires the OJ attorneys!

Get Barry Schek! Dig up Johnnie Cochran because they're using DNA from dog poo to find the dog that dropped it! I'm amazed we didn't think of this first! Now all those crime lab technicians can be glad they took out those college loans, eh? Sorry, CSI Miami isn't for you! No fancy Hummer, here's a pooper scooper. And this is the country we give the most aid? They actually have to reward people in order for them to clean up after their dogs? More self-absorbed people.

Beware of Blue Plastic Cows

The "illuminati" sent their best agent to retrieve the nuke housed in the dreaded blue cow...but this ninja stealth assassin got stuck...in the airshaft...and called the cops on himself. His defense? Oops! This might be the wrong museum! This kid should be called the "bathwater bandit" because it's clear he's been drinking his fare share.

Somebody's lying to me!!!

If the per-barrel price of oil came down 36% from the all-time high, why did the price at the pump only drop 5%? I used to be dead-set against taxing the oil companies, but it's clear they're keeping 30% for themselves. A 36% drop means we'd be back around $2.65. Now it's not that Americans really care about gas prices, just look at the commuters. One person in each car? If they really cared, they would fill the other three seats and drop the demand in half, but greed, pride, and good old American need for convenience keeps the prices high and the traffic gridlocked.

September 7, 2008

You're the people my parents warned me about!

He's changing his mind again!

Now who is he trying to appeal to this time? Either you're going to recind the tax cuts or you aren't, you like taxes or you don't, you believe in the military or not, you're black, or half black, or American, or African American, or whatever? It makes me wonder if you can be half african american? This man is trying to be a metro-sexual (remember that term), racially situationally dependent, one-size fits-all guy and it just pisses me off. Who will you be tomorrow Mr. Obama?

Obama my butt!!!

How many days did you go to work last year? How about in the last six months? Well, the "Big O" was a Sentator who went to work for 140 some-odd days before going out and running for president. Basically four and a half months in my book, and now he wants to be my president. I don't think so. Calling him Senator is probably an insult to other senators that actually come to work, although they all need a kick in the ass. Oh, and how was your last performance review? Obama hasn't worked long enough to have one, but I'll tell you what it would be. Blank. There's nothing to say. Now he wants a promotion? Please...

Back after 2 years, 4 months

...and if you think I had things to say before, look out! People and things are more screwed up than ever, and blogs have more impact now. Besides, I have two years worth of stuff to get off my chest. I hope to link back up with my old blogger links soon.

May 4, 2006

Leaving the Middle East...

Yes, it's the day to go... I have no regrets, no reservation, no nostalgic feelings, and can't wait. Whether or not we're helping anyone over here, I really don't care... Sorry, but I don't think this was worth a year of my life. I'm happy to be going...

Moussaoui Sentenced to Life in Prison

It was the right thing to do. If we did execute him, we should have done it just because he was a French ass-wipe, but as a wanna-be terrorist, we did the right thing.

Make no mistake, this guy's an idiot, and as far as terrorists go he's an utter failure, that's for sure. However, we demonstrated that our justice system can look at knuckleheads like this dipshit Moussaoui and say "we're not as savage as you...our taste for blood doesn't control our logic like yours does...you raghead f--k."

I think the show he put on was all an act anyway. He was trying to get executed because he thought he would be seen as a martyr. Sorry there Bub, even other craphead terrorists know what a loser looks like. You would have died and your fellow miscreants would have shown less concern for it than missing a re-run of Magnum P.I. You're no Tom Selleck, my friend. The guy couldn't even get himself executed!

Now remember the soap-on-a-rope, and the proper pronounciation of the word is b-i-t-c-h.

April 28, 2006

The Mexican Space Program...

I looked at someone and said "If I said to you...the Mexican Space Program" and immediately got a laugh. Strangely enough, I wasn't joking. They really are planning a Mexican version of NASA. Really, I'm not making this up!

However, I do have a few questions:

-Will it be a benefit to landscaping in general?
-Will the Mexican Space Center be built illegally across the American border in, say maybe Arizona or California?
-Will there be any Mexicans left to go into space, or will you have to get them back from the U.S.?
-Will you design the space suits around the size of the indigenous Mexicans of Indian ancestry, or around the taller, white Mexican racist elites that run the place? (Still wonder why they don't mind if people leave?)
-Will the menu on the spacecraft be truly Mexican or Tex-Mex?
-Does this mean soon we'll have an immigration problem on the moon?
-Ai Caramba!
-Since most American astronauts come from the U.S. Air Force, where will Mexican astronauts come from? Most Mexicans talented enough to join the Air Force come join ours. Do you even have an air force?
-So will you spend the money on the Space Center that you already don't spend on education, medical care, poverty, welfare, the environment, or other measures to stop the millions of Mexican citizens fleeing the country like rats fleeing a sinking ship?
-Can you put it in Juarez? That way Americans can get a beer and a nice case of the crabs from a Mexican hooker, watch the launch, and be back home in time for wrestling on TV, and Mexicans won't have to stop while wading across the Rio Grande in order to see a launch.
-Do you want to put people in space, just benefit from space tech, or merely be one of those cheesy "shooting satellites into space" type of operations? There's enough shit floating around in space already...
-Does referring to a Mexican during atmospheric re-entry as a "refried bean" sound racist to you?

Latin Hollywood Actors Talk Out Their Collective Ass...

First, Salma Hayak made the mistake of thinking she was anything more than a nice piece of ass. She's about as loyal to Mexico as Nanook of the North. Here's some pampered Hollywood liberal giving a "go team go" comment on her way to a European promotional tour for a movie she made where she pretended to be someone else and got paid for it. Wow! Talk about your benefit to society. where did you make all your money there, Sweet Pea? Who's side are you on anyway?

Edward James Olmos said protests and boycotts will teach the US a lesson? Right. I love how everyone thinks people here illegally should tell the United States government how wrong the government is. By the way, Eddie, politicians don't learn anything, or didn't you learn that since you're born and raised in Los Angeles? Whose side are you on anyway?

John Leguizamo, who came to this country when he was 4, says it's "insulting" that the law would call an immigrant a criminal. Well John, apparently you're a talented actor, but you're just not that bright. Or maybe you're only hearing what you want to hear. Or possibly, in true Hollywood liberal fashion, you're spinning the truth for your own benefit. Hmmm. In case you haven't been listening, they're calling illegal immigrants criminals. By the way, what's your immigration status? Whose side are you on anyway?

I know. Since Mr. Leguizamo finds it so horrible to call immigrants criminals, I'm going to find out where he lives, barge in, raid his fridge, demand health care, move some of my family in, insist he teach me everything he knows in the language of my choice, and when he tries to throw me out, start a protest in his living room telling him how wrong he is.

Actually, I doubt if any of these Latin Hollywood-puke rich people would even let me in their door? After all, I'm only in the Middle East defending their rights to be hyphenated-Americans, and obviously not as important to society as people who make a living playing "let's pretend."

April 25, 2006

Bush Orders Probe Into Gas Price Cheating

Sure he is. That's like having a fat kid look into who's eating all the donuts.

The President, the Vice President, and all their cronies are oil men! Holy crap! The President even owned an oil company! That's why it irks me every time I see him doing that timid, disingenuous "I hope the oil companies are doing the right thing" act, it makes me want to spew lunch! Come on dude, you know exactly what they're doing.

They're the biggest corporations in the world, and just happen to be the most heavily subsidized by taxpayer money. We actually pay a ransom to the oil companies to keep the prices down, and the president gives us that bullshit act? Thanks, but I'm not that gullible.

Why not just say the oil companies play a huge part in our economy, we live in a capitalistic country where businesses are supposed to make money, and no one in government really gives a shit about the taxpayer. I could live with that. Or how about "you bought the big SUV's, now live with them." I can deal with that too, but treating people like they're stupid just pisses me off.

April 22, 2006

and now, in the "why didn't I think of that" category...

From the Miami Herald "Phony doctor gives free breast exams."

The article says a woman "became suspicious" after the man started a genital exam and didn't use any rubber gloves! Oh my God! How damn stupid do you need to be? Hey lady! Wow are you intuitive! Do you think maybe you should have been a bit suspicious as soon as the guy came to do door? Or maybe when he said he was doing breast exams and apparently thought you were special and needed to go genital on you? Holy crap!

Do you drop your drawers for everybody that comes by? Trick-or-treaters probably love coming to your house! "I think I saw Sonic the hedgehog!" Now you know why there's that guy that always dresses-up as "weed-whacker man." I wonder if the mailman shivers at the thought of having to see that cottage-cheese body of yours? Great googly-moogly! Did you give this guy a frosty beverage before he decided to violate you? Did you ask for some ID?

So I have this friend who hasn't done so well with the girls lately. If I send him over, can he play doctor with you too? He doesn't own a weed-whacker though. Will the "Flowbie" work? He can bring the light that straps to his forehead if you want. Wow! Talk about gullible...

...and now, for the "let's get free shit" award, is every woman this guy duped into exposing the seafood for a 76-year old shuttle driver from a car dealership...Dr. Dodge...Gynecologist. They jumped on freebies like a fat kid on a cupcake. The urge for free stuff, especially amongst the "Wally Martinez" (Walmart) demographic of middle-class Miami immigrants is like the urge Wildebeast have to cross the river even though they know the crocodiles are waiting for them! Why do you think people risk their lives all the time trying to go from Cuba to Florida? Answer: they hear the tales of everybody giving away free shit.

Funny how women let this guy into their house knowing he was going to cop a feel. Is this the quality health care you're used to? If it was the vacuum cleaner salesman, the guy that sells water softeners as "miracle water treatment filters," or some dude selling insurance, the Scouts, Unicef, or the police, they probably would have slammed the door instantly! "Ai Cabrone! La Migra!"

Remember, there's no door-to-door gynecology...except in Miami.

April 21, 2006

True Americans

You might be a TRUE AMERICAN if: It never occurred to you to be offended by the phrase, "One nation, under God."

You might be a TRUE AMERICAN if: You've never protested about seeing the 10 Commandments posted in public places.

You might be a TRUE AMERICAN if: You still say "Christmas" instead of "Winter Festival."

You might be a TRUE AMERICAN if: You bow your head when someone prays.

You might be a TRUE AMERICAN if: You stand and place your hand over your heart when they play the National Anthem.

You might be a TRUE AMERICAN if: You treat Vietnam vets with great respect, and always have.

You might be a TRUE AMERICAN if: You've never burned an American flag.

You might be a TRUE AMERICAN if: You know what you believe and you aren't afraid to say so, no matter who is listening.

You might be a TRUE AMERICAN if: You respect your elders and expect your kids to do the same.

You might be a true American if: You wish everyone would stop being a "hyphenated-American" and just be an American.

You might be a TRUE AMERICAN if: You'd give your last dollar to a friend.

God Bless the U S A !

April 18, 2006

AP: States Omit Minorities' School Scores

BULLSHIT FLAG!!!!!

This is political correctness gone mad. First comes forced bussing so schools "represent" the politically correct mix of kids and politicians can feel warm and fuzzy while they justify school funding while again being politically correct. Then we put in the "no child left behind" law that makes school kids take tests to see if they're learning. After that, in order to see if it's all working, schools report the statistics, but if there is a "disproportionate amount of minorities," then they're not counted? What kind of stupid s--t is that?

This is racial pandering, and it's some PC bullshit we don't need. If people really want racial equality, stop identifying school children by the color of their skin. Where do you think they learn that stuff from? From us.

Oh, and while you're at it, we can stop naming kids "Laquanya" and "Shaniqua" and such. I know a guy named Dan, who had a daughter. So you think she would be "Danielle," right? Wrong. Danette. Can you believe that? Danette?

In Tampa I saw a little girl whose mother named her Shithead, pronouncing the word like Shi-thaid. What happens when she realizes her name is shit-head? I'm not making this up. Another kid was named NosmoKing. His mother said she got on the bus to go to the hospital and there on the front of the bus was her son's name..."No Smoking."

Maybe that lady needs to take the test?

April 17, 2006

Israel Reportedly Proposes Swap for Spy

...and still people wonder why everyone hates Israel. I'm not surprised. Here they are, the United State's biggest charity child, and they're still more self-serving than any other nation.

This latest swap for a spy isn't between Israel and Palestine. It isn't even really between Israel and the U.S. No. In a classic, conniving, sneaky puke Jewish state maneuver, they'll let a terrorist go back to Palestine if we release someone they had spying...on us! Classic!

Where do we come in on this? The neighbor keeps running over my mailbox, but I'll forget about that if my boss at work pays to get my house painted. What? There is no connection, and it makes very little (if any) sense.

What Israel is really saying is; "we let this terrorist go who is against the current Palestinian government, and tell the Americans we'll do it in exchange for one of our spies, who we just gave citizenship. They're stupid enough to go for it, and if not, our paid lobbyists will make everybody feel guilty about not supporting our cause. Ha! Ha! Ha! Dumb bastards! We crap all over them and they just keep forking over the dough! What's better is, we have them thinking they have to!"

In a blatant F-U to the United States, the spy that was the handler for the American they turned into a spy, was just put on the Israeli Parliament. Thanks a lot for that one. We appreciate it. What's worse is most of the terrorism we deal with is in direct response to our relationship with Israel, yet we keep forking over the cash and letting them do whatever they want. Good thing I'm not president.

I love this kind of whiny bullshit. After all, the stereotype of the sniveling, deceitful, back-stabbing, money-grubbing jew wouldn't be so cliche' if not for the continued support of such childlike behavior. Yes, they may be a government, but they act like children. Yes, the children can be smart, and strong, and talented, but underneath, they're still children.

Well, the children grew-up to be the bastard, red-headed stepchildren we all use as metaphor for the kids that everyone knows just aren't yours...the kids that blatantly point out a relationship with someone that was a mistake. I don't feel guilty about what happened to them in WW2, and it's time we stopped it. After all, if we should feel guilty then why do Jews drive German cars?

Israel is our mistake. They're like the kids that take your hard-earned money as an allowance and use it to pay for someone to kick your ass. Where do you think the money came from they used for spying on us?

Clearly, when the pros stop outweighing the cons, it's time to cut them loose. They think they're tough enough to go it alone. I say we let them.

April 14, 2006

Thoughts so far today

Why do we let in every uneducated worker, but cut the number of skilled worker visas in half?

Zacharias Moussaoui was an illegal alien.

Why do people say "heart" and soul are in the same place, usually in the chest area, but then say the eyes are "the window to the soul?" I think they are more like windows to the brain...

Why is it, when something is written on a piece of paper, it may as well be cast in stone, even if what is said is wrong?

If I had to start a list of industries that can vanish off the face of the earth and no one would miss them, I'd have to start with the fashion industry. After all, what redeeming value to mankind does a skinny, flat-chested 15 year-old runway model wearing purple feathers, pink chiffon, blue lace, a bit of fake fur, a wig, and stiletto heels have...other than comedic? Sure, you'll find someone washing that outfit at the laundromat...not.

Is it really always darkest before dawn?

Why do the words "tea bag" make people laugh?

Why do army aviation weenies refer to army helicopters as "rotary wing assets?" When did "helicopter" become a bad word?

CANX DEP or shift LAD APOE for RDD of TQ PAX (TAT SAE) left ICW GAC VIC TQ MODLOC. Why do we talk like this again?

I think the words "shit" and f--k" are the most versatile words in the English language.

I went from wife with a four-letter name beginning with "M" to a wife with a four-letter name beginning with "M." Is there something odd about that? Just a co-inky-dink?

Why is it, when someone says people are "clowning around," you never see any big shoes, rubber noses, red wigs, or squirting flowers? I don't ever see any clowns.

I hate clowns.

What would an Arab think if he ever saw a clown?

Do you know why the 9-11 attacks couldn't have happened in July? Because these were a bunch of rag-heads, and it would have been 7-11. Even they say "thank heaven for 7-11."

Why aren't irritating people aware of it?

What's the difference between "cutting the grass" and "mowing the lawn?"

"Brief" is a weird word. You can "brief" someone, create a brief, go to a brief, be brief, wear briefs, but you can't wear briefs and give the same brief. Only "inspector 9" can inspect briefs, and you can brief briefs but not briefs, and you can do a brief brief. Weird.

What exactly is an ass-clown?

On a round planet, is there really a direction "up?"

I think I just realized what it is like to have your body fail and your mind still be sharp. It must be the reason for senior citizens going crazy! We treat seniors like a bunch of drunk retards and it's just not right.

In England, is it the "left of way?"

Detectives search for suspect in rape of teen at Deerfield Beach hotel

She fell for the "I've got something to show you" line? Wow! I guess there's a new generation of girls that haven't heard that one. Duhhh.

It's not nearly as stupid as letting your 17 year-old daughter go to Aruba on a class trip, but shows that bad things happen everywhere, even at Hilton hotels in Deerfield.

Personally, I blame the Paris Hilton's father for the whole thing...