Anti-gunners call for pellet-gun ban

After an 8th grader in Orlando Florida is shot by police while yielding a pellet gun that closely resembled a 9mm Beretta, members of the senate and proponents of gay cowboy movies called for a national ban on pellet guns, saying it would make it safer for children and Christmas movie watchers the world over. The "Brady bunch" went on to call for boycotts of any stores that sell pellet guns, or guns that look like pellet guns, or pellets that look like guns. Apparently even suppository dispensing devices weren't safe from their liberal wrath, much to the delight of gay groups who said they were tired of being held-up at anal-pellet gunpoint.

In another story, police went over to the house where the parents bought their kid a gun that looked like a real gun and further, that allowed him to take it to school...and slapped the piss out of them. Problem solved. Apparently, if he was forced to pump-up the gun ten-times before he pointed it at the cops, they would have known it wasn't an actual firearm...and not shot him.

When will people remember when the cops come, they're bringing an ass-kicking with them?

Toddler dies after head gets stuck in car window

Now here's a father that needs an ass-kicking.

Sharon fails to come out of coma

Did you ever hear the expression "hoping against hope?" The guy didn't have some little stroke blood clot in his head...he had a blood vessel blow out in his brain and he bled into his skull!!! Reporting that he didn't come out of the coma just makes me want to say "well no shit! What did you expect? Thought he would wake up and say he had to go to work?" He's an old man in obviously poor health who had a brain aneurysm, and people are surprised he's not recovering?

Well, it's a shame but it really is "hoping against hope." Anybody remember Terry Schiavo?

New flights begin at MIA...so what!

Sure, I can understand the flight to Salt Lake City...the tourist mecca that it is... (gag).

But you still can't get a flight to Atlantic City from Missing In Action (MIA), and have to go to Fort Lauderdale to catch one. Don't even ask about flights to the Bahamas...

Helsinki! Whew! Somebody stop me!

The problem with liberals (well, one of them anyway).

Now you see, Lionel Tate is an asshole punk kid who is headed for either a life sentence or an early grave. Everybody knows it, yet liberal lawyers are acting like they're oh-so worried about his supposed rights. Sure they are.

What these lawyers are really doing is everything they can in order to get some attention, because obviously they didn't get enough as kids. Are people really so concerned with the rights of criminals and miscreants? I don't think so. Why would anyone have such a fervor for defending scum that rob and assault people at gunpoint...people who are just trying to make a living and mind their own business?

The lesser burden of proof ''deprives him of all the rights a person should have when he faces life in prison,'' Rubin said this morning in Fort Lauderdale. Hey Einstein (yes, I'm aware of the double entendre), he was in the can for killing someone, and was supposed to keep his nose clean. Instead, he's been back to jail two times already. Dick...

When we start concentrating on the good people, maybe the bad will get the hint. It's like in the Army, where we spend 95% of our time dealing with 5% of our troops...the bad ones, while the rest suffer because of that. I've learned that hammering the bad makes the rest of the bad wise-up. Lionel Tate is a lost cause and needs to get hammered as an example to the other shitheads out there. He doesn't deserve any more attention than it takes to do that.

Let's move to Sarasota to get away from the "houseless!"

Enough of the mamby-pamby coddling of the "houseless," let's get real. No one wants some bum sleeping on your porch or in your car, so politically correct sympathy is a waste of time and makes people who "support" the homeless look like a bunch of spineless drones. Then the press asks the dude in charge of the Washington-based National Coalition for the Homeless what he thinks?.

Based where? Where did they find him? In Washington? Where in Washington? Is it under the bridge near the Lincoln Memorial? Third trash can from the back gate of the White House? The dumpster behind the National Archives? I don't think so. I wonder how much he gets paid...and where his money comes from? If people have enough dough for a "national coalition," which is another term for a lobbyist, then they have enough for a place to live. They do actually have offices, a web site, paid employees, and get money in a number of ways, including the Combined Federal Campaign which is a yearly donation drive from Department of Defense personnel, and by telemarketing (and we all know how much we love telemarketers).

So they call homeless people lying around drunk, messing up the place "camping," do they? We used to call it loitering or vagrancy, but I guess that was too unkind to the vagrant homeless? So what do we call actual camping? I can see it now...some father somewhere says "come on kids, we're going camping" ...and all the kids start crying."

Funny how we don't talk about where the houseless problem is the worst, just where people living indoors are the biggest bunch of "meanies." I bet if we did, someone would say the problem is because of racism, which is patronizing bullshit that just embarrasses all of us. Yep, it's that kind of thing that makes Americans look so freaking stupid.

Brainclogger

I have the solution for Mexican Immigration...

In the article, it says remittances from the U.S. (read: welfare from relatives) is the second largest source of foreign currency for Mexico...behind OIL EXPORTS!!!

Hey Washington! Did anybody see the same article?

So here's the solution: Pay us in oil. Yes, you heard it...pay us in oil.

Mexico and a bunch of other nations want migrants treated as welcome guests? Well I want to drive a really big car that gets really shitty gas mileage, so as long as we;re nice to people fleeing their country for ours, their country (with Mexico leading the way) can pay us in oil.

Too easy. They need the remittances, we need oil, so it's win-win as far as I can see... Hey, lots of cars are built in Mexico and sold here, so they would only be helping sell more cars, right?

Done deal. Now where's a greedy friggin oil man when you need one?

Cubans in Cuba and Mexicans in Mexico

I keep asking myself why Castro and Vincente Fox aren't concerned about their citizens risking their lives to beat-feet on out of there and over to the good old U.S. of A? What? One less mouth to feed? Like they were feeding them in the first place?

Fox really puzzles me more than Castro. I mean, we announce the possibility of building a wall to keep illegal immigrants out, and Fox gets a lawyer in Dallas to stop it, calling the move "anti-Mexican." Well no shit...ya think? It's not anti-Mexican. It's anti illegal Mexicans. "Hey, my citizens have the right to flee from here and go where you are! They have the right to work over there and send back to my country as much of your money as possible!"

Nit-wit.

Oh, but one thing Vincente Fox is right about is Mexicans will take jobs that blacks won't, and in the process of finding people eager to work, a Mexican will beat a black to the line every time. But that's another story.

I still wonder though, why people who flee their own country try to convince everyone how great it is back there, and don't want to be Americans? What's with the Cuban flag hanging from the rear-view mirror? Did you even have a car in Cuba?

Harry Belafonte is an asshole

He is just another in a long line of people who forget where they come from. No one in Venezuela would get away with talking about their president the way you did about your own. Dick...

You forget that don't you? You and your buddy Danny Glover slither over to a foreign country and embarrass yourselves by demonstrating how disloyal and spineless you both really are. Do you understand that Latins look at people who show no loyalty to their own like they are dogs? To people outside the U.S., you and Mr. Glover are just plain Americans, and have no shame and no character because you show no loyalty. I have an idea!!! While you're out of the country, why don't you both stay out!!! Morons...

How the hell did a Calypso-singing retard get to work for the United Nations in the first place? Oh, I forgot...never mind. He's just another one of the horde of retards over there...


If I was the president, I'd make a special trip out to Harry's house just to kick his ass. Danny Glover's too.

Mr Belafonte: Why would you go to Venezuela to coddle a dictator? I can guarantee Chavez thinks you're an asshole too. Unlike yourself, Chavez values loyalty.

Daylight come and me wanna Harry go home...

Brainclogger update

Still alive, and still in the Middle East. Back from R&R in the states for almost a month, and newly married! I got married to my oh-so-smoking-hot Spanish chica on 22 November, and so I've already been married for more than a month. We, along with my son, caught more redfish in the two weeks I was home in Naples than than any other time I can remember. She can really fish!

I'll be here until May, and trying to get back to Miami to live with my wife in her own town and in her own house, and so she can stay in her current job.

Brainclogger

The Obituary of Mr. Common Sense

Mr. Sense had been with us for many years. No one knows for sure how old he was since his birth records were long ago lost in bureaucratic red tape. He will be remembered as having cultivated such valuable lessons as knowing when to come in out of the rain, why the early bird gets the worm and that life isn't always fair. Common Sense lived by simple, sound financial policies (don't spend more than you earn) and reliable parenting strategies (adults, not kids, are in charge). His health began to rapidly deteriorate when well-intentioned but overbearing regulations were set in place. Reports of a six-year-old boy charged with sexual harassment for kissing a classmate; teens suspended from school for using mouthwash after lunch; and a teacher fired for reprimanding an unruly student, only worsened his condition. Mr. Sense declined even further when schools were required to get parental consent to administer aspirin to a student; but, could not inform the parents when a student became pregnant and wanted to have an aboration. Finally, Common Sense lost the will to live as the Ten Commandents became contraband; churches became businesses; and criminals received better treatment than their victims. Common Sense finally gave up the ghost after a woman failed to realize that a steaming cup of coffee was hot. She spilled a bit in her lap, and was awarded a huge settlement. Common Sense was preceded in death by his parents, Truth and Trust; his wife, Discretion; his daughter, Responsibility; and his son, Reason. He is survived by two stepbrothers, My Rights and Ima Whiner. Not many attended his funeral because so few realized he was gone. Author unknown.
Brainclogger

So I took a poll...

...in my section as to the pronunciation of the following words:

Imagination
Idiot
Ignorant
Illiterate
Iraq.

...and I still got the "eye-RACK" pronunciation. When I said it bothered me that a certain general officer pronounced it even worse than that, I heard "well, he's from the South."

Imagine my surprise... Not...

Brainclogger

The Ugly American speaks, and sounds like a dolt.

Every day I hear people pronounce the word Iraq as "eye-RACK" and it sends a chill up my spine every time. It's clearly nowhere near the proper pronunciation, and I hear it from everybody, all the way up to people wearing multiple stars! Eek!

I think sometimes it's because of American arrogance. Yep, we're an arrogant lot. An attitude fostered by years of warfare abroad, and a "do and say whatever you want" attitude back home. Americans routinely "piss in other people's Wheaties" with wreckless abandon, all the while thinking we have a right to. We think we have a right to everything, and would never entertain even the slightest notion that maybe we don't. This gives rise to what I call the "American apologist," which is a person who is fairly well-traveled (for Americans, it's anyone who has ever stepped off the rock and gone somewhere other than just Cancun for spring break), and does his part to reverse the negative attitudes held by people of other countries toward us.

Arrogance and decadence go together, you know. If either of them were of a lesser degree in the US, I say 9-11 wouldn't have happened. I also think people just don't care about showing respect to others. Our moral values are down the proverbial "crapper."

Take for instance whenever I tell someone I'm from South Jersey. Without fail, someone will say "oh, you're from Joy-zee?" I didn't use the common "Joe Piscopo" pronunciation, yet I get it given back to me every time. Little do people know how big of a "jer-koff" they sound like when "dissin" me. The irony is, some of these people are the most hillbilly, sister-marrying, shit-kicking, backward-ass redneck retards you've ever seen. A lesson in how I pronounce my state by some dipshit spitting "cope" in a bottle is really valuable to me...

So then here we are with "eye-RACK." Can we try to pronounce countries correctly BEFORE we invade? Can we send out some damn memo or something? Come on people, you watch TV? Every once in a while you hear an Arab say Iraq, which sounds like "E-rock" or "ear-rock" but in no way, shape, or form is it "eye-RACK!"

I know, we should be saying "Eye-magination, Eye-diot, Eye-maginary, Eye-legitimate, and possible Eye-gnorant." At the very least, we sound "Eye-literate." Well, what do expect from the home of the "nuke-ya-ler" weapon?

You see, the Ugly American has no concern for his mispronunciation. He thinks his way of speaking is correct, while others would say "well, he's a good-old boy so whadda-ya expect," or something in deference to his heritage and section of the country, all the while thinking he or she was simply uneducated. However, in other countries, and for those immigrants in our own country, they take our blatant mispronunciation of their homeland as an insult, and a sign of disrespect and arrogance from Americans. But then again, we don't give a shit, right?

Yep, no worries about our arrogance. Nope. No one will attack people on our own soil, or strap bombs to themselves, or send biological agents through the mail, or anything like that. How dare they show such arrogance....such contempt for us...the Ugly American.

Brainclogger

I smell a rat in the latest Bush poll!

Okay, I'm waving the bullshit flag. First, the poll was done by Ipsos, a self-proclaimed independent (British) polling agency, whose people are pissed at their prime minister. Then it wasn't done as a question of Mr. Bush's honesty, but rather, his performance.

So you take the sample of 1000 people from the lower 48 states. First problem is 1000 doesn't evenly divide by 48 (20.83) so now you have to round off, or get more samples from one state than another. After that, the article doesn't mention the survey called people at random, so the AP could have told the Ipsos people where to call in each state according to political affiliation. Then the pollers say it was weighted to "represent the population." Man, big bullshit flag on this one!

Then the poll says one in twenty people polled will show results that have an error of more than 3%. So out of 1000 people, 50 will have a number that is in error greater than 3%, but gives no percentage of how bad it can actually get. Hmmm. Check it out for yourself at
http://www.guardian.co.uk/worldlatest/story/0,1280,-5330098,00.html

Then you take the AP article, where they say "Most" Americans disapprove of the President's job. Then they tell you "most" means 57%. That's a bit of a stretch, I think. You take a poll that can be bullshit from the start, make the questions crap, like asking about Katrina (where the crap about his poor response was a democratic fabrication), then when you get 57%, use the word "most." That's pushing it a bit, even for the Associated Press.

Then they say "Poll: Most Americans Say Bush Not Honest." That wasn't what the poll asked. It asks about people's opinions about his performance, with a question about congress at the end. This is intentionally injurious to the president, and the AP should be ashamed (although they won't because they're all a bunch of liberal assclowns)

The president may not be doing a very good job at foreign policy, domestic policy, trade, fuel prices, or the deficit, but hey, the economy is actually doing well, and his wife is still smoking hot at 59! Nobody asked if he finally let cronyism and the good old boy thing, and his love for "big oil" bite him in the ass. That it did.

But what did any democrat do besides spread hate and discontent? Absolutely nothing. They stand for nothing except "whatever the opposite of what the republicans stand for." That's not a belief or plan. It's bullshit, so there's another flag! If you're not part of the solution, you're part of the problem.

Brainclogger

Fossils gettin "Freaky!"

Now the extinction really had to come fast for this to happen... see the link.

Men Kick Down Home's Door In Random Attack

Ten bucks says these guys were illegals. Yep, that immigration policy is really working, isn't it?

I also wonder how they knew a woman would be by herself in her house, she wouldn't have a gun, and she had a car they could get away in? It wasn't random.

The article also has odd use of the word "apparently," for example "She heard a loud noise and apparently someone kicked the front door in," Orlando police Sgt. Barbara Jones said."

Duh...

Brainclogger

Alleged 'Black Family Mafia' Group Arrested In Car Bust

My question is, who is the head of this family of not-so-smart gangsters? Maybe they would learn things like "don't use a car registered to you to transport cocaine," or maybe "people without jobs driving exotic cars attract attention to themselves." You know, little things like that. The vehicles were obviously smarter than the people driving them.

Leave the "mafia" type things to the Italians, okay? By the way...do you even know what a Kilo is?

I wonder why everything in this country is in standard measurements, except for drugs?

Brainclogger

Man Caught On Tape Sprinkling Fecal Matter On Pastries

Now this is the first whacky news item for today. The interesting part is the dude was arrested by the FBI, probably for suspected use of a "bacterial agent," but it turned out to be plain old poo. The disturbing part is, this guy was "copping a squat" right next to his own bed! Yuck!That makes about as much sense as the protestors in the Rodney King riots burning down their own houses! Did he sleep there too? What else is he sprinkling dried "dump" on? Is this the next form of extreme recycling? Did he get charged with improper disposal of hazardous waste? What else did he touch while he was in the store? Wash that apple!!! Was it the act of a lone, stool-slinging "gunman," or did this rectal ranger have an alementary accomplice? Get CSI in there ASAP!

Of course, at least this guy had a hobby, and this will teach parents to let their kids have a cookie in the store! Okay moms, make the cookies at home from now on.

Of course, someone will probably sue the store over this, and it will go out of business due to legal fees, and in the end, only the lawyers will benefit...

Brainclogger

Bush Picks Alito for Supreme Court

Senator Harry Reid, in another demonstration of delusion combined with absolutely enormous balls, said the following in response to the president's actions today:

"The Senate needs to find out if the man replacing Miers is too radical for the American people," said Senate Minority Leader Harry Reid, D-Nevada.

Wow. What's more, he said it with a straight face. Lightening didn't strike, thunder didn't clap, and a swarm of locusts didn't descend on D.C. (The president would have had to take the blame for any of that if it happened) He didn't even appear to have his fingers crossed behind his back.

But I wonder if somewhere else in the building, the rest of the evil coven (Pelosi, Gephardt, Clinton, Schumer, Kennedy, Feinstein, Boxer, Kerry, Byrd, et al) were in their robes, chanting incatations and making an offering to Beelzebub, Mephistopheles, Barbara Streisand, or whatever other liberal god they pray to?

Brainclogger

I thought it already ended?

PARIS - Famed French actor Gerard Depardieu' says in a newspaper interview that he's ending his film career and swears he wasn't drunk when he said it.

Maybe he should have been? Then slapped a woman, kicked a dog, stripped naked, climbed the Eiffel Tower, and then checked into rehab. That would revive his career like it does for American actors.

Cheer up Froggy, life's not so bad. Oh, I forgot you're French.

So what does it take to be "famed" in France, anyway?

Brainclogger