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Showing posts with label cruise ships. Show all posts
Showing posts with label cruise ships. Show all posts

August 14, 2018

HMS Titanic: The Do-Over: Hell No, I Won't Go!

https://citizen.co.za/news/news-world/1773878/titanic-ii-the-new-replica-ship-will-set-sail-in-2018/

At least two different organizations are building real, life-size, exact replicas of the original ship. One was Blue Star Lines, not to be confused with White Star Line. The other is a Chinese billionaire (an oxymoron and paradox in a so-called, yet surely for-show Communist country.). Yeah, China's as communist as Donald Trump's an Arab. It's called slave labor for those that supply the unwashed masses at Wal-Mart...but I digress. So I ask you, if the replica ship was going to re-do the original voyage, would you go? Not me, brother. No way, no how. Well, not unless I was trying to die. We never learn, do we. Talk about a Jinx. They should rename the boat the SS Jonah. It reeks of the stink eye, bad juju, voodoo, bad omen, a pox on passengers, the hairy eyeball, hex, whammy, malediction, distress, plague, doom, and agony to spare. No thanks. I can see it hitting another iceberg and then, magically, people would say "well, what did they expect" or "see, I told you so," and people would laugh at the way you perished more ironically than Patches O'Houlihan getting crushed by the "Luck of the Irish" sign in the Movie Dodgeball. Nah, I'd rather bet against the ship. What's next? 9/11 World Trade Center, The Ride at Universal Studios? Or "Ebola Outbreak; Death Village" in IMAX 3D? I could get worse, but I won't. Nevertheless, a ride on another Titanic? Not for me. Nope. Where once it was the Unsinkable Molly Brown, there will be the Unsinkable Brainclogger...

March 21, 2010

Hi. I'm Obama, your Cruise Director

I want to be President. All I have to do is convince people I should be President. That's it. I don't have to be able to do it, just entitled. If I can guilt people into voting for me, all the better. Imagine the guilt I can bring when re-election time comes.

Once elected, I stay on the campaign trail. Hey, it works for Obama, the "Campaigner in Chief." Either he can't find his office, is too scared to step into the big tent and piss in the tall weeds with the big dogs, or he just knows his gift of gab is his ticket to the "magic carpet ride" known as his presidency. To anyone who has ever seen the HBO series Band of Brothers, Mr. Obama is the Lieutenant Dyke of presidents.

I think Obama would make a good cruise director on a cruise ship. Hey, he gets paid to travel, talk-to and usher people around (read: community organizer), and seeing him in odd places like morning on the excursion boat or introducing La Cage aux Folles at midnight doesn't seem weird. There's no personal attribution given in any of his spoken words and to the majority of sunburned, straw-hat-wearing, got my socks on with my sandals clueless Americans who naturally gravitate to the cruise director to find out what they should do next, he has a purpose. At the end of the day, he gets to usher you back aboard even if you're not ready to go, charges you an unexpected re-entry "tax" to get back on the boat (nothing more than asset redistribution kickbacks called "tips" for the crew), and gets to blame the whole thing on the needs and policies of "the ship." When absolutely necessary, he's around. Most other times, he's a ghost. He has no real responsibility for the operation of the ship or the success of the cruise line in general and doesn't want any, but has a title that creates the appearance of responsibility, authority, experience, and expertise...be it ever-so the paper tiger.

Wait! Without the part about having a purpose, the last paragraph actually sounds like Obama's current job. The most traveled President in history; no big surprise. Refer back to paragraph 2.

Hi! Welcome to the Fantasy of the Seas. I'm Barry, your Cruise Director.