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2010-03-22

Four "Horse-persons" of the Apocalypse Bankrupt the US.

In late-night action, Dems gathered around their grand-dame, paying her much needed praise for finally getting off her ass and doing something since taking over Congress in 2006. Mere moments before she had to run back to her stand in the "notoriously corrupt politicians" section next to Bill Clinton at Madame Tussuad's wax museum, dems praised her for strong-arming them, belittling them, making completely un-veiled threats, and basically shined her wrinkly ass until she was sated. All the while, she stood nearby with a fake smile plastered on her cosmetically frozen face while making sure to avoid eye contact with anyone in the room. Turning her head to scan the room, a dull clicking noise could be heard along with a gutteral droning noise like Mongolian throat music. Luckily, before the wax melted into a nightmare-inducing brain-burning memory for those unfortunate enough to be watching the liberal circle-jerk, right before the assembled humanity gouged-out their own eyes, she mercifully departed.

Shortly after midnight, word came that before the government spends any more money it didn't have, our creditors (the Chinese) called and said they want their money first. In true form, democrats asked how they could be out of money if they still had blank checks in the checkbook? Steny Hoyer was heard to utter "you know when you say I'd gladly pay you tomorrow for a hamburger today? Well, you never pay" as he giggled like a schoolgirl. At that point, the room resembled a herd of deer caught in the headlights and a collective, drawn-out "oh" was audible above the creaking of bones. The IQ level of those in attendance dropped an average of 10 points. Can you say "my name's Forrest Gump?"

During the back-slap butt-kiss Olympics witnessed after passage of the bill, not a single idiot (er, congressman) mentioned they did what they did for their constituents. It was absurdly amazing. They spoke of the "good-ole boy network" without using those words, fluffed each other publicly (well, except for Nancy. She's in her seventies and that's just gross, although she's probably better hung than the guys), and spoke of how "hard" other dems worked. All the while, they disregarded, or completely forgot they are elected representatives...apparently for a bunch of unfortunate peasants that didn't realizeb they were appointing royalty until Nancy said "let them eat cake."

Fornicate Gordon Gekko, greed is not good and this thing is going to hurt. I can only imagine what the stock market will do this week. The democratic plan looks like this:
- ignore job creation and extend unemployment benefits using money we don't have
- Let the Bush tax cuts expire in order to socialize our country, punish high earners, and redistribute wealth from the earners to the inherently lazy
- Take control of the banks
- Take control of the insurance companies
- Take control of the automakers
- Ignore the trade deficit because we're already bent over for the Chinese. Think of ways to take more money from Americans.
-Have liberal minions say "only a very small percentage of Americans will see a rise in insurance premiums," using the figure "1 in 5." Well, I know liberals hope we can't do our "cypherin," but 1 in 5 is 20%! Yep, a very small percentage indeed.
- Spend a trillion dollars on a stimulus plan that only stimulates the federal government. Why am i thinking of "fluffer-nutter?"
-Spend another trillion on health care. Write another check against an overdrawn account.

Yep, great plan. Should I burn down my house and move out of the country before the invading Chinese, the foreclosing feds, the IRS, the Orwellian thought police, ACORN, gun-control nuts or PETA come for me?

I know...if they do come for me, I can always call and get health insurance on the way to the hospital! After all, the axe in my forehead is a pre-existing condition and they don't matter any more! Oh, and using liberal logic, any injury after a car accident is pre-existing too so I guess I can cancel my car insurance now. Screw you Warren Buffet, save money on car insurance the old fashioned way...cancel it.

No more government cheese for anybody...

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