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October 10, 2005

Pulmonary Hypertension

Pulmonary Hypertension...also known as hyperventilating. I just realized I do this about once every week. Once a week when I'm trying to get my son on the phone, realizing I'm going to have to speak to the ex.

Take for example this week. I call on the house line, and the phone "magically" hangs-up after three rings. I call back on the same line, only to have it ring 10 times. I call her cell phone, and what happens? I have to hear her bullshit answer message where first she still uses my last name (which is like kicking me in the crotch with a steel boot), but then she utters the ridiculous phrase "your call is very important to me." Man I hate that!

So I leave a message...what the hell else am I going to do. As I hang up, I realize I've sucked in all the air around me, my chest is fully expanded, and yet I feel like I didn't get enough of a breath! So I keep trying, and my chest keeps tightening, and I think about how I used to think my ex was keeping my son from talking to me, but now I know! and I keep trying to get a full breath, but I already have one, but I'm not satisfied, so I'm sitting bolt-upright trying to pull my chest in so I can feel my lungs are fully expanded. Then comes the headache. Nice. Now that my chest muscles and rib cage are fully expanded, I can count on this feeling for another couple hours.

I've been to Iraq in a mortar attack and I barely raised my heartbeat. 85 jumps and this never happened. The only other time was when I was in an officer school and my son was about a week from being born. Now it happens simply because the anxiety I feel knowing I have to speak to that lousy whore ex-wife of mine is of such a level as to cause a physical response.

That sucks... I wonder how important my call would be if I stopped the 865 dollar checks?


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