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2005-10-23

Pretend it's the Ex!!! With a meat lesson...

Dan seems like an interesting guy, for a college kid. That's why I check out his antics on planetdan.net every once in a while, and where I found the link. Actually, he seems like a normal college kid like thousands of others like him...and myself a while back.

Yep, before I lost my mind, signed-up for the "permanent program" with a college chick I should have dumped like the slut she really is. She was rag'd-out back then, and when Mom didn't approve, I should have known better. My mistake, the error has been corrected. Actually, it corrected itself once all her insecurities and ego-centrism resurfaced in all it's many, ugly forms. This is one reason why the link is so funny to me...

But times do change. The new "Broad of Brainclogger" not only has the Department of Agriculture Seal (USDA-Prime), but has the Mom and Dad seal of approval, which is better.

In case you think I'm being a sexist, USDA Prime is a good thing! The best thing.

"USDA Prime: Prime grade beef is the ultimate in tenderness, juiciness, and flavor. It has abundant marbling -- flecks of fat within the lean -- which enhances both flavor and juiciness"

Prime isn't the best because it's the leanest...it's not supposed to be. "It has the perfect mixture, and is therefore the best tasting." We don't want the leanest, we want the tastiest. It's just like with women. Don't just take my word for it...trust the USDA!

You see, my current girl is really all-female, where the ex is quite manly. The ex isn't even a "Select" cut. Constantly obsessed not with a feminine body, but a "hard" body, where once she may have looked athletic, now she just looks like a sun-bleached, leather-faced, frizzed-hair, white trash trailer slut, with no feminine features besides the fact she can get into a bikini. Yuck. How do you convey shuddering on a blog? :(

Where meats are concerned, she is USDA-Cannery, a disturbing grade; the bottom rung, used for pet foods, and unfortunately, ground beef, and in "manufactured meats" like frankfurters. This is why Kosher franks are better, since they have Choice-grade meats in them, e.g. Sabretts, Hebrew National, etc. No snout, guts or asshole ever makes it into one of those. Does this make the ex literally a "piece of ass?" Now that's funny! She spends so much time and energy on selecting a great deal of a different kind of meat, she should know this stuff by heart. What's the grade for vein-laden meat-pipe? What about Tube-steak? Man-meat? Sau-zeech?

"Each USDA beef quality grade is a measure of a distinct level of quality -- and it takes eight grades to span the range. They are USDA Prime, Choice, Select, Standard, Commercial, Utility, Cutter, and Canner." There's a long way between Prime and Cannery...in meat, and in women.

"USDA Prime, Choice, Select, and Standard grades come from younger beef. The highest grade, USDA Prime, is used mostly by hotels and restaurants, but a small amount is sold at retail markets. The grade most widely sold at retail is USDA Choice. However, consumer preference for leaner beef has increased the popularity of the Select grade of beef. Select grade can now be found at most meat counters.

Standard and Commercial grade beef frequently is sold as ungraded or as "brand name" meat.
The three lower grades -- USDA Utility, Cutter, and Canner -- are seldom, if ever, sold at retail but are used instead to make ground beef and manufactured meat items such as frankfurters. For the ex, the grade has to be "in the Canner."

I wonder what level of quality goes into "Potted Meat Food Product?" What exactly is "partially defatted beef fatty tissue?" I also wonder who the girl in the link is modeled after? She reminds me of the ex, except this woman is obviously far more limber than she ever was, and blessed with the inability to speak. Now that would be nice. This is also the other reason why the link is funny.

Yes, I'm bitter, so what! I hate that whore, and really dig my real chica. If you don't like it, I have some Prime Loin for you...

Brainclogger...

3 comments:

  1. "Potted Meat Food Product" - I'm thinking it would be better if none of us knew what went into it! Let it suffice to a goat would not eat it and live.....

    As for your comments on your ex - they are funny. Too many young women are like that - God gave us soft curves for a reason.

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