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October 1, 2005

Cleaning out the "Closet."

Apparently, the Vatican has decided to reaffirm it's no-homosexual policy in the priesthood. While part of me says that's good, part of me thinks "too little, too late." You see, the whole crapstorm over the pedophile priests and the church's lack of dealing with it to my satisfaction led me to make sure the church door (or the priest) didn't hit me in the ass... I came back from almost two years service in Korea right when the whole thing blew up. In Korea, I didn't miss a single Sunday service. But it just didn't sit well with my "keep your hands off little kids or suffer the wrath" policy, which I guess the American church didn't share. John Paul II thought that way, but the arrogant goons in the American Catholic church heard something else. Haven't been to mass since. They probably miss my money more than me anyway...

This strikes home in another way too, since the arrogant jerk that baptized little Brainclogger apparently had a problem keeping his hands to himself. What did they do? Kick his ass? Kick him out? Expose him for the pedophile he is? Nope. They sent him to New York.

So now I see news that the Vatican is thinking about banning gays from the Seminary. I have a bit of advice...don't it. If you think gays are the problem...eliminate the problem by keeping them out. You'll never get all of them anyway. Better yet, instill a little "fear of God" into them by finding the gay priests and beating them within an inch of their lives!

Am I advocating gay bashing? No, I'm actually advocating liberal bashing, and preemptive striking. You see, if they truly fear the consequences of touching a kid, and the possiblity they'll get it even worse, maybe they'll think twice. In fact, forget the gay priests, kick all the new priests asses as part of their "initiation." Then give them free reign to do it to other priests they think need an old #6 (where you go riding into town a-whompin and a'whoopin every livin thing within an inch of its life). Make it more fraternal so they police up after themselves...the right way. Oh, and any priest that thinks he's someone special gets a slap on the mouth just to snap him back into reality. Hell, I'll even volunteer for that one. I already have someone in mind that was condescending to my mother some while back.

While we're on the subject of ass whoopins, drag out all the priests that covered this stuff up in the first place and kick their asses too. Then go to the seminaries where all the liberal college faculty-types are trying to change the church by admitting these "rump wranglers" into the school, and commence the old #6 again! Now we're having some fun! For a good cause too!

Do this stuff, and maybe I'll feel comfortable around the Catholics again, because ever since this whole thing broke, whenever you look at a priest, somewhere in the back of your mind, you say "I wonder if...?" Yep, you know you do. Problem is, the gay priests club together, rely on your own fear of not being PC, and the thought they're someone better than you. But you know you wonder if old Father Paddy is a Poof...

Think I'm talking out my ass? Well, I asked a friend of mine who used to be a priest until he snapped out of the celibacy illusion, married himself a Filipina, has three gorgeous kids, and is happy as a clam, what happened. I think the direct quote was "they let butt-reaming faggots into the seminary." So there you have it. Besides, you have to wonder about the masculine nature of such places. I mean, how many seminaries have footbal, rugby, or baseball teams? Sure, there's wrestling going on, but being voluntarily hugged-up against your buddy naked in the dark doesn't qualify!

But they hide it so well... After all, they call their legendary expertise at secrecy "the closet." Don't they? But after all this, will they get me back to mass like before?

Probably not...


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