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September 7, 2005

The term "that's to die for"

You know, I think the term "to die for" is really situationally dependent, and if used in a non-combat or not in a "protection of your family" reference, it's actually pretty f-ing stupid. Take for instance your basic 18-year old know-nothing-fashion-immersed twit, who eyes a new pair of low-rise jeans where they've finally figured out how to expose a girl's vagina while keeping them up. she looks longingly at them and breathlessly utters that rediculous comment "those are to die for." Oh yeah? Excellent! I was just thinking the same thing! If you're offering to push that teen suicide rate even higher, I'm all for that! There you go genius, here's a toaster to take in the tub with you! Mak sure you push the pretty little bar on the side all the way down once you're in the water, it's really fun!

Then we have your basic overweight, self-proclaimed "gourmet," which in most cases is just that person's excuse for having a body that looks like 200 pounds of chewed bubble gum. As they hoist a spoon full (a spoon the size of a kids beach shovel) of some type of crap no regular person whould eat based on the unusual looks of the chow alone, they trap the contents of the shovel in their mouth like snapping a rat trap, close their eyes, pull their head back revealing the third chin, and there we go again...out comes the phrase "that's to die for." Again, if said individual would like to die for that, I'd be more than happy to cram the rest of it down his or her craw, along with any other food item, utensil, or object within reach at that moment. What a silly thing to say! BrainClogger strikes again!

Some other things not worthy of dying for: clothing, vehicles, properties; the "shit" you have in your pockets; anything that has that stupid f-ing "Starter" logo or a sports entertainment "team" on it; food; the money in your wallet; in response to something stupid someone said to you; cheerleading (yep, in Texas they kill each other over cheerleading), any kind of sports contest; someone else's girlfriend or spouse; parking spots, pets (you can buy a new cat for less than 20 bucks), someone else's fight, traffic jams, bling-bling...well, you get the picture.

If you need to know what is worthwhile in case that life and death decision actually comes, here is the short list. Your family and friends, most human life...and Slurpees. Yes, Slurpees. Hey, I'm in the desert. What did you expect for me to say? for the dying for your God or your country thing, the jury is still out on that. Your God isn't everybody's god, and until he actually shows-up and tells you to give it up, I'd hold back a while. As for countries, if you think it's your fight, have at it, but remember, your country is made up of a bunch of lying politicians who can very easily get you into a world of shit that isn't your fight, and it's not your time to die for those dipshits. If you think it is, that's fine too...

1 comment:

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