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September 7, 2005

Bob Denver's Doomsday

Man! Just when you think things are chugging along, good old Bob Denver up and dies on you! Rats! He'll never know that he's one of the reasons why I don't believe we ever landed on the moon. Yep, you heard me right.

Riddle me this...Gilligan's Island in black and white, but color movies from the MOON? Yeah, right! Next thing you'll tell me is that's Tang powder in the hula hoop instead of sand! What's more is, in one episode the space capsule landed on Gilligan's Island and there was way too much room inside it and way too little shit that should be in a space capsule. Not serious about that last thing.

He also taught me about women (believe it or not). Sadly, I must have stopped watching the show entirely too soon, which probably explains the ex. He showed me there are two types of women (mostly, with exceptions). There are those you marry, and those you F (word beginning in F, rhymes with Firetruck) . Ginger was the plaything, the one whose looks wouldn't last and you got the idea she had taken a few trips around the block. Besides that, she was egocentric, insecure, and a giant tease, just the kind of chick you don't want. Maryanne was the girl from back home, not worldly in her ways and old fashioned (which means she was nobody's college f (same word as before) doll, but who just so happened to be smoking hot with looks you could tell would last longer than Gingers. She was insecure also, but in a naiive, young girl getting compared to an unfair example of another woman sort of way. Ginger was the one you screwed, Maryanne was the one you married. Through all this, Gilligan maintained an obvious vow of abstinence as did the other castaways, because unless they had a boat full of condoms, no one was having sex on the island! Just a TV show? No way was the first reality series just like Survivor!!! There are STILL things you don't show on TV...

Well Bob, I'm not done my lesson, but what can I do? I still wonder how after all that time, the Skipper was as fat the day you were rescued as the day you were marooned. Also, would you have stood a better chance of surviving the storm if you didn't let people pack so much shit for a three-hour tour? Also, why does the show have one picture of the boat on the beach, and in another, it seems to be half-way up a hill? Okay, in the episode with Reb Brown as the surfer, how could you be up in the tree and see him surfing in a wave at the beach after he decided to paddle back to Hawaii, but not realize you were close enough to swim there yourself? Oh well, secrets Bob will take with him to the great island in the sky...

Fair-thee-well Gilligan... Fair-thee-well...


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